Diary of a Teenage Taxidermist (14 page)

Robert snorted. “You mean, hang you on the wall? Why would he need teenage guys?”

“Oh, my God! That’s so horrible!” Kelly laughed and punched his arm. “Maybe he’s gay if he’s Ethan’s friend. You’ll be choking on your own words. He’d feed me to the dogs and hang you up there.”

Robert stared at her, surprised she of all people would come to a conclusion such as this. “Ethan
has
straight friends.”

“Yeah, one. And by the look of it, he’s not making any more.” She pointed to the glass between them and the front seats, where Chris and Ethan seemed to be arguing. Ethan with a map in his hand and gesturing wildly with the other; Chris baring his teeth in a way that didn’t suggest anything good.

“Come on.” Robert rolled his eyes. “This Herbert guy probably doesn’t even know Ethan’s gay.”

Kelly kept her gaze on the inside of the cab. “I suppose he’s not gay-looking. I know there’s all sorts of gays, but with some, you can really tell. You know what I mean? Ethan’s just weird.”

“I guess.” Rob shrugged, watching the trees pass by. They were on a narrow dirt road, already deep in the woods. He wondered how long it would take them to reach Herbert the Squirrel Man. And if he could get off later too. Ethan’s parents had such a tight grip on their son, that he and Ethan barely scraped out some hours together. Now Rob understood why Ethan was so specific about meeting up on Wednesday afternoons. It was the only time when he actually had a few hours alone at home.

All of a sudden, Kelly gripped Rob’s T-shirt when they took a sharp turn to the side of the road and parked. Chris rushed out of the car and slammed the door shut.

“I am done with this! He does not listen to me!”

Rob immediately untangled himself from Kelly and looked at him. “What’s wrong? Aren’t you the one driving?”

Ethan got out from the other side with fire in his eye. “He is! And he’s doing a shit job! This is a complicated route, and I’ve been here so many times. But nooo, Chris knows a shortcut, Chris knows how to get to a remote house he’s never heard of before, sure!” Ethan crossed his arms on his chest with a huff.

Robert was sorry he couldn’t frown at both of them at once. “Maybe I could take over?” he proposed, turning toward Chris.

“Sure, you deal with that know-it-all,” Chris groaned and opened the door for Rob, as if he were a chauffeur, and Rob were a lady.

“Can we just get there already, find out if he’s gonna kill us or not, and go home?” Kelly complained, huddled up in two jackets.

“Actually, I do know how to get to this guy’s house so I do know all about it!” Ethan hissed. “I’d love to drive myself, but,
oh
, I don’t have one eye!”

Robert stumbled on his way to the ground. It was like a stab to the gut. Why would Ethan say this now of all times?

He looked over to the empty space between Ethan and Chris, and put his hands into his pockets. “Are you done?”

Ethan gritted his teeth. “We’re running out of time,” he said, quieter.

Robert rolled his eyes. “Chris? Will you swap with me?”

“Sure, if you think you can deal with Mr. Bossy, here.” Chris pointed to Ethan, who only bristled more.

“It’s not me who can’t take direction.”

Robert turned to Ethan, exhaling, and stared straight into his eye. He couldn’t believe the guy was being so ungrateful. It was only Chris’s good deed for the day to take him here in the first place.

Ethan took a deep breath and lowered his gaze, but turned around and opened the door like a good boy.

Chris got onto the back and sat next to Kelly. “Good luck,” he said with a pout.

With one more look at Kelly’s disappointed face, Rob got into the driver’s seat and slammed the door shut a bit too hard. “Get in.”

Ethan looked up at him and followed the order. “Chris is so rude,” he mumbled as he closed his seat belt.

“No. You are.” Robert started the car and moved forward, wondering how he could possibly put some sense into that stubborn head.

“You’re just taking his side,” Ethan looked out the window, his body language as closed as possible. Arms crossed, lips clenched.

“Yeah? Whose car is this? Whose gas is this? Huh?” Rob snapped.

Ethan stayed silent, and when he spoke, his voice was much higher. “I just want those squirrels so much,” he uttered, rubbing his eye. “I got nervous.”

“That’s the same thing you told me when you made me suck your cock for the first time,” growled Robert quietly, but his stomach froze at the memory.

Ethan slouched in his seat. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.

“I’m sorry too. It’s not how I imagined my first time, you know. But that’s life. Sometimes, you just have to suck it up,” whispered Robert through clenched teeth. By the end of the sentence, his jaw was hurting so bad, he had to open and close it several times to relax the muscles.

Ethan folded his map before speaking. “I’m sorry… You know, it’s close now. I can hike from here, and I’ll call my mom to pick me up.” He unbuckled his seat belt.

Robert stared at the road ahead and pressed the gas pedal. Ethan would not be escaping from here. “No.”

“You make it sound so horrible…” Ethan rubbed the side of his head. “It was a first for me too.”

Robert forced himself to slowly let out the air gathered in his lungs and focused on the road despite the wave of heat that threatened to scramble his brain and cook his eyes. He didn’t know where it all came from, but the memories held on to his neck, choking him with all their power. “I sort of imagined I’d choose who it would be, where, and when, you know?” he uttered. “I lost this and will never get it back.”

“And I always imagined I’d have both eyes, no debilitating headaches, and no lost memories!” Ethan burst out all of a sudden. “You shouldn’t have done what you did! I’m still in pain, still dealing with the aftermath and praying I won’t start losing more memory. You seem to have recovered, and you’re all over sucking cock,” he whispered the last words.

Robert grasped the steering wheel in an iron grip as the trees and asphalt blurred in front of his eyes. “I didn’t do this on purpose, and you know it, you little fuck,” he whispered, focusing all his attention on the road.

“Okay, so I’m a greedy bastard! Sue me. For once in my life, I got a shot at being with someone I wanted so I took that chance. So maybe it was a little fucked up, but I didn’t know you the way I do now.” Ethan knocked his head into the window.

Robert felt a sudden stinging in his eyes and he blinked, breathing hard. “Is that how you see this? Really?”

Ethan sucked in his lips and sat there in silence.

It took Robert at least five minutes to gather the courage to speak. He didn’t even want to look at Ethan, much less listen to his selfish excuses. “I’ll get you there, but call your mom to pick you up.”

“I never wanted to be pushy, I just need those squirrels…” Ethan whispered, barely audibly, never looking back at Rob.

“I don’t care about the fucking squirrels. You can fuck Derek for all I care,” hissed Robert.

Ethan didn’t say another word until they got to Herbert’s house. It was a secluded old cottage in the middle of nowhere, and it really did look like something out of a horror movie. The man sitting in front of it had a furry hat and a beard that looked like a living creature, but he greeted Ethan like an old friend. Chris and Kelly didn’t even get off the back when Robert told them they weren’t waiting for Ethan.

“Thanks for the lift,” Ethan uttered, standing next to Herbert with his hands in his hoodie. “And thanks for letting us use your car, Chris.”

“It’s fine.” Chris waved his hand, not as bothered as half an hour ago. Talking to a pretty girl must have tamed his temper, not that he was the type to dwell on conflict anyway.

Robert did his best not to look Ethan’s way and crawled onto the back as soon as they had Kelly safely stored in the passenger seat.

But it wasn’t the end for Rob. When the wheels of the car started moving, the soft, velvety voice reached his ears.

“I’m so sorry, Rob,” Ethan said a bit louder so Rob would hear him over the engine.

Robert drew in a sharp breath and huddled his jacket tighter around his arms. He was freezing all over.

Chapter 10

“Tonight’s gonna be epic!” Chris exclaimed, walking around his tiny room in just his pants. Robert tried not to take in too much air, afraid he’d choke on all the deodorant Chris sprayed himself with. He seemed to have taken the manufacturer’s commercial too seriously. Rob was doing his best not to cough.

“So what color of dress is she wearing?” asked Rob half-heartedly. His thoughts kept straying to the last words he heard from Ethan. He said ‘sorry’. Was it really what he meant, or was he just playing with Rob again? Sometimes, it was hard to read Ethan’s facial expressions. They hadn’t spoken for over a week, and Ethan hadn’t even approached Rob about coming over on their designated fuck-Wednesday. At school, Ethan avoided him like the plague, even when Rob caught himself looking at him across the hall.

“Red. You know what that means.” Chris smirked and wiggled his eyebrows as he put on his shirt over the layer of thick fragrance.

“I do?” he asked, biting his lip. This sudden change of dynamics between him and Ethan was making him feel at a loss, even though they’d never talked to one another before the accident. Only now did Rob realize that they had been spending a lot of time in each other’s company since then. He’d been at Ethan’s hospital bed every single day, then they’d started fucking, and talking, and hugging whenever they could. He knew Ethan was beginning to like him despite the rough start. And was he himself not overreacting? It wasn’t like Ethan
raped
him. As painful as it was, Ethan did withdraw his demands after the first time, so had it really been the right to break up their blooming—whatever it was they had—so suddenly?

“Yeah, like, hello! Red. Girls wear red when they wanna look sexy. It’s like a signal that they’re ready to go all the way.” Chris frowned and shook his head. “Everybody knows that. Oh, but don’t think that just because Kelly’s doing blue, she’s not available. Don’t let that fool you.” He walked up to a tiny mirror on the wall and started combing his short hair.

“She’s a friend,” muttered Robert, dragging his hands down his face. He refused to comment on Chris’s stupid conclusion. He loved the guy to bits, but Chris wasn’t the sharpest crayon in the pack.

“Come on, Rob. She’s been a friend for, like, forever. You know she’d date you in a heartbeat.”

“I don’t want her to date me,” grumbled Rob, finding himself obsessing over Derek being Ethan’s date. Again. This issue had been on his mind a lot lately. What if they actually end up fucking? Yeah. What then? And Rob was the stupid one to encourage Ethan to do it in the first place. With Ethan not being interested in anything else than just scratching an itch, Robert was expendable anyway.

Chris turned around and gave him that serious look. “Are you dating some married woman or something?”

Robert scowled. “Where did that come from?”

“‘Cause you push Kelly away like she’s got herpes or something, but you haven’t invited anyone else. Are you tapping some cougar and have to keep it quiet? I’d kill you if you are, and you haven’t told me.” Chris squinted, which made heat rise in Robert’s head so rapidly it felt as though it would explode.

Robert exhaled. “I’m gay.” There. Out in the open. And even though Rob felt that he had every right to be who he was, his stomach still cramped.

Chris frowned. “Very funny. Who’s the girl?”

Robert didn’t know whether he should laugh or scream in anguish. “I’m gay,” he said, trying to pronounce every syllable perfectly.

“Wait, are you serious?” Chris took a step closer and bowed down to Rob’s eye level.

Robert discreetly pulled on his own index finger, and his cheeks tingled. “Do I look like I’m joking?”

“Oh, fuck! You’re serious,” Chris hissed. “What the fuck? I can’t believe you haven’t told me! I’ve been your best friend for fourteen years!” His eyes widened, and he stepped back, spreading his arms wide. “Oh, God. Are you fucking Eddie?”

Robert opened and closed his mouth, feeling uncomfortable with the sudden shower of loud words. “Don’t call him that.”

“You are!” Chris threw his hands in the air. “I can’t believe you would finally do it with someone and not tell me!”

“I’m telling you now. And it’s kinda private, yeah?” Robert exhaled, slowly relaxing now than he was certain Chris wouldn’t suddenly turn on him. Sure, the guy had a big heart and always tried to defend gay rights, but it was a different matter when a guy who kept seeing you naked after every football practice turned out to be gay.

“Yeah, sure, I’ll keep it quiet, but… what? Ethan? Out of all people?” Chris took a deep breath and sat down on his desk. It creaked so badly Rob frowned.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“Come on, he’s like…” Chris made a gesture in the air that said absolutely nothing.

Rob frowned at him. “What?”

“Is this some guilt thing? I mean… he’s not like… If
I
were gay, I wouldn’t go for him,” Chris concluded and folded his arms across his chest.

Was that an insult? Maybe not to Rob but certainly to Ethan. “Well, I did go for him.”

“‘Did’, because he’s dating that Derek guy now? Wow, come to think of it, Ethan’s doing really well for himself. First, he does the quarterback, and now a cheerleader.” Chris stared out the window with a thoughtful expression.

“Shut up,” uttered Robert, slouching his shoulders. “Derek’s a fucking saint. Nothing’ll happen there.”

“Huh? Is there something I’m not getting here?”

Robert groaned. “We’re kinda... I don’t think we are on the same page with Ethan.”

Chris jumped off the desk. “What page do you want to be on with him?”

Robert shrugged. “Dunno, he’s hot, and I like talking to him.”

“And he’s dating Derek…” Chris gave Rob a pat on the head.

“He’s not. They’re just going to prom together, like me and Kelly.” Robert stretched to relieve the tension that contorted his back.

“So let me just get this
straight
.” Chris laughed nervously. “Are you dating him or not? Are you just fuckbuddies?”

Robert felt heat flooding his face. That last word seemed so impersonal. “I don’t know.”

“Oh, man, this is not good. You don’t even know what you’re doing? I mean… what? How am I supposed to give you advice?” Chris shook his head and put on his suit jacket.

Robert mentally rolled his eyes. As much as he loved Chris, the guy wasn’t the best person to take advice from. “It’s different with guys. Not everything’s black and white.”

Chris squinted and folded his hands into a triangle. “So let me re-cap this. You’re gay. You have a thing for Ethan, but it’s not anything official, and you guys just… uh, fool around?”

Robert swallowed. That did help. “Yeah.”

“That’s cool. I think.” Chris pursed his lips. “So since you’re not doing Kelly, like, ever, can I ask her out after prom?”

Robert frowned. “Didn’t you just say you want to sleep with Sue after prom?”

“Well, it’s not like I’m married to her or something. And Kelly’s not getting any because of you.” Chris raised his eyebrows. “It’s only fair I put her out of her misery.”

Robert gave him a long, cloudy look. What the fuck was that supposed to mean? “I don’t think ‘getting some’ is all they want, so maybe make a decision, yeah?”

“Oh, come on… Aren’t you gonna try and get into Ethan’s pants tonight?” Chris winked at him.

Rob exhaled. “He’s going with Derek. Besides, I wouldn’t be trying to get into someone else’s pants if it doesn’t work out with him. Those aren’t anonymous hookups, it’s people we know. Come on, Chris...”

Chris sat down on the bed, next to Rob. “I suppose… Why do you have to be so sensible?” He took a deep breath. “Can I ask Kelly out if I break up with Sue?”

“Only if you don’t try to get into Sue’s pants tonight.” Robert leaned back against the wall, tired of the relationship talk. It didn’t look like it was about to end.

“Okay, I’ll think about it. So what do you actually
do
with him?” Chris asked with a frown.

Rob drew in a sharp breath, remembering the milky skin, and how that flesh turned pliant against him. He wasn’t sure if Chris was just asking out of some kind of weird bro-politeness or whether he was really interested. “All sorts of stuff.”

“It’s so hard to talk to you sometimes, you know that?” Chris took a deep breath. “Are you eying any other guys?’

Robert snorted. “I have some favorite models, and there is this guy at the café in the mall that I think is hot.”

Chris punched his arm. “I can’t get over you not telling me. Okay, whatever then, you have my blessing. He’s a pain in the ass though, so I hope I never have to drive him anywhere again.”

Robert’s mouth tingled, and he relaxed with a smile. “He can be a bit overdramatic at times, yeah.”

“So I suppose instead of an ‘epic’ night, this will probably end up being a ‘PG’ night.” Chris sighed at the loss.

“Come on, is that the only reason you wanted to party tonight?” Robert shook his head in disbelief.

“Nah, it’s just a strange turn of events. Hey, why’d you leave him at that crazy guy’s house in the woods then? Did he piss you off too with that map of his?”

“Something like that.” Robert looked at his watch, refusing to let the conversation from the car replay in his mind in all the painful detail.

“Oh, my God! Can I tell him I know?” Chris straightened up all of a sudden with a wide grin.

Robert raised his head and blinked. “No! Jeesus, he can’t know I told you.”

“Damn, I’d love to mess with him.” Chris got up and looked at his watch.

“Don’t.” Robert sighed. “We need to go anyway.” He got to his feet and rushed to the door. Chris rarely made him feel uncomfortable, but this conversation had been horrendous. At least he got rid of the elephant in the room and could now stop worrying whether Chris would turn his back on him if he knew the truth.