Desperate Chances (11 page)

My instinct was to call her. To run, head first, into whatever she was offering.

I’ve moved on.

She’s not a part of my life anymore.

My head rolled back and I stared up at the clear, night sky.

“Are you sure it’s okay that I stay here,” she asked, walking into my bedroom with an overnight bag in her hand.

My stomach clenched as I watched her unpack her things. Putting her toothbrush in my bathroom. Her pajamas in my dresser drawer. Her things looked as though they belonged all mixed up with mine. Like
she
belonged.

And she did.

I just wished she could see that.

But I was a patient guy. I would bide my time. And I knew that the day would come when she’d realize how much I loved her.

“Of course. You can stay as long as you want. Who knows how long Cole and Viv will be at it,” I laughed, hoping she’d never leave.

Gracie sank down on the couch beside me and picked up the extra X-Box controller. We were sitting so close together that I could smell her shampoo. Something fruity. It smelled good. Her leg was pressed up against mine and I waited for her to pull away like she always did.

But she didn’t.

“You’re going down, Abrams,” she teased, giving me her sexy half smile.

God, I loved this woman.

“Not if I take you down first,” I told her and she laughed.

It was my favorite sound in the world.

She had been my best friend.

Gracie knew things about me that I had never told anyone. That I would never tell anyone.

And losing that hurt just as much now as it had when she had pushed me away.

I missed her.

So goddamned much.

I missed my friend. The girl I had played video games with and teamed up with for karaoke. I missed how she always made sure there was a full pint of Chunky Monkey in my freezer when I got home from being on the road.

I missed just being able to pick up the phone to talk to her about stuff that didn’t really matter. Or watching Fresh Prince and singing along to that stupid rap during the opening credits.

And for just a second I could over look all the bad shit that came at the end.

Because when it came to Gracie Cook, I had always been a weak bastard.

So I texted her back.

Do I need to ride to your rescue?

My palms started to sweat again as I hit send and once the message went through I wished I could take it back.

What the hell was I doing?

Why had I responded?

Why the fuck was I opening that door again?

I had Sophie. I had a life that had nothing to do with Gracie.

But in that moment all I could think about was
her
and how much I wanted that connection that we used to have.

So I waited outside in the freezing cold, my ass growing numb as I sat on the hard ground, just to see if she’d text me back.

I waited an hour.

My phone remained silent.

She had left me hanging.

Again.

“M
mm,” I moaned, my eyes closed.

Mitch was between my thighs and I felt him press into me. I felt so full. I could feel him everywhere.

“I love you so much, Gracie,” he murmured, running his hand down the side of my leg. He pumped his hips and I rose up to meet his thrusts.

He hooked my leg around his waist, angling my body so he could bury himself deeper inside me.

“Harder,” I told him. I wanted him to be rough. I wanted him to take me in a way that left no doubts. I had to know he’d never let me go again.

“Look at me, baby. Please,” he begged. The waves of pleasure pulsed through me. I had never felt anything like it.

“Mitch,” I breathed, my fingers working overtime as my fantasy kicked into high gear.

I didn’t want to open my eyes. I knew that if I did¸ this would all be over so I ignored him. I wouldn’t listen.

I just wanted to keep loving him like this.

Mitch gripped my hips in his large hands as he slid in and out of me. I wanted this feeling that only he could give me.

How could I have possibly walked away from this?

I felt his lips on the side of my neck. I could smell him. I could taste him in my mouth.

And more importantly I could feel him inside of me. I wished he would stay there forever.

“I love you, Gracie. God, I love you so much.” He sounded as though he were crying. I wanted to look at him, but I didn’t dare.

It was on the tip of my tongue. I should say the words back. It’s what he wanted to hear.

Instead I focused on the pleasure. On the sex. On the way he caressed every inch of me.

“You hurt me, Gracie. I can’t forgive you for that.” The fantasy was getting all messed up. Real memories mixed with delusions.

“Oh god, Mitch!” I screamed just as I had an orgasm to end all orgasms.

“You broke my heart!” Mitch yelled just as I came apart.

“Wow! And you give me shit for touching myself in the living room? I have to bathe in here too, you know!”

My eyes popped open and quickly moved my hand from between my legs, which were dangled over the edge of the claw footed tub.

I sat up in the now cold water feeling overheated and very turned on.

Vivian was standing in the doorway, her hands on her hips, looking entirely too amused. “I—uh—must have dozed off.” I pulled the plug from the bath and stood up, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around myself.

“Yeah, that must have been some dream you were having,” she snickered.

I glared at my friend and shoed her away with my hand. “Can you give me a little privacy here, please?” I demanded, embarrassed as hell that she found me…well…pleasuring myself.

“Sure thing. I’m thinking you need to finish the job,” she laughed as she closed the door behind her as I stepped out of the bath.

I leaned against the wall and tried to get my pounding heart to slow down. The dream I had been having was still extremely vivid.

Dreams about Mitch weren’t uncommon. But they were usually jumbled images mixed with my residual guilt and longing.

But this dream had been so
real.

My lady bits were all a tingle and it was as though I could still feel him there.

Right…
there.

“Oh my god,” I moaned, my head falling back and connecting with the wall.

I swore I could hear Vivian cackling as I gave myself another orgasm.

While thinking about Mitch Freaking Abrams.

“A
ll done?” Vivian asked sweetly when I emerged from the bathroom twenty minutes later, hair dried, clothes on, cheeks no longer flushed.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I remarked primly, turning on the coffee pot. “Where’s Maysie?” I asked, changing the subject.

Vivian came into the kitchen and pulled her coffee cup down from the cabinet. “She left early to go to Garrett’s and check on the place. No one’s been there in a while so she told him she’d stop by before we left today.” Vivian poured some coffee into her mug. “You’re still coming tonight, right? Because Riley wanted me to tell you she’d come and get you herself if you tried to back out.”

I laughed. “I know she will. She can be comforted that my need for survival far outweighs my fear of awkwardness.”

Vivian gave me a mischievous smile. “It would definitely be awkward if Sophie knew you were moaning her boyfriend’s name while you were—”

“Seriously, Viv, do you have to be so crass?” I complained, humiliated but unsurprised that she called me out. I had been waiting for it.

Vivian shrugged. “At least I don’t pretend not to be wet for someone when I’m secretly panting for his d—”

“Enough!” I yelled, cutting her off again.

Vivian gave me an innocent look. “Why are you so testy? Am I hitting a nerve?”

“It’s just not appropriate given that he’s been in a serious relationship for a year. How would you feel if it were Cole?” I asked and was rewarded with Vivian’s look of jealous rage.

“Bitches know better,” she hissed.

“Look, I had my chance with Mitch. I blew it. He’s happy now. That’s all I want for him.” I felt like I was beating a very dead horse.

Vivian’s eyes became uncharacteristically sad. “Why won’t you fight for him, G? For the both of you? Don’t you think it’s worth it?”

I tried to swallow around the large lump that had formed in my throat.

“Please stop pressing me about it. It’s been ages since—well you know. Why can’t you let it drop?” I poured myself a bowl of cereal though I didn’t have an appetite. I had spent a sleepless night thinking about Mitch and what I’d say to him if given an opportunity.

I still couldn’t believe that I had sent him a text.

And that he had responded.

What did it mean?

It didn’t matter. I had deleted the message and never replied. I could only imagine what he was thinking about that.

I had a feeling
selfish bitch
was in there somewhere.

“Things were so great when all of us would hang out. Jordan and Mays. Garrett and Riley. Me and Cole. And you and Mitch. It was perfect. Just how it should be,” Vivian reminisced.

I took a bite of mushy cornflakes and forced them down.

It was important to eat every meal. I couldn’t skip them. Because then it would be all too easy to skip the next one. And the one after that.

I took another bite and wished this conversation were over.

“Well, that’s not how things are now. There’s Mays and Jordan. Riley and Garrett. You and Cole. And Sophie and Mitch. Then there’s Gracie who as it turns out isn’t so fun to hang out with when she’s not wasted.” I gave a self-deprecating laugh.

Vivian scowled. “Is that what you think? That you’re not fun now that you’re not drinking? I really hope you’re not that stupid.”

I managed to finish all of the cereal and got up to wash out the bowl. I was already running late for work because of my early morning clit flick.

“No. I don’t really think that. I was just being silly. But seriously, Viv, don’t start anything this weekend. Or I swear to God I’ll leave. I’ll steal your keys and drive home,” I threatened.

Vivian gave me a shrewd look. “I won’t start anything. But you need to try to talk to him. This has gone on entirely too long.”

I let out a noisy breath and leaned against the counter. “I have more things going on in my life than whether Mitch Abrams is talking to me. Just drop it.”

Lies. All lies. I told them so well.

“I
just need to lie here for a while and stretch. I think my muscles have started to atrophy from being cramped into one position by Vivian’s army of suitcases.” I kicked one of my roommate’s three bags. “We’re only here for the weekend, Viv. How many trampy halter tops does one girl need?”

Vivian stuck out her tongue and hefted the largest of the three up onto the bed. “You really are cranky when you’re stressed out,” she said, flipping her long hair over her shoulder.

“Shouldn’t you be trekking this stuff over to Cole’s room?” I asked her.

“The guys are still in sound check. We’re going to head over and meet up with them as soon as you get all settled and I have a shower. I’ll take everything over later. We’re all on the same floor anyway,” Vivian explained, pulling a tiny scrap of fabric from the depths of her suitcase.

“I’m guessing you want to use my shower then,” I surmised as she started to unload a pile of beauty products from her makeup bag.

“I’ll be quick. They’re expecting us over there in an hour,” Vivian promised, blowing me a kiss and disappearing into the bathroom.

There was a knock on the door and I got up from the bed and went to open it.

“Glad to see I don’t have to make an unexpected trip to Bakersville to kick your ass,” Riley announced, walking into my hotel room.