Devil's Despair Box Set: Books 1-3 (15 page)

For one brief second she continues dressing, pulling the shirt down over her head. Once she realizes what I’ve just said, she stops. Standing still, staring at me, her eyes fill with tears. “How?”

“We’re just going to make a quick trip to Vegas is all it is. It’s only a weekend visit, okay? Travis is goin’ with us, and Hayden is driving us to the airport. Sarah packed your bag, with specific instruction as to what should and should not be included in your wardrobe, and Bean’s already paid for the tickets and hotel from her bingo winnings and collective savings accounts.”

Tears clouding her eyes, her hands shaking at her sides, she attempts to form a sentence. She hasn’t heard anything I’ve said past the point that we’re headed to see Decklan. “His birthday is tomorrow.”

My voice is certain, trying to keep her calm and help her not lose herself to emotion so we’re not even later with our arrival. I remind her of what I already know. “I know his birthday is tomorrow. I also know his mother is going to be there to wish him a happy birthday.”

Doubt fills the room, sadness and fear along with it. “I haven’t spoken to my parents in years, Ace. I’m not sure they’ll let me see him.”

“They will. Now, get in the shower and let’s get going.”

Coming at me in a dead run, she jumps into my arms so I don’t have a choice but to grab her bare ass in my hands as she wraps her legs around my waist. She’s clinging to me by both arms and legs. She doesn’t voice a thank you, but I hear the hitch in her breath and a brief whimper, so I know somewhere amidst all this crazy my girl is happy.

Come Hell or high water, she’s going to see her son tomorrow.

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

Cherry

AFTER ACE TOLD me we were leaving and my sobs of elation subsided, we made it to the living room where I found everyone Ace said would be there.

Hayden was hiding a smile because, tragically, he heard Ace and I minutes prior. Travis was sitting on the couch, staring out the window in his usual unspoken way. Bean was sitting on her stool at the bar smiling at me in understanding, knowing I was headed to meet my son. Sarah was shamelessly drooling, yes drooling, over Hayden Flynn. She couldn’t have been standing closer to him as he leaned on the bar from the kitchen if she tried. I told Ace she has a small crush on Hayden, but I was wrong about that; this is a galactic heartbreak in the making.

On the airplane, I’m sandwiched, no doubt methodically, between both Travis, to my left, and Ace, to my right. Travis is leaning against the airplane’s window, listening to his iPod with his eyes closed. He told me briefly on the ride here that he’s scared to fly but he’s doing it for me, citing Ace will need back up in handling my parents. I believe him. Ace under pressure hasn’t proven productive in the past, and I’ve no doubt my parents will take one look at him and Travis and assume I’m there to muscle my way into getting Decklan back. Which couldn’t be farther from the truth. I’m only there to meet him.

“C’mere, Cherry.” Ace moves his arm around me, and I make my way into his body from my middle seat. He kisses the top of my head before prodding, “You nervous?”

I nod my head, not bothering to hide the truth. “Yeah. What if he doesn’t like me? What if I don’t get to see him? What if he…”

“Baby, he’s like, what? Five? He’s not old enough to know how to judge anyone except maybe a few cartoon characters. It’ll be fine, you’ll see.”

“I abandoned him.” I can’t hide the shame I feel from anyone, most of all from Ace.

“You didn’t. You left him with your parents to give him a life you couldn’t give him at the time. He doesn’t understand that now, but one day he will and he’ll thank you for it.”

“Is that how you got to be with Bean? You said your parents are still alive.”

“Yes. They weren’t like you, though; there wasn’t a good habit or trait found in either of them. I imagine they’re still together, or dead. Fuck if I know or care.”

“I’m excited.” Sitting up, I look into Ace’s strong features: his dark-brown eyes with lashes that touch his cheek with each blink; the dark-brown hair he keeps short because he knows I like it this way; and the colorful array of tattoos that decorate his skin. I’m blessed to have him in my life. “Thank you for this.”

His face relaxes, his head tilts to the side and he leans his neck down to kiss me chastely, softly, but filled with sincerity. “You’ll get him back, but don’t rush it. It’ll take time for your parents to meet me and see how you’ve changed since they last knew you.”

I know this, but it makes me no less excited and thankful.

“Are you guys done with the lovey bullshit? If I gotta be with you both all weekend, I’m not watching that shit.” Travis is irritable as well as motion-sick.

“We’re done,” I appease him in his vulnerable state. We’re not done, but that battle can be fought later.

“We still sharing a room?” Travis asks, after giving himself a few more minutes to contemplate.

Ace nods as he kisses the crown of my head and gives me another soft squeeze in affection.

“Fuck. I’m not watching you two or
listening
to you two go at it again after this morning. Ace, your fuckin’ walls are paper thin and Rae, your voice echoes off them.
Echoes.
Not that I’m interested in either of you two, but it was hard to sit still knowing what the fuck was going on in there. Especially in front of Bean, for fuck’s sake.”

Oh, my God.

I knew they could hear me, but he just replayed the entire scene on an airplane, in public. His eyes are still closed so he has no idea the audience he just attracted with his candid recollection.

Ace side arm punches him across my seat from behind me, and I’m jolted with its delivery. Travis removes his ear buds long enough for Ace to lay into him. “Are you fuckin’ insane? You just embarrassed the shit out of her.”

Travis dismisses Ace’s jab and question. “And you, fucker? Did I embarrass you?”

“Fuck no, man. I was the one person in the room causing her to moan and get hers, twice, if I remember right.” They fist-bump across my body and laugh.

Again, on an airplane, in public.
Jesus
.

Hissing loudly, I sit up, turn in my seat so I capture the attention of both of them, and make my feelings known. “Wondering,
guys
, if we could curb the conversation, like to a halt? People around us are
listening
!”

Ace shrugs and Travis closes his eyes again and thumps to the beat of the music using his thumb against his knee. The people within a three-row area just got a play-by-play of my memorable morning.

I’ve had enough sex, sometimes with multiple people at one time, and I’m not ashamed of that fact. It’s part of my past, so be it. Ace is hot and it’s debatable if Travis is just as hot, maybe hotter, but I don’t want people knowing about my morning race to the sated finish line.

Looking at Ace, who’s grinning like a satisfied fool, I say loud enough for all of these same witnesses to hear, “You’ll get no more of that this weekend. It’s juvenile to discuss your conquests in front of others!”

“Ah, come here. You don’t mean that.”

Casting him an evil glance, I see him visibly shrink in his seat. The thought of no sex for a matter of two days freaks him out. I own him in this, and I’ll live up to my threat without hesitation just to teach him a lesson.

Ass
.

Finding the hotel was easy. Rather quickly, we’re checked in, unpacked, and fed; we’re ready to go meet my parents.

“Ready?” Travis asks as he walks in front of Ace and I into the lobby of the hotel.

I don’t say anything. I’ve kept quiet the last few hours, mainly because I’m trying to figure out what I’m supposed to do or say to Decklan if I’m able to see him.

“She’s ready.” Ace grabs me from behind, hugging me tightly in reassurance.

Travis looks back at me and sweetly reassures me his own way. “Yeah, go time. Let’s do this, Rae.”

The cab ride was quiet, and I was scrunched and crowded between Travis and Ace in the back seat. Luckily, the cabbie didn’t get a first-hand walk down memory lane the same as all those poor people on the plane did.

I feel my heart beating against my chest and my body is shaking as we pull up to the house I grew up in, until I left. I was sixteen and pregnant with Decklan and about to move in with a monster, the monster being Decklan’s father, Vinnie.

The house has been painted, and the trees and landscape have aged but haven’t changed. I see a small child’s playground decorating the front lawn. From what I can see, my dad has also made Decklan a sandbox, as well; yellow trucks and red and green buckets fill it. The thought hurts, but relieves me the same; my son lives a happy and full life, but at the expense of never knowing me.

What could I ever give him?
The truth haunts me. I have nothing to offer.

Travis pays the cabbie, and as I watch it drive away I bend over, placing my hands on my knees. I’m finding it difficult to breathe. I don’t want this to be a mistake. I don’t want to ruin this. The chance to meet my son could be taken out of my hands if my parents decide I’m still not, nor ever will be, worthy of him.

“Raegan? Is that you?”
My dad.
A voice I haven’t heard in years calls out to me as if he’s seen me every day this week and I’m still familiar to him.

As I straighten my back, I hold my posture, just barely. But the moment I speak, it’s evident to everyone here I’m about to lose it; my voice breaks with one meaningful syllable. “Dad?”

Dad walks to me, hesitantly, appearing as though a thousand unanswered questions are playing in his mind. When he makes his way closer, both Travis and Ace act on instinct and stand in his way, protecting me from my own father. Between them, I see my dad stop mid-step and put both hands in his pockets; an act of surrender. His face falls to the pavement of the driveway; an act of compliance in the face of anger.

Inching my way through their defensive stances, I slowly walk to my dad. His eyes meet mine and in them, I see the unshed tears he’s barely containing. Again, my voice cracks. My breath is absent as I struggle to greet him. “Hi, Dad.”

“Oh, God, Raegan.” Rushing to me, he wraps his arms around me and with that unfamiliar gesture, I break out in immediate sobs for all time lost.

Grabbing the back of his shirt, I pull him from me so I can introduce Ace, but I don’t have to look back to find him. He and Travis have flanked us and when my dad notices them standing watch, his eyebrows raise with question.

“Dad, this is Travis.” Travis only nods quickly, not expelling the energy it would take to utter even a small ‘hello.’

Wrapping my arm around Ace’s waist, he drapes his arm around my shoulders and in a further show of affection, he plants a strong, deliberate kiss to my temple. “This is Ace.”

Dad looks to Travis, then back to Ace, and if I’m reading him right, a shy but definite smile escapes him.

“Ace.” My dad extends his hand. “I’m Raegan’s dad, Joseph.”

Ace shakes my dad’s hand, without using the force I was afraid he might have. The two lock eyes and Ace offers a stiff head nod.

“Anna’s due back in a few minutes; she and little D ran to the grocery store for carrots.” My dad laughs at himself, none of us understanding his amusement. “Kid eats carrots like they’re gonna vanish, Raegan. Remind you of anyone at that age?”

It does. It was me who used to do the same. Inside, my heart warms knowing my dad remembers me as being young once.

My father is a strong man. His hair has thinned and greyed, his face has aged, and he has wrinkles in places I don’t remember ever seeing before. He’s tall and thin, but his strength has always been not in the physical sense, but in his ability to see things as they are. Me leaving, for instance. My mother and I have a volatile relationship to say the least. In short, my own mother hates me.

His question pulls me from my memory. “Raegan, are you here to take him from us?”

I don’t know how to answer. The way he exacted that question was as if he’s been waiting and fearing for this day the same.

Ace answers for me, “No, sir, she’s not. She just wants to meet him.”

My dad visibly relaxes then looks behind us as if expecting Mom to pull up any second. “Got some iced tea inside. Anyone up for something cool to drink?”

Travis nods, Ace smiles, and I’m lost in another moment of remembrance. My dad and I would set the tea jugs out for the hot Vegas sun to do its work and at the end of the day, we’d bring it in and take turns testing its worth.

Luckily, Travis pulls me from falling too deeply into a memory. “Raegan? Ready?”

Ace doesn’t say anything, but he lets Travis take my hand and pull me inside the garage through the door and into the house while Ace follows closely behind.

Sitting around the quiet kitchen table with my dad, Travis, and Ace, I have a few minutes to take in the room. Decklan’s toys are
everywhere
. Matchbox cars with ramps built to showcase them, enough DVDs to ensure he never watches the same one twice in a month, and piles and piles of stuffed animals adorn the toy box’s lid.

My son lives here. For the last five years, he’s been kept happy and safe from both Vinnie and me. My parents did exactly as I had hoped they would. My dad is a good person who just happened to have hit a bad streak of luck in his only child, me.

Finally, my dad breaks the silence. “You look good, Raegan. Healthy.” He’s playing with his napkin at the table to avoid looking at me as he continues. “I’ve thought everyday about what happened to you. I wasn’t sure if you were okay or…” The lump in Dad’s throat overtakes his ability to continue.

In an unexpected move on my part, I reach across the small table and grab the top of his hand. Tears come to my eyes, but I stubbornly will them not to fall. “I’m good, Dad. I’m safe and happy. I live in California, with Ace.”

Dad doesn’t look surprised as his eyes finds Ace’s hand rubbing my back gently. If I had to label his thought, I would say he’s relieved.

The door from the garage opens, and it’s then that the day takes a dark turn; even knowing it was coming didn’t make this part any easier. If anything, I’m thankful to have had a few minutes alone with my dad.