Dirty Little Secret (14 page)

“She found me.” Alex grinned against her shoulder and moved his hand to her top breast, beginning the same torture there. Cupped in his palm, her breasts felt like firm fruit, ripe for the plucking. “I was on the high school wrestling team.”

“You?”

He didn’t know if he should be amused or insulted. “Yes, me. Jeez.” He pinched her straining nipple. The laugh that escaped him felt almost as good as her body. Almost—nothing could feel
as
good. “Sara Beth is just like her father that way—she always knows where to get the information she needs. So she searched out the captain of the wrestling team, me, and paid me to teach her to fight.”

“And did you?”

“Of course I did. Only I wouldn’t let her pay me, not with money. She became this poor jock’s English tutor. We were stuck together, and the rest… Well, you know what they say.”

Cailin nodded.

He couldn’t stop touching her. The soft flat of her belly called to him, and he began long, slow strokes from pelvis to shoulder, spreading his fingers wide to cover as much territory as possible in between.

“So…” She hesitated, but he wasn’t sure if it was due to uncertainty or his touch. Over her shoulder, he saw the tip of her pink tongue dip out to moisten her lips. Aha. Uncertainty.

“Ask, Cailin. I don’t want there to be secrets between us.”

Tilting her head to the side, Cailin rubbed against his stubbly cheek, strands of her blonde curls getting caught in the scruff. If she’d been a cat, she would have purred; he was certain of it. He stroked her as if she was, moving all the way down over her hip before smoothing his way back up again.

“So, what did you and Cailin plan for this…marriage? Will it just keep going? Will her father ever…?” Cailin clamped her lips shut. She’d never broached this subject with him, and now that she had, he found himself both wary and elated. Elated because it meant she felt she had enough of a stake in him to risk it, and wary because, well…

“Honestly, at first we didn’t have a plan. John was putting so much pressure on Sara Beth, and at the time no one knew about her sexual orientation, not even me.”

“She didn’t tell you?”

“I guessed, but I didn’t talk to her about it. I figured if she wanted me to know, she’d get around to it. But she never did. It probably would have gone on like that for years if I hadn’t put my foot down.” He traced a circle around the indentation of her belly button. “She got sick. Mono. She wasn’t taking care of herself, and I could tell she had become severely depressed. I didn’t—and still don’t—give a fuck whether she likes men or women. I wanted her healthy.”

“And so you made sure she got healthy.”

“Yeah.” Cailin knew him well. “She started staying with me to get away from the pressure at home and let herself heal. Her dad inferred we were sleeping together. You should have seen how happy he was.” Alex shook his head in disgust. “I was already being groomed for a position within Keane Industries. Then he came down with his ultimatum. Sara Beth was devastated.”

And why wouldn’t she be? Her own father hadn’t cared about her personal happiness so much as what he deemed was best for the company’s future.

“So you got engaged. Then what?”

“We held firm as long as we could, hoping the engagement would appease him. Sara Beth had been rising steadily within the company, learning from the ground up after graduating from business school, but when your father doesn’t want you in a position of authority, it’s the ultimate glass ceiling.”

Cailin’s voice held a mix of understanding and shock. “He would promote you but not his own daughter?” His chin bumped her head when he nodded, and Cailin asked, “How did she end up in charge of the development department then?”

Bitterness rose at the memory. “He agreed to make me senior VP upon our marriage.”

“And in that position, he couldn’t block you from promoting her yourself.”

“Exactly. We married and moved to Atlanta, and here we are. Sara Beth’s work in development has caught the notice of some key board members. Eventually we hope to persuade them to make her my equal when John retires, allowing us to run the company jointly.”

Cailin soothed him with quiet strokes along his thigh. “And in the meantime, you’re stuck in a holding pattern.”

“Yeah. Over time we realized what deep shit we were in. The reality of keeping such a big secret hit hard, but we managed. It helped that Sara Beth had Sam. They’re committed partners. She didn’t have to worry about being alone.”

“Not like you did.” Cailin squirmed, demanding his touch, and he realized his hand had stilled on her belly.

“Yeah,” he said again. Tucking his other arm under her neck, he pulled her back against him, holding his miracle in his arms. “Then you came along.”

“But what if I hadn’t? Were you—” The muscles under his hand tightened. “You plan to run the company together. Are you just planning to stay married forever?”

His sigh ruffled her curls. “With my move into the senior VP position, we thought I might be entrenched enough that an amicable divorce would still enable the two of us to fill our positions after John retired. But—”

“But what?”

“But lately John’s been demanding other things.”

“Like?”

He braced himself. “Like an heir.”

“Oh.”

That one soft sound conveyed more pain than he’d thought possible. Which was why he hadn’t brought it up yet. When they’d agreed to commit only to each other—odd for a married man to say to anyone besides his wife, but there it was—Cailin had told him about her infertility so they wouldn’t have to continue using condoms. Alex still didn’t know how he felt about having kids, but he knew he wanted Cailin in his life, in his arms, and if she couldn’t have kids, hell, maybe they’d eventually adopt. Whatever they needed to do. A couple didn’t have to be married to build a family together, however they chose to do so.

That didn’t mean another woman carrying his biological child wouldn’t be a hard blow.

Finally she asked, “Would you…do that?”

“We’ve talked about me being a donor for Sara Beth and Sam before. Now? I really don’t know.”

Silence settled between them once more. Alex didn’t break it, wanting to give Cailin a chance to digest everything. Instead he threw his leg over both of hers, surrounding her, reinforcing with his body what he’d already begun to realize in his heart: he’d never leave her.

Finally Cailin stirred. In a low, tender voice she said, “I think that would be very special.”

His eyes closed at the powerful surge of emotion in his chest, an emotion he finally allowed himself to acknowledge: love. He loved this woman. She amazed him. She touched something in him that he’d kept hidden from the world. She gave selflessly; he couldn’t imagine more courage, more strength than he saw in her heart.

And he couldn’t tell her.

As things stood, he could not be wholly hers. And as certain as he was in that moment that his heart would forever belong to her, he refused to shackle her to him, not with the reality that she could be waiting five, even ten years. No, it had to be her choice: stay or go. Always hers. Because she deserved more than the love of a married man.

Cailin turned her face up to his. “Hey,” she said with a frown. A fingertip swiped at his cheek, and Alex realized it was wet—and so were his eyes. “What is it?”

He shook his head and locked down his emotions. “You. Just you.”

Turning completely to face him, Cailin smiled. “You too.”

* * * *

The courtyard across the street from the Hermitage teemed with life. For the entire city block, a long square cobblestone area stretched, spotted with park benches, leafy trees, and dozens of people, most of whom were hurrying in one direction or another. Fancy dress clothes mixed with nightclub stretch minis and casual shorts and tennis shoes. This part of downtown Nashville was central to many of the area’s attractions, and Cailin could have sat all day just people watching, especially if Alex was there, just like he was now, sitting against her on the bench, openly holding her hand.

Women—far too many women—stared as they walked past. In a business suit and tie, Alex commanded the attention of all who saw him. In tight jeans and cowboy boots? He made women melt and men wish they were him. At least they should, considering not one woman paid attention to anyone else when they saw him. A smug smile tilted her lips. They could stare all they wanted; he was hers.

“What’s that look all about?”

Cailin tilted her head toward Alex. The view was even better up close, not that she’d share it with anyone. Since he discovered that the feel of his soft black stubble against her skin caused her to squirm—in a good way—Alex had decided not to shave this weekend. His neglected beard gave him a sweaty-cowboy-calendar look that made her feel like she needed to be hosed off. It was irresistible, as evidenced by the fact that it was seven thirty in the evening on Saturday and they’d ventured out of their hotel room—heck, out of their bed—for the first time only an hour ago. Dinner in the hotel’s restaurant, for which they were seriously underdressed, and then they’d walked across to the courtyard for what Alex would only describe as a “surprise.” As it was, Cailin hadn’t been sure she would manage the trip across the road, her legs were so wobbly. She no longer wondered what a real, romantic honeymoon would be like; Alex had shown her everything she’d wanted to know and more.

“Just enjoying the fresh air,” she said. Alex’s quirked brow shouted
liar!
but no way was she telling him she was gloating in her ownership. Some things were better kept secret, like her alphabet of sins.
They’re
my
dirty little secrets. Why can’t I at least enjoy one or two?

Alex hummed thoughtfully. Then, affecting a truly excruciating German accent, he said, “We have ways of making you talk, you know.”

Laughter bubbled up in her chest. “Oh really? I think I’d like to see some of those. Later.” She winked.

Alex’s laugh was muffled between their lips as they shared a not so quick kiss. It felt positively wicked to be out in the open, enjoying him, away from the restrictions that ruled their every moment together back in Atlanta. No worries, no limits, only the two of them and—

Alex pulled back to look around the courtyard. “Ah, here she is,” he said.

Cailin turned to glance in the same direction. A woman in a floor-length red dress walked carefully across the cobblestones in the darkening twilight, headed their way, swinging a lit lantern in one hand. Cailin did a double take, realizing the dress had to be a replica of an eighteenth- or nineteenth-century walking costume. The long, slightly puffed sleeves must be excruciating considering the air was only now cooling, bringing the temperature into the upper eighties, but the woman seemed oblivious to the heat. What the heck was she doing here, though? And why was Alex looking for her?

Several of the surrounding benches had filled as they sat, and now the woman wandered into their midst and, incongruously, raised a cell phone in one hand. “Anyone here for the ghost tour?”

“Wait here, hon,” Alex said to Cailin. “I’ll get us checked in.”

Cailin literally bounced on the seat. “That’s us? We’re going—”

“Yeah. A ghost tour of downtown Nashville. Sound like fun?”

“Yes!” She reached up and dragged his face down to meet hers for an enthusiastic smack of lips. “Thank you. I can’t wait.”

Alex laughed. “Well, you’ll have to wait until I get us checked in.”

“Oh, right.” Cailin snatched her hands back quickly. Alex chuckled, gave her another swift peck, then walked over to talk to their hostess for the tour.

By the time Alex returned to their bench, she’d managed to stop bouncing from excitement, but her smile was so wide her cheeks ached. A hint of teasing coloring his voice, he nudged her shoulder and asked, “So it’s a walking tour. Think you’re up to it?”

A blush heated her cheeks at the thought of her earlier complaints. Alex laughed and settled in behind her, his chest a solid wall of support, until their guide called them to gather around for the beginning of the tour.

“Good evening. I’m Mary,” she said. “Welcome to the Music City Downtown Ghost Tour. We’ve got lots of spooky stuff for you to see tonight, so get your walking shoes on and let’s get going. Follow me.”

Their first stop was across from the elegant cream-and-black facade of the Hermitage Hotel, where Mary sent shivers down Cailin’s spine as she shared stories about the ghosts seen and ghostly noises heard throughout the hotel. As darkness settled around them, they continued their slow walk down the street, past the Tennessee Performing Arts Center, where crowds milled to see the latest offering by the theater, and various empty office buildings while Mary filled them in on the history of Nashville and its early years as an important river port for the South. By the time they reached the end of Sixth Avenue, it was full dark and the State Capitol Building loomed directly ahead.

Staring at the up-lit structure built atop a bow-backed hill, she could see why people would expect to find ghosts here. There was something eerie about the heavily columned building, at least at night, especially with the surrounding grounds, heavily planted with gardens and trees, dark. Mary’s story about rival architects buried together inside the capitol building didn’t help.

“Spooky,” Alex whispered in her ear. His warm breath sent a shiver along her spine that had nothing to do with ghosts. As they crossed the street, she wished for a moment that they’d stayed in the hotel room, where she could have followed up on that shiver. When they took the first set of stairs toward the top of the hill, the darkness drove her closer to Alex, clinging to his broad, strong hand, and the resulting tingle gave her a totally different—and totally naughty—idea.

The group spread out to explore the area around the building, many heading toward the lighted side near President James K. Polk’s tomb. Alex stepped in that direction, but Cailin inhaled a deep breath, took a chance, and tugged him in the other. Barely visible, a hedge of evergreens lined the front area, providing a small alley of privacy she hoped to take advantage of.