Destiny (Waiting for Forever) (39 page)

T
HE
next few days went much the same as that first day. To keep him happy, I made sure to call Steven every night from the lobby. He’d become increasingly sentimental with each call, and while I tried to act my part, I felt like dirt talking to Steven only to then go upstairs and crawl in bed with Brian, but I had no other choice and Brian never appeared upset. I didn’t know how he could be so calm about it. Brian and I spent all our off-hours together eating, drinking, lounging by the pool, or exploring a little bit of the city. During the times one of us was shooting a scene, I felt cold and alone without his light and his warmth. On Thursday, the day I had been waiting for all week, we were both free. I could be with him for the whole day and not have to deal with Mike or Emilio, or even Alex. It would be our last chance to be together that way for a very long time.

Early Thursday morning, I went to a small bistro just down the block from our hotel and picked up coffee, croissants, and some fresh-cut fruit. When I came back, Brian was still in bed. He looked younger when he was relaxed in sleep, and a picture filled my mind of the boy I’d fallen in love with. I remembered that first night we had slept together in the tree house, the first night he had spent in my arms. His hair had tickled my bare chest, and I must have kissed his head a hundred times while he slept. The love I had felt as he nuzzled my neck and moaned softly before falling back to sleep. Those were the things I would always remember about my Brian.

“Come back to bed,” he mumbled as I set everything out on the small table in our room. I looked over to see he hadn’t even opened his eyes, just thrown the covers next to him back in invitation. After covering the food back up, I went over to the bed and sat on the edge.

“I’ve got breakfast,” I whispered and ran my fingers through his tangled curls. When I moved my hand down to his face, he grabbed it and kissed my palm. Unable to stop it, I shivered at the contact.

“Mmmmmm…. Take off your clothes and come back to bed? Please?” The plea in his voice, subtle but sweet, won me over, and I took off everything, including my briefs and socks, to crawl into bed with him. He sighed as I wrapped my body around his, and the feeling of his skin against mine was a balm for my abused soul.

“I missed this so much,” he whispered, and I kissed his shoulder. God, I had missed it too, just the simple pleasure of lying in bed and holding him. I’d spend my sleepless nights bringing this image, this feeling, up in my head once I was back in Steven’s bed. We didn’t even have to have sex; I just wanted to be close to him.

We stayed in bed, warmed by the rays of the morning sun, for another hour before I pulled him on top of me and we made love. I wanted to keep him inside me forever, but our time had nearly run out. We would have two more nights in each other’s arms before going back to California, before going back to having no future together. For the moment, we could continue to pretend everything would be okay.

“What would you like to do today?” Brian asked as we sat at the small table drinking microwave-heated coffee and nibbling on fruit. His hair, a complete mess from sleep and sex, stood out in more directions than I could count. I was sure if my hair were longer, it would’ve been in the same state. I ran a hand ruefully over it anyway and thought about his question. I didn’t know anything about New Orleans. My only plan when I got on the plane had been to be with Brian and do my shoots. I hadn’t thought much about sightseeing.

“Do you know anything about the city?” I asked and took another bite of sweet watermelon before reaching for a croissant. Brian bit into a huge strawberry, dribbling red juice down his chin. I felt an urge to taste the sweet juice on his skin, but if we started with that, we’d never get out of the hotel room. While the thought of spending the day in bed with Brian did have its appeal, I’d never been to New Orleans before and wanted to look around. Being able to share it with Brian was something I’d always remember.

“I’ve been asking around,” he said as he wiped his chin with the back of his hand, “and I’d like to go down to Frenchmen Street tonight and get dinner somewhere. Other than that, I have no idea. Let’s check it out.” He got up from the table, went to his bag, and pulled out a little laptop computer. Opening it up, he set it on the table between us and hit the power button. It took him no time at all to get on the hotel’s Wi-Fi, and I started to wonder if this was the same guy I’d gone to high school with. Inside the browser, he searched for New Orleans tourism and started checking sites.

“I love the architecture here, so we could go check out some of the old houses and buildings,” he said, clicking on another link and reading the page. The excitement shone in his eyes, and his leg bounced as he went from one page to the next. “Oh hey, look! A gay guide to New Orleans.” He looked puzzled for a minute and then rolled his eyes. “It’s all bars and shopping. Hey, here’s something. Want to go to the zoo?”

“What?” I asked with a laugh.

“I’ve never really been to one. It was one of those things I’d always wanted to do, but I felt stupid asking Richard and Carolyn. They’d done so much for me already,” he said with a shrug. I’d been to the zoo once or twice before Brian had come to live with the Schreibers, but I liked the idea of walking through the zoo holding hands. It was a relaxing, carefree kind of day.

“I think that sounds like a great idea,” I agreed, and then leaned over to kiss his strawberry-flavored lips.

The streetcar took us all the way to Audubon Park, which had to be the biggest park I’d ever seen. Living in San Diego for the last two years, I’d nearly forgotten how beautiful a canopy of leaves over your head and a patchwork of grass under your feet could be. As we wandered in the direction of the zoo through shadows and sunlight filtering down from the towering trees, Brian took hold of my hand. It was peaceful, though not quiet because I could hear kids playing nearby. Surrounded by the beautiful, natural setting, I felt alive. After a while, a sign guided us in the right direction. Without the expected lines, the main entrance stood relatively empty behind a series of guardian trees.

Brian and I paid for our tickets, grabbed a map, and headed inside. A sweet spark of happiness flared inside me at the look of wonder on his face. As he tried to look everywhere at once, I checked the map and saw that the zoo encompassed several square miles. We would never be able to see everything in one day.

“Brian, baby, what do you want to do? There’s too much stuff to see in one day, and it’s already noon,” I explained as I handed him the map. It consisted of a huge, cartoonish drawing of the layout of the zoo with ten main areas to explore. His eyes went wide as they scoured the map from top to bottom. Every time he saw something new, his eyes lit up, and just seeing him so happy made me happy too.

“Dinosaurs, Jamie! They have dinosaurs! How cool is that? Okay, so dinosaurs, the Asian Domain… uhm, unless you want to go, we can skip the petting zoo,” he rattled off, still staring at the map with fascination.

“We can skip the petting zoo. What about the monkeys?’ I asked, resting my chin on his shoulder so I could see the map. He turned his head and kissed my cheek.

“Monkeys are cool, but I’d like to check out the African Savanna and Louisiana Swamp too.” Checking the locations of the places he named, I wrapped my arms around his waist, and we made a quick plan of the route we needed to take to see what Brian wanted to see. I heard a noise to my left and looked over. A couple were herding two small children in the other direction and looking at us like we were naked and having sex in the middle of the entranceway. I started to pull away from Brian, feeling awkward about our display, when he noticed the couple.

“Today is about me and you. I’m not ashamed of us, Jamie,” he said, and kissed me again gently. When the couple had moved on, he took my hand and led me forward, his smile radiant once again. We walked for a while, just taking in all the sights, like whooping cranes and flamingos, until we reached a big circular area called Elephant Plaza, where we turned to head for the Asian Domain. Brian’s eyes grew round as we came upon an enclosure with a huge lion standing on a boulder as he looked down regally over the grass and plants around him. Off to the left in a patch of tall grass sat a lioness with two small cubs that were rolling and playing near their mother. Brian pulled out his phone and took a picture.

The elephant paddock impressed him even more because there were several huge animals wandering around inside. Unlike the lion’s area, the elephant’s area consisted mostly of rock and water with very little grass. The sheer size of the animals intimidated me, and I found myself fascinated by their enormous ears, which looked like they could have been as thin as paper. Massive tusks and incredibly long, wrinkled trunks made them such beautiful creatures. We finished the area by going to see the tigers, which had always fascinated me. Watching them run and pounce on each other in a playful romp didn’t remotely downplay how dangerous they could be. I loved all the intricacies of their colors and stripes—black, brown, orange, and white all delicately woven to make a distinct pattern.

Coming out of the Asian Domain, we saw some restaurants and food courts across the way. The fruit and coffee had been hours before, so we stopped in and picked up a quick lunch of sandwiches and sodas, which we ate as we walked toward the Louisiana Swamp. We spent the afternoon looking at alligators, bears, and monkeys before we finally got to the area Brian really wanted to see: the animatronic dinosaurs. We had to look at the names for most of the figures, except for the triceratops and the T. rex. To me, they looked like huge plastic action figures, but Brian was captivated. The dinosaurs moved and roared in their prehistoric habitats, and I had to laugh at how cute he looked as he took it all in. We stopped at the gift shop on the way out so I could buy him a stuffed dinosaur to remember the day. He hugged me tightly and tried to get me one, too, but I reminded him I didn’t want to have to explain this day to anyone. I’d remember because I got to be with him.

As we walked back through the park hand in hand, I thought about how lucky I was to be able to spend the day with Brian like that. I’d spent the previous two years asking permission for everything I did, and to have the freedom to just walk through the park holding hands with the guy I loved was monumental. When we stopped under a towering oak to let a bike pass us on the trail, I leaned over and kissed him gently to show how much I appreciated spending that time with him.

On the ride back, we watched a slide show on his phone that included all the pictures he’d taken that day. When he got to the end, he looked around the streetcar and then spoke to two girls sitting in the seat just ahead of us.

“Excuse me, would you take our picture?” he asked sweetly, with a killer smile that would get
me
to do anything he wanted. The shorter girl, a shy-looking blonde, giggled and looked at her friend. The second girl, also blonde, held out her hand for the phone.

“Sure, just press here?” she asked, indicating a button in the front of the phone. Brian nodded and settled back into the seat with his temple pressed to mine and his hand wrapped around my fingers. As the girl hit the button, I turned quickly and kissed his cheek, making the girls giggle again. Brian rolled his eyes and asked the girl to take another picture, one for which I behaved myself. Afterward, he thanked both girls and took the phone back. When I looked at the picture of us without the kiss, the one where we were just smiling at the camera, it shocked me that I could have looked so happy. The image was a complete change from the way I usually saw myself—as an angry, broken man.

With Brian, I could be the man I always wanted to be.

W
E
WALKED
along Frenchmen Street surrounded by different melodies and riffs coming from the buildings and even individual musicians in the street. The street seemed to be full of people listening to the music, dancing, eating, or drinking. It looked like one big party, and we dove right in. Brian bought two hurricanes from a local vendor for us to sip while we watched the scene with excitement. We walked up one side of the street and back down the other, just people-watching. It looked like no one on that street had a care in the world; it was such a surreal experience.

As we came back up the street, we tossed our empty cups into a nearby trashcan and started to talk about where to go for dinner. There were dozens of bars and restaurants on the street, each with music and truly wonderful scents coming from its doorway. As we stopped at a corner waiting to cross, a low, gentle, bluesy song burst from an open door just behind us. The slow, sexy rhythm felt just as intoxicating as the drinks we’d consumed during our walk. Brian pulled me toward the building and put his arms around my neck. I thought for a moment he was going to kiss me, but he just started to move his hips in a deliberate, sensual grind in time with the song.

“Dance with me,” he murmured against my neck, holding me close as he moved. His breath on my neck made me shiver, and I wrapped my arms around his waist.

“I don’t really dance,” I warned as I imagined stomping on his foot and causing some kind of agony that put an end to our magical night.

“It’s not about dancing,” he whispered as he pulled my earlobe between his lips. “It’s just an excuse to hold you.” I chuckled quietly as we continued to sway along with the smoky beat. In a torrent of people on a busy street within one of the country’s most popular cities, we ignored it all. We focused solely on the feeling of being in each other’s arms for just a little longer as the heat of the setting sun made our skin damp and slick with sweat.

I could have stayed there all night with Brian, but the song inside the restaurant changed to a faster tune, and we broke apart. The spell had been interrupted but not lost, and we decided that whatever restaurant we were dancing in front of would work for us. I took his hand as we went inside.