Devil’s in the Details (70 page)

I whispered a thank you and parted from the fence, walking over to Holly chewing on the leaf. I bent down to her, smiling as she rushed over to me pawing at my legs to be picked up. "You want to go see if Alex is awake?" Holly barked twice, trying to climb up on my knees before I caved and scooped her up, kissing the top of her head. "Hopefully she doesn't growl at you if she's still cranky." Holly barked at me confidently. Her bright brown eyes saying, bring on that bear, I'll out growl her. I shook my head, "Piss and vinegar."

I found Alex in the kitchen, sitting and yawning as she stared at the coffee machine. Holly began barking with excitement when she spotted Alex, making the sleepy woman turn and smile at us, "Good morning birthday girl."

I smiled back, leaning over the island to hand her Holly before kissing her forehead, "Would you like some coffee or are you enjoying the staring contest with an inanimate object?"

Alex gave me a playful dirty look, sighing as she struggled containing Holly. "I do, desperately, and was hoping I could use mind power to bring it to me." She met my eyes, "I'm more tired than I thought I would be."

I glanced at her, filling up the goat mug that had become Alex's mug over the last few months, "I should apologize."

"No, you don't. Never apologize for making me tired, Victoria." The look she gave me was nothing but pure love, and it made my entire soul quiver. "I missed you just as much. The hospital was oddly busier than usual and I ran my wheels off." She bent down, setting Holly down to scamper around the tile floor, barking at her stuffed bone toy that was in her box. "Do you have class Monday?"

I nodded, focusing back on pouring the exact amount of cream and sugar in Alex's mug, "I do. Captain Pegg filled in for me this trip, but is happily handing it back to me just in time for finals." I frowned, "Which I have to write sometime this weekend." I set her mug in front of her, smiling as she quickly wrapped her hands around it, "I might do that later tonight after you're in a meatloaf coma. By the way, I was thinking of maybe having your mom and Bill come here instead? I can get a meatloaf recipe from Mary." I reached for a napkin, catching a glimpse of my injured hand. I quickly went to shove it in my short pockets, when Alex grabbed it, lifting it gently and squinting at the nasty bruise.

"Victoria, did you get this looked at?"

I nodded slowly, "I did. The school nurse was first to examine it, she gave me an ice pack until I was able to get to an urgent care for X-rays. It's just a horrible bruise and a nasty strain where the handle smacked the tendons. Ice, rest and Motrin."

I smiled, at least I was telling the truth. I had gone to a Voltaire doctor near the airport. He signed off on the diagnosis and instructions I repeated to Alex, but he prescribed me Vicodin, which I threw away the second I walked out of his office.

Alex ran delicate fingers over the purple edges, "I should track that kid down and give him a piece of my mind."

I laughed, catching her hands so I could link our fingers together, "It was an accident. A hyper kid jacked up on mountain dew. He didn't mean it." I bit the inside of my cheek to hold the smile. The big Colombian did deserve it. He did mean to kill me if I hadn't shattered his nose into shards. I cleared my throat, clearing away the sounds of his bones breaking and the smell of fresh blood that poured out of his nose. I gave Alex a playful smirk "If you did find him, were you going to mean mug him to death?" She frowned at me, I shook my head, squeezing her hand.

"To be honest, Victoria, I'd probably kick his ass if I was there and saw it." Alex winked at me, "I'm very protective of my seemingly clumsy girlfriend and I hate when you get hurt, especially when it's these beautiful hands." She pulled my hand closer, pressing a gentle kiss at the edge of the bruise.

I cocked an eyebrow, "But you're a nurse, you took an oath."

"Oath schmoath." She stood up, moving to stand next to me, sliding her arms around my waist, "You're my everything and I love you. Therefore, all's fair, even kicking a teenager’s ass." She chuckled when I gave her another dirty look, "I'm kidding." A soft kiss landed on my cheek, followed by small paws batting my ankles.

We both looked down at a pair of shiny brown eyes, Alex shaking her head, "She already loves you more than me."

I laughed, tugging Alex closer, "Maybe, but I love you more." I sighed, letting her warmth ease me back into the real me completely. Allowing the black hooded figure that had been lingering in the edges of my vision all last night when I got home and this morning, fade away.

I could feel Alex smile against my chest, "I called my mom while you were in the backyard and rescheduled dinner with them for tomorrow. In the meantime, I'm going to make you a birthday breakfast while you open the rest of the presents I got you. I was too tired to try and get ready to go to their house, and Stacy wants us to meet her and her boyfriend at the bar tonight for birthday drinks. You can invite Dani and maybe Ward." She smirked, "I kind of want to get you liquored up and have my way with you."

I leaned back to look at the woman, "You do realize I learned how to drink in the Navy? I have the alcohol tolerance of a moose, Dani too, but I'll call her after we eat."

I then sighed, searching her eyes, "Alex, Holly is plenty." I smirked, "And the shower, that was, well all I can say is this has been the best birthday I've had in a long time."

Alex shrugged, looking in my eyes, "And you're the best thing to happen to me in a very long time and I want to spoil you." The words came out soft and heavy with so much emotion it made my heart skip. I loved and hated when Alex said things like that. Only because I was still hiding from her a large part of my life and I didn't know how much longer I could avoid it. I needed to get out of Voltaire and I needed it to happen yesterday.

Alex's face broke out in a huge grin, looking away from me and down at the spastic dog now whining that she was being ignored. "I'll make breakfast while you play with our fur baby."

She stepped out of my arms, ignoring my silent protest that she stays with me, "But I want you to play with me." I pouted as Holly was shoved gently into my hands.

Alex raised her eyebrows, moving to the fridge, "There's plenty of time for that later, but we are going to have to make room in our lives for that one." She laughed, "It's good practice for when we have kids."

The second the words fell out, I could see her turn red and stumble to retract the slip, "I mean more dogs or something, fish?" She sighed nervously, sticking her face in the fridge, "Did you drink all of the orange juice last night?"

I swallowed down a very dry throat, letting her slipped words sink into my mind and my heart. Kids. Kids meant marriage, marriage meant forever, forever with Alex. The panic was immediate and was quick to spur a thousand other things. I bent down to look at Holly, hoping she was doing something that I could comment on and ease the iceberg sized tension that blew into the kitchen, but Holly was completely passed out. Breathing heavily with her face smashed into the crook of my elbow. I winced at the little girl, way to bail on me when I needed you the most. I sucked in a breath and moved closer to Alex still rummaging around in the fridge for juice and a reprieve from the awkwardness she threw down.

"Alex, do you want to have kids?" I frowned at the way my voice sounded so meek and unsteady.

Alex straightened up, clutching a bottle of cranberry juice like it was her lifeline as she turned to face me. Her eyes wide with worry, "I didn't mean to, it slipped out." She moved her eyes to the plastic bottle cap, "We've barely been in a relationship for a year, I don't want you to think I'm trying to rush things." She peered at the sleeping black fluff in my arm, "I didn't get Holly as a test. I just remember you saying you wanted a dog and I couldn't resist and I don't know, I'm rambling." She turned to set the bottle on the counter, "I'll make French toast."

Alex was rambling, it was her go to when she felt she had shit the bed in terms of the delicate balance we still held in aspects of our relationship. I moved closer, grabbing her upper arm, "Alex, do you want to have kids? And all that comes with it?" I was now asking because I wanted to know her honest answer, not an answer she would give to appease me.

Alex face me, her face covered in a sheepish look as she nodded slowly, "I do. I want kids, dogs, a house, and a quiet wedding." She bit her bottom lip, whispering, "All with you."

I could feel my stomach turn in knots, twisting one way that made me giddy then another way that made me want to vomit. The look in Alex's eyes told me that she was telling me the purest of truths she could. Truthfully, I also wanted all of those things and with her. I just didn't realize it until a few seconds ago. My small silence, as usual, made Alex's panic creep up. She went to turn back to the stove, "It's your birthday. We should be talking about that and what you want to do today, not the silly things in my head."

I stared at her back, my two lives coming together and dueling it out, my black hooded figure twin suddenly appearing next to her with my own eyes staring back at me. The head cocked asking me in silence what did I really want versus what the reality of what I could have, be.

Glaring hard at my twin, I spoke, "I want that all too, Alex. With you and only you." I swallowed hard as my twin nodded and slowly faded away as I spoke the last few words, "I never knew I wanted it until this moment."

Alex spun around, her eyes wide and glassy, a smile tugging at her lips. "Really? You're not saying this to make me happy or to shut me up for a minute?"

I shook my head, leaning over to kiss her softly, murmuring against her lips, "Never, especially since I have other ways to shut you up for more than a minute." I leaned back to look in her eyes, "I want all of this, I want a forever with you Alex."

Alex's grin could have provided all of the electricity in New York city for a year, it was so bright. She grabbed my face, kissing me hard. "Then forever it will be, but after you retire. I want you all to myself, free from the Navy." She smiled when she saw the strange look on my face, "Victoria, I can wait. I want to wait." She stepped back, "I called Ward while you were gone. He and I are working on getting me into Bethesda Naval hospital with the mental health administrator. I decided I want to go back to school and get my masters in therapy so I can heal not only broken bodies, but broken minds." The tension had shifted like I flicked a light switch. Alex was now rambling excitedly like she did when she woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me how she saved a life, or pumped someone's heart with her bare hands.

I shifted the still passed out Holly to my other arm, "When did you make this decision?" I wasn't mad, I was just very surprised. Alex loved being a nurse and I would hate it if I was the reason she was changing her life.

"Stacy and I were talking about it while reinserting Mrs. Crowley's catheter. Stacy was the one who started it. Talking about how she signed up for online classes to move towards her nurse practitioner degree. It got me thinking about the wish list I had when I moved to New York. Get my master's and move into doing more with patients than issuing band aids."

She turned back to the cabinets, grabbing a pan, "After mapping it out during our break, it's very doable within the next year. My credits will transfer to Georgetown and Ward is willing to help me get the intern hours I need. Really, more than anything, I'm tired of these damn double triple shifts were I only get to see you in the morning when you wake me up before you go teach. I want a nine to five and come home to you for dinner, not late night cookies and cuddles." She shrugged, "And I'll be making more money for whatever future we decide on." Alex smiled, "The biggest reason is, I miss you and want to spend more time with you, living this life."

I sat down on the stool, setting Holly on my lap, "I do love late night cookies and cuddles." I rolled my eyes, "But, I also don't like the grumpy, growly Alex bear in my bed when I wake you up well before you're ready."

Alex frowned, playfully swatting me with the spatula. "Rude."

I laughed, shaking my head at how light and fun this tense moment had become, a sure small sign that Alex might be able to handle the whole truth of what I was when the time came. I pushed that thought out before it took hold, and ruined the mood.

Alex skipped over to me, kissing me quickly.  She motioned to the sleeping puppy in my arms, "If you keep holding her while she sleeps, she'll never want to sleep anywhere else."

I shrugged, "Perhaps, but she'll probably learn it by watching you every night." I stood up, moving out of the way of another impending spatula to the arm, "I'll take her upstairs, lay her down and come back down for you."

Alex shook her head, still grinning like it was her birthday and Christmas rolled in one, and it made my heart swell knowing I placed that grin on her face. A grin that I would memorize and tuck in the recesses of my mind to pull onto chase away the black hooded figure when she wanted to creep in and remind me of far too many things.

I paused at the bottom of the steps, staring back at Alex. “Alex, I love you. Never forget that. You will always be the life I want."

Alex's eyes met mine, her grin growing wider, "I love you, Victoria." She flicked her hand at me, "Get out of here and let me cook birthday girl."

I grinned catching the edges of her cheeks pink up before I went upstairs to put Holly in her box.