Dirty Nails (4 page)

              “How’d you,” I started to say, know, but he shook his head. When I took the Band-Aids, he sauntered out of the room and closed the door behind him.

              I think I was shell shocked, rooted deep into the spot where I stood. He thought enough of me to bring them, or maybe it was the fact that I nearly ran away like a nut case before slamming the door in his face. Sometimes I couldn’t keep my crazy from showing.

Knowing what I knew now, he couldn’t be the monster that I thought he was.

              He couldn’t.

              I was sure that he still felt guilty for punching me in the face, so I didn’t read too much into his help. That would be considered feeling, and I wasn’t in the mood to feel.

I just let it sink in, and hoped that Max wouldn’t let this one go.

              After applying the bandages, I changed into Max’s favorite gown and climbed under my silk sheets with a book. The light next to my bed was on dim so that I could still see the words, and Max would be able to find his way around my room. I knew what tonight had in store for me. Max wouldn’t be gentle either. Crazy as it sounded, sometimes I craved his roughness. It’d be just what I needed to get all the foolish emotions out of my body, and to take my mind off of you know who.

Max would make sure that I was occupied. He was good at that. Once his hands touched my body, everything else would lose focus.

Four- Rough Sex

              When I was down to the last ten pages of my book, Max came stumbling in. He was in worse shape than usual. He stumbled over his own feet and cursed as he nearly hit the ground. I threw back the blanket and hesitantly tried to help him.

It was around two a.m. so I knew I couldn’t expect much. Max on drugs was good, but Max on drugs and in a drunken stupor was scary. He sometimes got out of hand. It also made him sloppy, something you’d rarely see from him.

              “Hey you,” he ran a hand up my side, gripping my breast. The roughness of his hands made me wince.

              “Hey, are you feeling okay?” I asked hesitantly.

              “Never better.” His smile was wide. “I’ve been waiting all night to get to you.”

              “You have me, whatever will you do with me?” I teased, running my fingers through my hair.

              “Let me look at you.”

              I spun around slowly letting him soak me all in. My body was barely covered by this little black nightie that he bought me. When I faced him again, I slowly loosened his tie and lifted it over his head. There was no way that he could do it himself. He could barely stand. His weight was leaning heavily to his right side.

              Releasing one button at a time, his breathing picked up. I saw his excitement growing and pressing tightly against the front of his slacks. For an older man, Max had no trouble becoming aroused, and it turned me on. I couldn’t wait to get my hands around it.

              “You’ve been a bad girl today Shay. I’m going to show you just how bad you’ve been.”

              Using my fingertips to glide the shirt down his arms, I started to become a little more nervous. His words were always scary, but combined with all the crap in his system I was afraid that he might really hurt me tonight. There was no getting out of it though. You didn’t tell him no.

              Ever.

              “On the bed.” His voice was firm.

              I moved to the bed just like he said. He wasn’t asking.

              He picked the tie up off the floor and I watched as he untied the knot. It took him a minute to get his fingers to work right. There was a brief moment when I thought he’d stumble to the ground, but he recovered. His movements were slow and steady as he climbed on the bed and knelt over top of me. No words were spoken when he yanked my panties down my legs. I was already wet and ready. Something about the evil look in his eyes turned me on. Fear of the unknown was just as exciting as it was frightening. My palms were sweaty, but my legs were trembling with need. That was always his role. The scary man that made me submit with one single look. He didn’t even have to touch me. He jerked the belt of his pants back hard, and then unzipped them fast letting his hardness spring free. He rolled his hands so that the ends of the tie wrapped around both of his palms.

              Each movement was precise as if it was all planned out. He leaned forward on his elbows. “Open your mouth.” He said.

              Hanging on his every word, I did as he said. He slid the tie into the opening of my mouth and rested his fists on the bed at each side of my face. My head was pinned back to the bed hard. I couldn’t speak, and it hurt. He’d only done this to me once before and I didn’t like it then. Feeling like I couldn’t breathe was so scary. I couldn’t move my head if I tried.

              “Tonight is for my pleasure, not yours. Don’t move or I’ll wrap it around your neck.” He rammed himself hard inside of me.

              I was caught off guard and I jerked my body, which made him press my head down harder. It felt like the tie was cutting into the corners of my mouth. It hurt. My eyes watered as it felt like the thickness of my tongue was gagging me. It was pressed back against the back of my mouth and very little air was getting in. My breathing was so quick that it felt like there wasn’t enough air coming in through my nose. I was going to suffocate. Not really, but it felt like it. I hoped that it would be over soon, because no matter how much I gagged he wouldn’t stop.

              He moved forcefully in and out of me. Each time was harder than the last.

              I felt the tears running down my cheeks.

              “You feel so good Shay. Always so wet.” His breaths were heavy and he moaned out in pleasure.

              I could feel the sweat between our bodies as his skin rubbed against mine.

              “You love my dick, don’t you? It feels good inside you don’t it?” He loved to talk dirty to me.

              My eyes were wide, and I still felt like it was hard for me to breathe. Then something changed, like a switch flipped. I was getting turned on. I had to relax in order to not feel like I was dying. But when my face relaxed so did my body. It started to feel good. I let my body react to the amazing feeling of him inside me. The last time wasn’t like this. I was blindfolded and I was so scared that I passed out. This time when I focused on trying to relax I could actually feel an orgasm surfacing. The sick bastard could choke me and turn me on.

              “That’s right Shay. Feel it. Let go.” His baby blue eyes rolled back into his head just as he reached his climax. I followed right behind him.

              I didn’t know if this was normal, but rough sex was all I’d ever known. At first it freaked me out and I felt dirty. Now it felt right, like anything else would be wrong. Weird I know.

              He lay next to me breathing heavily with his hand over his chest. I sat up and tucked my head between my legs so that my deep breaths wouldn’t burn. My throat was dry, and my cheeks hurt to the touch.

              “You did good love. You never let me down.”

              I looked over my shoulder and saw that remarkable grin on his face. He had these deep lines on his cheeks when he smiled and I loved them. His sandy brown hair was all over the place. He looked well fucked, and I was satisfied.

              “I am leaving tomorrow and I’ll be gone for two days. Sketch will be here with you, and probably two other guards, but everyone else will be going with me.” His words were still slurred.

              “Do you have to?” I asked as I curled up against his side and intertwined my legs with his.

              “Yes I do.”

              He was all business as usual.

              “I’ll bring you back something.” He rubbed the arm that I had draped across his chest.

              “Just bring you back. That’s all I want.”

              “I’ll be back. They can’t take me down.”

              I yawned big.

              “Sleep my love,” he whispered.

              And that was just what I did.

Five- While the cat’s away

My mouth was sore when I woke up that next morning. My bed was empty but filled with Polaroid’s of me sleeping. Max and that damn camera. It was one of those old ones where the photo would immediately shoot out the front. You held the photo at the bottom, shook it, and watched it develop. He had a fascination with them. There were probably twenty thrown across my bed, all of me sleeping. I smiled at his kid like fetish.

He saw a different side of me that no one else did, but that was because he knew me better than anyone. There were nights he would lie beside me in the bed and listen as I talked. I talked about life, my family, and my fears, things that I had never told anyone, because I had no one.  As the years passed and he became older, his patience grew thin. Lately I’ve felt sort of lost inside myself with no one to talk to. His mood swings were nuts, and I’d find myself walking on eggshells around him.

When he went away for business, I loved it. Well I did until Trick became Max’s right hand man. He was a real prick and loved to treat me like shit as soon as Max walked out the front door. He thought he was the boss, and a lot of times he was worse. Now that he’s gone, I’m hoping that these times will get back to the way they used to be. I just wanted to spend my time relaxing, and not having people bark orders at me.

I could only hope.

I slid my legs over the side of the bed and stood up. Stretching, I felt my bones pop. I was sore all over. Must have been the struggle that worked my muscles.

The sun seeping through the cracks of the blinds had already warmed up my room.

I looked over at the clock. “Shit.” 

It was already past ten in the morning. I couldn’t believe I’d slept that long.

Walking around the bed and over to the window, I pulled the curtain back letting the light shine in. It was bright.

I slipped on my robe and walked into the bathroom to observe my damages. While Max was away I didn’t wear makeup. I barely changed my clothes. There was no need. When I raised my chin up and looked in the mirror I gasped. It was worse than I expected. I guess I should have inspected those photos a little closer. My cheeks looked burnt. There was a red slash from the corners of my mouth all the way to my ears on both sides. I looked disgusting. Ugh. I don’t know why he took pictures of me like this.

The warm water stung a little when I splashed my face. My hair was all over the place. Max liked it short, so I kept it cut above my shoulders. The maid was crafty with a pair of shears. She always cut it for me. The only problem with short hair was that I couldn’t get it into a ponytail. Plus it was a dark brown and so boring. I always wanted to dye it red. I had a couple of cute wigs that I bought online to wear when Max and I went out. They made me look completely different. He said disguises were necessary to keep me protected. Fourteen years I’d been there, and never once did I feel like I was in danger. Of course orders were orders. I did what I was told.

I slipped a headband on to keep the crazy waves out of my face. It would have to do. I’d worry about it later when I had my shower.

After I made my bed and slipped on some sweats I was ready to eat. My stomach was growling all over the place. At this hour I normally would have already eaten. Probably would have already done fifteen chores along with it, if Max were here.

The wooden door squeaked a little as I opened it. I was surprised that Sketch wasn’t standing guard. No one was.

I walked down the hallway and into the kitchen. Sketch was sitting on a stool sipping his coffee and reading the newspaper. He looked up from the words when he heard my footsteps on the floor. His eyes grew wide at the sight of my face. Ashamed, I turned quickly to the refrigerator. There was a light mumbling sound behind me, but I never turned around to look. It was just Sketch and his damn demon.

The orange juice was calling out to me, so I poured myself a tall glass.

“The maid left you a plate of food in the microwave.” He said.

Thanks,” I quickly heated the plate of food. I was starving. Rough sex would do that to you.

Was it weird that for once I cared what someone thought? I couldn’t look Sketch in the face. My mind was reeling, trying to understand why my brain was being such a traitor. I’d never cared what anyone thought of me. The man had watched me dig nails into my arm. He punched me in the damn face for crying out loud. It didn’t matter what he thought. Or it shouldn’t.

But suddenly my brain was becoming weird and girly.

I carried my plate over to the breakfast table and sat down facing away from him. The patio doors were slightly open letting in the cool breeze. I wanted to just sit there and enjoy it. I didn’t want to have to see him staring holes into my already jacked up skin.

Fall mornings in Portland were beautiful. It was slightly cool, but the air felt good against my bare feet.

I was halfway done with my food before he made another sound. I thought that surely he’d take the hint. If I wanted any kind of discussion with him, then I’d be talking.

Nope.

Nothing.

Silence.

Take the hint beast.

The chair next to me drug across the floor when he pulled it out.

Seriously.

I kept shoveling in the food, but suddenly I didn’t feel like eating. He kept looking at me and I was losing control. Enough was enough already. Was he trying to make me say something so that he could report back to Max and he could punish me? Because that was what I felt like he was doing, pushing my buttons. I didn’t want him staring at me. His stares were hard to escape and they looked deep inside to where the real scars were. It was bad enough that he could see the marks on the outside.

I dropped the fork loud against the plate and turned to face him. My cold stare matched his. “What? Am I in trouble or something? If you have to hit me just do it already, so that you can leave?”

“Why do you do this? Why do stay here?” He peeked over his shoulder as if he were expecting someone to enter the room.

I sighed. “This is my home.”

He smirked as if I’d said something funny.

“You’ve not spoken more than ten words to me, and now all of a sudden you want to play twenty questions. Why are you here?” I countered.

“For a job. I just wondered why you stay here and put up with him beating you. Don’t you have any self worth?”

What the fuck? No one ever asks me that. They know why I’m here. Yeah, maybe he’s new, but you don’t get to come in here and question me. Max would have his head.

“He doesn’t always hit me. He only does it when I’ve crossed the line. I love him, and I belong here. So stop with the questions. If Max knew that you were asking me these questions, he’d string you up by your balls.”

He leaned in a bit closer to me. “But he’s not going to find out. You’re not going to say a word. Are you?”

He was right. I wasn’t. “No.”

He leaned back in his chair and folded his arms, like this conversation was just casual. It was like talking to Dr. Jekyll. I swear he had fourteen personalities. Or maybe just one and I hadn’t fully seen the true side of him yet. He was worrying me though because he was asking questions.

This big light bulb flashed in my head. “You’re a cop, aren’t you?”

He laughed. Not just any laugh. It was deep and hearty and the sound of it was beautiful. “I’m not a fucking cop, but you’re hilarious.”

“No one ever asks me questions.”

“And you assumed because I wanted to know why you stay in an abusive relationship that I was a cop.”

I had to laugh to. “Okay, so I may have jumped the gun a bit. It’s just that no one ever even talks to me, and you came at me with questions. It was the most you’d ever spoken, and I made assumptions. Sorry.” I apologized.

“It’s okay. I haven’t laughed like that in a long time.”

“You have a nice laugh.” I smiled at him, but quickly looked back at my plate. Just like that I turned a nice moment into total awkwardness.

“Is there anything to do in this house that doesn’t involve vile, disgusting duties?” He asked.

“Sure. There are lots of things to do. I’m going streaking through the neighborhood later. My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, you know?”

There it was, that hearty laugh again.

She shoots, she scores.

His face lit up when he smiled. His smile was a little crooked, and so adorably sexy. There was a lot of beauty in that beast of a man.

“I plan on taking a long bath, eating lots of chocolate, and spending hours in the theatre room watching stupid no nonsense movies.”

He looked over his shoulder again. “Can I join you?”

My voice couldn’t find it’s way out of my mouth. I was frozen.

“For movies, Shay.” He narrowed his eyes at me.

“Right, movies.” My face had to be glowing red. Like he’d actually be insisting on joining my bath. My mind was in the gutter, and his intentions would never involve me.

“My job is to watch you, so I figure if you’re watching movies then I should be there.” He stated.

“Wow, you must hate your job.” He watched me stand and pick up my plate.

“It’s a job.” He stood up in front of me. His fingers touched the sore spot at the corner of my mouth, and I sucked in a deep breath. “Does it hurt?”

“A little,” I didn’t lie. His thumb moved over the swell of my bottom lip and the plate went crashing to the floor. It shattered the moment it hit, and I jumped back. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to.”

I dropped to my knees and started picking up the pieces. One of the other guards came rushing in. “You better hit her man if she’s acting up.”

“She didn’t do this. I did, and she’s doing her job and cleaning it up. I have it handled. Hurry up,” he yelled at me.

The guard backed out of the room and left us there.

He lied. Sketch lied and took the blame, so he wouldn’t have to hit me.

He bent down next to me. “I owed you one.”

“Thanks.” I picked the last of the broken dish up and carried it to the trash.

He didn’t owe me anything. He felt guilty for hitting me. That didn’t mean that he owed me. It meant he had a conscience. Talk about rare. Too many red flags waved around this man.

“I better go take my bath.” He followed me out of the kitchen and to my room. Just before I closed the door I reminded him of movies in the theatre. He just nodded. He was under direct orders from Max so I knew he’d be babysitting me for the next couple of days. The weird vibe between us had to go. The questions, the free pass at the chance to hit me, it all wasn’t adding up. He never acted like this when Max was in the house. He didn’t even hesitate to hit me the first time.

Something was off.

I needed to relax in a hot bath, because I was blowing everything way out of proportion.

My cell phone rang from across the room and I ran to get it. I knew it was Max. He was the only person with my number. It was the direct contact he had to me while he was away.

“Max,” I smiled when I answered the phone.

“Hey love. How are things going?”

“Good, about to take a bath and watch some movies.” I kicked back across the bed.

“Sounds like fun. It looks like I am going to be gone three days instead of two.”

“Boo,” I pouted into the phone. “Why?”

“Duty calls. Besides, that’s an extra day of relaxation for you. You won’t miss me that much.”

“I already miss you.” I admitted, and I did. A little.

“I miss you too. Be good while I’m away. I’ll check in with Sketch to see.”

“I will. Be careful please.”

“I’ll call you tomorrow. Sleep well my love.” No reassurance whatsoever.

“You too.”

We said our goodbyes and I sighed heavily when I hung up. I did love these times when he was gone, but like always, hearing his voice made me miss him. I had no one else. Max was it. So the thought that I would be separated from him for very long periods of time or forever even, always left me feeling like I had a gaping hole in my stomach. I was no idiot. I knew that these trips were dangerous, and I never wanted to lose him.

Suddenly movie time didn’t sound so appealing, but I would have to do something to settle my worrying mind. Bath time and then movie time, that was the plan.

I gradually lowered myself into the steaming hot water. My muscles loosened as the water consumed me. I could feel the unease drifting away.

Three days, just three days.