Dirty Little Secrets (3 page)

“Girl, we got our asses kicked tonight by Druid Hills. Our football team needs to step it up,” my girlfriend Lisa said, full
of frustration. Lisa had a big mouth, with a big butt and chest to go with it. Everybody told her she looked like Lauryn Hill,
so she swore her shit didn’t stink. Lisa got on most people’s nerves with her sometimes obnoxious attitude, but I didn’t pay
her any mind. She was more of the in-your-face type, and I was more subtle,
which made us click. The times she did get on my nerves, I would just put her on Pause for a minute.

“Who cares? I’m starving; let’s go get something to eat,” I said as we were leaving the football field.

“You always eating, and I don’t know where all the weight goes wit yo little ass,” Lisa said as she sucked her teeth.

“Whatever. Let’s go,” I said, agitated with Lisa. That was the one thing I hated about going to the football games with her.
She always wanted to linger in the parking lot where all the fellas hung out, in search of her latest prey. Lisa called it
shooting the breeze. I called it trying to get her pimp game on.

“Can I come with you?” a male voice asked. I turned around and was pleasantly surprised to see a well-built, butterscotchcomplexioned
hottie standing in front of me. Lisa immediately jumped beside me and stuck out her enormous chest, giving the guy one of
her “sexy” looks.

“Aren’t you Chad Mills, the star quarterback for Druid Hills?” Lisa asked, sounding like she was about to eat him up.

“Yeah, that’s right. What’s your friend’s name?”

“Oh, that’s just Tyler.” Lisa waved her hand as if dismissing me. “I’m Lisa. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” She stepped forward,
extending her hand. Chad did her one better by extending his hand directly toward me.

“Hi, Tyler. I’m Chad. It’s nice to meet you,” he said. He took my hand and held it, and I could feel myself blushing. Lisa
made it worse by standing beside me with her lips poked out.

“I’ve never seen you before,” Chad said. “Are you new to North Atlanta?”

“Yeah, this is actually my first year. I went to Sutton Middle School last year.”

“Oh, so you’re a freshman?”

“Yeah,” I answered shyly.

“You have to be the prettiest freshman I’ve ever seen.”

“You’re sweet,” I gushed, sounding like a love-struck teenager.

“I would love to call you. Can I get your number?”

“Sure,” I said, smiling. Chad was just the type of guy I had been searching for. He was handsome, he was at least a junior
so he had to be somewhat mature, and he made me feel at ease. Because Evan had assaulted me, when guys tried to date me, I
always felt as if they had an ulterior motive. I was scared to be alone with them because I believed they would harm me in
some way. With Chad, those thoughts did not cross my mind. Both his looks and his status as a football star would make all
my friends envious of me. Plus he came across as a sweetheart. I definitely had stars in my eyes.

After our initial encounter, Chad and I were inseparable. He would come over and we’d make out for hours. My parents were
oblivious of what we were doing because they thought Chad was the greatest. Chad’s mother belonged to the same country club
as my mother, and his father did business with Daddy, so they had no problem leaving us alone. Besides, my parents were trying
to salvage what was left of their shaky marriage. For the last couple of years it had been deteriorating. It hit rock bottom
when Ella left for college. Ella had been the glue holding our family together. She was the type of child who demanded we
take family vacations and eat dinner together every night. Without her there to keep the family united, Daddy began to distance
himself. Mother soon realized that Daddy, like so many other men, was having an affair, and so she began her own fling. Without
constant praise and attention from Daddy, Mother became insecure and sought confirmation elsewhere that she was still beautiful.

One evening she was supposed to be at a country club meeting, preparing for a dinner honoring the female socialites of Atlanta.
Worried when she never showed up, her friend Beatrice called the house looking for her. Daddy told her something had come
up at the last minute and Mother couldn’t make it.

When Mother came home, he asked her how her meeting went, and she said, “Great.” Before Mother could even shut the door, Daddy
was standing in the foyer ready to grill her. “Maria, don’t fucking lie to me. Beatrice called here looking for you after
you didn’t show up.”

“I know. I got there right after she got off the phone with you. I was held up trying to make some last-minute revisions,
and I was late to the meeting.” Mother always knew how to remain cool under pressure. She spoke so matter-of-factly that you
couldn’t help but want to believe her.

“Okay, then you’ll have no problem getting Beatrice on the phone to confirm your story.”

“I’m not a child, Michael, and I won’t be calling Beatrice to ask her such a silly question.” Once again, but now as a teenager,
I stood at the top of the stairs watching a drama unfold.

“Maria, you better get Beatrice on the phone right now or—,” Daddy said in a threatening voice.

“Or what, Michael? You’re going to run out and go see your mistress? Tell her I said hello.” Mother turned away.

It was like a flashback from the past when Daddy said, “Maria, don’t you walk away from me!” Then he took off after her, and
they were out of my sight. When I heard the loud thump of Mother hitting the marble floor in the foyer, I ran downstairs to
save her, just as Ella had so many years ago.

“Daddy, stop!” I screamed, just as Daddy was about to land a second punch. He froze and stared at me with the same shameful
look that Evan had had on his face when he got caught with his pants down.

“Tyler, go back upstairs. This is between your mother and me,” Daddy said, standing over Mother and trying to hide the anger
that had taken over him. Mother still lay on the floor, looking helpless and scared.

“Michael, please don’t do this in front of Tyler. You promised that no matter how angry you got, you would never put your
hands on me in front of the children.” I stared in shock. Mother’s face was riddled with shame and fear. What was she saying?
Had Daddy hit her before and I just didn’t know about it? Daddy took a deep breath, and Mother slowly began to stand up. I
knew my parents had problems, but never did I believe the relationship had become abusive. Daddy walked downstairs to the
entertainment room, and Mother grabbed my hand and asked me to follow her upstairs. We went in my bedroom and sat on the bed.
Mother held my hand like she did when I was a little girl.

“Tyler, I’m sorry you had to witness the altercation between your father and me. I never expected him to hit me with you in
the house.”

“Has he hit you before?”

Mother glanced at me with sorrowful eyes, giving away the answer.

“But I thought you said if a man ever hits you, you must immediately leave him.”

“Baby, look at everything your father has provided for us. We are accustomed to a lifestyle that most people only dream of.
He has fulfilled our every fantasy.” As Mother spoke, I was confused, torn, and disgusted.

With great sarcasm, I said, “So it’s okay for a man to knock you around if he’s rich and takes good care of you? But if he
is
poor, like my real father was, then it’s not worth sticking around?”

“Tyler, you watch your mouth. Your father was worthless. He had no ambition and couldn’t hold a decent job. If I stayed with
him, we would be stuck in the land of the dead. Do you think you would be living in a million-dollar house and wearing designer
jeans? Hell, no! Michael has provided us with a better life, and if he loses his temper once in a while, then so be it.” Mother’s
face was red and her body was shaking.

I couldn’t believe the words coming out of my mother’s mouth. She had sold her soul for money and material gain. Not only
was Daddy having an affair, but he was also beating her ass, and it was okay as long as the lifestyle continued. I wanted
to lash out at her.

“So, the man you’re fucking now… are you going to leave Daddy for him the way you left my father? Or are his pockets not deep
enough?”

Mother stood up and slapped me. I grabbed my face and glared up at her.

“I know I haven’t been the perfect mother, but everything I’ve done has been for the love of you and Ella. All I ever wanted
was to provide a good life and not have you faced with the same struggles I had growing up. But no matter what I do or don’t
do, you will respect me. You respect the bullshit I endured in order to escape the dreadful existence that would have been
your life if you didn’t have a mother determined to find a better way. One day when you have your own kids and you want a
better life for them, come have a conversation with me and let me know what you will and won’t tolerate from a man.” With
that, Mother turned her back and walked away, but not before I saw the tears rolling down her cheeks. I had hurt her and I
never wanted to do that. Mother was my hero, and I loved her more than life itself.

As the school year began to wind down, Chad and I had become closer than ever. He made me feel special. He would surprise
me with flowers, romantic handmade cards, and little gifts. He seemed like the ideal boyfriend—good family, intelligent, a
star athlete, and handsome. What more could a girl ask for? But I wasn’t in love. I was physically attracted to him, but I
wasn’t passionate about him. Chad was safe because he was feeling more for me than I was feeling for him, so there was no
way he could break my heart. After seeing the drama in both of my mother’s marriages, I began thinking that love was way overrated.
Still, I yearned for a man to make me feel loved.

Although I was only fifteen, that desire pushed me to take my relationship with Chad to the next level. My parents were out
for dinner, and I asked Chad to come over and keep me company. We were watching
9½
Weeks,
and I began teasing him about how sexy Mickey Rourke was. “Chad, look at how Mickey Rourke is fucking the shit out of Kim
Basinger. I bet she has had at least three orgasms.”

“What you know about an orgasm?” Chad asked. He thought I was a virgin—which I was.

“I’ve never had one, but my girlfriends tell me that once a man makes you reach your climax, you’ll be in love with him for
the rest of your life.”

“Is that what they tell you? Well, why you don’t find out for yourself?” Chad came closer to me on the couch and started kissing
my neck. His lips always felt so warm on my skin, and my nipples became perky as his tongue made its way to my mouth.

He whispered in my ear, “Baby, do you want me to make love to you?” His breath smelled like Trident gum.

“Yeah, I want to feel you inside of me.” Chad kissed my top
lip and then the bottom before slipping his tongue inside. As he kissed me, he unbuttoned my red silk shirt and unclipped
my bra, exposing my voluptuous breasts. As his mouth swallowed my nipples, my pussy instantly became wet, and I unzipped his
jeans longing to see and feel his dick. As he got up to take off his clothes, I stood in front of him in the new lace thong
I had purchased from Victoria’s Secret for this monumental occasion.

Chad looked at me with pure lust in his eyes. “I’ve been dying to be inside of you for so long. I promise you won’t be disappointed.”
With that, I lay across the couch, waiting for him to finish undressing so we could make love.

I had never seen Chad stark naked, and I wasn’t disappointed. All those sporting activities had left his body perfectly chiseled.
He lay on top of me and began kissing all over my body. He literally licked me from head to toe. I was filled with lust and
desire and could barely contain myself. The anticipation of what might happen next was driving me crazy. Looking at his erect
penis, I knew all of him would fill me up. I kept saying, “Please put it in,” and finally he did. Chad glided inside of me
like silk. When he entered I felt pain, but it was the best sort of pain. Chad had been finger-popping me for so long with
damn near three fingers that my pussy was not too tight to handle his well-endowed manhood.

I finally understood why when it felt right you could make love over and over because that was all I wanted to do after my
first time with Chad. Wow, I thought, this whole sex thing is incredible. They say your first sexual experience will dictate
how you feel about sex for the rest of your life, so I recommend that all women make their first time beautiful. But better
yet, if possible wait until you’re a lot older and more mature than I was.