Desired (33 page)

One hour.

Sixty long minutes passed as Kyler left Ella kneeling by the couch, while he chatted with his friends. Her overheated body had cooled, leaving her chilled. He never offered her a blanket or even talked to her.

She stayed there, alone, in the silence for that entire time.
Was this a punishment for allowing Cora and Presley to touch her?

As she started shivering, he’d left his spot on the couch and had asked Porter to watch
over her. She didn’t know where he went, but then he’d returned to her with a blanket.

Porter said, “She stayed quiet.”

“Good,” Kyler replied with a hard voice.

In her peripheral vision, she noticed Porter leaving, then a finger tucked under her chin. Kyler’s gaze wasn’t what she’d expected. Softness lay in the depths of his eyes. “All cooled off?”

She nodded, quivering. “Freezing cold.”

He reached for the blanket on the couch and then patted his lap. “Come sit.” Once she straddled his waist, her knees pressing against the couch, and he wrapped the blanket around her shoulders. “Tell me why I made you kneel next to me for so long.”

“As a punishment for letting the girls touch me,” she offered.

He shook his head. “No, Ella. Communication is all in this lifestyle. And when you have been paddled until your ass is bright red, your mind will be hazy. We need to talk. I couldn’t talk to you in the state you were in.”

Oh!
“I understand.”

He watched her closely with that long stare that melted her and touched the depths of her soul. Yet she couldn’t quite read his expression; too much emotion shone there for her to gauge his thoughts.

Tucking the blanket tight around her, he said, “I know you want me to let go and hold no restraint when it comes to you.” He gripped her chin with a firm hold, locking her gaze onto
him
. “But you know what I need for that to happen. You want this D/s relationship, and seeing that you were determined tonight to prove you are ready, then that means you are ready to talk to me … openly and honestly. It’s that simple, Ella.”

She swallowed past the swell of emotion, knowing that keeping him out wasn’t an option anymore. She wanted this. Wanted
him. All of him
. With his soft gaze on hers and the sensation of safety he instilled, she found herself no longer able to run.
Trust. Communication. Acceptance
. She wanted all of that with Kyler. For once, she wanted to face something that embarrassed her instead of running from it.

She wanted to be free.

He gave her the safe place to do that.

Shutting her eyes, she drew on the strength inside. Every conversation they’d had seemed
to pull more information out of her. All her walls to protect herself he’d broken down. And to the heart of it, he’d slowly but surely woven a spell of trust over her, leaving no doubt in her mind that if she opened to him he would be there to hold her.

She opened her eyes, unable to fight off the tears. “One night, I came home after work and Rory was drunk. He’d been drinking all day and there were beer bottles everywhere.” Tears welled in her eyes, yet Kyler stayed statue still, so she continued. “Rory accused me of cheating on him. Of course, I wasn’t. But he wouldn’t listen. He kept accusing me and got really mad.”

Dropped into the memory, she shivered against the ice filling her veins. She’d never seen anyone that enraged before. She had never lived in that type of anger. She’d always been surrounded by love.

Blowing out a long breath, she allowed the horrific memory to envelop her, and she went back to that time she’d been constantly ignoring. “I was so tired of it all and I told him I was leaving, then he exploded.” Her voice hitched as Rory’s angry words almost seemed to shout in her ears. “I’ve never seen someone act like that—he was crazed, not even a person anymore but like something evil had overtaken him. Before I knew it, he pushed me forward and I stumbled … the table was there … and there was so much blood.”

She hadn’t realized she’d closed her eyes, but when warm hands brushed across her arms, she opened them. Kyler’s gaze was fixated on her, holding hers in that watchful way he did.

“In that moment you fell, what did you feel?” he asked gently.

“Scared. Shocked. Sad,” she barely whispered. Then she shook her head, realizing that wasn’t good enough. She wasn’t being deep enough. “Actually, no, it was more than that. I felt the world break around me. I felt like life had failed me. I felt worthless and that I had somehow done something to deserve it.”

He cupped her face, bringing his mouth so close to hers. “And?”

Hot tears covered her face. “In the seconds after it, I cursed fate for taking everyone I loved away from me. And somehow I wondered what I’d done to cause the world to be so against me.” Her voice hitched on a sob, something dead and cold inside breaking. Something she refused to face for so long overwhelming her. “More than anything, it seemed like I was alone in a very big, scary world.”

Wiping her tears off his face, he asked, “And now, Ella? How do you
feel
?”

Her mind raced with all the feelings she’d experienced with Kyler. From the intense
passion she’d had when they first met, leaving her unable to refuse him, to the slow-building trust he’d encouraged between them. To even now; where it was only him and her, as if nothing else existed.

“I feel safe with you, Kyler,” she whispered, her voice breaking. “I feel like finally fate has given me a bright moment in a dark world. I feel like, for once, there is meaning behind it all.”

Holding her gaze, he whispered, “What meaning?”

“If none of my past happened, I never would have found the strength to leave Savannah.” Though tears flooded her face, she didn’t wipe them away. She’d no longer hid from him. “I never would have found you.”

His eyes shut, and when they opened they were filled with heady emotion. “This is where you belong, yes?”

She smiled through blurry eyes. “Yes.”

Warmth and tenderness filled his gaze. “That feeling, Ella, is all that I care about. It’s not the fall. It’s not the abuse. It’s never been about that—it’s the acknowledgment of how you felt then and what you feel now. I need to know that you see me differently. That you know I would never hurt you. And that the trust between us is strong enough for you to bare your pain to me.”

She stared at him, overwhelmed by him. He didn’t care that she’d been abused or what led to it or even what happened after it. He cared about
her
. About how she felt, what she went through in that night, and he simply wanted to know she saw him differently.

As he’d done from day one—she realized a little foolishly—she needed to
show
her trust in him. He needed communication. And she knew in the softest parts of her heart that’s what made Kyler a worthy Dom.

He didn’t think himself above her. He never forced her into anything. Every step of the way, he had made it her decision to grow.
On her terms
. Everything had been a choice that she made, and in her heart, she knew it was right. He’d simply laid the groundwork for her to fall into his command.

The simplicity of it all, he dominated her mind and body, not from force but from love and trust. “You needed to hear all this because you wanted to make sure I knew the difference between BDSM and abuse?”

He inclined his head, rubbing his hands down her arms. “Saying it is one thing. Believing
it is entirely different. And I see it in your eyes, sweetheart: the love, the trust, the acceptance of what was and now what could be.” He heaved a sigh, his gaze never leaving hers. “If I did all the things that I’ve wanted to do with you without hearing you say those things and my believing you, I would be no better than Rory.”

“You’re nothing like him,” she said adamantly.

One brow arched. “But I would be.”

Past all the passion with Kyler and this erotic adventure he’d taken her on, in this moment she stared at a man who gave her something far more than what she craved from her challenge. He’d helped her find her way back to
her
. The real her, not tainted by pain, loss, and abuse.

She shook her head at herself, seeing things so differently. “I’ve thought all along that you’ve seen me as broken, but it’s not that, is it?” She hesitated, wanting to get this right. “It’s because that’s the only side of me that I was showing you. You don’t see the problems I’ve been through or the pain I’ve dealt with; you see straight into my heart, past all of it.”

His hands bracketed her cheeks, his warm, minty breath caressing her face. “No, Ella, I don’t see into your heart.” His smile was as charming as ever. “Your heart is
mine. Mine
to cherish.
Mine
to protect.
Mine
to love.”

Early into the next night at Club Sin, Kyler had placed Ella on the stage off to the right side of the sitting area. Last night, after their talk, all he’d done was hold her, and that was better than any scene he could have taken her in.

Dressed in a leather getup that Kyler had bought for her, Ella attempted to look like a woman totally ready for this. Harder than she thought, since her clothing was basically leather straps that covered her breasts, midsection, and hips, then thick straps covered her sex, but it reminded her of strapless panties—leaving a space for important parts, she mused.

Big nights call for sexy attire
, Kyler had told her when he handed her the bag from the sex shop this morning. All day as they lazed around her condo, she had wondered what would happen on her
big night
.

Now was no exception.

The soft instrumental music played throughout the dungeon, and she glanced around the stage that Kyler had left her on to go and talk to Dmitri. To her right, she noticed
stuff
hidden under a black sheet.
Dammit
. If only she could lift that sheet to discover what he had planned, but she didn’t dare do that. Not now. Not when he intended to finally play with her in the manner she’d been craving.

Within a few minutes, Kyler left Dmitri at the couch he sat on and approached the stage. Ella watched his long, purposeful strides that held both arrogance and that sexy confidence she loved.

When he reached her, his spicy cologne swept through the air. “Tonight is for you, Ella.” He smiled, trailing a finger over the leather straps on her shoulders before his gaze lifted. “But it’s also for me. This is a big step for us, yes?”

“Yes, sir,” she replied, nerves skating through her.

He traced his fingers over the leather by her hip, and she squirmed under the promise of seduction in his features. This she wanted—no, she craved—the side of Kyler that wasn’t restrained. Where he looked to her like a woman he intended to command.

Lifting his eyes to hers, he said with a low voice, “We’re not alone tonight. I’ll always be
in tune with you during our scene, but it’s good to remember the Club Sin Masters are watching over you, too.” He gestured to his left, and Ella noticed Aidan sitting with Cora, smiling at her. “You’ve got good support here. You realize this, yes?”

Before having Aidan in the dungeon felt horribly awkward, yet now she couldn’t help but feel even safer.
People love you here and are looking out for you
. She turned to Kyler and nodded. “Yes, sir.”

He inclined his head in approval and then dropped his eye level to hers. “Tell me your safe word.”

“Dragon,” she replied.

“That’s right.” Grinning, he tugged on her hair. “Use it if you need to, all right?”

Never had she seen him like this—so intent in his study of her. As if he knew her better than she knew herself. As if he had a plan already set in his mind. As if his soul were connected to hers. She licked her lips. “Yes, sir.”

His low chuckle brushed across her as he turned to Dmitri, who stood in the corner of the dungeon, then Kyler gave him a nod. Suddenly, the music shut off and Kyler looked to the crowd over by the flogging scene and whistled. “Can I have everyone’s attention?”

Ella gulped. “Oh, no.”

Kyler barked a laugh, skimming his hand down her side. She moved with the path of his hot fingers, experiencing the burn of his touch low in her body. Aching for him. Craving him. Desiring him.

Once most of the members settled in front of the stage, Kyler called in a proud voice, “For those who don’t know,
my
Ella took up a challenge to herself to do things she never would have done. To live out erotic adventures, and say
yes
more than say
no
to new things.” His voice got husky, sliding into that sexy tone that brought fire into her loins. “Best we see to this little sub fulfilling that challenge to herself, hmm?”

The crowd applauded.

Ella laughed nervously.
Oh, good God
. “Okay, wait a minute …”

Kyler ignored her, circling her with his finger tickling over her skin. “Now, some of you might know that last night,
my
Ella decided to take it upon herself to be paddled by another submissive without my agreement.”

Ella shoulders slumped, as she felt the room get smaller.
Real small
.

She had never,
not once
, expected Kyler to take her challenge
literally
, but she guessed she should have. He’d been seemingly making it his intent to have her do crazy-ass things.

He smacked her bottom and then gave her cheek a squeeze. “Hmm … how should a Dom deal with such bratty behavior?” His voice hinted at amusement and something so much more sensual—raw and feral.

Ella went damp; even if she was nervous as all get-out, she couldn’t ignore that this revved her high. Then Kyler returned to her front with narrowed eyes. “Ella, I don’t tolerate bratty behavior. Whose body is this to touch?”

“Yours, sir.”

His mouth twitched, his gaze dancing in delight. “Ah, I love that little tremor in your voice, sweetheart.” He leaned in and whispered in her ear, “It excites me. It tempts me. It makes me want to fuck you.”

Her sex clenched under the powerful hum in his voice. The sheer force of sensuality that he exuded made her clit throb. Now she stood in front of the Kyler she’d met on the dance floor at the wedding. The man who didn’t doubt anything. The man who was determined to have his way with her. Now she tumbled into his command, so overwhelmed by the trust in him.