Diary of a Mummy Misfit #1 (21 page)

Met Fenella at the gates with Brown & Splodge in tow - Todd had clearly had the same idea to show off his extended family.

Realised we’d need to take it in turns to take our boys in because we couldn’t leave the dogs. Fenella went first with Todd while Max was champing at the bit to get in.  He even asked if he could just go in with them but I wouldn’t be denied the historical moment of seeing him in on his first day.

Observed much pally air kissing and ‘mwah-mwah’s’.  Lots of surreptitious eyeing up of one another too - “Has she gained a little weight?”  “Is her tan deeper than mine?”  “Is she wearing a new bracelet?”

And this just from the Year 6 girls!

Taking in my surroundings I saw mothers dressed for the gym and tennis or in business clothes and en route to the office.  Then there were the ‘dressed to impress’ bunch probably off for coffee or lunch.  The final category was the nannies - eager to get back to an empty house as soon as they’d dumped their charges.

Realised there was no group I’d fit into but decided I didn’t need to be compartmentalised.  I was quite happy to be a one-off.  Just so long as I don’t stick out like a sore thumb.

Fenella returned after an anxious ten minutes - Todd had
not
been happy about being left and had cried furiously.  Poor Fenella looked a wreck.

I suddenly found myself dreading taking Max in - what if Todd set him off or, worse still, what if
I
started blubbing?

Needn’t have worried though because as soon as we set foot in the classroom, Max kissed me goodbye and said he’d go and look after Todd.  Then adding, “And you should go and look after Fenella. Bye Mummy.”

That’s my boy!

Felt a bit guilty reporting back to Fenella that all had gone smoothly but she was pleased to hear that Todd was being looked after by his buddy.

Decided to set off for a long walk across the common, mobiles gripped firmly in our hands in case the school called.

PM

Boy, did the afternoon drag! 

The morning was a breeze because it just felt as if Max was at nursery and the walk on the common had taken our minds off things, but 3.30 just never seemed to roll around.

I’d done the housework, had lunch, sorted through my Christmas fair files, watched ‘Neighbours’ (what a luxury) and it was still only two o’clock.

Definitely time to start thinking about a part time job.  Just don’t know what - start considering my strengths.

Got to the school far too early purely because I couldn’t bear to be in such a quiet house any longer.  Several mums were already gathered at the gates and talking ten to the dozen.  Really felt the outsider as the existing mothers have ready-formed cliques that don’t appear to have room for ‘newbies’.  Spotted Gestapo and rat but she was holding court with a giggling gaggle and I felt I’d rather look like a loner than have to put up with her.  Wasn’t remotely surprised to see that the Gnome was part of the group - just her type.  Could hear them all comparing notes on the horrors of holidaying with a nanny.

Gestapo was in full flow, “I mean, can you imagine.  We took Troika with us because we thought she’d be grateful and want to see the Caribbean but on her first night off she got so totally rat-arsed
we
had to look after the kids for the whole of the next morning!  She couldn’t do it again though because we grounded her for the remaining three weeks. 
Then,
when we got home she handed in her bloody notice because she says we’re mean-spirited. 
I ask you!”

Troika had obviously seen the light.

The Gnome then added her own dramas, “What about this then?  Matilde appears to have got herself up the duff by the waiter at our local Italian.  She’s absolutely no use to me at all at the moment - puking her guts up everywhere and wailing and sobbing.  Then last night we had her father on the phone demanding to know how
we
could have let it happen.  Practically threatened me.  I’ve booked her on the next available flight home and the agency is on the look out for an Aussie ‘manny’ - no pregnancy issues to deal with and, frankly, I’m desperate.”

Was relieved to see Fenella approaching to complete our own group of two.

“Hi, Sweedie. Just had some daft tart reverse into me and trash my bumper.  Not the slightest bit apologetic!  Just rambled on about how she’s always doing it and her husband would sort out the insurance.  That’s her over there, laughing like a drain with the leopard skin stick insect.”

Obviously another case of Braille Parking.

There was much excitement when the school doors opened and our little ones were dismissed with a shake of their teacher’s hand before each child was dispensed to the correct parent or carer.

Max & Todd ran over to us clutching handfuls of artwork. Max’s shirt was hanging out and his shoes were already scuffed and Todd seemed to be wearing a pot of blue paint on his face and hands.  They were both chattering excitedly and Fenella and I could just about deduce that the day had been a huge success - even for Todd.

Fenella whispered to me, “Just hope they realise they’ve got to do it all again tomorrow!”

Max was absolutely shattered and ready for bath and bed by seven.  He filled me in on the highlights of his day.

“We all sat in a circle and we had to say our name and where we’d been on holiday.  Sebastian went to see Mickey Mouse at Disneyland and Letitia went to Africa to see elephants and zebras.”

Told him that sounded exciting and then apprehensively asked what he’d said when it came to his turn.

“Well Mummy, I stood up and in a big voice I said, ‘Hello.  My name is Max and I went to the park’.  They must like me because everybody laughed.”

First day and the cracks are already beginning to show.

Wednesday 3
^rd
September  AM

Max could hardly drag his tired little body out of bed this morning.

Decided to drive to school as I didn’t want to wear him out even more.

Met Fenella who was looking flustered as she hurried Todd and Charlotte from the car.  “Oh God, Lib.  We overslept and Todd’s still having his breakfast.” Todd was indeed still munching on a croissant and slurping on a smoothie while Fenella was trying to flatten his hair down.  Charlotte was still in her pyjamas and, on closer inspection, I noticed Fenella was also wearing hers under a fake fur.  Must remember to tell Lou!

Decided we’d get together after lunch for a Christmas fair update.  Hooray - something to do with the day.  My house was in danger of being cleaned again and that would just be too sad for words.

Spent part of the morning on the phone to Lou who was worried that Finn was coming down with bronchitis - he has a slight cough.  Eventually convinced her he’d be fine and then got on to the subject of us both finding part time work. Lou’s decided she’s really got to wait until Finn goes to school because child care would be too expensive and, anyway, a child minder wouldn’t watch him properly. Told her I still didn’t know what I wanted to do but Nic had suggested organising children’s parties. It does seem a natural outlet for my recently discovered organisational skills.

Agree with Lou that it might be an awful lot of hard work but it could be fun.  Something to consider once the fair is over.

Had pretty full-on meeting with Fenella - we suddenly realised just how much needs doing by November.  Split some of the jobs down the middle so we both have our own lists to work on before we discuss again next week.

MY LIST

Source and buy 3 suitable craft activities
- all components must be to Elf and Safety standards (or “Effin’ Safety” as Fenella now refers to it) - last year a child lost a bead up its nostril and the school wants to avoid a repeat performance.

Discuss food options with Gestapo
(Yuck!)  Make sure she has all under control.

Find remaining outside stall-holders
- had request from one mother for something ‘foodie’ and  also ‘leather goods’ - why can’t she just go to a supermarket or a department store like everyone else? (Or maybe a kinky website if she has something else in mind).

Start to think of our fund raising idea for ‘CCL’
- considering school recipe book.

Book a face painter
- suggested by a mother who has had absolutely no involvement with the fair and no desire to help in any way.

Was very brave and took the bull by the horns - called Gestapo and arranged to meet with her and her cronies (3 of them including the Gnome) to discuss food tomorrow.  Best to get it out of the way or I’ll just keep putting it off.

PM

Max had us in hysterics tonight after filling us in on stories about the kids’ packed lunches.  Mia had apparently been telling the children on her table that she isn’t allowed anything with a fat content over five or sugar of any sort so she won’t be a fat teenager.  Also, Sebastian takes sushi which was described by Max as ‘very pretty looking but stinky and yucky’ when he was offered a taste.

And Mia takes raw runner beans and ‘grass’ (never discovered what it
really
was!) for her playtime snack and drinks an ‘energy booster’ because it’s good for her skin.

He then asked us what the fat content of his tuna sandwich, pretzels and banana was because he quite liked Mia and didn’t want her to think he was unhealthy.

He saw me putting the parsley in our salad for later and asked if he could take some for his snack because then he might be able to share it with Mia.  Love has obviously struck early.