Dirty Money (18 page)

“Really. I’m fine. I got shot a few months ago and it didn’t even faze me.”

“Yes, you’re big and strong and I’m very impressed. Now shut up.” She wrapped her bare hand around my bicep and squeezed. Fuck, that hurt. My vision stared to cloud. “Can someone get a fucking towel?” she shouted.

I never found out if she got that towel, because that’s when I passed out.

*

The ceiling I was staring at wasn’t mine. It was the color of warm cream. I tried to place it, but I couldn’t.

Slowly, I sat up. The sheet covering me fell away and I realized I was only wearing my underwear and tank top. It wasn’t until I saw the white bandage wrapped around my arm that I remembered getting stabbed. Shit. Where was Alexis?

A pair of sweats and a T-shirt were folded on a chair next to me. Careful not to put weight on my arm, I climbed out of the massive bed I was in. Putting on the sweats one-handed was a challenge, but it was better than moving my arm that ached with a faint, warm throbbing. Once clothed, I padded barefoot into the hallway.

Alexis’s voice was a dull murmur. I followed it, trying not to eavesdrop, but it was inevitable.

“Well, in the grand scheme, you’re more at fault than I am here.” An aborted laugh carried down the hall. “You got her shot, I only got her stabbed.” Who was she talking to? “No, I’m keeping her here until she’s healed. I don’t trust anyone else to keep her safe.” I pushed the door open and found myself in Alexis’s office.

“Hey,” I whispered.

Her blue eyes got somehow brighter. “I’ll call you back later. She’s awake.” Without waiting for a response, she hung up the phone.

“Sorry, I didn’t want to interrupt.”

“No, no. I’m glad.”

Her smile filled the sudden quiet.

“Right. Um, what day is it?”

“Still Tuesday. You were only asleep for a few hours. Sit down.” Alexis came around her gigantic desk to usher me onto a small sofa. “How are you feeling?”

I frowned while I thought about that. “Fine. Good, actually. I must have slept a lot. But my arm’s kinda throbbing.”

“That’s pretty normal. You’ve got a bunch of stitches. Do you want some more painkillers?”

“No, at least, not right now.”

Alexis reached across as if to brush my hair out of my eyes, but thought better of it about halfway there. Her hand dropped without an excuse.

“You’re hair’s gotten long,” she pointed out unnecessarily. “Is that Cooper’s version of Alexis?”

“Huh?”

“Maintaining a semblance of femininity.”

“No.” The strangest sound bubbled up from my throat, a laugh. “I’m just too lazy to get a haircut.”

This time when she reached for the pale blond strands she didn’t stop until they were off my face. “I kind of like it. Frames your eyes well.”

I didn’t really know what to say to that so I went for a subject change.

“So am I allowed to eat? I’m starving.”

“Yes, of course. Go back to bed.” Alexis stood. “I’ll bring you something.”

“I don’t want to go back to bed. I just got up.” I sounded petulant.

She laughed at me. “All right, come to the kitchen.”

Downstairs, Alexis made me sit at the wide bar ringing the kitchen. I leaned my forearms against the cool tile and wondered if there was some way to wrap that coolness around my bicep. That would feel good.

“Grilled cheese and chicken soup? The soup is from scratch.”

“Dude.” That sounded unbelievably perfect.

“Is that a yes?” Again, she laughed at me.

I nodded enthusiastically.

“My dad used to make the best chicken soup.” As soon as the words were out, I wanted them back. They needed to be tucked away deep in the cavity where my heart had been.

Alexis looked up from the stove, one eyebrow cocked. Tentatively, she asked, “Really? He a good cook?”

I didn’t want to answer her so I just half shrugged. She nodded and silently acknowledged my family was a no go.

“Here.” Alexis set a bowl of soup in front of me. It was followed by a perfectly golden grilled cheese. Really, the height of culinary endeavors, the grilled cheese sandwich.

“Thanks.” I dove in like I was Ryan, like it had been weeks. Though actually, I couldn’t remember the last meal I’d eaten. “This rocks.” It came out all muffled by cheese and bread. Classy.

The corner of her mouth twitched up in a half grin. “Make sure you tell Vito that.”

“Huh? Tell him what?”

“That I took good care of you. You know, food that rocked and everything.”

“Why?”

“He’s mad that I got you stabbed.”

I stopped with my mouth open and sandwich halfway home. “So not your fault.”

“I wouldn’t go that far.” Alexis shook her head. “My guys were supposed to check for weapons. They didn’t.”

“Seriously? You’re going to try to take the blame?” She didn’t answer. “Get over it. Not your fault.” I returned to my meal.

“Try telling that to Vito.”

“Like you said on the phone, he got me shot, you only got me stabbed.”

“Eavesdropping?”

“Don’t pretend you care,” I said.

“Good point.”

“I know. I’m totally smart.”

Alexis shot me a glare. “You do know how arrogant you are, right?” I just nodded. “Anyway, I get why he’s pissed. You’re like the son he never had.”

“Liar. I’ve known him less than a year.” My ass. Vito tolerated me as a means to an end.

She shrugged elegantly. “He really likes you.”

“Right. Shouldn’t he have like twelve kids? I thought that was a requirement for you guys or something. Like an heir to his throne of terror.”

“The throne belongs to my uncle, not Vito.”

“Yeah, that. Why—never mind.” I was going to ask why Reese, or failing that, Alexis, was going to take over the family business, but then I realized I didn’t want to know the answer.

“What?” I just shook my head. “Why does he want Reese to take over? Is that what you were going to ask?”

“Yeah, but I don’t think I want to know.”

“There’s no one else.” Why was she telling me? I told her I didn’t care. “My uncle had one child, Carissa. She had two kids. It narrowed down his options.”

“But why not Ryan? Shouldn’t he want a guy?”

“The don hates him.”

I should have asked her why.

“You’re family is fucked. You know that, right?”

“Be nice.” I rolled my eyes at her. “Besides, I’m not complaining. If the twins are gone, then I’m his only option.”

“’Cause no one else wants it.” I tried to make it sound like I wasn’t mocking. Really.

It was Alexis’s turn to roll her eyes. “Thanks. This is my entire life, but no worries.”

“Sorry, my bad. I meant your legacy is awesome and you’re so lucky that killing people, selling drugs, and stealing shit runs in the family.”

Alexis’s eyes went all dark and glacial. “I’m going to let that go because you were just stabbed and I saw the dose of painkillers you were given.”

I was being an ass. I knew it. She knew it. If she wanted to blame it on painkillers, that was fine with me.

“I’m going back to bed.”

“Do you want me to walk you up there?”

“No.”

*

The floodwaters had risen until I was thigh deep. When I waded through it, dark, viscous spatters sprayed my face. It tasted metallic. The smell was deep and dark and primal and it was making me want to hurl. Reese and Tommy struggled in front of me, just out of touching distance. For every step I took, they seemed to float farther away. The waters were still rising. Thick, sticky fluid soaked into my clothes. My hands were covered, but I held them above the tide in an attempt to keep them clean. A flash of silver passed over my face, blinding me for a moment. Tommy’s knife. I lunged forward. The waters were to my chest now. Suddenly, I held a gun. Maybe I had it all along. It wasn’t bloody. Not yet. Reese looked at me. Her eyes were dead. Not gray or brown, but black. Or red. I wasn’t sure. I aimed at Tommy, nearly blinded by the river of blood as it slid down my throat, filled my nose, swallowed my head.

The bullet went wide. Just like every night before.

“Reese! Reese, I’m sorry. Please, I’m so sorry.” The room was dark and blurry. I tried to sit up, but everything was swimming.

A dark shaped loomed in the moonlight from the window. Long, dark hair. She said something to me, but I couldn’t understand her. My name. That’s what she was saying. Telling me to quiet down. Everything was all right. The bed sagged as she sat next to me. Brushed the damp strands of hair from my eyes. Kissed my forehead ever so slightly. She smelled like Reese. But not. Not Reese. Maybe Reese. I closed my eyes and leaned into her warm body and cool hands and let sleep, dreamless sleep, overtake me.

For the first time in months, I woke next to an unfamiliar woman. Or at least a woman I hadn’t ever expected to wake up next to. Alexis was quite beautiful when she slept. The anger and entitlement just went away, leaving her younger and sweeter. I felt sad watching her. Because I knew she wanted me and I knew I’d never want her. She’d calmed me in the darkest of my moments. It didn’t matter that I had the same dream every night. It never got better or easier. Until Alexis. She had done everything I wanted Reese to do. Everything Reese had refused me.

But I still wanted Reese. Not Alexis.

So I carefully climbed out of bed. My clothes were hanging in the closet. The shirt and jacket were bloody so I left them. My coat wasn’t bad. Except for the hole. Oh well.

I debated leaving Alexis a note, but what could I say?
Hey, Alexis, sorry I let you take care of me, but I still want your cousin who refuses to speak to me. It’s been real.
Yeah, right.

It didn’t take long for the cab I called to get there. As we drove through the early morning light, I tried to justify my cruelty. Then again, I hadn’t exactly encouraged Alexis. Nor did I discourage her. Fuck it. Time to go. Reese wasn’t coming back for me. The twins probably didn’t even know where I was. And if they did, they didn’t care.

I didn’t know where I’d go. Maybe back home. Of course, Vito could probably find me there. I’d always wanted to do Europe. Maybe I’d just go there and disappear. Yeah, Europe.

Halfway through packing a bag, there was a knock at my door. Shit. Why the fuck did I rent an apartment with only one exit?

“Come on, Cooper. I know you’re in there.”

The windows in my bedroom were only two stories up. Maybe I could jump. Except, I didn’t really want to jump out a window. That joint I lit before packing may have been a bad idea. Made me stupid.

“Hey, Alexis.” I opened the door and tried to be cool. “What’s up?”

“We need to talk.”

“Sure, come on in. You want to sit?” What the fuck was I doing?

“Why are you being weird?” She stepped over the threshold, but didn’t go any farther.

“I’m not.” I was.

“Yes, you are. You’re usually broody and angry. Right now you’re being cheerful. Are you on something?”

“No.”

“I can smell the weed, so I know you’re lying.” Point to her. “Why does pot make you giddy?”

“It doesn’t. I just…” Couldn’t think of a decent lie. “I just finally caught up on sleep. So I’m feeling pretty good.”

“About that. I don’t know how else to say this, so I’m just going to say it.”

Fuck. I waited. It took her a while.

“I want you. And―”

That was when she kissed me. Softly at first. Then harder, more demanding. The tip of her tongue grazed my bottom lip. The smallest of bites followed. Her hands climbed my chest, traced my collarbones, slid into my hair. Just like Reese used to do. That was when I stopped her.

“Alexis, hey, Alexis, stop, please.” I gathered her hands in mine and stepped back. “You don’t want to do this.”

“I think I’m capable of determining what I want.”

“All right, then I don’t want to do this. I’m sorry.” Her face fell, just for a second, then the shields were back up. “It’s not you. I swear.” Damn, there was no way to say that without sounding cliché.

“Oh, I’m aware it’s not me. You’re still hung up on Reese.” Her voice started to shake. “Everyone is hung up on Reese.”

And just like that, I realized what it had been like for Alexis. She looked like Reese, acted, talked like Reese. And had been born a niece instead of a granddaughter. One generation too removed. I couldn’t add to that complex. So I lied.

“It’s not about Reese. Or you. I’m just seriously fucked up right now. I need to not be doing…whatever it is I’m doing.” Chivalry didn’t look good on me. Why did I have to choose right then to spare a girl’s feelings? I’d never done that before. But something about the flash of sadness in her eyes, the vulnerability in her voice, especially from a woman who ate vulnerable for breakfast, made it so I just couldn’t tell her the truth. It was pity, but misguided pity. She would have killed me right then if she’d known.

“You’re leaving?”

I never knew someone could sound devastated and pissed at the same time. “No, of course not. Just…reexamining.”

“What do you have to reexamine?” Oh, great. She decided on angry rather than hurt.

“I’m not sure. I just know that this isn’t the life I want.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I don’t want to be a bottom rung driver in the mob or an extra body to follow you around or generally fucking useless. And I don’t want to be the jerk who leads you on just because it makes me feel better about myself.” And I don’t want to be your bait.

“So you want more responsibility? Hell of a way of telling me.”

“No. No, no, no. I don’t want responsibility. I just don’t want to feel like your bitch all the time. I don’t think it’s good for me to be here.”

Alexis crossed her arms over her fantastic chest, pursed those exquisitely made up lips, and stared at me with her cold eyes. For the first time since she’d walked into my apartment, I got wet. Something was wrong with me.

“Maybe I should just pack up and leave.” Seriously.

“No.” Something about her tone suggested that would be a very bad decision. Like the kind of decision people don’t live to follow through on. “I’ve got something different for you to do. I’ve been branching out from our usual business. It’s a pet project of mine, but don’t worry, I rarely spend time there. You won’t have to see me.”