Devices and Desires (29 page)

But for hundreds of thousands of people, even savages, to die simply because he got up out of this chair and walked across
that stretch of floor to that door and opened it… The reluctance was like a weight on his shoulders, pinning him to his seat.
It was simply too big an act for one man. It was (he grinned as the thought crossed his mind; why? It wasn’t funny) an abomination.

But if it was that, how could it be happening? This act, this extraordinary thing, was nothing more than the Republic conducting
business in the prescribed manner. It wasn’t as though he was some king or duke among the savages, acting on a whim. He was
a component, an operation of a machine. That was more like it, he thought. The Republic is a vast and complex machine, powered
by constitution and specification, with hundreds of thousands of human cogs, gears, cams, spindles, shafts, beams, arms, pawls,
hands, keys, axles, cotters, manifolds, bearings, sears, pins, latches, flies, pistons, links, quills, leads, screws, drums
and escapements, each performing in turn its specific operation. He was the last operation before the army was engaged, but
he was a component of the whole; ordinances and directives drove him, his office and his duties were the keyway he traveled
in. It wasn’t as though he had any choice in the matter.

But if he stood up, he would walk to the door and open it, and the Eremians would all be killed. It occurred to him that although
sooner or later he would have to stand up, he didn’t have to do it quite yet. He could pour himself another cup of the willowbark
tea (it was cold now, but there), pick up a letter or a memorandum, answer some correspondence, sharpen his pen. If he really
tried, using every trick of prevarication he could think of, maybe he could buy the Eremians a whole half-hour —

He stood up.

“I’m sorry,” Ducas said.

Ziani lifted his head and looked at him. “That’s all right,” he said. “It was just a suggestion.” He waited for the Eremian
to leave, but he didn’t seem to be in any hurry. Ziani wondered if he was going to apologize; maybe he’d confess he was the
one who talked the Duke out of accepting his offer — he was sure that was what had happened. A strange man, Ducas. But that
made him complex, and a complex component can be made to perform several operations at once. Over the last few days, Ziani
had come to value him.

“So,” he said, “have they decided what’s going to happen to me?”

Ducas left the doorway, came in; he stood over the chair but hesitated before sitting down. The instinctive good manners of
the aristocrat (it’s more important to be polite to your inferiors than your equals). Ziani nodded, and Ducas sat down.

“That’s pretty much up to you,” he said. “Well, strictly speaking it’s up to me, since you’ve been bailed into my charge;
but that’s just a formality, since in theory you’re an enemy alien and all that.”

“I see.”

Ducas shook his head. “Don’t worry about that,” he said. “You’re free to go, if that’s what you want. You can go wherever
you like. Or,” he added with a slight frown; probably he didn’t realize he was betraying himself with that frown, “you can
stay here, whichever you like. You don’t need me to tell you, you could set up shop as a smith or an armorer or pretty much
anything you like, and you’d be guaranteed a damn good living.”

Ziani raised an eyebrow. “People would be prepared to have dealings with a Mezentine?”

“Of course.” Ducas grinned. “Even if you were no good, they’d flock to you for the novelty value. But according to Cantacusene,
you’re the best craftsman who ever set foot in the Duchy, so…”

Ziani nodded. “I’d need capital,” he said. “A workshop, tools, materials…”

“That wouldn’t be a problem, I’m sure. You’ll have no trouble finding a backer. The whole city’s talking about you, you know.”

“I’d have thought they’d have other things on their minds right now.”

“Yes,” Ducas admitted. “But life goes on. We’re a resilient lot. A great many people died in the Vadani war; it’s not the
first time we’ve had to cope with a national disaster. And as far as you’re concerned, they won’t blame you just because of
where you’re from or the color of your skin. We aren’t like that here. And everybody knows you’ve suffered just as much at
the hands of the Republic as they have.”

Everybody knows that, do they? What exactly do they know, Ziani wondered, about anything? He kept his face blank. “Well,”
he said, “at first sight that’d seem like the logical thing to do. At least until I find my feet and decide what’s the best
use I can put my life to. It’s a strange feeling, you know,” he went on, watching Ducas out of the corner of his eye. “Suddenly
finding yourself in a new place, with nothing at all except yourself. I mean, from what you’ve just told me, it could be the
making of me.”

“Perfectly true,” Ducas said. “A man like you, with your skills and talents. How old are you, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“Thirty-four.”

“Well, there you are, then.” Ducas was smiling. “You’ve got plenty of time to start again. Settle down, build up a business,
start a family. You can do anything you like.”

I could so easily hate you for saying that, Ziani thought; but you’re too valuable to hate. “Clouds and silver linings,” he
said. “Or I could move on. If I were to do that, where could I go?”

Ducas shrugged. “Well,” he said, “if you’re dead set on this business of teaching people the Mezentine way, you’d probably
be better off across the border, in Vadanis. They’d be more likely to listen to you there. Of course,” he added quickly, “there’s
no hurry, you can take your time and decide. Really, in spite of everything, I guess you’re in a good position — I know that’s
hard to believe, seeing what you’ve been through, but…” He paused, rebuking himself for crassness. Really, it would be easy
to like this man. “What I mean is, you’re a free agent; no ties, no responsibilities. You can make a fresh start, wherever
you want.”

Ducas went away shortly after that. There was, he’d stressed again before he left, no hurry at all. Vaatzes could stay here
in the castle for a bit, it was entirely up to him. No pressure. Everything very relaxed, very tranquil. Quite.

Ziani looked round the room to see if there was anything that might come in handy, but there wasn’t. They’d given him clothes,
respectable, what passed for good quality among these tribesmen; clothes and shoes were all he’d take when he left in the
morning, and that would do fine. He’d got over the sudden spurt of violent anger that had made him want to grab Ducas by the
throat and dig his thumbs into the hollow between the collarbones, thus quickly and efficiently stopping the mechanism. He
thought about that impulse for a moment, and wondered what was happening to him. He’d been alive for thirty-four blameless
years, he could remember, and count on the fingers of one hand, all the times when he’d lost his temper and committed or even
contemplated violence. It was, he’d always prided himself, completely foreign to his nature. He’d seen fights at the factory,
once or twice in the street (drunks, of course), and he’d acknowledged the existence of the violent impulse without being
able or wanting to understand it. There were bad things in the world, and that was one of them. Since then, he’d killed two
men, possibly three, but he’d been forced to it. The acts had been neutral, since they’d been imposed on him by forces outside
his control. This time, though…

He analyzed the moment. Ducas had said something unbearable, and it had provoked him; he couldn’t stand the idea that the
words would go unanswered, as though unless they were challenged and avenged, they’d be minuted forever in some sort of metaphysical
transcript, the proceedings of his life. But he knew perfectly well that Ducas hadn’t meant to torture him, or even give offense.
He’d been trying to be helpful. True, he had his own clumsy motivations. Ducas, he knew, was afraid of him, which was understandable.
He wanted him to go away. Because of his breeding and upbringing and the mess of jumbled principles and ethics his poor brain
was stuffed with, he’d found himself urging this foreigner whose presence disturbed him so much to do the opposite of what
he wanted him to; because he was ashamed of his fear, presumably, and because he felt he was offending his duty of hospitality.
Accordingly, because he wanted Ziani to go away, he’d made a great song and dance about how easy and profitable it’d be for
him to stay. It would be dangerously easy to like these people.

That was beside the point. There had been a moment when he’d wanted to kill Ducas, or at least hurt him very badly, just for
a tactless word. He wondered: have I been quiet and harmless all my life because that’s who I am, or just because I’ve never
before run into anything more than trivial provocation? It was, he recognized, an important issue. It was essential that he
should know his own properties, tensile strength and breaking strain, before he started work.

A little later they brought him up some food (it was a depressing thought that the garbage on his plate probably counted as
the best this country could offer); he ate it, lay down on the bed and stared at the ceiling until he fell asleep.

Veatriz Sirupati to Valens Valentinianus; greetings.

Trying to understand people is like trying to catch flies in a net; just when you think you’ve got them and you pounce, they
flit out through the holes in the mesh and leave you feeling baffled and stupid.

When Orsea got back from the war, I thought everything was going to be dreadful; and so it has been, but not in anything like
the way I thought. I was sure everybody would be angry and bitter and hysterical, there’d be riots and mobs throwing stones
and ferocious speeches in the streets, everybody blaming Orsea and the court, everything out in the open. But it hasn’t been
like that at all. It’s been quiet; and I think that’s much, much worse. It’s like a married couple, I suppose. If they quarrel
and shout at each other and throw things, obviously it’s pretty bad; but when they just don’t talk at all, you know it’s hopeless.
That’s the sort of quiet there’s been here, ever since the news broke about the disaster; except I don’t get the feeling anybody
blames us for what happened (which is ridiculous, isn’t it? Surely it was all our fault, when you come right down to it).
They don’t hate us; I don’t even think they particularly hate the Mezentines, either. It’s like there’s no point getting angry
with what’s happened, the way you don’t get angry with death. It’s something that happens and there’s absolutely nothing you
can do about it. All I can think of is that people here are so used to war and slaughter and armies not coming back that they
don’t get angry anymore. Do you know that, over the last two hundred years, among men over the age of twenty-five, one in
three has been killed in wars? No wonder they all marry young here. I can’t understand how people can live like this.

(I’m not thinking, of course. Since most of that time we’ve been at war with you, presumably it’s pretty much the same with
your people; so you understand it better than I can. I hate the fact that I spent so much time living away from here when
I was young. This might as well be a foreign country, for all I understand it.)

The biggest thing that’s been happening lately is the business with the Mezentine exile. It’s all been a complete mystery
to me, I’m afraid. As far as I was concerned, there simply wasn’t an issue. He was offering to teach us how to be just like
the Republic: all working in factories, making things to sell abroad with those amazing Mezentine machines and so forth. But
it would’ve been completely impossible; we’re nothing like the Mezentines — by their standards, I suppose we’re unspeakably
primitive; and besides, if we were to start making all these things to sell, who on earth are we supposed to sell them to?
But Orsea and the court had a long debate about it. I think Orsea really liked the idea; it would’ve been a new future for
the Duchy, he thought, at a time when he’d just brought about a total disaster; it would’ve been a way of putting things right,
and he’s so completely heartbroken and torn up with guilt. But Miel Ducas talked him out of it, and of course he listened
to Miel. He listens to everybody except himself. It’s stupid, really; it’s not just that Orsea’s his own worst enemy, he’s
his only enemy. But he puts so much work into it, to make up the shortfall.

This is turning into a very bad letter. It’s full of politics and news and personal stuff and all the things we agreed we
wouldn’t write to each other about; I’m being very boring and no fun. I really don’t mean to dump all my problems on you like
this. Let’s talk about something interesting instead.

I’ve left some lines blank to indicate me sitting here trying to think of something interesting to say. If I could draw, I’d
put in a little sketch of me, baffled (but I can’t, as you know; all my faces end up long and thin and pointy, like goblins).
The truth is, I’m so worried about Orsea and there’s absolutely nothing I can do to help him. He’s wandering about the place
all numb — it’s the way he is first thing in the morning, when he blunders about still asleep for an hour, except that it
lasts all day. He’s not trying to be horrible or anything like that. I think he’s trying so hard not to think about the disaster
and everything, and the only way he can manage it is not to think about anything. It’s like when you’ve got a little scrap
of a tune going round and round in your head, and the only way you can make it shut up is to think a kind of low, monotonous
hum.

I’ve left some more lines blank, because I really am trying to think of something cheerful and interesting, because I imagine
you need cheering up, too. Your last letter — here I go again — it was so intensely bright and clever and full of fascinating
things that I got the distinct feeling you’ve got an annoying tune in your head as well; but you don’t hum, you sing something
else to get rid of it. Which is not to say that it wasn’t a wonderful letter, and it kept me going for ages; I rationed it,
a paragraph a day for a week, like a besieged city. Look, I can’t leave any more lines, because this is all the paper I’ve
got, and it’s got to fit inside a little carved soapstone box that that dreadful Adventurer woman is taking to sell in Avadoce,
so I can’t waste any more space; but I’ve got to tell you something interesting, or you won’t want to bother with me anymore.