Destination Wedding ~ A Novel (21 page)

"We're going to clean up and go to dinner," Claire said. "Do you two want to join us?"

"Sure," Lisa answered. "We need to shower and change, too. Should we meet you back here in an hour?"

They all agreed and Claire and Jim started to walk to the staircase as Lisa and Glen left through the breezeway. Before they made it to the stairs, Sandra called out to them.

"Claire? Jim? Wait up," the hotel manager said, walking quickly up to them. "I’m glad I caught you. I know it's your last night, but we do have a room open if one of you wants it for tonight. We were so sorry about making a mess of your reservation, and the room is still on us, but if you'd like separate rooms tonight, we have one."

Claire looked over at Jim. He didn't look eager to take Sandra up on the extra room.

"I think we're okay for tonight," Jim said. "But thanks anyway."

Sandra smiled and nodded. "Okay, but if you change your mind, let me know."

They climbed the stairs and entered the cool, air conditioned room. Claire immediately went to her suitcase to pull out clean clothes to change into.

"Is it okay that I didn't take the extra room?" Jim asked.

Claire hesitated.

"Claire?"

"Yes, it's fine. It would be silly for you to change rooms for only one night," Claire said, her tone stilted. As she walked past Jim on the way to the bathroom, he reached out and touched her arm to stop her.

"Claire? What's going on? We were fine at the bar and then suddenly everything changed. Please tell me what happened."

"Nothing's wrong," Claire lied. "I'm just tired, and sad about leaving. That's all." Claire disappeared into the bathroom before Jim could ask her anything else.

Claire showered and dressed, then waited for Jim while he showered. While Jim was still in the bathroom, Claire noticed there was a message waiting for her on her phone. It was from Steven.

Claire sighed. She opened the text and read it. 'Can't wait for you to come home,' the text said. 'I hope you have good news for me when you get back. See you tomorrow night.'

Claire put the phone down, walked out onto the patio, and stared out at the perfect topaz blue water and baby blue sky. Puffy white clouds sauntered by in the breeze. Two children splashed in the pool, and she heard people laughing down by the bar. She was in paradise and yet she felt sad. What was she going to do about Steven? What was she going to do about Jim? Why was life suddenly so complicated?

Jim came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, placing a kiss on her bare shoulder. Claire closed her eyes, remembering last night and how wonderful it had felt to make love with him. But how could she believe he loved her after all they'd been through? A tear escaped her eye and trickled down her cheek.

"I wish we were staying here another week," Jim said softly in her ear. "Maybe I could convince you how much I still love you."

Claire wiped the tear from her cheek and turned. "We should go meet Glen and Lisa," she said, pulling out of his arms and walking to the door. Jim followed her, a slight frown creasing his face.

When they got downstairs, they saw Glen and Lisa talking with Janice and Carl.

"Hey guys," Glen said. "We just ran into Janice and Carl on their way to dinner. I asked them if they'd like to join us."

"Great," Claire said, trying hard to sound cheerful. "What did you two do all day?"

"We just took a walk on the beach and then packed up our luggage for tomorrow," Janice said. "We didn’t see the kids all day. I wonder where they're at."

"I'm sure they just wanted a day to themselves before we had to leave," Jim offered.

"Well, I'm hungry. Let's go downtown and eat," Glen said. He took Lisa's hand and led the way down the patio stairs to the street. Janice and Carl followed and Claire and Jim brought up the rear. Jim reached for Claire's hand, and she hesitated for a second before taking his hand in hers. They walked to the Blue Bay Grill and were seated immediately at a table by the water. They ordered drinks, then after perusing the menu, ordered dinner.

As they waited for their food, conversation spread around the table. Claire and Jim sat directly across from Carl and Janice, and Glen and Lisa sat further down the table. Claire felt obligated to be polite and keep the conversation flowing with Janice.

"It's a shame our week here is up," Claire said. "It seemed to just fly by."

Janice nodded. "I'll be happy to get home, though," she said. "This has been fun, but it's always nice to go back to a familiar routine."

"Yes," Carl said, draping his arm around the back of Janice's chair. "It will feel good to get back to normal again. I'm sure I'll have a pile of work waiting for me on my desk and Janice was surely missed at her volunteer jobs."

"Oh, where do you volunteer?" Claire asked.

"At the local food shelf and at our church's clothing store. There's always plenty to do at the clothing store. We receive clothing donations from many of the chain stores and we give it away to people in need," Janice said.

"Janice is very involved in the community," Carl said proudly. "It's always nice to give back to others."

Claire nodded. She hadn't realized that Janice did volunteer work and that impressed her. Claire was also taken by the pride that shone in Carl's eyes when he spoke of Janice's work. They may have seemed stiff and snobby to her earlier in the week, but Claire now saw that they were actually nice people, and they cared deeply for each other, too.

Their food came and everyone enjoyed their meal. The sun was setting, leaving a pinkish hue in the sky behind the lighthouse across the bay. Claire's sadness grew heavier the darker the sky became.

The waitress came over to ask if they needed another drink. Claire noticed she paid particular attention to Jim, smiling down at him with a twinkle in her eyes. He had only smiled back and declined another drink, but their exchange upset Claire. She tried rationalizing the fact that he wasn't wearing a wedding band so other women thought he was single, but that didn't make her feel any better. Jim would always garner attention from pretty women, that was just the way it was. But if she and Jim actually got back together, would she ever be able to trust him completely?

As Claire sat and listened to the conversation around the table, her mind drifted to Steven. He might not be a passionate man, or someone who'd look for adventure, but she knew he'd also never give her any reason not to trust him. Women didn't flirt with him and he didn't flirt either. He was hardworking, steady, and dependable. Maybe that was all she really needed in a relationship. She'd always feel secure with Steven. But could she live out the rest of her life with a man who didn't bring out the passion in her as Jim did? Distractedly, Claire began twirling her charm bracelet around her wrist.

***

Jim was trying to listen to Carl talk about golfing but he was distracted by the faraway look in Claire's eyes.
What was she thinking? Why had she turned from hot to cold so suddenly earlier today?
She looked so beautiful tonight in the yellow sundress that showed off her new tan and with her hair hanging loosely around her shoulders. She'd worn the diamond pendent he'd given her years ago again, and that made him smile. But she was a million miles away, and he wanted desperately to know what she was thinking about.

He watched as she place her hand over her other wrist and began twirling her charm bracelet. Oh, no. She'd stopped doing that when she was happy for that brief time with him. But now she'd started again. She was worried. But why?

Jim reached for her hand and her eyes looked up at him as if waking from a dream. He smiled, but she only stared at him, looking sad. Gently, she pulled her hand away from his, but she did stop fiddling with her bracelet.

"We should go," Claire said aloud to Jim. Everyone at the table stopped talking and stared at her.

Claire reddened. "I mean, I haven't packed yet, so I should go back and get ready for tomorrow. We leave early on the ferry."

Everyone agreed it was getting late and they should head back to the resort. They paid their bills and then walked back along the quiet road, saying goodnight on the patio before going off to their rooms.

Jim reached for Claire before she made it to the staircase. "Do you want to go down to the beach one last time?" he asked hopefully.

Claire hesitated, looking around her. Jim was sure she was going to say no.

"Claire, please. I don't know what happened earlier or what you were thinking about at dinner, but I see that I'm losing you and I don't understand why," Jim said. "Walk with me on the beach one last time. Please."

Claire finally nodded and they walked through the breezeway and down past the pool and bar. There were a few people left sitting around the bar enjoying tropical drinks before it closed for the night. Claire slipped off her heels and left them in a lounge chair, then they walked down the wooden steps to the sand below.

They strolled along the strip of wet sand quietly, side by side, as the moon shone down on them. Claire didn't say a word and Jim wasn't sure what to say. Tonight should have been romantic and intimate, with them sharing a moonlight walk on the beach. It should have been perfect. But instead, Claire seemed a million miles away. Jim was confused as to why Claire was pulling away from him.

After a time, Claire stopped walking. "We should go back," she said softly. "I should pack for tomorrow."

Jim placed his hands on both of Claire's arms and turned her to face him. Even under the night sky, he saw that her eyes looked sad. "Claire. Tell me what happened. Let me fix it. I want to feel close to you like I did last night and this morning. How can we get back to that?"

Claire stepped away from Jim's touch and looked down at the sand. "We go home tomorrow, back to our real lives," Claire told him. "This was amazing, but it's not real. It was just something that happens when two people are thrown together in paradise."

"Not real?" Jim asked, frustrated. "How can you say this isn't real? Claire?" He reached under her chin and gently tilted her face up so he could look into her eyes. "This is my reality. Tomorrow, I'm going home to cut ties with my old life, and more than anything else in this world, I want to make a new life with you."

Claire shook her head. "No. You think you want that right now, but when we get home, you'll realize that this is all wrong. You left me, remember? There was obviously something missing between us that made you leave. What makes you think it will work a second time around?"

"Give me a chance to prove it will work. Please, Claire. Give me time to prove to you that I love you and will make you happy again." Jim's eyes pleaded with her. "I can't prove it to you in a day, or even a week, but I can over time. Please give me that time."

Claire's eyes filled with tears. She shook her head. "I want to go back to the room," she whispered, and she turned and walked away. Jim followed.

"Claire?"

"No. I want to go back. I can't do this anymore. I just can't." Her steps grew quicker as she walked on the wet sand.

Jim sighed and followed behind her.

When they were back in their room, Claire went to work organizing her things and repacking her suitcase. Jim watched her as she carefully refolded her clothes and fit everything neatly into place. His mind was a jumbled mess, he couldn't even begin to think about packing up his bag right now. But he knew that to Claire, this was therapy. Every perfect fold, every well-placed piece of clothing made her feel more in control of her life. When they were married, every time she was upset the house was cleaned and organized to perfection. And now, once again, he watched the process.

He sat in the chair by the window, racking his brain for anything he may have said or done today that might have upset Claire. But for the life on him, he just couldn't think of anything. All he knew for certain was he didn't want to lose Claire again, and he had to try harder to make her understood how he felt.

Jim stood, walked across the small space, and took Claire in his arms, turning her to face him. Startled, Claire looked up at him with big, round eyes. Jim pulled her close, feeling her warmth against him. He breathed in her scent, her perfume, her shampoo, all of it. He wanted to remember everything about her at this very moment in time. How she looked, how she felt, how she smelled, everything, because he was afraid that this might be the last time he ever held her again.

"Tell me you don't love me, Claire, and I'll never bother you again. Tell me that last night meant nothing to you. Tell me that there is no way you could ever love me again. Say you don't love me, and I'll let you go," Jim said softly into her ear.

Claire's body relaxed in his hold, and he felt hot tears fall on his shoulder. Jim hugged her tighter, not wanting to let go.

"You do love me. I know you do," Jim said adamantly. "Last night would never have happened if you didn't love me."

Claire pulled away and wiped the tears from her eyes. "Yes. I love you," she said hoarsely. "Of course, I love you. I've loved you since college. I loved you throughout our twenty years of marriage. But love isn't always enough, Jim. Didn't we find that to be true the first time around? The fact that I loved you didn't keep you from leaving me."

Frustrated, Jim stepped away from Claire. He walked back to the chair, and then turned and walked back up to Claire. "I've told you over and over how sorry I am. I made a huge mistake at a time when I was most vulnerable. If I could take it all back, I would. Claire, I'll do whatever it takes for the rest of my life to prove to you that I'll never leave you again. Please believe me."

"Oh, Jim," Claire said, sighing, dropping to sit on the bed. "Don't you see? It can never be like it was, ever again. I don't know if I'll ever be able to get over the fact that you cheated on me and then left me. And if I don't trust you, how can I ever feel secure in our life together?"

Jim sat beside her and took one hand in his. "You have to at least give me a chance to prove I can be trusted," he said.