Dirty Little Secrets (4 page)

For the next few months Chad and I made love every which way possible. But eventually I became bored. He had never mentally
excited me, and I was becoming restless. Meanwhile, participating in drinking parties with my girlfriends was becoming increasingly
more exciting. When my parents were out on the town, my girlfriends and I would raid their bar, mix all sorts of liquor together,
and see who could drink the most and the fastest. Sometimes we would each have a bottle of champagne and see who could gulp
down her bottle first. Talk about getting fucked up! Luckily my father had asked our housekeeper, Helena, to keep the bar
well stocked, so my parents were oblivious of what was going on. One day Helena asked me about the depletion of the liquor,
and I politely informed her that on more than one occasion I had seen her taking a swig. From that day on I never had a problem
with her again.

I knew Chad and I had a dilemma when I preferred a bottle over some good loving. But I still tried to hang in there, thinking
maybe I was just in a bad funk.

One weekend when Chad’s parents went out of town, we were at his house lying in front of the fireplace after making love.
It had been sensational, and I put my tongue into his right ear and nibbled on his earlobe trying to get him aroused for a
second round. But “oh” boring Chad wanted to talk. He babbled on about going off to college the next year and how much he
would miss me. As I lay on his chest, he lifted my chin up so we were looking in each other’s eyes. “Tyler, if you promise
not to be intimate with anyone else while I’m at college, when you graduate I want us to get married.”

I thought to myself, I couldn’t go two weeks without sex, let alone endless months.

“Chad, don’t you think you’re jumping the gun a little bit?
You don’t know what will happen when you go off to college. You might meet some pretty little cheerleader and fall in love.”

“Tyler, no one is prettier than you. You’re my dream girl, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” His words were
cutting me deep. Yes, I wanted a man to love me and take care of me, but I also knew how destructive marriage could be. Plus
I wasn’t in love with Chad. The thought of him being the last man I would ever feel inside me was more than I could take.

“Baby, let’s not talk about this now. School isn’t even out yet, and we have the entire summer. Let’s enjoy the time we have
now and not worry about what the future holds.”

What I considered a light conversation became more serious when Chad held my chin tightly and said, “Tyler, we belong together.
My future is with you and only you.” His eyes had a darkness to them that I had never seen before. It gave me an uneasy feeling.

“Okay, baby, whatever you say.” I gave Chad a long kiss to defuse what now had become an intense vibe. This was one conversation
I would delay for as long as I could.

After my evening with Chad I knew our relationship was on the road to nowhere. He was getting much too serious, and I wanted
a lot more excitement—something different. I tried to go strong with my socalled first love, whom I had given my virginity
to, but I think that whole “your first” is overrated. When I have flashbacks of my sexual experiences, “my first” is not the
one that comes to mind. I cared deeply for Chad in my own way, but our relationship was a sinking ship.

I wanted a man who was the complete opposite of Chad: a man who would bring nonstop excitement to my life; someone
edgier, who would stimulate my mind. I wanted a guy with a clean-cut appearance but a bad-boy mentality. I was also about
to learn the hard way that you have to be careful what you wish for.

One night I went to a Clark Atlanta University talent show with Lisa. Lisa and I both looked a little older, especially with
Lisa’s size DD breasts. After the show, I was standing outside the bathroom waiting for her to come out. Just then I looked
up and noticed this guy standing in front of me. “If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put
U
and
I
together,” he said. I laughed, and from then on I was intrigued. His name was Trey. He was another socalled pretty boy.
He was wearing cream slacks with a cream cashmere sweater. Very clean-cut, just the way I envisioned my boyfriend would be.
He was handsome, flashy, and confident, with a great sense of humor. We chatted and exchanged phone numbers even though he
was twenty and I was only fifteen. He called me later on that night. Luckily I had my own line, so when the phone rang it
didn’t wake anyone.

“Hello,” I said, trying to sound half-asleep although I was completely awake.

“What’s up? This is Trey. Are you sleeping?”

“Almost, but I’ll get up. What you doing?”

“Talking to you,” he said with a slight snicker. “I’m surprised you’re asleep. I just knew you’d be sitting by the phone waiting
for me to call you.” He sounded cocky. I began to fuck with his ego trying to see just how inflated it was.

“You know, Trey, you talk a lot of shit, but by the time I walk out of your life you’re going to be so in love with me that
I’ll cause you to lose your mind.” He laughed so loud, as if I had just told a Chris Tucker joke.

“Tyler, baby, no woman will ever cause me to lose my mind,
and the only person who ever walks away in my relationships is me,” he barked with pure confidence.

“Oh, really?”

“Yes, really.”

“Why is that?” I asked, like I really gave a fuck.

“Because every woman I’m with, I first blow out her back and then I blow her mind.”

I had to admit that his confidence was turning me on. He sounded so sure of himself that I wanted to know if he could deliver
the goods.

“Why don’t you come over and try to blow out my back and blow my mind?” I suggested.

“You mean right now?”

“Yeah, right now.” Thirty minutes later Trey pulled up in his black Ford Explorer. I had told him to park in the cul-de-sac,
so from the top of the stairs through the vast glass windows, I saw him running toward the driveway. When I opened the Honduras
mahogany doors, he stood in awe of the European-styled house. He gazed at the marble foyer and cathedral ceilings and couldn’t
manage to get a word out. I grabbed his hand and led him downstairs.

I turned on the night-light and put in my slow-jam CD. I was wearing a tiny pink teddy with no panties. We looked at one another,
letting our eyes do all the talking. We came together with a lingering kiss. He led me toward the couch and laid me down,
kissing me and fingering me at the same time. He then took that finger and licked it. He smiled and said, “You taste good.”

He slid down my body and put his tongue deep inside me. He lifted my ass up as his tongue went deeper and deeper. He tongue-fucked
me for what seemed like forever. When he finally lifted his head, I was ready to pass out. Obviously Trey could tell that
he had already worn me out.

“Do you think I’m going to satisfy you and let you fall asleep? No, baby girl, it doesn’t work like that. I’ve gotten this
pussy nice and wet, and now it’s time for me to get mine.” Trey took off his clothes and dove in like he was taking a dip
in a pool. He was pounding me hard and fucking me rough. He flipped me over and pulled my hair back as he talked dirty in
my ears. Chad had never fucked me like this. But then again we had always made love. Trey and I definitely were fucking, and
his intense energy and rough play were turning me on. He kept saying, “Yeah, you like this big dick inside of you.”

“Yeah, baby, you feel good,” I heard myself saying. By the time we had both collapsed in exhaustion, I was in complete awe
of Trey. He had me open and he knew it. His confidence was definitely justified, and I decided I wanted him and I was going
to have him.

After our night of passionate sex, I was totally caught up in Trey. I was running out of excuses for canceling dates with
Chad, and I realized it was time to end our relationship. One warm spring night Chad and I were standing on the deck overlooking
the pool. I looked in his eyes and said, “We need to talk.” By the way he kept fidgeting I could tell he felt uneasy, but
he tried to remain cool.

“You seem so serious, Tyler. What’s going on?”

“Chad, you know that I care deeply for you and I always will, but I’m no longer happy in this relationship.”

“What are you saying?” he asked, sounding taken aback.

“The relationship is over, Chad.”

His eyes widened, and he looked as if I had just given him a death sentence.

“Tyler, what are you talking about? Did I do something wrong? We can fix this.” Chad was blabbing on and on as if he couldn’t
help himself.

“Just stop, Chad. It isn’t you; it’s me. I don’t love you anymore.” The words rolled off my tongue, and I instantly regretted
saying them. Chad sat on a patio chair and put his head down. I had only seen him look this defeated after his football team
lost the state championship.

“Why, Tyler? I thought we were happy together.”

“I haven’t been happy for a while.”

“Why didn’t you say something before now?”

“I didn’t know how to tell you.”

“Answer this one question, and I want you to tell me the truth,” he said somberly.

“What is it?” I asked, and my heart started to pound. I already knew what the question was, and I didn’t know if I had the
heart to answer honestly. But maybe Chad deserved that. I had led him on for so long, and I wanted him to be free to be happy
with someone else.

As though it took every ounce of strength in his body, Chad finally said, “Tyler, are you seeing someone else?”

With great reluctance I nodded yes. Chad stood up, walked toward me, and I stepped back thinking he was about to become violent.
But instead, Chad gently grabbed my face and kissed me good-bye. Just like that, I traded in my all-American football player
in order to dance with the devil.

Trey was different from me in so many ways, but we were alike in so many others. Trey was from the streets and came from a
broken home. He grew up with no guidance and went through life doing exactly what he wanted. He was in college, was highly
intelligent, and had numerous admirable qualities, but on the inside he was fighting demons. He seemed haunted and brought
the pain of those issues into our relationship.

After I broke up with Chad, I soon found out that Trey had a girlfriend who just happened to be Chad’s ex-girlfriend, Chandler
Thompson. A senior at my high school, she was a girl I had always admired. Chandler was beautiful and had a body to die for.
Mocha chocolate with long black hair, she had a tiny waist with a bodacious butt. She was bootylicious way before Beyoncé
or J. Lo. The fact that I was seeing her boyfriend astounded me;
but I wanted no part of any drama. As soon as I became aware of their relationship, I told Trey, “Until you straighten out
your relationship with Chandler, we cannot see one another.” Of course, he denied seeing her but I knew he was lying. I felt
deceived that Trey was two-timing me but not surprised. He was young, handsome, and in college. I would’ve been surprised
if Chandler was the only one.

I didn’t quite believe that Trey was going to leave this gorgeous senior for a measly sophomore, but I certainly wasn’t about
to play second fiddle either. More important, I didn’t want to develop a reputation for stealing other girls’ boyfriends,
a problem I had had to fight all through junior high.

One day between classes I stopped in the girls’ bathroom. I was looking in the mirror trying to get something out of my eye
when Chandler walked in, looking gorgeous as ever in a skintight red dress. She came right up to me, looking heated.

“Tyler, I need to speak to you about a nasty rumor that’s been circulating around school.”

“What rumor is that, Chandler?” I acted as though I didn’t have a clue.

She sucked her teeth and looked me up and down as if she knew I was full of shit.

“The rumor about you and my man, Trey. You haven’t heard anything about that?”

“Me and your man?” I pointed as though it was news to me. “Actually I’m single, Chandler, so whoever brought me into that
rumor must have confused me with someone else.”

“I don’t think so because, see, I only know of one Tyler Blake, and that’s yo ass.” Chandler walked toward me with vengeance
in her eyes. “Listen, you high-yellow heifer. I don’t know what type of game you’re trying to play, but you’re playing it
with the
wrong bitch. Trey is my man, and if you know what is good for you, keep your young ass away from him.”

My denial fell on deaf ears, and Chandler would hear none of it. After one last interrogation, she flashed her long red nails
across my face as if she was going to scratch me. She left the bathroom with these departing words: “I got my eyes on you,
bitch, so watch your back.” On that note I decided to skip sixth period and take my ass home.

Later on that night while I was doing a pedicure, the phone rang. “Hello.”

“Can I speak to Tyler?” The female voice sounded familiar.

“This is she,” I responded, wishing I had never taken the call.

“This is Chandler.”

“How did you get my number, and what do you want?”

“I called you, so I’m asking all the questions, and don’t even think about hanging up,” she blurted out, as if she was reading
my mind. “Listen, Tyler, I’m not trying to cause you any problems, but I want to get to the bottom of this shit regarding
Trey. I want to take a ride to his apartment and confront him about the rumors of him fucking with you.”

“That’s not necessary, Chandler. There is nothing going on between Trey and me.”

“Well, I don’t believe you.”

“That sounds like a personal problem that I can’t help you with. Now please leave me the fuck alone about this bullshit.”
I slammed the phone down, and after Chandler called back for the fifth time I took the phone off the hook. Before I went to
bed I hung the phone up, and it rang less than a minute later. I let it ring three times while debating whether I wanted to
take the chance of having Chandler on the other end. Something told me it wasn’t her, so I picked up.