Desired (22 page)

The hard music blasted through the speakers of the club, but this part of the dungeon was dark. “It’s a play on words, but I never asked if you had been married, either.” His gaze stayed firmly in place on her, as if no one else existed in dungeon. “I see domestic violence daily. I know why you shy away from telling someone this at the beginning of a relationship. And I know that if you told me you were married, I would’ve asked questions about him. You didn’t owe me anything before. So, no, I don’t care that you are still married.” His brow arched. “However, you are getting a divorce, yes?”

She nodded, so surprised by him. He was calm and collected. So unlike her soon-to-be ex-husband. “If Rory would sign the uncontested divorce papers, yes. I served him with the document months ago, but he still won’t sign them and hired a lawyer who’s dragging the proceedings out. In my heart, I was divorced when he pushed me into the table.”

A muscle flexed in his jaw. “Yes, I read that. Please go on.”

She sighed and rubbed her hands over her face, and not even the sensual noises in the club could cut into her thoughts. “I don’t want to talk about him or what happened. It’s in my past, Kyler. Can’t we leave it there?”

He gently removed her hands, holding them in his. “I’m not going to force you to talk about something you don’t want to. But I hope knowing that’s what I want, you’ll eventually tell me.” He hesitated, exhaling a long breath. “The fact is, I only care that you’re no longer with him, especially if he was violent.” He brushed his fingers over her cheek, wiping away the moisture. “You don’t have to face this alone anymore. I hope you realize that I’m not going to judge you, Ella. The fault of that night lies with Rory, not you.”

“It’s …” She swallowed the lump in her throat.

“Embarrassing?” he offered.

She nodded.

He cursed quietly and then pressed her head against his chest. “Has he contacted you?”

“On Monday he came to the office, and he approached me yesterday at home.” She sniffed, not wanting to go into the details of how scared she’d been. She didn’t want to drag Kyler into all this. What they had was good, and she didn’t want that to change. She wanted to be happy, not constantly stuck in the past. “But I think Rory has gone home.”

Kyler didn’t seem surprised by her admission, and said, “I hope he has, too. You did the right thing by notifying the police.” Moving her off his chest, he dragged his fingers over her hot tears. “Please tell me if you see him again, all right? Don’t face him alone. Not only do you have police support, but you have me.”

Now knowing that he learned of Rory yesterday made a thought rise. Kyler had picked her up yesterday after work and had seemed strained. He’d also insisted on staying with her last night and driving her to work this morning. “Is that why you brought me to see your family and stayed with me last night, because you didn’t want to leave me alone?”

His eyes blazed. “I don’t want to leave you alone knowing that he’s in Vegas.”

She wasn’t sure she liked that. He’d stayed with her not because he wanted to, but because he was being the Dom who protected her.

He pinched her chin. “None of that now.”

“None of what?”

“I would’ve stayed with you regardless. Yes, his presence pushed the thought to my mind at first, but I wasn’t with you because of him. I was with you because I wanted to make sure you were safe. You can’t possibly think that I stay at every woman’s house to ensure their safety?”

She shrugged. “I guess not.”

“Besides, Ella”—his stormy gaze dropped to her eye level—“I’ve been very clear with you from the beginning on what I want. And I do believe I have said that I wanted to date you, yes? I’m not the one who has been refusing the idea of us being together.”

She stared at him, shocked by him. “Knowing all this, you still want me to be your girlfriend?”

“After hearing all this, I want it more.” Truth rang out in his voice. “This is
you
. Your life. Hearing all this doesn’t make me want to run, it makes me want to wrap my arms around
you and not let go.”

Uncontrollable tears rushed down her cheeks, and his face became blurry. “What if I said I wanted you to never let me go?”

“I would say it’s about time we’re getting somewhere, and I’m glad you’re no longer fighting me.” He leaned away, putting some space between them. “Now a bit of the truth is finally out in the open. I feel better. Do you?”

Did she?

She wasn’t sure.

Kyler had been nothing but completely forthcoming with her and she’d hid things from him. Important things she should have told him. She felt foolish. He understood her, probably more than anyone had in her life. He didn’t judge her. He didn’t get angry. He simply cared for her unconditionally.

She cupped his face, feeling the scruff from his five-o’clock shadow. “Why are you so good to me?”

“Because you deserve it, Ella.”

Guilt and shame led her to say, “I’m sorry I kept all this from you. I should have told you.”

“I’m sorry that I learned about it in the manner I had, too. But now I know and you know that I don’t care.” He slid his fingers across her face to grasp her hair, and then he dropped a hard and passionate kiss upon her lips. Tension lay in the firmness of his mouth, but the heat was all-consuming. When he broke the kiss, he added with a devilish smile, “Now we can move on, yes?”

“Yes.”

“Don’t hide from me,” he added with a firm voice. “All of this is your history. Maybe painful history. But it’s all of what makes you
you
. Nothing, and I mean
nothing
, could possibly keep me away now.” Then he sealed his mouth over hers and briskly ended the conversation.

She kissed him back with equal fervor, amazed by him. By how compassionate, how strong, how confident he was. Some men might be threatened by Rory, but beyond all the secrets, his only focus was
her
.

In that truth, she lost herself.

He wrapped his strong fingers around her cheeks as his tongue explored her mouth. The
passion was fever-pitched. The unconditional love meant more than his heated kisses.

Trust
.

Communication
.

Acceptance
.

Things were deeper between them, and she let go to a man who deserved it. Who’d fought to gain her trust. A man who she wholeheartedly believed would never let her fall.

With a final brush of his lips across hers, he broke away. Holding her hair firmly in his grip, he murmured, “Now we are in a good place to play. Do you feel that also?”

“Yes.” She smiled, wiping the last tears off her face. “It does feel good it’s all out in the open now.”
Real good
.

His grin spoke of love and something so much more: appreciation that she gave him more of herself. “All right, sweetheart. Are you ready to play?” A darker—more demanding—look crossed his face, one she’d never seen before. All those examining looks he’d given her now became intense, almost as if he searched her soul.

This time she allowed it, welcomed him in.

“I’m ready,” she said.

He gathered her off the table and placed her on her feet, then rose off the couch. The warmth of his body pressed against her and he stared down at her with hard, yet simmering, eyes.

There was a notable difference in him. Oh, hell, was there ever.

He didn’t simply look at her, he studied her. He didn’t move without purpose, and each move seemed to be to gauge her. As if his world narrowed entirely on her, and she experienced the draw to that. The importance of feeling a man engrossed in her.

She realized in this moment, Kyler didn’t stand in front of her.

Master Kyler did
.

Hand in hand, Kyler led Ella toward a stage on the left side of the dungeon. She noticed most of the members were standing near the spanking bench, where Dom Porter flogged a submissive that Ella hadn’t personally met yet.

Terrific. They’re all busy.

Not to say that Ella wasn’t excited over the idea of others watching her, but she wasn’t ready to jump up and down about the idea, either.

On the stage where Kyler headed, there were three long pink aerial silk sheets hanging from the ceiling. The one in the middle was wider, and the two narrower pieces ran down next to it. She’d seen something similar during an aerial ballet show that her grandmother had taken her to.

Off to the side of the silks, she noticed a bench that looked similar to a pommel horse, with a curved back and no handles. Upon closer scrutiny, it was made of cherrywood, with padded black leather on the top and on the sides.

Following Kyler, she climbed the steps onto the stage and her focus drifted back to Porter’s scene. Though the flogging looked intense and mildly painful, leaving the submissive with a bright red bottom, Ella’s body flushed.

How would that feel?

Was it pleasurable or was it painful?

Her book said a flogging was intense and the pain brought a higher pleasure, but to fully understand it Ella thought she’d have to experience it. And she realized she wanted to, and shivered in anticipation.

“Ah, I see how that scene excites you,” her Dom said.

Ella nearly banged into Kyler as he had stopped on the stage. He gripped her arms, steadying her. Then he brushed his finger down her throat with the whisper of a touch. “But knowing what you’ve been through, we will grow into that type of scene, yes?”

She frowned. “Kyler, just because Rory hurt me doesn’t mean I’m broken or you need to baby me. I want to do what every other submissive would do. Please don’t treat me differently.”
She didn’t want to be a victim, she had never wanted that. “I know the difference between violence and the smack on an ass from pleasure.”

His eyes narrowed, stone cold. “First, little one, what mistake did you make?”

She froze.

He waited.

“I called you Kyler,” she grumbled.

“Yes, you did.” He closed the distance, pressing his hard and hot body against hers. “Because you’re new to the lifestyle, you will be allowed a few errors. That is one. Get to five and you’ll be punished.”

Her insides boiled as his eyes blazed, not with a look that scared her, but with a sexy burn that enticed her. He added with a low voice, “Doms have limits, too. Flogging you or taking you into impact play in that regard is my soft limit. For now, that is nonnegotiable.”

All traces of hardness faded from his face as he tangled his fingers into her hair, giving a little tug. “You will enjoy yourself tonight, but we will play this my way.” His stern gaze left no room for argument. “Until I know there’s nothing but trust between us, and until I firmly believe that my flogging, paddling, or spanking you will not leave a devastating mark, I won’t take you into that type of scene. Do you understand?”

Heat flooded her as he tugged on her hair, and she almost forgot what he’d said. She blinked into focus, realizing this was her submission to him. He’d bared her heart in the manner he wanted and now he played with her under his terms. “Yes, sir.”

“Very good.” Giving a nod of approval, he added, “And yes, you’re right to use the sir now that we’re playing.” He dragged his fingers through her hair, then turned to a tray next to the horselike contraption. After he removed two very long ropes, dark purple and dark green, he glanced over his shoulder to her. “Have you read about shibari?”

She nodded, watching him slowly approach the bench. “Yes, it’s the Japanese artistic form of rope bondage.”

“Exactly.” He crooked a finger at her. “Our scene tonight will include shibari.” Watching her every step as she approached, he went on, “Down the road, I won’t necessarily tell you everything that will happen in a scene, but for the first few times together I will, to reassure you. Things between us will be clear. All right?”

“Yes, sir.” She swallowed past the hard thud between her thighs and the warming of her
most intimate parts. Kyler holding ropes that he planned to decorate her body with made her damp with need.

When she settled in front of him, he smiled, brushing the side of her cheek. “The majority of our time will be spent doing the shibari. Ropes are beautiful, especially on you.” He ran the soft rope over her shoulders, settling it behind her neck, and she shivered.

He continued, “Once the shibari is complete, I plan to use nipple clamps.” He tugged on the rope, forcing her closer. “Having said that, it’s good practice to only keep them on for ten minutes because of blood flow. So, things will move fast once those are on. Understand?”

“Yes, sir.”

He inclined his head. “Tonight is about sensation play. Feelings things you haven’t before, such as bondage and clamps. I won’t push you beyond that.” He hesitated, apparently enjoying the squirm she did at those suggestions, since his smile turned dark. “Do you have any questions?”

“No, sir.” Get that rope on me!

“Excellent.” Leaving the rope hanging over her shoulders, he turned to the tray and grabbed a hair clip. With gentle fingers, showing he’d done this before, he fixed her hair to the top of her head. “The arrangement of the ropes and knots emphasizes things like sensuality, vulnerability, and strength.”

Her eyes fluttered closed at the rope sliding over her skin as if it were Kyler’s kiss. Her heartbeat slowed with each move he made, as though his fingers were gliding over her skin. His strong touch, declaring his experience, made her wet and achy.

“I’ve studied this form of art since joining the lifestyle. It’s my gift, you could say. My talent.” He trailed the rope down the center of her chest, then ran it between her thighs. The soft rope pressed into her inner thigh before he dragged it up the side of her buttock.

He repeated the same move on the other side, then he said softly, “All right, take a seat on the bench and quiet your mind. Enjoy the moment.”

After Ella straddled the horse, he began making knots, moving the rope this way and that way over her body. She opened her eyes, finding him focused on the rope, as if she were his sculpture, his piece of art.

She realized that’s what BDSM was to him. Past the sexual part to the lifestyle, the tender moment when he lost himself in something he was passionate about amazed her. The way he
touched her, how he moved the ropes and tied the knots along her body, it all dropped her into a hazy state. Her muscles loosened as the noises from the club drifted away.