Devil's Despair Box Set: Books 1-3 (35 page)

Grabbing his guitar, he steps away from the microphone as the room again goes dark. We’re close enough to the stage that I hear Ace’s voice talking to them with frustration. Whatever Trav and Hayden are asking for isn’t sitting well with Ace.

Before the lights are drawn back on, I hear Ace’s voice speak to the crowd, who are unfamiliar with his position on stage. Thankfully, they remain silent. Through his words, Ace’s voice sounds just as defeated as Hayden’s did moments ago. “I’m on a date tonight. I promised myself I would do this for her. She has no idea what she’s about to put me through, so if you all will please lend me some support and maybe understand the pain I’m about to go through up here to impress her, I would appreciate it greatly. Thank you.”

I’m shocked. Looking over at my dad, I find him smiling in the dim light of the bar behind us and realize he knew what was coming.

“Ace is going to sing?” I ask my dad softly, trying not to draw an audience.

“I didn’t know until this morning. He told me what he was doing while you and Deck were playing outside. He looked scared, so no matter what happens you need to appreciate this for what it is.” My dad loves Ace. They’ve become friends, and I’m glad Ace felt comfortable talking to my dad about our ‘date’ because I wouldn’t want him to miss this.

Once the lights of the stage come up, I see Ace standing alone in front. He’s changed into a black Devil’s Despair tee-shirt, his very-worn and ripped faded jeans, and his black motorcycle boots. He doesn’t look intimidated at all. He looks comfortable, natural even.

I know my eyes are shining because with each second that passes, his face becomes more blurry. I don’t know how to respond to this. The feeling of him being up there with his friends is a lot to take in. I offer a small smile when he finds me in the mix of the chaos that surrounds our table.

The music starts and I note the song immediately. This isn’t a remake - they’ve done nothing to taint the sounds of one of my Neil Diamond favorites, “All I Really Need Is You”.

Once he starts the first verse, Ace’s hand wraps around the microphone stand and his body relaxes into the song. His voice is beautiful. It’s not seductive and raspy like Hayden’s; it’s pure and real, everything that Ace is. His eyes don’t leave mine. Physically, his gaze is pinning me to my chair, but his words are singing to my soul. Closing my eyes briefly, I memorize his voice, both the tone and the message the words carry.

This beats the promise of flowers, chocolate, and wine.

After the song is over and I’ve wilted the napkin with tears of happiness, Ace makes his way to me. “I never played guitar.”

“I got that. I didn’t know you could sing, you never told me.”

Looking down on me as I sit, he attempts to get a point across, but it’s one that I will ignore. “I don’t sing anymore, Rae.”

“You did for me.”

His eyes soften as he moves a piece of hair, putting it behind my ear and bending on his knees to level his stare. “Yeah, I did.”

“You have an amazing voice. I want to hear you sing again.”

“No.” His answer is definite.

“You will again.” My reply is just as certain.

“I won’t.”

Manipulation is not nice, but it’s called for. I
really
want to hear his voice again. “It was hot and I think I felt a little turned on while watching you work me from up there.”

I feel a glimmer of hope in his response. “Then I may sing again.”

EPILOGUE

Raegan

SECONDS...

Minutes…

Hours…

It’s true - they really do create memories that can last a lifetime.

“Why are you putting the water out here?” Decklan asks my dad, following him to the end of the deck as he carries out the glass container with two teabags hanging off the side, ready for brew.

“Because the sun will make it for us.”

“It’s sooo hot out here, though. It’ll burn, won’t it?”

My dad winks at me and laughs as he sets the glass pitcher down and crouches to Decklan, getting ready to explain the process of sun tea.

Well over a year ago, I was headed here not knowing how my life would change with the help of Ace and his family. I never thought it possible that the person I’ve always known myself to be, whore, liar, and drug abuser, would evolve into something of much more meaning and importance. Raegan – mother, daughter, lover, and friend – is who I’ve spent the last year being. I find myself loved by many and in turn have devoted my life to repaying each of them for what they’ve sacrificed and done for me.

“Raegan, where the fuck are my keys?” Ace winces after stepping out onto the deck, seeing Decklan present and listening to his words intently.

“Ace says bad words, Grandpa. Why aren’t you telling him about his mouth and soap?”

“Because he’s too big.” Sending Ace an annoyed glare, Dad finishes his lesson. “If he wasn’t so big he’d get it good.”

Ace looks down at me and mouths ‘sorry’ as he leans in and kisses my forehead while I lay in the lawn chair, soaking up the last of the morning sun before the summer California heat takes over.

“You put them in your pocket when we came home last night. Check your jeans.”

“Right. What the hell are they doin’?” Ace asks, pointing to Dad who is now carrying Diamond, our new puppy, out in the yard for his weekly bath.

“Spraying down your damn dog.” My voice is harsh, but it softens gently so he doesn’t get upset. “I’m just guessing.”

“Don’t curse the dog, Rae. Decklan needs a pet.”

“A fish would have been less messy.”

“Fuck fish.”

“Fuck your dog. I found another ‘surprise’ this morning before I let him out.”

“He’ll get it. He needs time. You being cranky to him doesn’t help his stress.”

“I’m going to be cranky until he does ‘get it,’ Ace. You didn’t even pick a smart one out of the litter. Should have got a girl.”

Ace and I bought a house. It’s small but the backyard has grass and room for Decklan to play in. Ace insisted on getting him a golden retriever. My shoes, brushes, and oddly my underwear are ripped apart and eaten daily. I swear the dog has the attention span of a gnat, and the only thing I like about him is his name.

Ace and I are truly happy. One day at a time, he’s attempting to adhere to my habits and I’m learning to tolerate his. His protective tendencies haven’t changed. I’m still being told what to do, what to wear, and where to go. Because of this, I’m enthusiastically pushing those boundaries and reaping their rewards as often as possible.

Decklan has adjusted well to his new surroundings. He and Ace are buddies. I never would’ve thought Ace had a soft spot for kids, but it’s evident now that he does. Decklan gets away with
everything
. I’m sorry I can’t give him a child of his own, but he swears that between Sarah, Bean, Deck, and me that his life is full and happy.

“I’m gonna head into work. I’ll be back by dinner.”

“Good, bring something home. I’m not cooking. I’ll be busy cleaning up dog shit, I’m sure.”

Ace mutters “cranky” while walking away, generously giving me a view of his backside.

Ace’s new job at The Ward has afforded more financial stability to Bean and Sarah. He’s moved them into an apartment near our house and they come and go often. Sarah is still wreaking havoc on Ace’s nerves, but now she’s doing it with a fifteen, almost sixteen-year-old mentality. Boys, clothes, shoes, and shopping are all she thinks about even as Ace preaches family values and academics. She doesn’t listen.

My dad tells me he loves California. He also said he doesn’t miss my mom, however I’m unsure I believe him. She never made the move to live here. She talks to Decklan every week and came to visit him last year, on his sixth birthday, but that was where her devotion to even him stopped. She’ll always be his grandma and when she’s ready to visit again, she will.

Travis is still working as an auto and bike mechanic and lives alone in his apartment downtown. He, too, comes and goes in and out of our place often. To Ace’s complete dismay, Travis is my best friend. We spend time together when we can but call and text every day. Ace has yet to get used to this. My hope is that eventually he understands that Travis and I share a lot in common.

Marlee and Toby are expecting another baby. This has weighed heavily on Toby, his concern and fear evident even through his excitement. From what I’ve been told, there were many complications while she carried Maddux, but so far the doctors are staying positive.

Hayden Flynn. Out of all of us, he’s the one who’s the least grounded. His man-whore ways haven’t slowed and he’s admitted that he’s nowhere near ready to settle down. His dad, the attorney, has confessed to being an alcoholic, causing Hayden to move from his own apartment and in with his dad to temporarily assist him with his attempted recovery. We still hear from him often and see him on Friday nights, but no traces of his cocky and arrogant personality remain.

Our Peril family remain in our thoughts, but going back to Ohio is no longer an option that Ace and I discuss. Our home is here, with Deck, Dad, Bean, Sarah, and friends. We call when we can and send cards on occasion.

These last several months, with therapy and the support of my family, I’ve learned to not live in fear – as much. My nightmares are finally gone as the darkness has been laid to rest. Whatever happens next, and whatever the changes bring, I’ll be ready to bend to them with adversity and determination. The fear of breaking no longer holds any power over me.

Ace

For me, self-taught lessons have always been non-existent. I’ve always been blinded by the things in life I couldn’t have. Loving parents, stable income growing up, Sadey Lyons, a little
brother,
just to name a few. While I focused on the things I didn’t have, I lost sight of things I did; Sarah, Bean, the band, Peril, and
Raegan
.

I couldn’t have Sadey, but it never deterred me from my mission to make her mine. In the process, I lost pieces of myself that I can’t get back. I lost the respect of my friends and brothers at Peril. I lost so much time with Bean and Sarah. Most importantly, I lost my own self-respect. Being able to finally let her go, the way I needed to let her go, has been the most freeing act I’ve ever experienced. Giving that love and more to Raegan has been the most capturing. Raegan holds my heart with care; she loves me in spite of myself.

Knowing I can’t change the past and knowing with certainty that I wouldn’t want to eases the guilt. Every event that’s happened to me until now was a piece to my life’s complete puzzle and, thankfully, it’s brought me to where I am, standing in the living room, looking outside as Raegan sits in her lawn chair, enjoying our life together with her dad and son making it complete.

Decklan and I are buddies. He’s a great kid and he worships me. Although I can admit it’s flattering, this isn’t why I love him. I love him because he’s an extension of his mother. The love he has for those around him is unquestionable. He wakes up happy and goes to sleep thankful. The only thing he doesn’t carry from Rae is her defiant nature. He’s easy.
Thank fuck.

His father, who he never really knew, is dead. His uncle, the malevolent man that tried to take him away from everything he knew, is rotting in hell. The only family he has now are those that surround him with love. I’m determined to safeguard this for him.

Doing as I was told, I’m searching for my keys in the pocket of the jeans I wore last night. Our bedroom is unorganized chaos and I love every piece of it. The clothes Rae wore last night are carelessly discarded to the floor, her shoes scattered near the closet, and a row of framed pictures of everyone we love decorates our bedroom. The scent of her surrounds me.

This
is what
forever
happiness feels like.

Pulling my phone and keys from my jeans, I check the blinking light indicating a new incoming text.

Travis
05:38 a.m.
I have a sister.

What? Travis, as far as I know, is an only child.

07:27 a.m.
Don’t understand. Explain.

His father is dead and his mother left when he was three. Travis doesn’t trust many and he loves only a select few. If he isn’t fuckin’ with me, this will throw his life a definite curveball that he’ll need help with catching.

Travis
07:29 a.m.
She showed up at my apartment last night. Her name is Lacey, and she knows where my mom is.

My phone rings as I start to send another text in response. “Trav?”

He doesn’t offer a greeting, just gets to the point. “She knocked on my door at one-thirty this morning.”

“Her name is Lacey?”

“Yep. Lacey Quinn Wells. We talked until four o’clock this morning when she finally fell asleep.”

This makes sense; he sounds exhausted. “She knows where your mom is?”

“Yep. She lives about an hour out of San Francisco with some fuck-wad that Lacey hates, along with a boyfriend who’s an adulterous ass. Both of these men are what led her to find me. Apparently, my dear ole mother only recently bothered to tell Lacey she has an older brother.”

Curiously, I ask, “How old is she?”

“Twenty-one, but fuck, Ace, she looks like she’s about fifteen, if that.”

“She hot?” I’m trying to lighten his somber mood. I’m not good with my friends and situations that hurt them.

“Seriously? She’s my
sister
, asshole.”

“I’m just kiddin’. You’re gonna need to lighten up a little bit here.”

He pauses before he answers. Seconds go by and I almost ask if he’s still there, but then he sighs his answer. “Hayden would fuck her. Maybe twice and even without another girl there.”

“Shit. Then she has to be fuckin’ hot.”

The volume of his voice increases as he tries to explain her personality. “She’s Squirt on fuckin’ steroids, Ace. You don’t even
know
. She seems nice, but also feisty as fuck, and don’t get me started on her skills of self-defense. I think she may have broken my fuckin’ toe on her way in.”

“Oh, shit. She is Sarah.” I can’t help but smile into the phone. Trav’s tolerance of Sarah is almost worse than mine. If this is also true, he’s fucked.