Dial L for Loser (11 page)

“It’s fine.” Massie yawned, as if describing a pullout bed that would simply have to do.

“Yeah, it’s cute.” Alicia parroted Massie’s blasé tone.

“Very good.” Avery R. smiled, his teeth looking twenty years younger and brighter than the rest of him. He turned to Claire. “Let me show you how to work the controls.”

“Cool.” Claire followed Avery to the entertainment center while Massie and Alicia took off in search of their bags.

“We pride ourselves on being completely wireless.” He tapped the mirrored console below the fifty-inch flat-screen TV. Stacks of current fashion magazines and newspapers were fanned across the top. Below them were a DVD player, a CD player, and an iPod dock. To the right, by the window, was a cabinet with a keyhole, which Claire assumed was the minibar, plus a popcorn maker and a Starbucks espresso machine. And not a single wire anywhere.

“You can control the entire suite with this.” Avery R. held up an egg-shaped remote, dotted with flat, backlit buttons that said things like
TV, AIR-CONDITIONING, WINDOW SHADES, COFFEEMAKER, POPCORN POPPER
, and
BUBBLE BATH
. “If you want something done, press the button.” He handed it to Claire.

“No way!” She pressed bubble bath and instantly heard the thundering sound of rushing water.

“Whoa!” Alicia called from the bathroom. “This tub just read my mind.”

“Thanks, Avery R.” Massie appeared, her dark brown extensions twisted and pinned to the top of her head. “We have to get ready now.” She slapped a twenty-dollar bill in his chalky palm.

“Thanks.” His tired eyes sprang to life. “Your mothers are right next door, but if you need anything, please call me.”

“Will do.” Massie padded off to the bedroom.

Claire broke into a full sprint and ran past her. “This place is huge!” She pushed open the French doors, took four huge strides, then dove onto the satin-cloaked California king bed, still holding the egg. “This mattress is the size of my entire room back home.”

“You better change out of those scrubs.” Massie sat on the clear Lucite stool in front of the vanity and unzipped her Prada makeup bag. “Or you may end up with a part on
Grey’s Anatomy
by accident.”

Claire skipped into the walk-in closet. She stepped over the minefield of clothes, shoes, boots, hair dryers, and jewelry boxes that were hemorrhaging from the Louis Vuitton suitcases. Finally she found her hockey bag stuffed in the corner between an ironing board and a laundry hamper.

“Ew!” Claire squealed. While she was fishing around for her audition outfit, her hand landed on a pair of Todd’s Harry Potter briefs. Either they’d gotten mixed up in her laundry, or her brother hadn’t bothered to clean his bag since hockey camp. She quickly pulled out her pink Gap tee and cutoff Levi’s and zipped it back up.

“I think I grew on the flight,” she told her reflection as she lodged Cam’s bag of gummies in her back pocket.

“The only thing that grew is the hair on your legs.” Massie slammed her Secret deodorant down on the makeup vanity. “I can see it from here.” She marched across the bedroom toward the closet.

Alicia giggled. “Me too!” she called from the tub.

Claire brushed her hand along her calf. There was definitely hair there, but her mother always said it was blond and that no one could see it. “How bad is it? Out of ten. Ten being ‘early man.’”

“Six.” Massie hooked the back seam on her pants, liberating them from her butt crack.

Claire snickered. It didn’t surprise her that Massie had bought the same super-straight velvet pants Abby had worn on
The Daily Grind
. But she was shocked she’d chosen to debut them in seventy-six-degree weather.

“Step aside.” Massie waved Claire off like a stinky fart, then tilted the floor-length mirror. “Now look. Still think you grew?”

“Oh,” Claire said to her five-foot-three frame. “That’s more like it.”

“Clothes stores and five-star hotels use fun-house mirrors to trick stupid people into thinking they’re suddenly tall and thin. You know, so they’ll spend more money.” She twisted her charm bracelet.

Claire’s cheeks burned. “So you think I’m
stupid
?”

Massie triple-tapped her on the head and walked away.

“Did anyone happen to notice the ah-mazing products in the bathroom? It’s better than Bendel’s in there.” Alicia emerged, towel-drying her thick dark hair, her boobs jiggling inside the waffled cotton Le Baccarat robe.

“Why aren’t you dressed yet?” Massie snapped. “Emma is picking us up at eleven thirty.”

“I have fifteen minutes.” Alicia tossed her wet towel on the bed.

“This goes in the hamper.” Massie slid a pink-satin-covered hanger under the wet towel and flipped it onto the floor.

Alicia picked the egg off the duvet and pressed radio. An old Kanye West song blasted through the speakers.

Claire danced her way into the bathroom, finally able to pee now that Alicia was gone. Red petals that had once dusted the floor were now wet and stuck to the marble thanks to Alicia’s watery footprints. The deep tub gurgled as the bubbles drained out, and the doors of the shower were covered in steam. Above the two clear sinks was a long, mirrored cabinet. Claire slid it open and was over-whelmed by the heady aroma of plant extracts. The top shelf was filled with Bumble & Bumble hair products; the second with lotions and creams from Clarins, Kiehl’s, and Philosophy; the third with miniature perfume samples and tiny bottles of Essie nail polish; and the fourth with Aveda soaps and oils.

“Ready!” Alicia shouted.

Claire grabbed a small green bar of soap, shoved it in her back pocket, and clicked off the light.

Alicia was twisting her hair into a chignon when Claire stepped out of the bathroom. Her
I HEART NY
tank top was cinched with a silver braided belt and covered with a shrunken white blazer. A black peasant skirt and metallic ballet slippers gave her a city-meets-country look that Rupert would probably love.

Then there was Massie. Usually she’d be classified as “actress beautiful,” but her new long hair elevated her status to “model beautiful.” She was wearing an ivory silk halter, a tangle of charm necklaces, and Abby’s black velvet pants.

Next to Massie and Alicia, Claire felt like a sloppy first grader, more
Sesame Street
than sexy. Cam was the only one who liked her super short bangs, and it had been days since she’d seen him.

“Let’s go!” Massie dabbed her wrists with Chanel No. 5, grabbed the key card, and marched out of the room. Alicia hooked a red hobo bag over her shoulder and followed. Claire slipped on her Hadley-approved Keds, snapped off a chunk of cookie, shoved it in her mouth, and closed the door behind her.

The elevator ride from the twenty-fifth floor to the lobby gave Claire enough time to hate her hair, detest her bloody cuticles, and abhor the dusting of hair on her thighs. What had made her think she could star in a movie? Having the lead in a few school plays back in Florida hardly qualified her as an actress. Massie and Alicia had even less experience, but they were Massie and Alicia. What else did they need?

Claire slid her fingers into the back pocket of her tight cutoffs and wrapped her hand around the miniature Aveda beauty bar. Then, as if wiping away a loose booger, she brushed the soap past her nostril and inhaled deeply. The combination of mint and flowers instantly calmed her nerves.

When the elevator doors opened, Massie lifted her chin and stepped into the bustling lobby.

“Oh, they look so glamorous, don’t they, Kendra?” shrieked Judi.

Everyone turned to see who she was talking about.

“Puh-lease tell your mother to chill.” Massie practically spat the words.

“Girls, go stand by that fountain so I can take a picture.” Judi lifted a disposable camera out of a plastic Le Baccarat bag, normally used for trash, and waved it around. “Your grandparents will be so excited to see—”

“Look, that must be Emma.” Massie grabbed Claire and Alicia and dragged them toward the dimly lit lounge.

Claire glanced back at her mother and flashed an I’d-love-to-stay-but-I’m-being-taken-against-my-will look, hoping it would explain the lost photo op.

Emma was in an oversize wing chair, talking on her cell. Just as she’d said she would be, she was dressed in a white linen pantsuit. “Royt, then, sounds good,” her voice boomed in a thick British accent. “The girls ah he-ah. Gohdda jump.” She dropped the phone into her blazer pocket.

Even though she was from England, Emma reminded Claire of the students at University of Central Florida. She had straight blond hair and wispy bangs. Her hazel eyes were lined with blue kohl and her lipstick was pink. Her B-cups weren’t enhanced, her nose had a small bump, and her hand-bag didn’t resemble luggage. Claire liked her immediately.

“Sorry ’bout that.” She sighed. “The press has been up me bum all moh-ning. The-hh desperate to find out who will be replacing Hadley.”

“Aren’t we all.” Alicia clutched her stomach.

Claire nodded.

“Look no further.” Massie curtsied.

Emma threw her head back and laughed.

Alicia rolled her eyes.

Claire sighed, letting Alicia know that Massie’s blatant campaigning annoyed her too.

“Emma, I’d like you to meet my manager.” Massie waved her mother over. Judi followed.

“Pleasure to meet you.” Kendra offered her right hand. A landslide of diamond tennis bracelets fell toward her bony wrist.

“And this is my mom.” Claire pulled Judi into the circle.

“We are so excited to be here. Thanks for having us,” Judi gushed, as if Emma had invited them to stay in her house and offered up her bed.

“So, are we ready?” Massie interrupted. “We don’t want to keep Rupert waiting.”

“I like that.” Emma smiled. “A true professional.”

“I try.”

Claire wondered if she should bother auditioning. If she left now, she could be back under her covers IM’ing Cam before dinner.

“So, what do the chaperones do while the girls are auditioning?” Kendra slid her oversize Chanel sunglasses over her eyes.

“Ru-puhht would prefeh it if you stayed back heh. You know, so the guhls can really focus.”

Claire felt a pinch of guilt because her mom had been excited to see Gelding Studios. But mostly she was relieved. When it came to getting crushed by Massie Block and Alicia Rivera, the fewer witnesses, the better.

“Hmmm.” Kendra turned to Judi. “Have you ever been to Rodeo Drive?”

Judi adjusted her yellow visor. “No.”

“You’ll love it. It’s like Fifth Avenue without the fur.” Kendra winked at Massie.

“Ready, then?” Emma signaled her driver, who pulled up to the curb in a white Escalade.

“Ready,” they all said at once.

“Apple-C!”

“Good luck, girls!” Kendra and Judi doled out a round of hugs, then stepped into a taxi by the valet stand. They blew air kisses out the window as they pulled onto Santa Monica Boulevard.

The girls spread out in the back of the spacious Escalade, and Emma sat up front with the driver, making phone calls.

Massie searched the satellite radio for a good pop station, while Alicia and Claire scoured the fridge. “Look at all this.” Alicia snapped pictures of the soda, cookies, and minisandwiches with her Motorola Pebl, then e-mailed them to Dylan and Kristen.

“What are these?” Claire wiggled a bright red piece of licorice in Alicia’s face, then took a bite.

Massie cranked up a dance-remix version of Christina Aguilera’s old song “Beautiful.”

“They’re called Red Vines,” Alicia shouted over the speedy electronica. “They’re like the California version of Twizzlers.”

“Much chewier, stickier, and more cherryish.” Claire held out the plastic bag. “Want one?”

Alicia turned away in disgust.

“
I am beautiful, no matter what they say
,” Massie bellowed as she rolled down the windows. A rush of sun-kissed air blew through the SUV. For the first time in months, Claire felt warm.

Iambeautifulnomatterwhattheysay

Wordswon’tbringmedown.…

They sang as fast as they could, laughing as they tried to keep up with the accelerated pace of the remix.

Claire held her mouth open, trying to swallow as much of Los Angeles as she could. The blue ocean was on her left, and straight ahead a ridge of jagged mountains kissed the horizon. Claire thought of Orlando when they passed a row of tall palm trees and thought of Cam when they passed everything else. She reached into her back pocket, pulled out a yellow gummy worm, and gently placed it on her tongue.

Massie jumped to lower the radio and answered her barking phone. “Hey, Kristen. What’s up? I’m putting you on speaker, ’kay?”

A chorus of sobs and sniffles filled the Escalade.

“Is Dylan there too?” Massie asked.

“Yessss,” Dylan bawled.

“Why are you guys crying?” asked Claire. “Did something happen with the board? Do I have to go to ADD? Please don’t say I have to go to ADD.”

“We don’t.” Kristen sniffed.

“Then what is it?” Massie was annoyed.

“Why did Alicia send us those pictures?” Dylan blew her nose.

“I wanted you to see all of the food they have for us.” Alicia grinned. “Isn’t it great?”

“Were you
trying
to make us feel like LBRs?” Kristen snapped.

“Puh-lease.” Alicia leaned closer to the phone. “I sent them so you could feel like you were here.”

Kristen blew her nose.

“Do you miss us?” Dylan asked.

“Given.” Alicia rolled her eyes.

“Do you think they’ve spoken to the boys yet?” Claire whispered.

“What?” Kristen barked. “Why are you whispering?”

“Sorry.” Claire tugged on her short bangs. “I just wanted to know if you spoke to Cam yet.”

“Or Josh?”

Claire glanced at Massie, expecting her to ask about Derrington, but she didn’t.
How
did she have the willpower to act like she didn’t care about him? Sometimes Claire wished she could act cool and aloof like Massie, even though it didn’t seem like much fun.

“We’ll see them tonight.” Kristen perked up. “We’re gonna dress up in hats and glasses and sneak into their soccer practice.”