Diary of Latoya Hunter (8 page)

Dear Janice
,

M
y cousin Dexton’s (who lives in Canada) birthday was four days ago. I feel bad sometimes when things come up and we don’t remember. Whenever we have a birthday on this side of town, there’s always a call or a card. My family don’t seem to be into things like that. Sometimes I think we’re not family-oriented enough. I guess it’s because we live in such a fast-paced city but we should sometimes slow down for family. That’s a message for everybody—slow down for family.

Dear Janice
,

R
ondah and I seem to have drifted apart after Devoy was born. She’s so into the baby now there’s hardly room for me. I’d really hate to see our relationship fall apart. Before I left for school she rised to sometimes comb my hair. Today she just sent me out of the room when I asked her. She should rest while she can I understand, but I can’t help missing the way things used to be. I can’t help it.

Dear Janice
,

F
ebruary is coming to an end. March is almost here, then comes April. To me the word April now means wedding.

The months are really flying by. 1990 was a fast-paced year. The fastest since I was born. It seems ’91 will be even faster. At least my life doesn’t seem to be dragging on and on. My life might have its many many faults, but it really isn’t as bad as some people’s.

Dear Janice
,

T
his Saturday was like all my Saturdays. It seemed really long. I long for a good party. I want to go out and enjoy myself. Listen to me—I’m twelve and talking like I should be partying every night. Sometimes I forget how young I am. It’s like at times a 21-year-old mind replaces my regular one. It happens really often. Sometimes I wonder if I’m the only person like this. I hate being young! I hate it with a passion. I’d give anything to be older. I want to be free and make my own decisions. If only that could be!

Dear Janice
,

I
’m feeling good today. After yesterday at church I feel at peace with myself. It’s like I’m renewed. I’ve been telling people how I’ve found the Lord. They say I shouldn’t play with God meaning I shouldn’t go around talking about how touched I am when I know I’m not. Well, even if this turns out to be a phase, I know right now I’m really close to God. I was singing negro-spirituals and hymns all day. I feel it from my soul when I sing them. God is really powerful. He’s like inside people.

Dear Janice
,

T
he world is so sin-corrupted. I guess this is coming from my new religious awareness but it’s really true. These days no one thinks about God or following his rule. People kill, back and forth, even those who think they have a right. Like mothers who kill their unborn child. They give it a fancy name—abortion, but I think murder is a much better word for it. The child may be unborn but it is still a person who has the right to a life. If the mother doesn’t want to be a part of it why doesn’t she give it up for adoption or give it
to a home that will care for it? I think it’s a very sinful act and it sickens me to hear about it. The number one argument these people keep saying is it’s their body. Well, to me, the baby inside them is the one who should say that. Who gives the mother the right to terminate its life?

Dear Janice
,

T
he wedding is really coming up quickly. I had no idea so much money was needed for one wedding. The cake alone costs a fortune. There’s so much to be done, but I know with both families working at it, it’ll get pulled off.

I’ve been picturing how it’s going to be. More like fantasizing, actually. My friends all want invitations. I want them to go but it’s not up to me. Courtney and Michelle don’t want it too overcrowded. To me, the more the better. I hope it won’t be like the weddings on t.v. I don’t want a stuck up kind of thing. I want everyone to get down and have fun. I want Jamaican music blasting at the reception and a lot of dancing and noise.

Dear Janice
,

I
’m such a klutz! In gym class I can hardly do anything. I hate playing any sports except basketball. I admit I’ve become a lot more open to sports since I started this school but that doesn’t mean I can play them.

Today I was playing baseball not because I wanted to but because the teacher made me. I got a good chance to out the other team by catching the ball, but when it came to me, I dropped it. This girl started saying, “You’re so stupid,” and all this other crap. I swear at that moment there was almost smoke coming out of my ears. She’s a real little … (I won’t say). I really feel like ringing her neck until she’s drenched of all life.

Anyways, on a happier note, Mr. Pelka is doing much better—remember, I told you he had pneumonia? My cousin Larry is also recovered. There’s one thing I don’t have to worry about anymore!

Dear Janice
,

K
irk, whom I have an extreme crush on had his arm around me today. I couldn’t believe what was happening. It took me by surprise. I was walking and he just came up beside me and put his arm around me. I didn’t know what to say or do. He said, “Hug me back.” I was dumbstruck so I just did it kind of unconsciously. He said, “Tighter” (my heart was running a marathon by now). Anyway, I did. After that he just went off somewhere. I still can’t believe it. One thing I know is I want this to be the beginning of a beautiful friendship. He’s really nice, and so cute! Derek is really close to me though. We talk for hours on the phone and everything but he never made my heart run a marathon. There’s a difference there but I don’t know which I prefer.

Dear Janice
,

K
irk pretty much ignored me today. I guess it was a one moment fling. Oh well, that’s life. Actually I hate life, if this is what it’s supposed to be—disappointments all the time and let downs. Kirk isn’t really that important, I just
have a crush on him. I’m not going to cry over any guy at anytime—maybe my husband, when I get married. For now, boys are the last thing I want to cry about.

Anyway, maybe Kirk was just too preoccupied today to look my way. You never know.

Dear Janice
,

K
irk said hi today that’s about it. I love the way he walks. I don’t know how to describe it. I could just sit back and watch him walk and I wouldn’t get bored. I guess that’s really silly, but hey, what can I say?

We’re learning about the reproductive system in school. The guys in my class act so silly about it. They are so immature. Sometimes I wonder about what goes on in their minds. They are just so predictable. Kirk is older so I guess that’s one of the things I like about him. I don’t usually get crushes on guys my age. I could see myself at 21 marrying a man who’s 35.

Dear Janice
,

T
here is this really playful and pretty girl or should I say woman I know named Laura. I would love to get her into my family. There’s something about her that I really like. I’ve been seeing a lot of her lately—she visits sometimes—she’s helping me prepare this diary for when it gets published. Anyways, I know in a while we won’t be seeing each other, so I was thinking. I thought about her joining my family through my brother Dave. They’re the same age and everything! I think it would be so great if they got together. There’s one thing though that I should mention—she’s white. But to me, it doesn’t matter. She’s just cool and she could be any color and still be cool. In other words, she’d be a cool black chick as well as she is a cool white one.

Anyway, I don’t mean I want her to turn black, but I’m saying I would accept her as part of the family like nothing was different. I won’t even mention this to Laura and Dave, but if it was meant to be, fate will do its job.

Dear Janice
,

I
’m doing pretty okay in school I must say. Report cards came out. I didn’t get anything below an 80. My mother isn’t too proud about it. She says there are not enough 95’s and 100’s. Unbelievable! She wants and wants and wants.

Dear Janice
,

W
e fitted our dresses for the wedding today to see how they’ll look. I think it’s gorgeous and when I look really close, the dress looks good on me, but when I see my face, it looks dull. Maybe it’s the color of the dress but I know I’ll definitely have to wear a lot of makeup that day. I wonder when my mom is going to make me wear makeup regularly. I hope soon. Girls at school wear it but they overdo it! They look like paintings. It’s not the way I want to look.

Dear Janice
,

I
love Devoy so much. He’s growing up so fast. I guess I don’t talk about him much. He’s become such a big part of my life. I can’t wait to see him walking and talking. I hope he calls me Aunty. I also hope he will think of me as someone he has to listen to, not a kid like I’ve been thought of as being for all my life. When I was talking the other day about abortion, I was thinking of him. What if Rondah had done that? There would be no Devoy now.

Dear Janice
,

T
oday at lunch Kirk came and sat beside me. Well I guess he’s done ignoring me because he put his leg over my leg. Now this was too much. I would have let him keep it there if I was like Jeanine. She’s a really whorey girl. She goes around sitting on guys and touching them up. Anyway, I pushed it off. Then Jeanine came by. She put her arm around it. Later that lunch period, Kirk’s cousin told me that Kirk and Jeanine made out in his building. There goes everything.

Dear Janice
,

R
ondah’s new boyfriend is such a good chef. He cooked us a feast today. It was so good. He seems to be good at a lot. I feel we have a lot in common. He dresses hip, he listens to the music I like and everything. He’s perfect. She better hold on to him.

Dear Janice
,

A
pril is practically here. Once again thoughts of the wedding dance in my head. I’m so much looking forward to this. Rondah’s planning to sing. She has a pretty nice singing voice. She’s rewriting a gospel song to fit the occasion. I hope she does well up there.

I hope I do well too. I hope I don’t act stupid when I have to walk up the aisle! Please God, don’t make me mess up!

Dear Janice
,

I
t’s April Fools! I don’t really like to fool around on this day though. My great grandmother was born today. She died when I was around six, but when she was alive, she was really special.

What I remember most about her is she really seemed to love me. The day of her funeral I had a dream about her and since that bees have always been attracted to me. I know it sounds weird but in the dream she came to me and said from now on she would come to me as a bee and she’d always look out for me. I’m serious about this! Ever since that bees are always following me and sometimes I say to them “Hi Granny.” Strange it is, but I really believe this.

Happy Birthday Granny!

Dear Janice
,

S
chool is such a drag! Whenever I look forward to things, anything that comes before it seems to drag and drag. I’m looking forward to the wedding—it better turn out good! I have such high hopes for it. A part of me wants the excitement to go on and on, the other part wants it to be all
over. That’s just a small part though. This wedding is all I can think of and talk about. It’s getting to my head!

Dear Janice
,

I
t’s Courtney’s wedding day eve. I think I’m as nervous as he is. I take that back. He’s a wreck! I’m quarter way to a wreck.

The rehearsal went well. I hope tomorrow will go on the same pace. I’m at Michelle’s house right now as are all the other bridesmaids. Michelle is sleeping and the rest of us are watching t.v. It’s 12:30 in the morning!

I don’t think Michelle is really sleeping. She’s probably just lying and thinking.

Dear Janice
,

I
n only a few hours my brother will say his I dos. I can’t help but be nervous. I’m in Brooklyn at the moment. The rehearsals went on really well. I’m walking with Michelle’s cousin Chris. He’s 23 but he’s my height. The way we walk is he puts his hand over mine and we go down the aisle. When we reach the end we turn to each other. He bows and I curtsy. It’s really cute.

Well, it’s like 12:30 a.m. and this house is packed! Michelle’s relatives from all over the place are here. I don’t know where I’ll sleep. I guess right here on the couch. All the bridesmaids are here except one who lives close by. The plan for tomorrow is at 5:00 a.m. we will get up and go get our hair fixed at the hairdresser, after that we’ll go fix things up at the reception hall. After that we’ll come back to the house and get dressed. The limos will come pick us up and we’ll be off to the church. I wonder what Courtney is feeling right now. He must be so nervous! He’s that type that gets really jumpy. Michelle is calm now but I guarantee she’ll be a mess of nerves tomorrow.

My cousins, aunt, and grandparents came in from Canada earlier today. I wish I was up in the Bronx with Ann. I want to spend as much time as I can with her. She was at the rehearsals watching and giving me tips. I think I’ll make her my maid of honor at my wedding which I calculate will be
8 years from now. I want to get married at 20 or even 21. I want to have a huge wedding with 500 guests. So I suppose I would have to become a millionaire between now and age 20. It’s not impossible, if everything fails there’s always the good old lottery. Well, I’ll write to you tomorrow after the big event. Tonight I’m going to pray it’ll turn out good. I’m so nervous.