Dirty Rotten Liar (14 page)

E
ven with all the scandalous shit going on at the mansion I still couldn't stop myself from thinking about the drama that had popped off after Mama's funeral. My stomach was on strike so I didn't have no appetite at all, and I walked around the crib feeling real fucked up in my heart. It finally got so bad that I just couldn't take it no more, so one afternoon I left Bunni up in the loft getting smutted out by Dane, and I went to my room and did what I had to do.

I dialed my grandmother's number justa hoping she had paid her phone bill and her shit wasn't cut off like it usually was.

“Hello?”

“Hey Granny, it's Mink. How you doin'?”

“
Mink
?” she hollered. It was loud as hell up in that camp, and the sounds of a drunk party almost drowned her out.

“Baby, what in the hell happened to you? Why you run off like that and leave us standing there like that at your mama's funeral? You know we didn't have no ride home! And where you at anyway? Some bad folks been coming 'round here lookin' for you. You got any money on you? Can you run up the street and put some numbers in for your old granny, baby?”

“I can't!” I hollered into the phone. “I'm outta town right now, Granny, but I'ma be back soon. Is Aunt Bibby there?”

“Who?” she shouted.

“Aunt Bibby!”

“Oh. Yeah, she's here.”

I rolled my eyes.
Then why the hell you ain't ask her to run up the block and put your damn numbers in?

“Can I speak to her, please?”

“Yeah, but don't stay on my phone too long, ya hear? I got some business going on and I'm waitin' on a real important call.”

I twisted my lips up at that bullshit. Business, hell. Granny was a LaRue. A
lying-ass
LaRue.

It took Aunt Bibby forever to come to the phone, and listening to all them loud niggas partying in that cramped little apartment was giving me a headache. I was just about to say fuck it and hang up when somebody picked up the phone and said, “Yeah?”

“Aunt Bibby? It's Mink.”

“Yeah?”

I could tell by that one word that she was good and juiced up.

“Umm, hey Aunt Bibby, can I ask you a question?”

“Yeah?”

“Do you remember that lady who ran up on Mama's hearse talking shit after her funeral?”

“Yeah.”

“Who was that?”

“What? I can't hear a damn thing you sayin'!” my aunt slurred. “Lemme take this shit out in the hall.”

I listened as she walked through the noisy apartment, and then I heard the front door slam as she stepped outside and into the hallway where it was a lot more quiet.

“Awright now! Why the hell is you fuckin' wit' me, Mink?” she slurred.

“I just wanna know who that lady was. You know. The one who ran up on us outside after Mama's funeral. The one who called Mama a bitch and said she was glad Mama was finally dead.”

Aunt Bibby started laughing like crazy.

“Naw, naw, naw! Oh, hell
naw
! I
know
you ain't askin' me shit! I'm a damn liar, remember?” She mimicked me: “
You's a goddamn liar, Aunt Bibby! You's a old bald-headed lying bitch!
”

I smirked as she laughed in my ear.

“What?” she snapped all shitty-like. “You done finally got you some balls from somewhere? Now all of a sudden you ready to hear what's really real? Well
fuck you
, Mink! Somebody go outta they way to tryta help your ass and all you do is shit on 'em!
Fuck you
!”

I sighed and forced myself to chill.

“I ain't call to argue with you, Aunt Bibby. I just wanna know the truth about my mama. That's all.”

“I
told
you the goddamn truth,” she exploded. “I told you, I told you, I
told
your stupid ass! Jude wasn't shit! She wasn't
shit,
you hear me? The way she did my goddamn brother? The way she fucked around and killed my Moe like that?”

“But who was that
lady
, Aunt Bibby? Why she run up there spittin' and carrying on and talking all that shit about Mama?”

“That lady was your
aunt
, Mink! Your
aunt
!”

I frowned.

“What? How the hell she gonna be my aunt? Mama was the only child, dummy! She didn't have no sisters.”

“
Ha
!” Aunt Bibby shouted, and then that drunk heffa kicked me dead in my throat when she hollered, “
Jude Jackson
mighta been an only child! But your
real mama
sure as hell wasn't!”

My ass was draggin' way down on the ground.

I was floored. Just fuckin' devastated. Aunt Bibby had put something on me that blew my little gaming head straight up. I felt like a brand-new sherm. Open as shit. Like a tender little mark who had been getting ganked by the throat my whole fuckin' life.

My head was banging and my heart was in so much pain that all I could do was ball up in a knot on my bed as Bunni pressed a freakin' ice pack to the back of my neck.

“Girl what the hell happened?” Bunni demanded as she wiped another snot bubble from my nose and started patting my back like she was tryna burp me. She had just got back from breaking Dane's back and found me in my room crying.

“I called home,” I mumbled miserably. “I talked to my aunt.”

Bunni sucked her teeth. “Did Bibby say sumthin' slick to you? Did she say sumthin' slick? I swear to God, Mink! If that tubby-gut hoe said sumthin' slick outta her mouth to you I'ma bust her one when we get back to Harlem!”

“She said I was
adopted
,” I muttered as my eyes leaked a whole damn river of tears.

“Get the fugg outta here!” Bunni hollered. “First she told you that you got a twin, and now she's tryna say you was adopted too? That bitch sure knows a lot for a dummy!”

I coughed real hard and Bunni went from burping me like I was a baby to pounding the shit outta my back. “Hold up.” She stopped pounding for a quick second and frowned. “Was that jailbird drankin' when she told you that shit? I bet that trick was pissy
drunk
!”

I sniffled. “Yeah, she was lit. She told me Mama adopted me right here in Texas and then brought me up to New York to live. Aunt Bibby swore all out that the lady who ran up on us at Mama's funeral was my aunt. My
real
mama's sister.”

“Your real mama? No shit?”

I nodded miserably. “And if my mama ain't my mama, then that means my daddy wasn't my daddy neither.”

Bunni's hand froze on my back again. “What kind of trifling shit is that? So where the hell do this real mama be, and what happened to your twin?”

I shrugged. Everything I had thought about Dy-Nasty was turning out to be true, and everything I thought I knew about myself seemed like one big dirty rotten lie!

“Aunt Bibby said my real mama died, and she thinks the other baby got adopted right here in Texas too. But that baby stayed here.”

“Ooooh.” Bunni had always been quick on the cap and it only took her a second to come to the same conclusion that was vexin' me. “So if the other baby stayed down here in Texas with the Dominions, then that means
she's
the one who got taken to New York and snatched up outta her stroller and kidnapped, huh?”

I nodded.

“Well damn! If Jude raised you, then who the hell raised your sister?”

“It musta been that chick she be calling Pat,” I said, sniveling my ass off as I finally admitted what was crystal-clear and obvious. “That slick lady from Philly who told Dy-Nasty who she really was so she could come down here and go after her money in the first place.”

“I
heard Pops is going bat-shit crazy sitting up in that hospital room all day long,” Dane told us as we passed some piff around Bunni's room. “His doctors got tired of all his bitching so they gave Mama permission to get him outta there for a little while.”

“Oh yeah?” I said, busting him a look. I was about to twist my lil lips right up because I damn sure didn't want Viceroy coming back to the mansion and fuckin' up my flow no time soon!

“Ain't he still too sick to be tryna come home already?”

Dane shook his head. “Nah, his doctors ain't letting him come
home
yet, but they do want Pops to have a little fun. He's itchin' to show all his business partners and associates that he's back up on his toes, so Mama's gonna throw him a big welcome back party at the lakeside mansion we have in Austin.”

Dane sure had his info right because Selah confirmed it at dinner later on that night.

“We're having a barbeque tomorrow,” she said. “We're all going to fly down to the house at Horseshoe Bay in the morning, and then I'm sending the jet to Houston to pick up your father and his nursing staff,” she told us.

“Make sure you bring your swimsuits because the water is still warm and the lake is a lot of fun this time of year.”

“Now remember, Mink,” Bunni warned me the next morning as we picked out some fly gear to take with us to Austin. “Don't you be waving no white flag and surrendering on me 'cause this game ain't over yet! Matter fact, its just about to get poppin', yo!
Fugg
Dy-Nasty! That low-budget stripper can be Sable all she wanna be! That don't mean we gonna clock out on the job and sleep on what we brought our asses down here to do!”

“But the DNA results—”

“Forget them damn DNA results! All you hafta do is convince Big Daddy Domino that
you's
the kinda daughter he wanna show off to all them rich white folks he be hanging around, and Dy-Nasty
ain't
! You just act like one a them real sweet cream puffs when we get out there, ya heard? Ere'thang you do betta convince that loaded mofo that he can get with this,” she said, pointing at me, “or he can get with that!” She twisted her lips up and pointed toward Dy-Nasty's room.

I sighed. “I don't know, Bunni . . .”

“Dammit, Mink, buck the hell up! Now, Peaches done trained you up right and you know exactly what you gotta do. You gots to get down there in Austin and
work,
mamacita! Lie your ass off, Mink! Be the type of Goody Two-shoes Oreo that rich old-head gangsta wants you to be! Do what you gotta do so we can get paid up in this bitch, ya hear me? 'Cause trust and believe, if you don't, then as soon as them DNA results come back these fools is gonna kick us straight up outta here! And when they put you out I'ma need you to remember something, Mink, a'ight?”

“What's that?”

“Your homeless ass ain't got no place else to go!”

I knew one damn thing for sure. Whether we was rich or we was poor, black folks knew how to throw a beast-ass barbecue!

The mansion at Horseshoe Bay in Austin was smaller than the one in Dallas was, but that bad-boy was still all the way live. There was food out the ass and bubbly champagne, cold brewskis, and top-shelf liquor was flowing like tap water!

Selah had flown a bunch of her staff down real early in the morning to set stuff up, and by the time the rest of us flew in right before lunch the waiters and waitresses had a huge spread laid out. The party was a mixed bag. Vans of Viceroy's gutterli-cious family from Houston sat out on the grass getting zooted and mingling with a whole crew of clear people from Dominion Oil who were waiting around to welcome their head honcho back from the dead.

There were sawed-off barrel grills out the ass, and smokers full of chicken, pork, turkey, and brisket that was just'a falling off the bone. They had even set up a seafood-only grill where salmon topped with goo-gobs of butter and garlic was cooking on wooden planks, and shish kebab sticks were packed full of veggies and gigantic Texas-sized prawns.

I was the shit in my shimmering off-white Dior summer skirt that fit just right over my hips before tapering down and flaring out again above my knees. It was comfortable and sexy, and the stylish fabric moved with me as I swayed through the crowd. I had on a pair of silver Christian Louboutin's that had a funky wedge heel, and a plain white tank top that showed off my toned shoulders and arms and had my juicy titties looking nice and phat.

Bunni had picked out all my accessories, and she had done a damn good job too. I dripped a dainty pair of diamond earrings that we had charged on the Dominion's credit account at the rich people's mall, and a matching necklace that had a soft triangle of chipped diamonds that rested with the tip pointing right down into my cleavage.

Since I was gonna be meeting Viceroy I had left all my colorful Glama-Glos right in my suitcase. Today I was rocking my own hair, and I had washed it and let it air dry a little bit, and then twisted the ends with my fingers until they coiled around in shiny little curls.

About an hour after we got there a big commotion popped off in the front of the house, and when me and Bunni slid that way to see what was happening, we peeped a sleek black stretch limo in the driveway with a bunch of people standing around whistling and clapping.

“Uh-oh,” Bunni said as the driver held the back door open and a foot slid out with a real expensive-looking men's shoe on it. “It's Big Daddy Domino, baybeee! Put ya game face on, Mink Mami! Get ready to hook this Texas fish and gut his ass out!”

Butterflies started beating all down in my stomach as I thought about how Viceroy's swollen-up eyeball had stared at me when he was in the hospital and supposed to be in a coma. Fuck what the doctors said, as soon as I walked in that room I just knew his ass was fake-sleep and was grilling me on the sly!

“Yo, I don't think Viceroy likes me, Bunni,” I mumbled under my breath.

“Bullshit!” she snapped. “That fool don't even
know
you! Remember,” she sang out, “ages eight to eighty, baybeee! Blind, cripple, and crazeee! Besides, look at all that!” She slapped me hard on my ass. “What straight dude you ever met who wasn't feelin' what you packin', boo?”

Selah had hired a couple of male nurses to take care of Viceroy for the day, and me and Bunni hung in the background and watched them get him outta the limo and into a wheelchair, and then push him down the stone path that led to the huge backyard on the lake.

“Pappa Doo is a G,” Bunni said like she was real impressed. Viceroy was sportin' some real casual attire, but his gear might as well have had big fat price tags hangin' off of it because from his imported alligator shoes to the bone-crushin' ring on his pinkie finger, to his fifteen-hundred-dollar Louis Vuitton Evasions, it was obvious that he was swimming in cash.

“He's skinny as a mug, though,” I said as we followed the crowd that was following him. “Looks kinda light in the ass.”

“Sho do,” Bunni agreed as we rounded the corner to the backyard. “Dude needs to get up on a couple of them BBQ ribs and suck down a few cold ones. Fatten his narrow ass right on up!”

My eyeballs was on high-scrutiny mode as they crawled over every inch of that backyard. There was a white cloth awning set up for Viceroy to sit under that blocked out the sun, and underneath it were about five big folding chairs with fluffy pillows on the seats. His nursing attendants tried to help him get up outta his wheelchair but he waved them off, and with Selah holding him by the arm, everybody clapped and cheered as he walked real shaky-like over to the big chair in the middle of the row and lowered his bony self down into it.

Barron sat down on one side of his father and Selah perched her ass in a chair on his other side. For the party to be kickin' so live Mama Selah sure looked jacked in the mug. She sat next to her man tryna slime like it was a joyful reunion, but on the real, her lips were balled up and twisted like shit.

Barron was looking like somebody had snipped off one of his balls too. He was sitting right beside his daddy, but he was leaning far away from Viceroy's ass. Every now and then he would sit up straight and listen when Viceroy spit something out the corner of his mouth, but other than that Barron's mug looked hit too.

I glanced down at myself nervously. It was a damn good thing that Bunni had told me to go for the innocent-wouldn't-bust-a-grape look, because stupid-ass Dy-Nasty already had the slutty I-fuck-for-peanuts look on lock!

“Scab!” Bunni turned down her lips as Dy-Nasty swung her hips like baseball bats as she sashayed through the crowd of rich clear folks, talking all loud and grinning up in their faces. She had on a pair of purple dukey shorts like the kind those female volleyball players wear all the time. But Dy-Nasty's scandalous ass wasn't shaped like no athlete! Her thick yellow jelly was pouring outta them shorts like lemon custard pudding, and the lil top she had on wasn't even as big as a bra.

“That bitch ain't nowhere near as smoove wit' it as you are, Mink,” my girl Bunni complimented me. “Naw, Dy-Dooky over there is just a straight-up loose-booty
scab
!”

I turned my lip up and watched as she walked right over to where Viceroy and Selah were sitting. Bunni had that shit right. The party hadn't been going but a hot-ass minute and Mizz Thang was already super tipsy and lookin' stank and raunchy in her coochie-cutter shorts.

I couldn't believe it when she bent her wide ass over right in front of Viceroy and dug around for a cold bottle of beer from the bottom of an icy cooler. She pried the cap off that baby with her back teeth, then gripped the neck and turned that shit up to her lips like a natural man.

Dy-Nasty's throat was so damn long, and she guzzled that brew so damn hard, that it started leaking all outta the corners of her mouth. And then, right there in front of Viceroy and all his rich white cronies, her dumb tail belched real loud and then laughed like crazy as she wiped at her wet chin with the back of her hand.

“Look,” Bunni said, and elbowed the shit outta me real quick. “Check out ya play papa! Daddy-O ain't feelin' Stanky's ass
at all
.”

Bunni was batting a thousand. The sneer on Viceroy's face was enough to say it all. He leaned over and whispered something to Selah, and she nodded a few times and then reached over and patted his hand.

“Ha!” Bunni said as she snatched me by my arm and we walked past a smoking grill. She snatched a burnt hot dog off a platter that had been smothered in ketchup, relish, and onions, and gobbled up half of that shit in just one bite.

“Leggo Mink,” she said, sashaying out into the crowded yard. “Get ready to put a big W in our column baby 'cause this here gank is 'bout to be a wrap. You ain't got a damn thing to worry about,” she assured me over her shoulder as she switched her high booty toward the outdoor happenings. “ 'Cause that lil amateur guttersnipe walking around in them stank purple panties ain't got shit on you!”

 

“What the hell you mean the Web site ain't there no more?” Dy-Nasty snapped with her hand on her hip. Her and Pilar were crammed together in the downstairs powder room while the rest of the party got their drink on and partied outside.

“I meant exactly what I said,” Pilar muttered. “That shit isn't there anymore.” She held her iPad up in the air and shook it like it was an Etch A Sketch.

“Well where the hell could it be?”

Pilar ignored the girl breathing down her neck as she refreshed the browser on her iPad and then typed in the Web address again.

And again, a PAGE NOT FOUND message came up on her screen and made her scratch her damn head.

Dy-Nasty whipped out her cell phone and started punching buttons.

“I know that million damn dollars better be in my goddamn bank account,” she huffed. “Suge said he was gonna transfer it by 12 o'clock noon and that shit damn sure better be there!”

Pilar didn't say a word as she turned off the cellular data on her iPad and then turned it back on. She typed in the Web address one last time and came up with a fail again.

“Something ain't right,” she muttered.

“It damn sure ain't!” Dy-Nasty hollered as she stared down at her cell phone. “I'ma fuck Suge up! There ain't but twelve damn dollars in my bank account!”

Pilar whirled around and blasted on the girl.

“You just couldn't keep your damn mouth closed, could you? Who else did your stupid-ass tell about this shit?”

“Whut?” Dy-Nasty rose straight up outta the gutters of Philadelphia. “Yo who da fuck is you callin'
stupid
? I didn't tell nobody but Suge! It ain't my goddamn fault that they done shut the Web site down! Who the hell else did
you
tell?”