Dirty Bad Wrong (15 page)

“Oh my God,” I said. “What the hell was that?”

He smiled. “That, Lydia, was a vaginal orgasm, which I can only assume you’ve never experienced before. A bit different from strumming your clit, don’t you think? I can only imagine Rebecca was saving some prime cuts for me, since she could have done this to you in her sleep.”

“She didn’t do that, no,” I wheezed, suddenly all too aware of wet sheets clinging to my thighs. “Did I piss? I’m so sorry!”

“That’s not piss, Cat. That’s the beginning of a squirt. Give it enough practice and you’ll be gushing across the room like the porno squirt queens.”

“Are you serious?”

“Deadly.” He licked his fingers. “And it’s delicious.
You
are delicious.”

I felt a grin spread across my face, endorphins dancing through me. “Can I taste
you
now, please?”

“Later.” He moved from position, standing to loosen his belt, I reached out my hands as he lowered his trousers, desperate for a touch of him. He looked just like his picture, thick and meaty, with a glorious dark nest of hair at the base of him. All man. He climbed up to me, stroking his length just out of my reach. “You’re so ripe for cock.” He looked at his strewn clothes, then at the bedroom door. “Pissing hell, I don’t have a rubber with me.”

I smiled, propping myself up on an elbow to look at him. “In my bag, on the chair.”

He handed it over, and I pulled out a pack of three. He raised his eyebrows and I laughed. “They were already in my bag when I set off this morning, I didn’t notice until lunchtime.”

He smiled back. “Rebecca, the dirty cow. I guess she knew what you were up to?”

“It was her idea. She was insistent actually, made it a condition of me seeing Masque again.”

“Clever bitch,” he said. “So, she put you up to this, did she?” he climbed up to me, taking the pack from my hand.

“She knew I wanted to, she just upped the stakes. She upped them quite a lot...”

“I’ll bet she did.” I watched him tear open a packet, stomach fluttering as he rolled one on. “One thing can be said for our Bex,” he said, eyes on fire. He held up the other two packets. “She knows me pretty well. We won’t be sending her any returns.”

I could still feel the thump of my heartbeat between my legs. “I’ll be having major words with her about all this when I get home.”

“I’m sure she’ll be ready for it. Roll over, Lydia, spread wide for me.” I shifted onto my front, nerves alight as he settled himself over me. “Remind me what you said, when we arrived?”

His cock felt huge, resting tightly against my slit. “I, um... I like it rough?”

“I hope you were right.”

I squealed as he forced himself all the way in, lurching forward at the strength of his assault. He was as big as he looked, stretching me wide, but even though he fucked me like a punishment, slamming me with deep guttural groans while I whimpered like a baby, it felt so good I begged him for more. He was happy to oblige.

He obliged all night long, and even then I wanted more, losing my nerves, losing my inhibitions, losing everything until there was only the way he felt inside me.

***

I couldn’t stop looking at him, staring like a dumbass. I mean I
always
stare at him like a dumbass, but I was like a dumbass on steroids. I finished up yet another coffee and Trevor White was right on hand to grab me the pot. He poured a refill with a smile, edging his chair closer to mine in the process. James had been right, there was a definite thing going on there.

I made to meet James’ eyes, to see if he’d noticed the invasion of personal space, but he wasn’t looking at me. He hadn’t looked at me all morning in fact. He’d missed breakfast and walked briskly to the office, speaking barely a word other than to confirm the day’s itinerary. I’d let it slide, but my heart was in my stomach, all churned up. Horny, and happy, and exhausted, and scared. I was scared. What if I wasn’t good enough for him? Why wouldn’t he look at me?

We had lunch with the WHM team, and James stayed embroiled in conversation with their data warehouse manager, leaving me with Trevor. I made polite conversation, easing away from anything too personal, and trying to avoid gazing at James’ back like some lovesick puppy.

“So, when will you guys be down again?” Trevor asked, a hopeful sheen in his eyes. He pushed his glasses up his nose and leant in close, swatting my elbow with an over-friendly hand. “We sure like having you around.”

“I don’t know yet,” I said, honestly. “Phase two begins next week, so I guess whenever we’re ready to go live.”

“Soon, I hope. Next time we’ll have to do that social, I’ll show you the Brighton nightlife.”

“I look forward to it,” I lied, thanking the heavens that James was ready to resume.

Once again he didn’t meet my eyes.

***

The train back to Brighton was rammed, and it took me a while to get a seat with James. He stayed glued to his tablet, checking emails, until finally I plucked up a voice.

“Are you ok?”

“Fine, thank you, Lydia. And you?”

He wanted me to lie, I know that, but words tumbled out of my mouth without censor. “Not really, you’ve been weirding me out today. Are we screwed now? Is that it? Do you hate me after last night or something?”

He looked around, scowling at the proximity of other commuters. “Not now,” he hissed. “Not here.”

“Well, where then?” I hissed back. “I want to know we’ll be ok. We work together.”

“You think I don’t know that?
That’s
the problem. Work and play don’t mix. We made a mistake, Lydia.”

“Some mistakes are worth making...” I whispered.

He smiled, but it was so muted. My heart sank. “I enjoyed that particular mistake very much, Cat, but it
was
a mistake, now we have to find a way to resume normal relations.”

“Ok,” I said. “If that’s what you want.” My hands were clammy, I knotted them together.

“I’m being sensible, Lydia, and so should you. We both knew this was a bad idea.”

“And this occurred to you between seven and half past this morning, did it? You were fine when you left me.”

“A cold shower works wonders for rational thinking.”

“I won’t mention it again, then. I’ll be your
mistake
and we can forget it ever happened.” I tried to sound less hurt than I really was.

He leant in close, his mouth to my ear. “I won’t be forgetting it ever happened, Lydia. I couldn’t if I tried, I promise.”

I looked out of the window the rest of the journey, and let him get on with his emails.

I hated myself for it, but I couldn’t let him walk away. Once he was gone, that would be it, I just knew it. He’d batten down the hatches and never speak about it again, and me and Masque and everything I’d fantasised about would be ruined. I trailed him through the station, even though we’d said our goodbyes and were off in different directions. He turned to face me, shrugging his shoulders.

“What can I say, Lydia? What do you want me to say?”

“Just listen a minute, please, surely you’ve got that for me, after last night.”

“I’ve got all the time in the world for you, I’m just trying to be smart about this.” He pulled me around a corner, to the side of a portable coffee truck. “We need to do this, Lydia, we need to be professional.”

“I know, I get it!” I wheezed. “But last night was amazing, I’ve never felt so alive.
You
were amazing, James, please don’t ruin it now, not yet.”

He sighed. “This
thing
can’t work. We work together, a
professional
relationship, we can’t cross that line, it gets too messy, believe me.”

“We crossed it already, I’m just saying we may as well cross it again.”

“And I’m saying James Clarke and Lydia Marsh, co-workers at Trial Run Software Group
have
to be co-workers, I said it before, I’m not cut out for a relationship, Cat, especially an office romance, I’d never make it work. I’d try and I’d fail, and you’d quit, or I’d quit, or we’d both quit and lose the excellent working relationship we’ve built up. I don’t want that. I want you at my side, on my team, happy and stable.”

I bit my lip, concentrating so hard I felt my brain could explode. “What makes you think I want a relationship? I’m straight out of a shit one, you think I want to trade in my new life for another stab at domesticity?” I was burning up, I could feel it. “Because I don’t. I don’t want that! I don’t want an office romance, or hearts and roses and shared sandwiches at lunchtime, James, I want Masque! I want what we had last night.”

He reached out a hand, just for a moment, just long enough to run a finger down my cheek. “I know you don’t want another Mr Comfortable, but you don’t want this either. You think you do, but you don’t. I know you don’t want your career getting messy any more than I do. I know you well enough to know that, Cat. We have to draw a line under this before it gets out of hand. Can we go back to being James and Lydia, please? I know I messed up. I know it was me who barged my way into your room last night and I’m sorry for that.”

“I’m not,” I said, simply. “I’m not sorry at all.”

“You will be, when it fucks your career.”

I clutched my hands to my temples, thinking, thinking, thinking. Sensible Lydia agreed with him, tried to regain some perspective. “You’re right, of course, you’re right.”

He smiled, a faint smile, part relief, part something else. “I had a great night, an excellent night.”

“So did I,” I said, preparing to walk away. He took a step aside to let me pass, but I placed a hand on his shoulder on the way.
Please, Lord, let this work.
“Look, no hard feelings, I’m sure Rebecca will set me up with someone else at Explicit, she’s been trying hard enough.”

His eyebrows pitted, mouth clamping instantly. “You’re planning on going back to Explicit?”

I smiled. “Well, of course. I want to explore this new side of me... where else would I go? It seems pretty cool there, I like it. I guess I’ll see you around.” I took another step forwards but he pulled me back, pinning me to the side of the coffee stand.

“Don’t do this, Lydia, please.”

“Do what?”

“Don’t make this impossible for me.”

I stared him out. “Don’t make
what
impossible for you?”

“
This
. This
sensibility
. It won’t work if you’re at Explicit every weekend, it just won’t work.”

“I’m not going to ignore my fantasies, just because
you
don’t want to fuck me again. I’m going to Explicit, James, just as often as Rebecca will take me. It doesn’t have to be a problem. I’ll meet someone else, don’t worry about it.” I tried to make my way past him, but he blocked my route, barring me with the solid muscle wall of his chest. I could only imagine the chimera below his suit, taut over tight skin.

“Jesus Christ, Lydia, don’t you fucking get it?” he seethed. “I don’t fucking want you to meet someone else at Explicit. I can just about cope with seeing you in the office every fucking day, but
this,
this Explicit thing is totally unviable for me.”

“Well, what do you suggest then?” I snapped. “That I just totter off like a good girl and never darken your door again?”

“No, of course not.”

We stared at each other, both fiery and tense and seriously pissed off. Stalemate. I shrugged, lost for words. “I dunno what I can say.”

“Neither do I.”

Thoughts ticked by slowly, struggling for resolution. I decided to take my chances. “Ok, so let’s back up a bit. The work thing is bad, right, I get it. I agree with it. Fucking co-workers is a disaster waiting to happen. It couldn’t work.”

“Most certainly,” he said. “It’s not feasible.”

“Fine, so James and Lydia are no more, we keep it professional, we do our job, we keep things straight between us and get back to normal.”

“That was my thinking on it, yes,” he said, warily.

“But what about Masque and Cat?” I said. “What about their personal time?”

He raised an eyebrow. “Where are you going with this?”

“Just think about it a minute. We’re both private people, right? We both know how to keep our business to ourselves. So, what if Cat and Masque did their own thing, completely outside of our normal lives. No crossover, no awkwardness, no mention whatsoever of Explicit, not even the vaguest hint that there is anything extra-curricular about James and Lydia.”

“You propose Masque and Cat have an Explicit-only relationship? Is that what you’re saying?” I nodded. “And you really think that will work?”

“I think it might.”

“And Cat is really happy to fuck Masque in a public-only environment, is she? No strings, no late night cuddles, no in-bed sex with warm sheets and cosy pillows...”