Devil's Despair Box Set: Books 1-3 (36 page)

“Yeah. Fuck me.”

“This is a lot of info, Trav. You all right?”

“Nope. Not even a little. Can you come meet her after you get off this evening and tell me what you think?”

“Yeah. Let me talk to Rae.”

“Thanks, man. I’m gonna get off here and see if she’s awake. Hoping since she talked so much last night, she won’t have energy to start in again until after noon.”

“It’s all right, Travis. We’ll figure it out.”

“Fuck me.” That’s all I hear before he disconnects the call.

Travis has a little sister. He’s spent years merely trying to get used to Squirt. If all she says is true, and she’s really his family, this will change his life as he knows it to be. Travis will have a family again.

Grabbing a pen and paper from the dresser drawer, I write Rae a quick note so she finds it when I’m gone and I won’t be asked a thousand questions that I don’t have answers to. Travis and Raegan are tight.
Whatever
. Let them figure all this shit out.

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

Cover Art created by: Melody Simmons of
ebookindiecovers.com

Editing by:
Hot Tree Editing Services

Formatting by:
Champagne Formats

Dallace and Paul
– Thank you both for everything you do for our family. I love you dearly and appreciate your sacrifices while I’m busy writing. You’re everything to me.

Ashleigh ‘Hoodkiller’
- Look at it!!
Dance, monkey, dance!
In no way do I say this without complete sincerity, you’re brutal on my books, little sister. Your feedback, as this project progressed, finally becoming a story, was crucial to its development. Your dedication and patience for these characters went far beyond measure. Thank you, shrimp. Now, stop telling me to channel inner darkness. I don’t like it! Send in the clowns. 1678 is always going to be a sad little number, isn’t it?
Goofs!

Amber Shavor
– Every day, your positive reinforcements pushed me to make Ace’s story stronger and better. It’s because of this that the story got done in the manner it did. Time and time again, you were with me during the writer’s block and listened to my endless complaints, and also supplied me with super-hot man pictures. ---------- 147 – I give you my sincerest thank you!

Dana Hook
– Indies Rock, damn it. You’re hell on wheels with a dedication and drive aimed to promote and assist the indie community in every way. When I wanted to quit, your standard response of, “keep writing” kept me going. Thank you for your encouragement. I’m proud of you for creating new and inventive ways to assist the indie world. R.E.D. (Rebel Edit and Design) speaks volumes in regards to your dedication.

Tracy Brewer -
Thank you for your belief in me. Several times, when my confidence was weary, you were willing to give me your honesty. It kept me focused and grounded. Thank you for loving my Peril boys and hope you appreciate those of Despair with the same enthusiasm.

Amy W.
and
Alesha Newby, red pen masters
– You two were my sounding board and quiet piece of sanity. Let’s be honest, your constant lectures pushed me when I was ready to call it over and done. Thank you, my friends, for being there when I needed an outlet. JW4E.

Beta Readers:

Chris Kovacich
,
Samantha Price
,
Rebeka C. Perales
,
Keri P
.,
Danni Werner
,
Jennifer Hagan
,
Monique R
.,
Christina Gragg -
Each of you offered your advice with eagerness and encouragement. I can’t ever thank you enough for your time and dedication to the project as it unfolded. I owe you all my genuine appreciation. You are truly amazing people.

To the authors of Open Road, A Bikers Anthology
– Nina, Lila, Chelle, Jani, Dawn, Emily, Glenna, and Ryan – Thank you for all the help in preparing the collection and the side notes of advice as well. I appreciate you all. Toys for Tots is an incredibly important charity and with our work we made a difference to many.

Maria Gaul
– Thanks for starting the Peril group for people to share their thoughts about the books and characters. It’s become so much more. Good idea!

Bloggers
- There are
so
many of you out there that have helped me in many ways. I can’t write my own blurbs without hesitation, so I can’t imagine reading the books, writing reviews, and promoting author’s work full time. So many of you have let me do takeovers and giveaways and answered my questions in the process. You have my undying gratitude!

Love Between the Sheets
– Thank you for hosting my release party, cover reveal, and blog tour. Mary, thank you for answering every single question I had (and there were many.) I can’t expression my appreciation for all of your assistance!

DESCRIPTION

Hayden

I’m known to my friends as a player; a user of women.

I don’t believe in relationships. They’re messy and confusing. They don’t last.

Lacey Wells walked into my life and ruined it. Although not in the traditional sense, we made the decision to be ‘exclusive.’ We used each other to satisfy our bodies’ want of lust and attraction. And we had this . . . for a time.

When uncontrollable events altered the arrangement and life as we knew it had fallen to circumstance, my reactions weren’t only punishing, they were painful and cruel. I pushed her away, causing her heartache, but in return, she refused to break. Instead, she challenged my will at every turn. She was determined to make me see the person I always was, but had never been. I was desperate and searching for the answer I was so anxious to have . . .

Was I capable of falling in love?

Our path together was tumultuous and unforgiving. At times, it was full of anger and resentment. But it was also fun and sometimes downright ridiculous.

There’s no label to our story; tales of cliché pale in comparison. It just happened. It was us. It was crazy and it was exactly what we made it.

Note: There are no love triangles or cheating that takes place within this story. It’s a HEA; however, the road to getting there is full of angst, sadness, and regret. If you aren’t a reader who enjoys the element of angst or heartache, this book isn’t one you’d find enjoyment in reading.

Verse:

To familiarize by close association, study, or experience

PROLOGUE

Hayden

I DIDN’T BELIEVE in love at first sight.

I didn’t believe in love at all.

To me, love was considered an emotion which drove people to the brink of their own sanity on a bullshit cloud of happiness and pleasure only to slam them back down to Earth when the reality of their day-in and day-out relationship revealed its true form. The mundane responsibilities, coupled with the sexless nights and torturous days filled with unbearable nagging, begins to wash away memories of the heated passion and late-night laughs without worry the two of you once shared. By the time you’ve realized what you’ve gotten yourself into, you’re forced to endure a painful breakup or a life spent wishing you’d made better choices before settling on ‘the one.’

Love is expensive to the heart and damaging to the soul.

I’ve felt the effects of what love does.

I never knew my mother. She left me with my dad a few days after I was born. They were never married. To her, it was a summer fling, and I was the result of too much wine and a poor decision right before their passionate affair ended. To my father, though, she was the one who got away. He was left heartbroken and empty, filling the void with alcohol and nameless faces who took their place in his bed night after torturous, lonely night.

My dad once told me my mother battled depression all of her life and she knew, instinctively, by the time I was born, she couldn’t be the parent she felt I deserved. Dad accepted her decision to leave us and in response to her doing so, he raised me alone the best he could. After she left, he never trusted anyone enough to believe in real and true love again. He’s played the emotionless, unavailable bachelor ever since. Now, it’s all he knows. He’s perfected this persona with no desire in mind to change it.

While most fathers were teaching their sons how to play baseball, catch fish, or change a tire in an emergency, my dad taught me how to pick up a woman, use her body how I wanted, and then send her back to wherever it was she came from, leaving her left with only the memory of our meaningless encounter.

“Play them all, Hayden. Don’t ever settle for just one. Women fuck everything up. You can give them your body, but never trust them with your heart. Never share a piece of your soul.” This is what he said to me during one of his drunken tirades. I was eleven at the time and had no idea what he was rambling on about. But I do now.

Love makes people crazy.

My friend, Ace, is the perfect example of what the effects of love have on a person. Although I’m elated for him that he’s found what
he
considers happiness after all the Hell life had designed for him, he’s nowhere
close
to the same man I once knew him to be.

Ace is whipped.

Raegan Simmons has turned his life inside out. He no longer stays out late partying with his friends then heading into work half-drunk or hung over. He pays no attention to women who throw themselves at his feet in blind passion, begging for the chance at a one-night stand. Instead, he works a forty-hour work week, picks up a six-year-old kid after school each day, gets home in time to make dinner and then finishes his evening by sitting in front of the television before turning in at ten o’clock each night.

Like I said—
crazy.

Lust, sometimes
confused
as love, however, is an emotion I know a fuck of a lot about. To be honest, I do love women. Their soft bodies, sensual dispositions, and often their willingness to share an erotic evening with a stranger after understanding they aren’t promised anything more than a sated goodbye the next day. These are the type of women I’ve spent sharing my time with anyway.

All of this changed, however, and when I least expected it to. I met a woman who made me doubt all my reasons for being who I had always been. After finally letting myself fall for her, I came face to face with the fact that I was then ruined for all others.

Looking at myself through her eyes had changed me, and the reflection I saw in them was vivid and in color. After living my life in dark shrouds of isolated sadness, she exhausted her efforts to pull me through and help me find my way.

She brought a new life into mine and gave me a purpose I had never known; a reason to let go of the man I had always been and a hope for so much more than I ever knew existed.

It wasn’t an easy path. It was rocky and unstable, exhausting and difficult, but it was also passionate and kind, fun and, at times, absolutely ridiculous.

It was what we made it, and above all else—it was ours.

CHAPTER ONE

Lacey

EVERYONE’S HEARD THE adage ‘everything happens for a reason.’

For a while now, I’ve been asking fate to give me some sign, offer me a brief vision as to why things happen as they do. I’ve made life’s tough and raw decisions and I’ve stuck to them; been left alone to suffer the consequences of my actions, especially when it came to men. I’ve never known the true love of a good man, the overriding touch of passion only
he
could create within me, or the security of having a constant anchor in knowing another person has my back in all ways.

My friends, those who know me best, understand my need to keep my life clear of drama. I can’t control those around me, but my reactions to a circumstance can alter its outcome. Chaos in the mind creates doubt, and surrounding yourself with uncertainties can ruin you.

I’m also loyal to a fault. I trust people, some more than others, and in doing so risk the damage those same people can selfishly cause. My mom and I share none of these attributes. If I didn’t look almost exactly like her, I wouldn’t believe we’re related.

Three months ago, I was sitting at home with my mom watching mind-numbing television. It was one of the rare times we spent together in quiet peace, rather than arguing over who hated who more. She resented me for being alive and I had learned by then not to take it personally; she resented herself and the decisions she’d made more than anything else.