Diary of Latoya Hunter (7 page)

Dear Janice
,

T
he store was opened today. There were a lot of people standing around in there. Not necessarily buying anything, they just stood around. Fernando, a young friendly guy who works in the store who was always very cheerful, was not as cheerful today. His eyes were red and swollen and he just kind of moped around. The funeral is Saturday and they’re asking for donations. I wouldn’t feel right going to his funeral. I think funerals should be for the really close family of the dead. Those whose goodbye would mean the most to him. I have nothing to donate so my parents donated some money. All I have is deep sympathy and sadness for the loss of a friendly person who always put a smile on my face.

Dear Janice
,

I
’ve been so caught up in the murder shock that I’ve forgotten to update you on school. A really good saxophone player came to school to perform. His name is Naji. The school loved him. He is really talented. I have a feeling he’s going to make it big in the music industry.

You don’t know this but when I was ten I used to play the drums at P.S. 94. It was really easy; as my music teacher said, you’ve just got to have rhythm. This year however, I’m stuck in vocals as you know.

Dear Janice
,

S
ince the murder I haven’t been particularly interested in going outside. Today I was thinking about everything. My friends have been doing things and I haven’t been there. They’ll tell me what’s happened the previous day, and I’ll feel left out. I was thinking I shouldn’t spend so much time in the house anymore. I think tomorrow I’ll go outside for a while. This is going to sound funny but for every car that passes me by while I’m walking down the street, a thought comes to me. It says “I’m going to die now, the person in the car is going to pull out a gun and shoot.” The funny thing is when that thought occurs, I don’t feel scared that much. I feel calm and ready to face my death. I’ve discovered about myself that when the day of my death comes, I’ll be ready and I’ll have a calm soul.

Dear Janice
,

I
hung out with my friends today and must admit had a good time. I think I’m not as conscious of simple things like cars driving by as I was just 24 hours ago. I’m still conscious of people who look suspicious but that’s natural for everyone I think. There’s a guardian angel in the store at the corner now. Guardian angels are guys who volunteer to protect people who need protection. There are a lot of them in my neighborhood. Other neighborhoods have them too. They go out with taxi drivers in NYC. They started when there was the string of killings of taxi drivers. My personal opinion is the robber will just shoot the taxi driver and the guardian angel and go on with their life.

Dear Janice
,

T
oday was a particularly good day. School was fun especially Gym. We played soccer and my team won 8 to 2. We are good!

At the homefront, Courtney and Michelle came over. It’s always fun when they come over. Courtney is funny as always and I find fun in bugging Michelle. Dave has not
been visiting too often lately. I understand he’s busy but he should try to make more time for his family. Especially his little sister who’s missing him very much.

Dear Janice
,

T
oday someone who’s in Mr. Pelka’s sixth grade class this year told me some terrible news. Mr. Pelka has pneumonia. He hasn’t been working for the past week. I hope it’s not a severe case. I’d hate it if anything would happened to him.

Dear Janice
,

P
neumonia is definitely in season. I just heard that my little cousin Larry is in the hospital suffering from it. He’s only 8 months old, I hope he can fight it. He’s been sick before. When he was around one month old, he was in the hospital. I remember his mother (my cousin) was telling my sister and me how many hours she spent in the hospital waiting room worrying. I pray to God I never go through
anything like that in my life. I pray my life doesn’t have any obstacles in it. I really don’t think I’m the kind of person that can cross obstacles.

Dear Janice
,

I
t’s the first day of February. I hate this month. It just seems so long. I think it’ll be really boring. It’s getting closer to the wedding though. I’m really happy about that. There’s a girl in my school who actually had a baby already. She’s in the ninth grade, she’s probably around 15. My friends were talking about her today. I feel really sorry for her, it’s too early! She is only in Junior High! I wonder how it happened. I mean, I know how it happened, but how could she let it? Her mom must have been so upset. I would never do that to my mother. This really makes me thing about this whole sex business. I wonder if that girl was ready. I know I talked about a person feeling that they’re ready and doing it. Maybe she thought she was and really wasn’t and maybe she knew she she was and still knows she is but just isn’t ready for a child. I think being ready for sex and ready for a child are two different things. To be ready for sex, you must have the ability to fall in love and feel close to the maximum to the person you are with. To be ready for a baby, you should be able to take care of yourself and the child and know
what’s right and what’s wrong. You should be able to devote yourself to the child in every way possible. The thing I would say should have been taken care of by that girl is protection. Ready or not ready, she should have thought about that.

W
e went looking for a bridesmaid dress for the wedding today. We have to order them early so they’ll come in on time. Well, we settled for a bluish, greenish one. It is so pretty! We wear this big blown out slip underneath it. It’s really big and takes up a lot of room but we like it. We drove all the way to Brooklyn. That is like an hour and a half of driving. I hate taking long rides. There was so much traffic it was unbelievable! I would hate to live in Brooklyn. It’s dirty, it’s ugly, and it’s crowded. That’s my opinion and I think anybody would say so if they saw Flatbush Avenue. It’s so unattractive!

Dear Janice
,

I
went to church today and I really believe I was touched by the Holy Ghost. I think there is really such a thing. I felt it there. Sometimes I get so confused about these things. My grandparents are bona fide Christians so I was grown to believe in God, but I never really thought about the whole concept. There was a really cute, young guy and the spirit struck him. He fell on the floor and he was shaking, and bobbing his head. No one could get him up. Nobody can tell me that was not real. All I could do is look. Sometimes that’s all you could do.

I wonder what God thinks about what the world has come to. He must feel really let down. The powers of evil seem to be taking over. It’s so scary.

Dear Janice
,

I
started praying last night. It felt so great. It’s like he’s really there listening to me. I’m going to start doing it regularly. God is up there, I know it. School is going good now. I’m on the honor roll. God must have had something to do with it. All my success, I should dedicate to him. I
wonder what happens after you die; they say he takes your soul. That part is really confusing, but I’ll just wait until I die to get into that part. Right now I’ll just have to live and be the best I could be for him.

Dear Janice
,

I
t’s amazing how Derek and me have gotten used to each other. We argue a lot now. I’m always hanging up the phone on him. It’s fun. We both know one of us will end up calling one another back. It’s crazy. Today I hung up on him and I guess he thought it was funny. He kept calling back and hanging up when I picked up the phone. My father was right next to the phone. He was trying to sleep. Derek didn’t know that. I got really upset with him though. He’s so childish sometimes. He acts really immature. Why do I put up with him? We’re actually closer than any of any of my friends and me are. I tell him everything. Maybe too much.

I wonder when exactly did he become part of my life.

Dear Janice
,

R
ondah had decided to start back at college for a degree in business. Starting Monday she won’t be home from 4–10. You know what that means—babysitting til I drop.

I’m glad Rondah didn’t decide to end her life right here because she had Devoy. I’m glad she wants to become better and expand herself. She is really lucky to have parents like ours and a sister like me who’ll babysit for her anytime without pay. I’m becoming quite the little babysitter these days. I can’t believe once she didn’t want me to even hold the baby. It’s nice to know she trusts me with Devoy because I love him to pieces and she knows it.

Dear Janice
,

W
e’re getting ready for a show in school. The show is all the way in June but the chorus has to learn the songs. I hate how we sound. We are pathetic! I don’t like anything about this school. Do you notice that? Everything is so against my taste. The way they teach is one. I mentioned before about English. They don’t make me interested in learning. Another thing is the level of maturity
among the students. Sometimes I feel going to a prep school would be better for me. I think there is much more seriousness about life in those schools. At my school they would call kids at those schools nerds. If that’s the case, nerds are much better off than they are.

I wish I could switch schools. There must be better schools around with better programs and things like that. I didn’t have a choice for this school—it’s closest to me so this is where I have to go. When I get older, I’m going to make sure I give my kids a choice in what they do. Like what school they think is best for themselves and so on. I want to be able to be such a great parent. I want to have really happy kids. All the things I never had, I’ll make sure they have it. I hope my daughter won’t have to complain so much in her diary.

Dear Janice
,

I
t’s coming around the time for Damon’s birthday. Who’s Damon? Well he’s this babyfaced guy who really liked me once. That’s when I was around nine. He was my first encounter with boys. In those times when I thought of boys I said, “Eeew.” Well, this guy didn’t think of girls that way. He was like eleven then. Now listen to what an eleven-year-old boy got me. He got me a gold chain and a two finger
ring that said “I Love You.” It’s hard to believe but it’s true.

He was so cute and so sweet and all that I was scared. I ended up giving back his ring and burying the chain. I couldn’t be seen with them. My mother would hunt him and his mother down and throw the gifts in their faces. I buried the chain and said me and my next door friend Lisa had become soul sisters by burying the things we held most dear.

Anyway, he really wanted to kiss me and no matter what, I wouldn’t let him. Once I went for his cheek to give him a friendly kiss and he went for the lips. I remember wiping and wiping them off after he left. I was so silly.

He’s not around anymore. His mom died and he lives in a foster home now. It’s a tragic story but it’s good to have these memories.

Dear Janice
,

R
ondah’s deciding to go back to school had me thinking that I shouldn’t waste the opportunity I have now to go to school. I don’t remember mentioning that I’m in a special program at school that skips me from 7th to 9th grade. I never mentioned that at school I’m thought of as smart. Teachers think so, students think, nerd. I don’t think I’m really a nerd, I just understand the work more than most kids do and I remember things well. Anyway, that’s why I’m
skipping a grade. The great thing about it is I get out of this dumpy school one year earlier. I can’t say I’m definitely going to Bronx Science but it is a dream of mine. The only thing that I think would stop me is if I don’t pass the admissions test. That’s my one worry. I’ll just have to study hard.

Dear Janice
,

S
ince Dave’s party Rondah has been seeing a lot of this guy named Phillip Osavio. They met there and since then he’s been over at the house a lot. He seems really sweet. He dresses nice, wears expensive clothes and has a lot of jewelry. I know the first thing people say when they see a young black guy with things like that is that he’s a drug dealer. Phillip is definitely no such thing. He works up in White Plains in this big supermarket. I’m not sure what he does, but Derek used to work for him. That’s how Phillip ended up at that party—through his contacts with Derek’s bigger brother. Anyway, Phillip told me how Derek used to sit in the back and eat ice cream all day. I think it was a cross between Derek being fired and quitting, but however it happened, he doesn’t work there anymore.

Dear Janice
,

I
realize I haven’t written to you about my big diet I went on. It lasted for a week and that was it. I have no will power whatsoever. I’m thinking back to this diet because when I weighed myself today I was 120! I’m almost ashamed to say it. During those long days of school a person could get a little hungry you know, and I pass at least three stores on my way home from school. That’s my excuse for my weight gain, Janice. I’ve noticed that diets don’t work for me, so I’ll leave it up to fate.

The other day I went into the store where that man was killed. I hate to say “that man”—he was so friendly—but I never learned his name. Anyway, the loss of his presence is still strong. Things have been getting back as normal as it can be. I still contribute a lot to their cash register.