Desired Too (32 page)

She smiled at Eddie. “Anything you need, Eddie.”

Eddie raised her chin higher, took his phone and snapped a picture.

He smiled. “Thank you, baby,” he told her, stood and dialed another number.

Still smiling at Lucy, he waited until the call was answered.

“Tell your boss I have something for him,” he said, then hung up.

As he typed a text message and sent the picture he’d taken of Lucy’s neck, his smiled broadened.

You may have won the fight, little brother, but I will win the war.

Eddie kissed Lucy on her forehead right before her cell started screaming.

“I’ll see you around love,” he told her before he walked out of the door.

The moment I opened the door to my apartment and her red-rimmed eyes fell on mine, I couldn’t move.  It’s crazy, but all of the anger and frustration I felt towards her seemed to disappear just like that. It was the fear in her eyes, the sadness that embedded in her beautiful face that, made me realize that what I was feeling was something far deeper than I’d ever felt in my life.

My pride was more than bruised. My ego was more that trampled on. For her to go to someone else to keep her safe, it was fucking with me more than I wanted to admit.

Oh, I wanted to be angry with her, there’s no doubt about that. I had planned to cuss her the fuck out and make her feel everything that I’d been feeling since that morning. However, I still couldn’t move. I couldn’t say a word. I just watched her. I watched her move her legs from underneath her and stand shakily. I watched her body fill with longing, with a need that was all too familiar. I looked deeper into her eyes and saw them fill with more than just sadness, more than just regret and fear.

She was getting to me. Half of me wanted to pull her in my arms, tell her that I was fine and that everything would be okay. I wanted to kiss her silly. I wanted to bury myself deep inside her, and punish us both, but I didn’t move.

Instead, I waited.

I took a deep breath and tried my best not to show how much she had actually affected me, how much pain she had actually inflicted on me.

Finally, after taking a few deep breaths, I closed my door and moved toward my bar. I reached for a glass and poured myself at least four fingers of Cognac.

The burn that confronted me didn’t do what I needed it to. I placed the glass down and grabbed the bottle, bringing it to my lips.

“Are you okay?” asked a small voice behind me.

I turned toward her sharply.
She can’t be fucking serious.

I think she realized the fucked up question she had just asked and shook her head.

“I mean… Is every…” She paused and took a few deep breaths of her own.

I know what she meant, but I refused to bail her out of this one. I knew she could tell I wasn’t okay. I was far from being okay. This shit from her was very hard for me to deal with. How could I trust her if she couldn’t be honest with me?

Deciding to handle this a different way, Raquel placed her glass down on the coffee table in front of her, moved around it, and came towards me.

That was a bad idea.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” I warned, keeping my voice even and void of emotion, but the shock on her face told me I failed miserably.

              I took another swig from the bottle, then sat it back down on the bar. I proceeded to take off my jacket, tossing it on the bar stool next to me. I undid my cufflinks, put them in my pocket and rolled my sleeves as if I was getting ready to do battle.

              “Angel, please I…”

              She paused when I pulled out my shirt from my pants and actually started thinking about jumping in the shower.
I can stand to take a quick fifteen-minute shower and change before I go to see my father.
See how much of a bastard I was?

I started to walk to my bedroom, apparently done with this shit altogether, when she moved closer to me, asking,               “Can you please talk to me?”

I wasn’t sure if it was the annoyance in her voice or the audacity of her question that set me on the edge, but…

“Oh, now you want to talk? Okay.” I stopped and stood in front of her. “You want to talk, let’s talk. Are you fucking that son of a bitch?”

“What?” Raquel, not ready for the blunt way I was coming at her backed away slightly.

“You heard me. That’s the only logical reason I can come up with for you not to tell me that, one, he was in town, two, that you were spending time with him, and three, that you would go to him for help instead of me. The betrayal, the lying; please tell me there’s a good reason for choosing him over me.”

Raquel brows furrowed as she shook her head. “I’m not choosing him over you, and I wouldn’t cheat on you. How could you think that I would do that to you? I would never-”

I cut her off. “Do you have any idea how fucked up I felt to hear that you decided to go to your ex, that coward, fucking pussy motherfucker, instead of me?”

“Angel, I didn’t…” She moved to touch me and I backed away from her. Eyes wide, her hand snapped back to her body as if she felt something hot. She backed away further.

I could feel I was about to blow. I was frustrated and angry, which was being heightened by my pride and ego.

“You made me out to be a fucking fool,” I said to her through gritted teeth.

She didn’t reply. Instead, I saw a few tears fall from her eyes.

I took this time to attempt to calm down. Maybe this wasn’t the right time to talk about this. Maybe I needed to step away from her for a little while longer and come back when I wasn’t this pissed off. I was afraid that whatever I said to her from this point would not be good for the both of us. I was that out of control.

I closed my eyes, about to leave the room when I heard a whisper come from her lips. “No, please don’t go.”

I turned back and looked at her.

“Leo, I’m so sorry. I fucked up, simple as that. I should have told you what was going on. The moment Ira came to me, saying that I had trouble coming, I should have told you.” She moved closer to me, her shaky hand reaching out to me, but stopped in mid-air, changing her mind. “I was so afraid for so many reasons, but the main one was losing you. I couldn’t let that happen. I thought if I could just find the person after me or settle this with Basile that I wouldn’t have to involve you. Do you understand?  I needed to do this on my own. I needed to prove to you and myself that I wasn’t some helpless, clueless woman that was incapable of taking care of herself. I wanted to prove that I could handle your life, handle you. When I was in California, that’s how I felt. I felt alive, strong and independent. I knew how to take care of myself. Ever since I’ve been home, I’ve lost that assurance, that confidence. It was important for me to…” She stopped talking and took another breath.

She was still shaking, her eyes no longer filled with tears, but just as red as her oversized sweatshirt.

“Ira came to me; I didn’t go to him. We hung out in the morning, but it was only so he could update me on any information he learned, that’s it. He followed me around a bit to make sure no one was following me. He said that he would be able to spot whoever Basile sent for me far better than your people could. He was familiar with Basile’s hit man. I didn’t ask questions. I just let him help. And to be honest with you, I wanted him to handle
his
mess. I didn’t want to involve you because, and maybe it sounds stupid to you, but I was trying to protect you.”

“Protect me?” I returned, frowning, face full of the incredulous emotions I was feeling.

“Yes, protect you. I didn’t want to involve you unless it was absolutely necessary.”

“Raquel-” I started, but she cut me off.

“Look, I know you are some badass, hotshot mafia boss. I also know you have plenty of badasses that have your back. I’ve met your cousin so, believe me, I know who you have in your corner. I just wanted to be one of those trusted people. I knew that the moment I would have told you about Basile, you would have been on the next thing smoking to California. But how would you explain away my treachery? I’m a snitch. There’s no way you could spin it or support it. Believe it or not, I know how things work. You wouldn’t have been able to be diplomatic about everything, throwing some threats around. You would have gone to him, and it would have been messy. I didn’t want you getting messy on my account. I didn’t want that on my conscience. I also didn’t want to lose you. Despite what you may think, Leo, you’re not invincible. You’re not bulletproof, and if something happened to you on my account… I didn’t want to have that on me either. I wouldn’t be able to survive that.”

I noticed the distance between us get smaller as tears resurfaced in her eyes.

She shook her head and just as she blinked, the tears collapsed from her eyes. She then said to me something that pushed away every disheartening feeling I had. “I know what I did was careless and stupid and that I put you in harm’s way by not telling you about Basile, but I wasn’t thinking about that… All I could think about was protecting the only man that I have ever given my heart to, the only man that I have ever loved.”

And just like that, she had swayed me. My expressionless face stayed true, but inside I was battling with myself to scoop her in my arms and show her just how much I loved her back.

Oh, fuck it!

I closed the distance between us, bringing my hands to her face, wiping the tears from her eyes.

She told me, “I was coming to tell you today. I swear I was. That’s why I texted you. That’s-”

“Shhh, it’s okay, Raquel.”

“I’ve been so afraid and scared. I needed you so badly. I could never cheat on you, Leo. No one could ever come close to you. I love you so-”

My hands moved to her hair as I tilted her head up to me so I could bring her lips closer to mine. I kissed her, just a few light touches, but as always, that was wasn’t enough.

I devoured her mouth.

Call me what you want, but I’m completely weak for this woman.

I pulled back from her lips, but I didn’t go far. I rested my forehead against hers, saying, “Sei l’amore della mia vita. Per te farei di tutto.” Her arms moved around my waist. “Sono innamorata di te.”

“Leo,” she whispered softly against my lips as it was her turn to deepen our kiss.

I didn’t have to tell you that things started to get heavy with us. There was shit we needed to talk about, shit she needed to understand, but fuck that. I wanted her.

Maybe we can take a quick shower together
.

I was just about to suggest it when I felt my phone vibrate.

I knew who it was.

I pulled back from her and caressed her face. I took in her scent, then exhaled deeply as if I was releasing all of the anger I had for this whole situation.

“Don’t ever keep shit from me again,” I told Raquel.

She nodded. “I promise.”

“Mi amore, no matter what the situation is, you have to trust that I know what to do to make it better. Despite what
you
may believe, I don’t always respond with violence.” She started to combat me before I stopped her. “Uh, before you protest the negative, I am fully aware of how volatile I could be, especially when it comes to you. Business is business, though, and this is business. I warned them, Basile, every family in that city, and between you and me, I didn’t have to do that. Yes, you are right, if you would have told me sooner, no doubt I would have personally gone to San Francisco and things would have gotten messy.  It’s not your place to decide if I get messy or not. It’s mine. It’s not your place to decide for me how I should react to a situation, or what I can or cannot support. That decision belongs to me and me alone.”

She started to say something, but I put my finger on her lips, stopping her. “I understand your fears, truly I do. What you have to understand is that I can’t have your fears on me or I would lose. I’m not stupid, Raquel. I’ve been at this for a very long time, and while I don’t think or feel that I’m invincible, I’m too smart to ever put my guard down.”

“That has to be exhausting,” she said quietly.

“Yeah, it is, but I can handle it.”

I leaned down, kissed her lips quickly, and held her gaze. There were times like this where I wished I lived an average life. We had just confessed our love for each other, and we had no time to revel in this moment. I couldn’t make love to her slowly while I told her all the ways I loved her. It was something that I wanted to do all night long, but I had shit to do. I had a meeting to attend, I had a whole family to destroy and I had a brother to kill. It was going to be a very busy night.

“I have to go,” I told her.

“I know.” She smiled and slowly removed her arms from my waist.

I started taking off my shirt, thinking of how bad this meeting was going to turn out. I removed the shirt I had on and went to grab another shirt of the same color.

When I emerged from my closet, she was sitting on the bed, watching me with so many questions in her eyes, so much worry. I decided to at least try to put her mind at ease.

“You know I plan to choke the fucking life out of Igor, right?”

I didn’t break my stride as I headed for the living room. She caught up to me just as I passed the kitchen.

“Are you serious?” she asked, grabbing my arm to slow me down. She stood in front of me eyes and mouth wide open.

I bent down and kissed her open mouth. “Deadly.”

I looked deep into her eyes, letting her know I was the fuck serious. When she didn’t say anything else, I moved around her.

“Wait, Angel Leonetti, you can’t.”

I whirled around to face her. “The fuck I can’t. Raquel, the pissant motherfucker purposefully placed you in danger. He went against my warning, and, baby, that is something you just don’t do.”

“This wasn’t his fault. Not entirely anyway, and I-”