Devil's Despair Box Set: Books 1-3 (22 page)

I rub her hand, letting her know I’m here.

Once we get to the apartment, Sarah breaks our grave mood. “Rae! So, get this: I have a
boyfriend
.”

Sarah’s been waiting with anticipation to tell Cherry the news of her pre-adult nuptials. As Cherry stares at her while she continues to explain, Sarah’s voice falls flat. Even at fourteen, she senses something completely amiss between them.

Sarah backs up, heading toward her room, leaving Bean, Cherry and me standing in the living room. “I’m gonna go start my homework. I’ve got school tomorrow. Good to have you back, Raegan.”

No comment, no smile, no greeting at all goes back to Sarah in reply.

Bean makes her way over, standing in front of Cherry and putting her hands to Cherry’s face, careful to balance without the use of her cane or a piece of furniture. “Sweetheart, are you all right?”

Cherry steps back, and Bean lets her hands fall to her side. Bean looks to me and I give her a quick nod, asking her to leave us; she does without question. “I’m going to go help Sarah. Math, I’m good at, so I hope it’s Math she’s got waitin’ in there for me.” Bean pauses, then looks deeply into Cherry, searching and assessing. “You need anything, honey, you holler. I’m here.”

Again with the empty nod of acknowledgement. I don’t know what’s happened, but I’m about to find out.

Before I can grab her, to hold her, to feel her, Cherry walks away and into our room. I follow softly, not wanting to scare her with the anger I feel pulsating from every pore. I’ve missed her, but this isn’t the same vibrant person that left me Thursday morning.

Standing in the bedroom, watching her gather my clothes from the floor, I interrupt her determination to clean. “Hey. What’s goin’ on in here? What are you doing?”

She doesn’t look at me, but this time uses her words to answer. Her tone is evidence of her dismay; she’s picking a fight. “What’s it look like I’m doing?”

Walking to her, in search of her warmth but guarding my intent under the rouge of annoyance, I grab her around the waist and pull her back into my chest. She sighs softly, leaning back into me for support. Sensing her break in armor, I lower my voice and whisper in her ear. “You need to tell me what the fuck is happening here.”

She doesn’t answer, but her eyes close in relief. This is the first time since I picked her up an hour ago I sense the tension passing from her body. Prodding her, I kiss her temple. Moving her hair from her neck, I lean down and gently kiss her. “Tell me, Rae.”

Her name triggers her to move and she does it quickly. Darting from my arms, she grabs her still-packed bag and makes her way to the bathroom. Not about to let her get away without talking, I follow but before I can make it to her, she slams the door in my face.

Bean comes out from her bedroom, her concern voiced through her question, “What’s wrong with her, Ace?”

Quietly, I turn to Bean and offer everything and nothing that I know. “I don’t have a clue.”

Quickly thinking, Bean figures out that we have an issue that needs addressed without an audience. “Sarah, honey, grab your stuff. Mary needs us next door, okay?”

Sarah doesn’t answer, but I hear her grabbing her things from her room. In quick instance, I feel Sarah’s arms coming from around my back, holding me tightly to her. I turn around so I can hug her, kissing her softly on the crown of her hair. “Go, squirt. It’ll be fine.”

Looking up at me, her eyes are brimming with tears. As her big brother, it pains me to see her hurting. “She’s leaving now, isn’t she?”

I’m lying to my sister, because I don’t have that answer. “No. She’s not. Get outta here so I can see what’s wrong with her. I’ll see you in the morning for breakfast before I go to work.”

Letting me go, she walks with Bean slowly to the door. Once Sarah makes her way there, she turns after Bean’s already left. “Hope she’s all right. Love you.”

I offer her a half smile, hoping to give her less worry. “I’ll text you later. Love you, too. Now get to Bean before she wanders off.”

After they go, I turn to the bathroom door and knock. No answer. I knock again, nothing. The water from the shower starts to run.

Fuck this.

Gathering my strength, I turn the weak door handle, breaking the lock, and make my way in. I find Cherry fully-dressed, sitting on the toilet seat, her hands on her thighs and head toward the floor, and she’s openly crying.

I make my way to her, again softly, and kneel in front of her. Lifting her face toward mine, I wipe the tears falling from her eyes. “You have to talk to me. Please, I can’t take this anymore.”

Cherry

His body will be used as yours once was; a receptacle for men to deposit their dirty and filthy sins of their souls.

I can’t tell him goodbye. This hurts; everything hurts. The whole flight here I prepared. I mentally told myself how I was going to explain this, word for word. I knew it was going to be hard, if not impossible, but I’ve endured worse hardship.

Physical pain, although it damages, is simple. Its fury comes in a rush, sometimes lingers, but eventually the ache subsides. Emotional pain is terrifying and relentless. Its memory holds you; becomes part of you, never allowing its escape.

“You have to talk to me. Please, I can’t take this anymore.” His voice is warm, coaxing, and gentle. Closing my eyes, I savor the safety of this moment. I’ll never know it again.

Trying to regain my breath, I open my eyes and find him staring at me with so much love and sincerity. Ace’s never said the words, but like both pain and emotion, I know he feels it. He loves me, making this all that much harder to end.

In the end, after Sarah is mine, I’ll tell him you said goodbye to him as I stole your final breath. He’ll pay your debt with his agony.

“I’m okay. I’m just emotional. You were right before, this is starting to take a toll on me.”

Wrapping me in his large and secure arms, I surrender to his guard. For the next few hours, at least, he’s mine to have. “I love you, Ace.” My shoulders shake and my words hitch with each spoken. “I do, I love you. God, please...” I can’t finish.

Standing up, he takes me with him, removing my shirt, my bra, and unzipping my jeans. This doesn’t feel sexual. It’s an act exacted with only care and concern.

Using his shoulder as leverage, I lean on him as he bends to remove my shoes and socks, taking my pants with them. I’m naked in front of him, but this isn’t why I’m exposed. He sees me. Ace is a protector; a guardian by nature. He’s watched me for months; every mood, every doubt, every emotion. I don’t have to wonder how much he can sense.

“Get in the shower.” Although direct, his tone is still cautious.

I stand in front of him, waiting for him to admit what he’s seeing.

Can you feel this, Ace? This is our goodbye.

He undresses in front of me, as if we’ve done this for years and have a million tomorrows to do the same. Once his clothes are gone, he comes to me, leans down, and kisses me as if he’s never kissed me before and as if he’ll never kiss me again.

He knows without words, this is all we have.

I go with him, letting him guide us one last time. Giving us his final piece, I take only what he offers. With so much uncertainty
ahead
, I leave him to lead us our
now
.

Pushing me toward the shower and testing the water, he motions me in first. Once inside with me, he lathers the soap and bends, resting on his knees. Massaging my foot, calf, and thigh, he changes position and offers the next in turn. He doesn’t look at me as I study him, committing his heart to memory.

Diligently, he continues up my body; my stomach, the V at the top of my thighs, my breasts, my arms. Softly, he lays kisses on my neck, one after another. I hear his humming, the familiar rhythm without words igniting me, drawing me to him.

After he’s done, I move toward him to do the same. I want to touch him, succumb to his warmth in our safe place here alone; no one else but us knows what this is.

Grabbing my hands before I can feel him, he pulls away. Always wearing his emotions on his face, I see he’s hesitant to say anything. I don’t interrupt his stare, I only smile softly, holding his eyes.

His fingers gently trace the bruising from the visit with Vinnie. His eyes are angry, but he’s restraining his words. I’ll tell him everything before I go. I’ve accepted that Ace has always been honest with me, and he deserves the same respect. He won’t like what’s happening, but he’ll have no choice but to accept it.

Make them believe you, Cherry. I’m giving you a chance to spend the rest of your life with your son.

Shutting the water off, he finds the towel and begins to dry me off in the same fashion he cleaned me. Neither of us talk. We’ve nothing to say.

Grabbing my hand and taking me to his room, he lays me down and blankets himself on top of me. This is a practiced act between us. He knows my body and what he intends to do with it.

His hands find my thighs and gripping them tightly, he pulls them apart and rests himself between them. I feel him pulsate outside my entrance as he sucks the skin above my nipple, leaving his mark.

His hips jerk once, sliding onto me, exposing me to him. I feel his cock rub my clit gently. He stops, kisses me roughly and repeats the motion… again and again. My body responds, directing its own movement with his. Before I’m ready, he enters with the same desperation I feel. Our connection is granted, letting the raw desperation take flight.

As each powerful thrust enters me, my hands clench through his muscles as they strain under my fingertips. He’s panting in my ear as he unleashes his frustration, confusion, and love.

I feel a tear slide down my temple in response. This is my fault. I allowed this to happen. I watched as he finally started to let go of Sadey, the first person he ever cared about, and give that love to me. Now, I’m taking it from him. I’m no better than those that wait for me; actually, I’m worse. I’m going to destroy the strongest guardian I’ve ever known. My best friend, my lover, and protector will feel insignificant and abandoned. My only family will hate me in the morning.

“Raegan… I love you.”

Those words hurt me and heal me at the same time. They’re the most painful to endure in this moment, but I’ll carry them with me when I go; Marcus and Vinnie can’t take them away.

Running my hands through his hair, my voice breaking gently, I kiss his cheek and whisper in his ear, giving him what he needs to hear, “I’m always going to love you, Ace.”

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

Cherry

I HAVEN’T SLEPT. Last night, all night, Ace made love to me again and again. Each time felt like it was our first real and true experience together. Our bodies were exhausted, but we kept going regardless of the physical ache. Emotions laced with desire formed an undeniable catalyst that I still feel the remnants of this morning.

Feeling a part of someone else, an extension of them in every way, was something I had never felt before. Feeling it with Ace was an experience, a journey, making its way to something bigger and greater than myself in both body and soul. Knowing it was the last night we had together made it all the more costly to us both.

Although Ace knew I was awake long before I got out of bed this morning, he didn’t look at me. I rushed out of the room and into the shower in order to avoid him. He saw the marks on my face last night as he undressed me, so the inevitable discussion is coming. He’s going to want the truth and he deserves to hear it, but he’ll get a distorted version because that’s what will keep him away from me for good - he and everyone I love will be safe.

Opening the bathroom door, make-up free, I find him there as he paces back and forth in the small hallway. He’s not wearing a shirt, so I watch as the muscles of his chest and back shift with each movement of his body. His hand rubs his forehead while the other rests on his hip. His posture is tense and his footsteps are deliberate.

This is going to hurt him – for a while. Knowing he’ll eventually share his life with someone else shatters me. The thought of who he’ll spend his nights with, who it may be that takes care of him, who he chooses to protect and cherish as his own, and who he eventually commits to sharing his life with; these thoughts will forever threaten to ruin me. With consequence, I’m walking away so he’ll have all those opportunities afforded to him.

Ace will grieve the loss of you leaving him, but he’ll recover nicely once he meets someone else more suited for him.

It’s time to give the whore’s performance of a lifetime. It’s an absolution for love that’s tainted with a betrayal and carries with it an immeasurable consequence.

Ace, please forgive me.

Looking up from his pacing steps, Ace’s face morphs immediately. All signs of worry and concern fall and are replaced with urgent, unleashed anger… fury…
rage
. “Who the fuck touched you?”

“Ace, we need to talk.”

He’s not waiting, my mask of bravery slipping with his pointed impatience. “Who the fuck touched you, Rae?”

“Can we sit?”

He starts walking toward me and I back up slightly, one foot landing on the bathroom floor. He leans down to my face and radiates his anger onto me. “Fuck no, we can’t sit. Tell me who fucking
touched your face
!”

Knowing if I don’t start talking and confessing, he’s going to do something stupid and rash, I offer him a half-truth. The matter of more significance, though, is the half-lie that goes with it. Looking down at my hands twisting themselves in front of me, I expel the practiced words of venom that are meant to paralyze and hurt him with their injection.

“Vinnie Bartone is Decklan’s dad. You know this. I ran into him this weekend at the park when I took Decklan there for the afternoon. We’ve decided to work things out for the sake of our son. We’re getting back together.”

I wait for a second, unsure of his reaction. When I’m met with only a wide-eyed stare, I continue with only a heartfelt truth. “I’m sorry, Ace. I don’t want to hurt you.”

He’s understandably shocked at my declaration, as anyone would be. He repeats my only truth, dismissing the lie, as if he’s able to decipher between the two. “You don’t want to hurt me.”