Devil's Girl: Dust Bowl Devils MC (17 page)

He’d been through shit. Different shit, but shit all the same, shit that drove him to drugs on his own, and he’d survived.

I could be as tough as Mort, for sure. I didn’t even want to take the stuff in the first place.

I was sitting on the bathroom floor, back against the wall opposite the toilet, when Theo returned. It was hours and hours later - after midnight - and my stomach was rebelling.
It’s a good thing,
I told myself,
This is just all the vile shit leaving my system
. They spoke too low for me to hear them; then the front door opened and closed, and someone knocked on the bathroom door.

“Hey,” Theo said, “Can I come in?”

“It’s unlocked.” He came in looking pale and shaken. “Get what you need?” I asked.

He nodded. “The guys are on their way out.” He sat next to me with a heavy sigh and leaned his head back against the wall. “Brought back your stuff out of the truck,” he said, “Purse, phone. Lockbox under the passenger seat?”

“My gun.” He smelled clean - as if he’d showered again before coming back. I looked down at his hands and could see blood beneath his nails. I rested my head on his shoulder. “What’s the plan now?”

“We wait. Bill’s gonna drag their president home kicking and screaming if he has to. They’ll be back in two day. Three, tops.”

“Think Viper will wait that long to try something?” His name twisted in my mouth. It was like tasting something slimy and disgusting. I clenched my jaw against the nausea. I had nothing left, anyway.

“You just worry about recovering.”

We were a sorry pair - me sick and lost, him wracked with guilt. I paced restlessly when he slept, trembled at his side when he was awake. When I did manage a little sleep, he held me through the nightmares.

His presence was a comfort, but his grimaces and sympathetic looks were driving me crazy. The apartment became suffocating. I had to get out.

It was a day and a half later. The morning sun shone through the windows but the room still felt dark and gray. My stomach had settled - I had to believe the worst had passed. Truth was, the worst was what was in my head. Maybe it would never leave me. But at least I could eat again.

"I want to go see Irish in the hospital," I said when he exited the bedroom. I had woken up hours before. Sleep came a little easier but the things I saw when I closed my eyes woke me right back up.

He ran a hand through his messy dark hair. He hadn't shaved in a few days and looked every bit the scary, intimidating biker.
I must be feeling better if I'm noticing how he looks.
I felt the old, embarrassing blush creep into my cheeks as my eyes lingered where they shouldn't. "It isn't safe yet, especially with the Devils so spread out right now." He dug the coffee out of my cupboard.

"I don't care. I have to get out of here for a couple hours. The walls are closing in. I feel like a damn mental patient."

He considered it. He had to be feeling as stir crazy as I was. Neither of us were the type to just sit around and relax even on a good day.

"I want you armed," he said. I nodded. "Do you know how to shoot?"

"I know how to use my gun," I said. Aiming well, not panicking, not dropping the thing after firing it, those were separate issues.

"Okay." I couldn't believe he was going along, but I didn't question it. He'd brought my little safe inside, so I unlocked it and pulled the gun out.

It was a gift from my father. I thought of him as I turned it over in my hands.
How different would my life be if he were alive still?
I pushed that thought away.

"Ready?" Theo asked. He was wearing his cut, and his imposing figure filled the front doorway.

I tucked the gun into the back of my jeans. "Ready."

Riding with him was better than therapy. With the sun on my back and the wind in my hair, I finally felt like part of the world again. It felt... normal. Pressed against Theo's back as the world blew by, the gnawing panic in my stomach subsided for a while.

He parked in the parking garage and hooked our helmets to the bars. "No one followed us," he said. "Someone could be watching around here, though."

"What do we do if they are?"

"Well, we're out in public." We walked towards the elevators, eyes darting around. All we saw were a pair of nurses getting into a car. "I don't think they'll try anything where anyone can see."

"If you say so." The bad feeling was clawing is way back in. I started to think this trip was a bad idea.

He squeezed my shoulder. "We sent them running back out there on the road. Not the other way around. So don't worry."

"They snatched me on our home turf, remember?"

He made a low growling sound deep in his chest. "Won't happen again."

Well that was definitely reassuring, at least.

When we finally found Irish's room (after I called Dawn to ask her his real name,) we found a bodyguard sitting just outside the door.

Inside, Dawn lounged in a chair next to the bed. I gasped when I saw him - unconscious, strange mesh bandages covering the side of his head, continuing down his neck and shoulder, all the way down his arm. Tubes everywhere. Machines beeping.

"Shit," I said. "Has he been awake?"

Dawn shook her head. “He woke up when he was brought in but they're keeping him under, for now." She gave me a hug. "How're you? You look a little better." The last time I saw her, I was half comatose on the side of the road.

I nodded to where Theo stood behind me, near the door. "He's been taking care of me." She smiled knowingly.

We kept the visit short. Irish's family was arriving soon and we didn't want to be in the way. Dawn herself planned to duck out once they got there. "Maybe I'll come visit you," she said. I made her promise to get some sleep first.

Walking back to the garage, I just felt numb. Irish was going to be okay, but looking at him, it was hard to believe it.
And I led them into that trap.

I did feel something, though, as I watched Theo mount his bike - a familiar yearning from before, from when we'd just met. Not for sex - I felt too weak for that, still, and didn't want to wake up and face any related demons that might be lurking in my brain. I just wanted to kiss him.

I geared up to push the impulse away.
Fuck it. I could have been like Irish. I could be dead. It could still happen
. Helmet still in hand, I climbed on in front of him, facing him so our knees were touching. "What's wrong?" he asked. He tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear. "Worried?"

"Yes." I ran my fingertips along the coarse hair on his jaw. He leaned into my touch. There was so much unsaid between us still. The last time we'd seen each other before I was kidnapped, he rejected me, pushed me away, and I hadn't forgotten. Now, with everything he was doing, was it just because he had it in his head that it was all his fault?

"Kiss me," I said. His eyes flickered towards my lips, though his brows furrowed.

"What?"

"If you're staying around me out of guilt, well, I'm not so sick anymore. You can send a bodyguard by and get back to your manhunt." I took a deep breath. "I did say I wasn't through with you, though. I still mean it."

He turned and kissed my palm. "I don't want to hurt you. I didn't want to then, and now..."

"Shh. Don't think about it. I can't. I'm taking one minute at a time. So what about right now, Theo?"

He pulled me close as his mouth descended upon mine. His touch was so gentle, I wanted to weep. He planted soft, slow kisses on my lips, cupping the back of my head and holding me in place. I gave in to the softness of his mouth, the tenderness of his touch, throwing my arms around the back of his neck and melting against him.

He tilted my head as the kiss deepened, seeking my tongue with his. My heart raced as they danced. At first with desire, but then something else, something darker that squeezed my chest clouded my mind. I didn't realize that I was gasping until Theo pulled away and held me to his chest, cradling my head like a child.

"Shh. You're okay."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. Do you want to go home?"

"No." My voice cracked. "I want to kill him." I blew out a breath, then another, steadying my nerves. Then I looked back up at him. The concern was plain on his face. "I want you to kiss me again."

"Ivy..."

"Quit looking at me like I'm gonna break apart. The only way over this is through it, and I want out."

Theo shook his head. "Honey, you just might be the bravest person I know, but you have to give yourself time." I scowled. "I promise I'll kiss you again, okay? Later."

"Okay."

He nudged my leg. "Now let's get out of here."

◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙◙

He got the call from Bill while we were waiting at a stoplight. "You're all on your way? How many, how long?"

I only picked up Theo's side of the conversation, and it didn't sound good. "Fuck. Fuck!" Someone behind us honked. I waved, indicating that he should go around us. When he honked again, I flipped him the bird.

"Tell him you'll make a trade. Tell him to put the word out that you'll hand me over. You watch how fast that fuck shows up. Just get the word out there." He paused. "We'll figure that out when we get to it. I'll figure something out." Another pause. "She's with me." Theo squeezed my knee. Then his hand tensed. "No. You can't be serious. No, Bill." He shook his head in denial. "This is wrong and its fucked up and you know it." He slammed his fist on his handlebars. “Yes, we’ll both be there.” He held the phone in a grip so tight I thought he’d crack the screen. But he slipped it away in his pocket.

"I'm afraid to ask," I said, leaning my helmeted head against his back.

"They've located Brand. The Eagle's president," he said over his shoulder. He didn't sound too thrilled by the news.

"What's that got to do with you trading yourself?"

"The guy called the strip joint as soon as he heard what's been happening. Viper's been MIA since a few days ago."

"So you're trying to lure him out."

His hands clenched into fists. "We. Bill demanded that you come along. Brand wants to speak with you, out there on neutral territory. "

"Good! Maybe I’ll lure that bastard to us, too. Anything that'll bring that snake to you guys so someone can put a bullet in him. I'll send him the fucking invitation myself." I realized I was digging my fingers into his shoulders and relaxed my grip. "This trade. You won't actually go with him, will you?"

"We're making this up as we go, babe. We'll wait and see. For now, we ride."

He revved his engine, but I pounded on his shoulder. "My truck. More cover. More discreet."

He laughed. "I'm a biker, honey. I'd sooner show up to a gunfight with rocks."

"Then I'll follow you. I want my truck, Theo."
I need to be able to run for it if you can't. I won’t be left stranded. I won’t let them take me again.

He must have thought it, too, or something similar. "Okay. I don't like it. But okay."

Theo checked my beat-up old pickup truck for explosives before letting me anywhere near it.

And then we drove. I was secretly thrilled that he was bringing me along instead of making me stay home no matter what Bill said. If I was living one minute at a time, then I had a whole lot of minutes of a road trip to live in first.

As I pulled out onto the highway behind him, I thought I might have made a mistake. Being alone scared me. But with the sun on my skin, the wind blowing through my windows, the open road and my view of Theo’s back - my brain quieted.

The gun tucked into the back of my jeans added an extra sense of security, too.

I rummaged through the glove compartment where I stored most of my favorite cassettes. The truck was old, and they sounded pretty awful after years and years of use. But they belonged to my father before me. Dealing with flipping the tape, holding down the fast-forward button, using a pencil to turn and fix loose ribbons - it was all part of the ritual.

“Blowing into it isn’t going to help, you’re just getting the dust further in there.” He wore his denim jacket and his sunglasses. The truck still had that new car smell. We were moving again - we were always moving. Suitcases and bags piled beneath a tarp bounced in the bed in the back. “The ribbon is loose. Look at it, it’s just sagging out. Got a pencil?”