Desert World Rebirth (2 page)

Standing up, Temar crossed his arms over his chest. “I know that, but do you really think that I’m so weak that I’m going to collapse in tears if you rip me a new asshole for ruining a beautiful piece of work?”

“Me? No. I know you’re stronger than that,” Shan said in all truthfulness. He’d seen Temar’s strength, and he knew it would take a lot more than a few words to bring the man down. Temar was worth waiting for, in part because of his strength.

Temar shook his head. “Naite is the only one who treats me normally.”

“Not surprising. After the council assigned him to three years of slavery with you, he’s going to go out of his way to make sure that he doesn’t change, because he won’t want to let himself act servile, even if he’s serving. He knows the danger of letting a slave-sentence get to you too much.”

“Not that he’s actually a slave,” Temar said in a disgusted voice. He leaned against the wall and closed his eyes.

Clearly something was wrong there, and that shocked Shan down to his core. Naite was a cantankerous, difficult man. Growing up, Shan had wanted to kill him more than once, but Naite had already been suffering their father’s abuse. Well, they’d both been abused, but Naite had been the one raped while Shan had suffered only the cold disinterest of a man who had neglected and ignored him while seeming to shower all his love on the older Naite. However, it was Naite who understood Temar better than anyone else on the planet. Shan would have expected Naite to support Temar, not make him feel worse.

“What’s going on?”

Temar closed his eyes as though trying to close out some memory. “He ripped me open, left me about as raw as a sand-rat-chewed wound and stalked off.”

Shan’s breath left him. “He… what?”

Temar made a little huffing noise that was either frustration or amusement—Shan couldn’t even tell. “He told me I had a right to sell the balance of his contract, but I didn’t have a right to ignore him after asking him to manage Ben’s farm.”

“Your farm,” Shan corrected him.

“Well, apparently, I’m letting Cyla treat it like her farm, and Naite informed me that if I didn’t get my head out of my ass and make my idiot sister stop acting like a sandcat, I wasn’t going to have anyone to work the crops but him.”

That did sound like Naite. When people weren’t living up to his expectations, he could be a sandstorm, blowing in and destroying entire villages without slowing.

Temar sighed. “And the worst part is, he’s right.”

Shan leaned back in the chair and studied Temar. His shoulders were pulled in, and his whole body looked as tight as a person could get without having a heart attack. It actually bothered Shan that he’d driven out in this mood, because the sand dunes were unforgiving if you made a mistake, and Temar wasn’t all that experienced on a bike.

“So,” he said carefully, not wanting to make things worse, “you’re upset that Dee’eta can’t treat you normally, and you’re upset that Naite is treating you normally?”

Temar had a self-deprecating half grin on his face as he shrugged. “I didn’t say I was feeling logical. I can be annoyed with both of them and you all at the same time.”

“With me?” Shan sat up straight, not sure when his faults had come into the conversation.

“With you,” Temar echoed. “Are you attracted to me or not?”

Shan’s mouth fell open, and he had to consciously close it and gather his thoughts before he could even answer. Even before he’d blurted out his whole stupid infatuation while drunk, he’d been less than subtle. Apparently. Shan always thought he’d hidden his interest well—he’d certainly lived in denial. However, since leaving the priesthood, more than one person had clapped him on the back and congratulated him for finally having the strength to openly court Temar. Shan had to assume he’d been a little more obvious than he’d thought. “You know I am,” he said as calmly as he could.

“So, you haven’t changed your mind now that you’re not a priest and you can sleep with anyone you want?”

“No,” Shan blurted out. He studied Temar more carefully, sure the man had some hidden agenda for this question. “Have I ever shown any interest in anyone else?”

Temar crossed the room slowly, studying Shan, and Shan struggled to understand where any of this had come from. Since leaving the priesthood, he hadn’t taken anyone to his bed. He hadn’t wanted anyone in his bed, no one except Temar, and he’d been very open about both his interest and his willingness to wait. Settling down on the end of the couch closest to Shan, Temar looked into his eyes. Temar had such beautiful eyes—blue eyes that reflected more emotions than Shan could ever hope to understand.

“Then why don’t you ever touch me?”

“I hugged you! When you came, I hugged you, so I know I touch you,” Shan snapped. Now he was getting frustrated. He had enough flaws of his own without Temar inventing reasons to be upset with him.

Slowly reaching out, Temar rested his hand on Shan’s knee. “Why don’t you ever really touch me?” he asked again. The warmth of Temar’s hand soaked through the fabric until Shan could feel the heat against his skin.

“I do,” Shan said, only this time his voice wavered. This was the sort of touch he generally did avoid.

“No, you don’t. Shan, I know that you liked me before, but you were a priest, so it was safe for you to like me without thinking anything would happen. If you aren’t interested—”

“I am.” Shan cut him off, bringing his own hand up to rest on Temar’s. He had long fingers and small hands, and Shan’s big, scarred paw just about covered it. They were the hands of a mechanic, not a priest.

“Then why don’t you touch me?”

For a second, Shan chewed on his lower lip and tried to control the growing hardness in his pants. He did want Temar. Too much. “I don’t want to push things too far too fast.”

“Shan, I need a little more pushing. Actually, I can do the pushing myself, but I need a sign that you’re okay with me pushing.”

Shan looked at Temar, but he didn’t see any doubt or fear in his expression. He’d expected Temar to want to move slowly, to heal from his time in Ben’s custody. Hell, Naite had been clear that it had taken years for him to get his own balance back after being abused, and Shan couldn’t expect more of Temar. After that uncomfortable conversation, Shan had firmly counseled himself about patience and the dangers of lust. That had been more than ironic. Naite wasn’t exactly celibate, and he’d lectured Shan about not having sex. God could have a sharp sense of humor. Shan had even considered asking Temar to marry him before taking him to bed, wondering if the commitment would ease the fears. It would ease Div’s mind to know that Shan was still taking the church’s teachings so seriously. However, now that he was looking into Temar’s eyes, he didn’t see fear. He saw frustration. “I take it I’ve been moving too slow?” he guessed.

Temar nodded. “I was starting to think you were trying to find nice ways to let me down easy. I thought maybe, like Dee’eta, you were too afraid to hurt me.”

Shan tightened his hold on Temar’s hand. “I don’t want to hurt you, ever. But I want you. I want you more than I should.”

“Then why aren’t you showing any interest in having a relationship?” Temar asked. Shan’s gaze drifted down to his own pants, where his hard cock pressed up against the seam. Temar chuckled. “Okay, so you’re showing some interest,” he added with some amusement, “but in my defense, that’s definitely the first time I’ve seen that.”

Suddenly Temar pulled his hand away from Shan. “Wait, is this about you not wanting to show me a hard cock? Do you think that I’ll confuse what Ben did with sex?”

Shan’s sexual frustration was definitely interfering with his ability to form coherent thought at this point. “You don’t have a lot of experience….”

Temar gave a rough bark of laughter that didn’t really match his normal shy manner. “Unless you have a few lovers Naite doesn’t know about, I have more than you. He insists you’re a big coward who doesn’t want to admit that you’re clueless.”

“You talked to my brother about my sex life?” Shan demanded, hot anger rising up to vie with the sexual heat that was already making his skin warm. However, his anger couldn’t maintain itself. In three months, he hadn’t done more than offer a quick hug, so Temar had some cause to get a little insecure. “Of course you did. That sounds exactly like Naite, only without the profanity that he would have thrown in.”

“He did have a couple of choice words. But without Naite, I wouldn’t have had the nerve to do this. I would have sat home and given you time to move on because you clearly didn’t want me.” Temar set his jaw and glared at Shan, clearly not willing to apologize for going to Naite. “I love you, but I’m starting to doubt whether this is right for us. For you.”

“It is,” Shan insisted. Leaning forward, he captured Temar’s hands and held them between his palms, their warmth mingling. “I admit that I haven’t had many lovers. I took my vows seriously, and before the priesthood….” Shan thought back to himself as a young man, gawky and awkward and fumbling in the dark with a boy named Nuesis, and with two different women. Both of them kept warning him not to put his cock in them because pregnancy was serious and a man who got a woman pregnant had his life tied to her until the child was grown—neither of them liked him enough for that. “I don’t have a lot of experience. But the main problem is that I would rather wait until you’re ready than risk ruining the friendship we share.”

“I’m ready,” Temar said gently. “I’m more than ready.”

Shan grimaced. “I should also mention that I’m not exactly good with relationships.”

With a smile, Temar ducked his head. “Naite mentioned that.”

“If we’re going to do this, could we not mention my brother anymore?” Shan begged. There were certain topics guaranteed to send his cock into full retreat. Ben was one, and Naite was another.

Temar nodded, the smile still on his face as he brought his hand up to rest against Shan’s cheek. “Deal. But no more waiting. It’s giving me a neurosis.”

The heat was gathering in Shan’s body, making his throat dry and tight, so he simply nodded. Temar slowly smiled, shifting forward on the couch so that he perched on the edge. It had been a long time since doing this, but Shan’s body remembered. He remembered the slide of skin against skin, the aching need to touch, the hunger. Reaching out, he slid his hand under Temar’s shirt so he could feel the hot skin hidden underneath.

Temar’s hand came up to stroke Shan’s arms, fingers reaching up under the loose sleeve. “I’m not sure what you want,” Temar murmured before he ran his fingernails down Shan’s arm just hard enough to make three tiny trails of white on Shan’s olive skin.

“I’m open to anything,” Shan said, and he meant it. He was nervous about it because his experience with men was limited to some touching and sucking, but this was Temar.

“Funny enough, me too,” Temar said with a smile that Shan couldn’t resist. He leaned forward and caught Temar behind the neck and pulled him close. Temar came off the couch and put his knee on the edge of the chair, leaning close so Shan could press his lips to Temar’s. He smelled of sand and salt and soap, and Shan groaned as his cock got painfully hard.

Temar pulled back a few inches. “Problem?” he teased.

“Yeah,” Shan said. “And I’m too old to do anything about it in a chair.”

Temar laughed. “You’re not that old.”

“I’m old enough to not give up a good bed for a small chair,” Shan countered. Temar must have agreed because with a smile he stood up. Shan didn’t realize Temar had caught hold of his shirt until the fabric pulled tight.

“Then the bed it is,” Temar said, tugging on the shirt to urge Shan up. Shan’s cock was painfully hard as he pushed himself up and followed.

Chapter 2

SHAN could feel all sorts of fears churning through his guts as he followed. He didn’t have a lot of experience and he didn’t want to hurt Temar and he didn’t want to screw this up. He liked Temar too much to make a mistake now, after everything they’d been through together. Workers would often disappear into the fields at night, but this was something more than a night of lust. This was something infinitely more dangerous than that. Shan hadn’t used the word with Temar yet, but he loved the man, and the fear of making a mistake constantly gnawed at the edge of his awareness. Temar reached the bedroom and stopped. Whatever demons Temar carried, they didn’t rule him. His cock pressed against his pants, making a good-sized bulge, and his pupils were black with lust, dilated until the blue looked like a ring.

Shan’s smile grew as he moved close, his hands sliding over Temar’s shoulders and arms. “Anything you want,” Shan whispered the promise.

“On the bed would be a good start,” Temar said. “You’re too tall.”

Shan chuckled. “I can do that.” Backing away, he moved toward the bed, pulling his shirt off and dropping it on the floor before he sat on the edge.

“Better,” Temar said. He stalked forward, his body tightly controlled as he stepped between Shan’s legs. Shan spread his legs and looked up, waiting for some sign of what Temar wanted from this. Bringing both hands up, Temar cupped either side of Shan’s face and then leaned close for another kiss. His lips moved against Shan’s, and Shan’s hands came up to rest against Temar’s hips. Temar’s lips tasted of mint and salt.