Diary of a Wanted Woman (16 page)

“Damn, man, fuck that pussy,” he encouraged Keith with a chuckle.

I tried digging my fingers into the sheets again. I needed to hold onto something. Keith’s hand came up and his fingers were around my neck. I think it turned him on to choke me. He always did that when he was close to coming.

Finally he came passing out on the bed.

Jonas laughed.

Keith rolled onto his side and I landed on the bed exhausted as well. I lay there staring at the ceiling.

Jonas just sat on the edge of the bed. It was several minutes before anyone spoke.

Keith sat up and looked at Jonas.

“Man, get the fuck out. Party is over.”

Jonas laughed and began putting his clothes on. Keith reached over grabbed a blanket lying at the end of the bed and handed it to me.

“It’s a little cold in here.”

The gesture was sweet but it confused me. I was too exhausted to think too much into it. I ignored it and wrapped myself up in the blanket. It was rather chilly in there.

Keith slipped on his shorts and walked Jonas out of the room. I lay there across the bed. My ass hurt but it was an amazing sexual experience. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I actually felt content for that moment.

I didn’t realize that I had fallen asleep until I felt a cold hand on my stomach. I jumped and almost head butted Keith.

“Hey baby, it’s just me. I like that shit. I fucked you until you passed out.”

He laughed.

“Do you realize that you snore?”

I raised an eyebrow.

“I do not snore.”

“Yes, you do,” he said smiling.

Keith climbed off the bed and pulled me with him. When I was on my feet, he lifted me and carried me down the hall into my bathroom. Once we entered he placed me on my feet. I looked over and saw he had run bathwater.

I looked over at him and watched him take off his shorts. He looked up to find me staring at him.

“What’s up?”

“You’re confusing me right now.”

“How am I confusing you?”

“You are not being the sadistic dominating bastard that you always are.”

He laughed.

I watched him walk over to my large soak tub and climbed inside.

“Come over here baby.”

I slowly walked over to the tub. I stuck my foot in to test the water and noticed it was the perfect temperature. I climbed in and ease down into it. He grabbed me and pulled me against his body.

“I don’t always have to be a sadistic bastard, do I?”

I smiled.

“I guess not.”

“No baby, you belong to me. As long as you follow the rules and do as I say I don’t have to be a sadist every second of the day. However, I must admit. I love to see you in pain.”

I wanted to know why it turned him on to do those things to me. He was the first man I had met that needed to see me suffer to get off.

“I don’t know Hannah. It just gives me such a sense of power to be in charge of when you can feel pain and when you can feel pleasure. I love the fact that you trust me enough to put all of that in my hands. I control it and in turn I control you. It’s making my dick hard just thinking about it.”

I could tell. His breathing increased and I could feel his large and hard dick poking me in the ass. I was beginning to get turned on as well.

He still held me tight.

“Hannah, what if I told you I wanted it to be more serious between us?”

I was confused.

“I thought we were pretty damn serious Keith?”

He sighed.

“We are, but I think I want to give you that official title.”

Trying to respond I literally choked on my own spit. He laughed as he patted my back. I regained my composure and was finally able to speak.

“You’re trying to make me your wife?”

Now it was his turn to overreact.

“Hell No! Damn I was just trying to make you my girlfriend. Shit!”

I started to laugh and then I realized he had just asked me to be his girlfriend. That in itself was still very serious.

“You want me to be your girlfriend?”

“Yes baby. I figure if I give you the title you might stop fucking other men.”

I didn’t know what to say. I have had that title before and I cannot say that it stopped me from doing what I wanted to do.

“I know that you are afraid of being committed to me. Shit! I’m not too fond of it myself,” he said caressing my breasts.

“How do you know about my commitment phobia?”

“I know you better than you think I do.”

I turned splashing water all over the floor. I wanted to look him in the eye. I stared at him skeptically.

“Is that so?”

He smiled wrapping his arms around me as I straddled him.

“Yes. We are not that different you and I.”

I smiled at that. I found it amusing that he thought we were the same.

“We are both two lost souls struggling to find where we fit in this world.
 
We have a connection that cannot be broken.”

He was getting very deep on me.
 
It was such a shock and a comfort. He was right though. I felt lost and abandoned sometimes and it was a comfort to find someone that understood me, even if he was a little crazy.

I felt crazy at that moment. I was starting to feel things for Keith that I had only felt for one other person…David.
 
Yet it felt different. I felt free to be open and be myself with Keith. He embraced my flaws. I felt like I could tell him things that I could not tell David or Stacey for that matter.

I continued to smile at him.

“Keith, you’re getting a little deep on me.”

He laughed.

“What. Did you think I was just this shallow person?”

“No, I just thought you only wanted one thing from me.”

He grew serious. I could hear it in his voice.

“There are many things that I want from you. One of those things is for you to be all mine.”

The look he gave me shook me a little. He looked angry and hurt all of a sudden. My breath caught in my throat. At that moment I knew he knew about David and me. He wrapped his arms around me tighter.

“You lied to me when you said you weren’t fucking anyone else.
 
You’ve been fucking David. That really makes me angry.”

He sounded calmer than I expected him to be; however, there was always a deep calm before the storm with Keith. The calmer he was the more likely he would explode.

I didn’t know how to answer him. I was afraid of what he might do to me if I spoke.

As I struggled with what to say, he leaned up and kissed me on the lips.

“It’s fine. You can just promise me you won’t do it again.”

I knew that was something that I could not promise. Yet, my fear of him exploding pulled out yet another lie.

“I promise.”

I heard the words exit from my mouth all the while knowing that if David wanted to make love I would do it.

He squeezed my ass so much so that it began to

hurt. I knew it was his way of letting me know that if I was lying I would definitely be punished.

“Like I was saying, I know you have a problem with commitment and so I have a compromise.”

I didn’t know what kind of compromise he had in mind.

“What did you have in mind Keith?”

“I am saying that I want you, but I am willing to have a somewhat open relationship.”

That was a concept.

“What does that mean?”

He was quiet for a second. I just sat there and waited.

“I was thinking that we could have as many sex partners as you want.”

“We?”

“Yes, we. I figure if we have consensual threesomes, it would make you feel better about being in a committed relationship.”

 
“So we could make this an open relationship where I could see other men?”

“Only if I am there.”

“Only if you are there to join in?”

He laughed.

“Yes. Is that something you could agree with it?”

I started to think that maybe it would be different with Keith. Maybe I could be faithful to him in a way and still have lots of fun. Plus, if I didn’t obey, he would just punish me and we would get right back on track.
 
It made me feel a little more confident.

“What made you decide you would be willing to have this ‘open’ relationship with me?”

He sighed

“You ask too many questions.”

“I swear this is the last one.”

He squeezed me tighter.

“Well, I knew the moment I saw you. I didn’t let on but I fell in love with you.”

I was quiet. I didn’t know what to say. I never expected this. I knew that there was something growing inside of me that made me feel a connection to him. I could not call it love just yet, but I cared about him deeply.

“I’m not there yet Keith.”

He kissed me.

“I know, but I’m hoping you will get there. So, can we make this happen?”

“Yes,” I said.

He smiled. I leaned in for a kiss, and then I stopped.

“Am I allowed to kiss you?”

He smiled.

“You are such a good girl. You deserve a treat.”

He motioned for me to come closer and we kissed softly. His hands came up and found my breasts caressing them. Then he pulled his mouth away. His mouth found my breasts and he licked and kissed them softly.

“I don’t always do this, but for
you
baby, I’m willing to let you take control.”

I smiled.

“Really?”

He squeezed my ass.

“Just this one time so don’t go getting any ideas.”

I leaned in for one more kiss and whispered in his ear.

David says that I am always so negative about life. He is right. I am negative about my life. There haven’t been many good things happening for me in the past 28 years.

Now I feel like I’m on the right track. I am happy in my relationship with Keith. If I decide I want someone else I just have to bring him home to Keith. I don’t know why I didn’t think of this before.

Yet there is still the matter of David. I have to handle this the right way. His ultimatum is a wrench in my plans, however.

I don’t do well with ultimatums. The rebellious side of me wanted to just give up on him just because he was making me choose.

Yet I really did love him. I loved him and I knew it would hurt me to have him out of my life. I still needed his friendship.

If I bow out now, there might be a chance that we could rebuild our friendship despite all of our problems. He doesn’t understand this now but it is for the best. If I stand my ground then maybe we will have a chance.

 
The optimists say you look at the glass as half full or try to find the silver lining in a bad situation.

 
Well, I am not an optimist. I might even be worse than a pessimist. Yet no matter what I am, anyone would find it hard to see a silver lining in my situation.