Dirty Kisses (12 page)

“Yes, it hurt.” He thumps his fingers over mine. “It hurt like hell. That’s why I did it.”

“What?” I offer up a friendly slap to his chest and laugh at the idea. “That’s not why you did it.” I shake my head. “Don’t these have meaning or something?”

The ferocious scaly dragon that ropes around his neck, trailing down to his arm where it breathes a wall of fire. The eagle spread over his chest, the arm sleeves of intricately filled floral designs that blend into tribal art. The bare tree with two blackbirds seated in it at the base of his abs, the black bear buried at the roots.

“They do mean something.” His voice runs bare and jagged. “This is Luck and me.” He touches the birds in the tree in turn. “Our family.”

My hand covers the breadth of the branches for a moment before exposing them to the afternoon light. “Lucky is indeed lucky to have you. I can tell that when you love, you love with your entire soul.” I trace the heart at the base of his abs. “You’re rock solid, you know that?” I try to change the subject in an effort to rescue us from awkwardness after I tossed the L word out like that. This is how I’ve always envisioned my friends’ relationships, lying in bed, fully satiated after a long, strong, affectionate session that involved many condoms and spanned more than twenty-four hours. This is the part where Rex and Scarlett, Cassidy and Cade, Piper and Owen would exchange those sacred, heartfelt words that my ears have never heard before. My family didn’t throw that word around. I’m not sure they understood the importance of doing so. Some families just don’t say
I love you
, and mine is one of them.

“I do love Lucky.” He pulls me up a bit until our eyes are comfortably settled on one another. “I love her so damn much I’ve rearranged who I am, who I could have been, to make sure she has the best in life. And you’re right. When I care about someone, I make sure they know it.” His lips expand ever so slightly. “That’s why I need you to know I care about you so damn deeply that it caught me off guard at first, scared the hell out of me. But I love you. My heart has filled with the need to care for you and make sure you were safe from day one. From the moment I first saw you, I
knew
you were the one I was meant to be with. Believe me, those weren’t my plans. But as soon as we met, I fell in love with you. I loved you and cared for you as much then as I do now. The strong feelings I felt for you had only ever been matched by Lucky or my mother. But with you”—he tangles his fingers in my hair—“I want it all.”

“You don’t have to say those words just because I’m in your bed.” I can feel my face heating the way Scarlett’s does at the drop of a hat. But, unlike Scarlett, it’s a bit tougher to ruffle my feathers. Which can only mean I’m feeling things, challenging myself in ways I’m not sure I’m ready for. In some ways, it feels as if Jet and I are already on the lip of a dreaded rejection, and sometimes it’s just easier to push one another off the ledge than linger.

“Hey.” He pulls me over his stomach until I’m lying on his steel cut body, our mouths a breath away from one another. There is an earnestness in his eyes that suggests he’s about to get real, get tough all in one, and that tender zone between my legs begs to have him do just that. I don’t think there is a sexier beast alive than Jet Madden, especially when he’s about to get riled up in a fantastic sweaty way. “I have had a lot of girls in my bed.” He winces and mouths the word
sorry
. “But I haven’t felt compelled to say a damn thing to any of them that I didn’t want to. I have never in my life uttered those words to anyone outside of my family.” He swallows hard, the muscles in his jaw jump as if it’s taking Herculean strength to get out the rest of his thoughts. “You are my family, Daisy. That’s just how I see you. I don’t know why it is.” His eyes fill with moisture as he softens into me. “I don’t know why I broke all of my rules for you. I can’t explain how I came to think of you as more than a girl who hated me—I’d say more than a friend, but I think the former is more accurate.”

We share a gentle laugh, and now it’s me mouthing
I’m sorry.

“But I love you.” He shrugs, and those enormous shoulders rise up and down. “I simply do. You stole my heart when I wasn’t looking, and I wouldn’t take it back if you giftwrapped it for me. I need you to keep it. It belongs to you now.”

“Jet.” I pull him in tight and sob over his chest. For the first time, the little girl in me lets go of all the anger, all the rage, the pain of never hearing those words. All of the trauma and drama of my childhood melts away in one soothing stroke of this man’s voice. “I love you, too. I really do. I love you for taking me in, for making me feel safe in a rabid world that is out to get everyone for sins they never committed. And mostly, I love you with all my heart for gifting me with words and actions that I never thought I would hear, feel, experience. I can’t think of another person in the world I’d rather lean on, pour my soul out to, than you. Deep down, I feel as if you’re the one true person I can trust with my words, with my heart. I never thought about giving my heart away. I thought I could take on the world with my nose to the wind, pounding my way to my own personal freedom, which I always believed was money. But right about now, I hate money. I hate that it disappointed me every single time and never made me feel as free as I once believed it could. The more I had, the more it seemed to cost me.” I pinch his chin between my fingers. “I love you, Jet Madden. With all of my heart, my soul, right down to my trembling thighs. I love you. My heart belongs to you. Don’t give it back.” A shy smile comes to me as I repeat his words to him. “Keep it always. It’s safest with you.”

Jet leans over and kisses me with an outpouring of affection as our bodies morph into a physical manifestation of our heartfelt words. Jet and I make love—something I thought only old people did. And now that thought is laughable.

All I want in the world is to grow old with Jet Madden.

I’ve changed.

Jet changed me for the better.

T
he weekend melts away
, and as much as I’ve soaked in Jet’s company every second of every hour, I’ve pretty much ignored my cell phone and the flurry of messages my friends have sent. I read the first few to satiate my need for indulgence.

Cassidy -
What the hell was that kiss?

Scarlett –
Let me tell you. I called it a year ago when you ran out of his tat shop. That kiss was months in the making. I’m sure it was a good one. Don’t tell Rex, but it melted my bones!

Piper –
Holy shit. Do you need a fire extinguisher? I think you singed the hair off every cheerleader. They were drooling with envy. You got quite the beefy prize! Enjoy the hell out of him and then call me ASAP!

To my amusement there’s even one from Tiffany Ikeman, although I’m sure this one is more interested in discussing Legal Eagle business and not so much my heated kisses with Jet.

Tiffany -
I’ve reconsidered my stance on inviting you to the next meeting. Dorma Morano will be joining us in a few short weeks. You’re welcome to be there.

Dorma Morano? She’s only the biggest women’s rights activist in the Western Hemisphere. This is huge. I can’t believe she’s coming to Whitney Briggs, let alone to speak to some trumped-up law club just this side of the Girl Scouts. I text right back.

I’d be honored to be there. You couldn’t keep me away if you tried!

Okay, perhaps that last bit was me trying to usurp her control a bit, but I’ve never been one who liked to be bridled.

And after much begging and prodding on the part of my three best friends, I agree to meet with them at Hallowed Grounds after our last classes of the day let out. I spot the three of them seated outside, already hovering over their steaming lattes, one extra for me, I assume.

“Here she is!” Cassidy pats the space next to her, and I cringe.

“It’s pretty cold out here.” I’m about to beg them to go into hiding with me, deep into the artificial forest in the back of the café, but a part of me is tired of running. The sneers from my classmates may have slightly dissipated and so have the hounding press. As far as I’m concerned, I’m yesterday’s news.

I sit with my back to the public in an attempt to circumvent anyone getting a clear shot of us together. Now that I’ve all but dubbed myself the queen of mold—as per my new expert superpower of turning any and everything I’m near to something toxic, I’d hate to turn their lives to rot and filth by simply sipping my coffee within camera range.

“You back alley wench.” Cassidy pulls me hard by the fingers before lunging at me with a firm embrace. “I’m so happy for you, I could cry.” She sniffs in my ear. “Oh heck, I have shed a river.” She pulls back with her eyes laced with crimson. “Tell us all about it. When did this start? I bet the two of you have been teasing one another from the get-go. Friday night was just an explosion in all things delicious.” She gives a friendly wink.

“Not exactly.” I take a careful sip of my coffee. “But you’re very close.” I wince because there would be no greater relief than getting the truth out to my friends. “Jet and I have actually managed to do everything ass backward—my fault completely. We were sort of hiding a mutual attraction for the entire last year.” I glance to Scarlett for a moment because that’s exactly what happened between here and Rex, only their families were at the crux of their problems, and, well, Jet and I don’t have too much family to worry about outside of Lucky. My own family is pretty much in another solar system as far as I’m concerned. I lean in, and the three of them do the same. “After one week in his house? I spent the rest of my stay in his bed.”

They take in a collective gasp so powerful and strong, I swear on all that is holy, you can feel the oxygen depleting around us.

“No shit?” Piper doesn’t mix words, and that’s always been my favorite part of her.

“Nope. Don’t get me wrong. Jet and I weren’t on speaking terms exactly. We were sort of—” I struggle a moment with my descriptors.

Scarlett knocks her knee to mine. “Enjoying one another’s sarcastic company?”

“Exactly. But most of those barbs came from me. I was too busy holding up my walls to notice he took down his once I walked through the door. Anyway, that went on night after
delicious
night.” I nod to Cassidy when I say the word she charged me with. “Then, once morning came, we went back to normal, or at least as close as we could get. Jet is really a good guy.” My eyes tear up at the thought of how good he’s been to me, and I blink the emotions away, save them for later. A part of me still wants my friends to think I’ve got this life thing all figured out.

Cassidy wrinkles her nose at me, that devilish gleam surfaces in her that I see regularly in her sister’s eyes. “Like really,
really
good?”

“Yes, you pervert. He’s really, really good. That’s what kept me coming back for more. Plus, he’s a prince. Most men would have run a mile right out that door had I asked them to help me free my girl power after I sealed myself shut with wax. And the fact he cared enough to purchase my books when I couldn’t cover the cost at the bookstore?” I shake my head with fondness at the memory. “So when he opened his heart up, and said those three magic words, it felt more than right to say them back.”

All three of their mouths open wide to dark gaping holes.

“Back up the train,” Piper snips. “So, the two of you went from fuck buddies to exchanging Valentines in the stretch of a few weeks?”

“Something like that,” I snarl at her. “Don’t go cheapening it either. Jet and I are the same person when it comes to relationships. We don’t do them—traditionally. But I felt something for so long for that boy. I knew we had something. And no matter how hard I fought it—we landed here, on our feet.”

“So, you guys are out of the woods? You’re good to go?” Scarlett’s emerald eyes expand. “I mean, after Rex and I got to that point, it was a little bumpy going until the dust settled.”

“We’re as out of the woods as my crazy life will allow us to be.” I take in a satisfying breath of fresh fall air as my friends shower me with their worried expressions. “Jet and I are together, and no one or nothing can change that. In a weird way, all of this insanity that’s circled my life like a pack of wild animals has brought me what I’ve craved the most,
love
.”

The three of them coo in approval as if I’ve just plucked a litter of puppies from thin air.

Scarlett, Piper, and Cassidy all pull me into a group hug, and I nearly fall out of my seat with the brimming affection.

After that long dry emotional season that was my childhood, I’m suddenly drowning in a sea of love.

Deep down, I’ve always suspected this was the way it should be. And now it is.

Jet has made my world the securest place it has ever been—that it ever can be.

With both him and my friends in my life, there isn’t anything I can’t live through.

That flash from the game comes back to haunt me, throwing the ghastly white skeleton of my past into my face. I still very much have the power to destroy everything I touch. Something tells me I need to tread lightly with both my friends and my new relationship with Jet. Scarlett’s words ring like a foreboding omen. If she and Rex had a bumpy ride after they exchanged their
I love yous
, what makes me think I’ll be any different?