Diary of a Wildflower (12 page)

I
remember Roxie’s flushed face, her beautiful eyes, dark and hollowed, her poor little
body wracked with painful spasms of coughing.  “She didn’t have to
die!  And neither did Mommie!”

“Go..cut..a..switch,”
Dad says, but his voice is halting.

Charles
goes to Dad’s side.  “Come on, Dad,” he says.  “Let it go.”

Dad
looks at Charles and hollers again, “Let it go?  Let it go?  Did you
hear what she said?”

“She
didn’t mean it.”  Charles turns to me.  “Did you, Lorie?”

“I
meant it.  I meant every word.”

Then
I walk calmly across the yard, past the barn and into the frozen forest. 
There I slump against a tree.  I lie down on the ground.  When I
raise my head again, the sun is almost gone.  All I want now is to crawl
into my bed in the loft and sleep it away.  But what will Dad do to me
when I go home?  Nobody will come looking for me.  Dad won’t let
them.  So I will go to Willy’s Road and wait for Samuel.

I
skirt around the far edge of the pasture.  The patch of woods where the
Old Thing lives and cries, lies between me and Willy’s Road.  I will have
to walk through it.  I slip quietly into this dark place, almost untouched
since time began.  Nobody comes in here.  It’s lonely and
creepy.  I make my way through the trees and tangled brush, then settle
down at the edge of the woods beside Willy’s Road, where Samuel will have to pass
on his way home.

In
the blue haze of twilight I burrow into a bed of leaves, lay my head against a
tree and wrap my arms around myself.  I doze and wake with a start, then
doze again.

I
dream.  The Old Thing towers over me like a mountain, watching me sleep
here on the ground.  Its tears fall on my face.  Then Roxie is
bending over me.  She pushes my hair away from my eyes.  Poor sissy,
I’m sorry I had to go.  I left you all alone.  And she kisses me on
the forehead.

I
wake up with a cry.  I touch my forehead.  It is damp with dew…or
tears …or a kiss?  There is no moon and few stars.  In fact, it is so
dark, I can’t see my own body, and I am chilled to the bone.  I leap from
my nest and bump my head on a limb.  I feel my way up Willy’s Road.  At
the rise, I see a light on the porch.  I hurry toward it.

I
grab the lantern and blow it out before I ease the door open and go
inside.  I tiptoe across the floor in the big room.  Someone rises up
in the bed.

“Roxie?”
Dad says.

Roxie? 
I
stand still and hold my breath.

“Roxie?”
he says again.  “Is that you?”

“Sh..hh. 
Hush now,” Bea says, shushing him as she would one of the children.

I
move toward the stairs and climb up to the loft quietly.

“Sweet
Rox,” I hear him say as he settles back onto his pillow.  “Oh, sweet Rox.”

In
the loft Jewel leaps from her bed and falls all over me, crying and
whispering.  “I couldn’t sleep.  I was so worried.  Where were
you?  Did he see you come in?”

Shivering,
I kick off my shoes and drop my dress to the floor.  “Come on,” I say, and
pull Jewel to my bed.  “Warm me up.”

We
snuggle under the covers.  She puts her arms around me.

“What
did he say when I left?” I ask.

“He
cried,” she says.  “He ranted and raved.  He cursed you.  He
said he didn’t want you to ever come back home.  Oh, Lorie...”

“It’s
okay, Jewel.  I’ll stay out of his way for a few days, and he’ll forget
all about it.  You’ll see.”

“Do
you really think so, Lorie?”

I
don’t really think so, but I say, “Yes.”

“Where
were you?”

“I
was in the woods.”

“Back
there in the pretty woods?”

“At
first.  Then I sat at the edge of the tangled woods by Willy’s Road. 
I was waiting for Samuel.”

“He
didn’t come home.”

“Do
you know about the Old Thing that lives in those woods, Jewel?”

“What
old thing?”

“There’s
an old, old thing that lives there and cries away the years.”

“Oh,
Lorie.  What are you talking about?  What’s happened to you?”

“Nothing,
Jewel.”

“But
what you’re saying sounds crazy.”

“Don’t
worry about it, Jewel.  The Old Thing is not going to hold us back. 
I’m going to beat it, and so will you.”

January, 1929

Dad
has not mentioned that awful night to me.  He does not speak to me at
all.  He is a strange old man now.  He moves slowly.  He talks
to himself.  His beard has grown long and white like Grandpa
Wallace’s.  He goes about like a sleepwalker.  Now Bea is more a
mother to him than a wife.

The
reason Samuel did not come home that night is that Caroline persuaded him to
see Dr. Wayne, and the doctor sent him to the hospital in Skylark.  He spent
three days there being treated for an unspecified lung ailment.

When
he found out what had happened between me and Dad, and that I had spent part of
the night outside, he felt guilty for not being there to protect me.

“It’s
okay,” I told him.  “You can’t always be there for me.  When I go
away, I will have to take care of myself.”

“Yes,
but I want to protect you as long as I can.”

Before
cold weather we met with Trula and her boys at Roxie’s Park on a pretty
Sunday.  For the first time Caroline came with Samuel.  She and Trula
hit it off.  I think they will be friends.

Uncle
Green has moved his family to Granger, so Vic will be able to finish school
there with the senior class at the highschool.  Samuel says Uncle Green
moved away because he was disgusted with Uncle Ben.  He didn’t want to
live where his own brother was the notorious bootlegger over the ridge.

Caroline,
however, had no qualms about renting Uncle Green’s house.  It is as
isolated as our house, so that Samuel can spend as much time as he wants with
her, and nobody will know he’s there.  I’m glad for the two of them that
they can be together, but I miss Samuel when he’s gone.

On
my way out the door one morning, I see Dad’s pistol lying on the floor beside
his bed.  No one is around.  Without a second thought I pick it up
and shove it into my coat pocket.  Outside I walk around the house to the
back yard, open the cover to the well, and drop the gun into the black
hole.  I hear it hit the water.  I close and latch the well cover,
and hurry down the mountain to school.

I
listen to the radio as much as I can, and imitate the announcers.  I have
been doing this for almost a year now, and Samuel says I am beginning to sound
like someone from elsewhere.  I will be graduating the end of May, and I have
been searching all the newspapers I can lay my hands on for possible
jobs.  Caroline gets a subscription to the Bluefield paper which she saves
for me.  Mr. Harmon brings a Roanoke paper to me every week, and Samuel
has bought a six-month subscription to
The Bristol Herald.
  The
kids love reading the
Katzenjammer Kids
and
Mutt and Jeff
in the
funny papers.  But I have found nothing quite as interesting in the
ads.  Most of the jobs are for men.  Occasionally there will be a
listing for a
Young Lady Secretary,
a position which requires skills in
typewriting and shorthand.  Or I’ll see a listing for a teacher, which
requires at least a year of college.  Other ads call for laundresses or
seamstresses.  Samuel says I would not be able to live on the pay.

“Be
patient,” he says encouragingly.  “Something will come along that is right
for you.  Some of the factories hire women, and their wages are the
best.  Give it a little time.”

But
the closer I get to graduation the more nervous I get.  After all the
years of dreaming of this time when I will be free to leave Dad’s house and
Starr Mountain, now I find that it is not so easy to begin a new life,
regardless of how much you want it.

Mr.
Harmon tells me, “If anybody was ever meant to go to college, it’s you.”

“Sure! 
I’ll go out and pick some money off that money tree of mine,” I say
sarcastically, “and skip on off to Harvard.”

“They
don’t admit women,” he comes right back at me.  “I was thinking more along
the lines of Radford Teacher’s College.”

“They
want money too,” I say with a sigh.

“Don’t
be blue,” he says sweetly.  “Fate has to smile kindly upon someone as
special as you.”

March, 1929

Coming
out of the school house on a Saturday afternoon, I see a beautiful black horse
tied to the hitching post on the back side of Call’s.  It’s Raven of
course.  That means Dr. Wayne is inside.  I will wait for him to come
out.  Maybe he can help me.  I pat Raven on the neck, and

he turns large dark eyes to me.  Shortly, Dr. Wayne
comes out of the store and greets me warmly.

“Haven’t
seen you for awhile,” I say.  “Have you been away again?”

“No. 
I’ve been very busy.  My schedule has been grueling.”

“I
have to wonder,” I say, “why you chose to come here and practice
medicine.  Why didn’t you stay in Charlottesville?”

“My
family wonders the same thing, but it’s simple.  I came here to serve.”

“To
serve?”

“Yes. 
I wanted to go where I could do the most good, and this is where God sent me.”

“God
sent you to the most god-forsaken place in the country?” I say.

He
laughs.

“I
know you could make a better living elsewhere,” I say.

“Yes
I could, but you see, Lorelei, I have always had money, and I wanted to do more
with my life than simply add to my fortune.  I want to use my skills to
help others who are struggling.  These good mountain folk are in great
need of a physician.  So I am here to serve.”

“And
does your wife share this desire to serve?” I ask.

“Indeed
she does.  She’s my partner in every way.”

“That’s
interesting,” I say.  “And why doesn’t she go on calls with you?”

“She
has a crippled foot,” he says, “from a childhood accident, which makes it
difficult for her to traverse these hills.  So she takes care of our home
patients and does the paper work.”

“You
see patients in your home?” I ask.

“Yes. 
We have also started construction on a small infirmary to be attached to our
house where we can care for a few bedridden patients.”

“I
think that’s wonderful,” I say.  And I really am impressed.  “You and
Mrs. Wayne could go anywhere and do anything, but you choose to stay here and
help people in need.”

“Don’t
make us sound like saints,” he says with a chuckle.  “This work gives us
much satisfaction.  So you see, our motives are entirely selfish.” 
Then he mounts Raven and looks down at me.  “Are you finished with
highschool yet?”

“Two
more months,” I say.  “Dr. Wayne, you said I could come to you if I needed
help.”

“I
did say that.  Are you in need?”

“I
want to get away.  I want to find a job somewhere.  I wonder if you
know someone, perhaps a friend in Charlottesville, who might be interested in
hiring me.  I am a hard worker, and I’m willing to do anything – within
reason.”

“Well,
now,” he says and looks away toward the hill tops.  “Let me think.”

“I
don’t expect an answer right now,” I say.  “Just think about it when you have
the time, and let me know.  You can drop me a note in the mail.”

“I
will certainly check into this,” he says.  “I promise.”

********************

Two
and a half weeks pass with no word from Dr. Wayne.  He was just being
nice.  He can’t help me.  He may try, but who would hire a girl,
sight unseen, right out of the hills with nothing to recommend her?  Then
one day, Jewel, who is in the eighth grade this year, comes in from school and
tosses a letter on my lap.

“From
Dr. Wayne,” she says.

I
just stare at it.  I can’t believe he has actually written to me.

“Mrs.
Call had something nasty to say about it,” Jewel says.  “She said Dr.
Wayne is quite a catch for a Starr girl.”

I
barely hear what Jewel is saying as I rip the envelope open.

Dear
Lorelei:

I have made
inquiries on your behalf, and now have a response from a good lady in
Charlottesville who is in need of a live-in servant girl.  She must be at
least eighteen years of age.  I am assuming you qualify.  The lady is
of good character and belongs to a fine old Virginia family that has been
friends with my own family for many years.  Her name is Mrs. Broderick
Myles, and she would like to have a letter of introduction from you.  You
will find her address below.

Please
let me know how this turns out for you.

With all
best wishes,

Your
friend, Dr. Blake Wayne

I
run as fast as I can to Samuel who is chopping wood in the back yard, and show
him the letter.

“A
servant?” I say.  “Is that the same as a maid?  Do I want to be a
maid?”

“Yes,”
he says.  “The doctor says it’s a good family.  And you won’t have to
worry about where you’re going to sleep and if you’re going to eat.  Go
there and work at least for awhile.  You can come home if you’re not
happy.”

“But
she says I have to be eighteen, Samuel.  I’m only seventeen and a half.”

“You
can pass for eighteen.”

“But
it’s a lie.  I could get into trouble.”

“How
will they find out?  This one time it’s okay to lie.  Go,
Lorelei.  It’s your chance to get away from here.  Go.”

“If
I’m going to be a servant I might as well stay here,” I say.

“You
won’t have to be a servant forever.  These are obviously wealthy, educated
people. Learn all you can learn from them.  Save your wages.  Then
maybe go to a bigger city.”

“Oh,
Samuel, I can’t leave Jewel.  Dad will work her to death.”

“I’ll
take care of Jewel.  I will help her with her work.  I will also make
sure she attends her highschool classes.”

“Dad
won’t let you do woman’s work,” I say.

Samuel
laughs.  “Why are you making all these excuses?  Stop it!  You
wanted to go, and now you have the chance.  Fear is the only thing
standing in your way.  Go.  I will cut wood and bring it in for Jewel
and keep the fires going, haul water from the well, work in the garden, look
after Lawrence.  There are many things a mere man can do around the
house.”

“Washing
clothes is the hardest part,” I say.  “Jewel can’t do all that
laundry.  She’s too delicate.”

“Bea
helps with the laundry, and you know it.  I will help too.  Dad can’t
stop me.  I promise, Lorelei.  You don’t have to worry about
Jewel.  And when she’s old enough she can come to you.”

With
no more excuses, I have Jewel pick up some nice stationery for me at Call’s the
next day, and I write a letter to Mrs. Myles.  Yes, I tell her, I would
like to come.  I write two whole pages about myself, my education, my
life.  I hold the letter to my heart and say a little prayer before I hand
it to Jewel to put in the mail for me.  It feels like the last day of my
childhood.

April, 1929

I
am almost finished with
Anna Karenina. 
Next I will begin
Les
Miserables,
my last assignment in highschool literature.  I have loved
it with all my heart, and I hope I will always have access to good books.

Most
of April is gone, with no word from Mrs. Broderick Myles of
Charlottesville.  Again I am losing hope.  Maybe that lady is
interviewing a lot of girls for this job.  Maybe she doesn’t like my
letter.  Or maybe she’s changed her mind, and has decided she doesn’t need
anybody after all.  With a heavy heart I start searching the ads again,
but there seems to be nothing out there in the world for me.

********************

Since
Vic has gone to Granger, there are only four members left in the senior
class.  After helping us prepare for the Virginia standardized test for
graduating seniors, Mr. Harmon holds a private conference with each of us, in
the cloakroom where he has established an office of sorts for himself.  I
am the last to go in.  I sit in a chair beside him while he tells me not
to worry about the test.  He knows I will pass it easily.

“It’s
been such a delight to teach you, Lorie,” he says.  “You are without
exception the best student I have ever had.”

“I’ll
bet you said that to Opal and the twins too, didn’t you?” I tease him.

“No,
you are the special one, Lorie.  Now, I have something to say.”

“I’m
listening.”

“I
know it’s your dream to leave here and make your own money and your own way in
the world.  But somewhere in your heart, don’t you also dream of going to
college?”

“It’s
just one dream too many, Mr. Harmon.  It’s too farfetched.”

He
places a hand over mine where it rests on the arm of my chair.  “Suppose I
go with you?” he says very softly.

“I
don’t know what you mean, sir,” I say, and ease my hand away from him.

“I
am jumping off a cliff here, Lorie,” he says, and I can see little beads of
sweat around his temple.  “Please help me.”