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Authors: Noire

BOOK: Dirty Rotten Liar
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CHAPTER 37
B
eing a Dominion was da bomb and being rich was even better! It seemed strange not to wake up every morning with a brand-new hustle or a scheme on my brain, but now that my pockets were permanently swole I didn't have to plot on a damn thing!
And after all that lying, stealing, wheeling, and double-dealing we did, none of us ended up getting the three hundred grand a year we were hoping for, but we did get Papa Viceroy back from the dead, and for a broke-ass chick from Harlem I didn't do too bad.
Every year for the whole eighteen years I'd been gone, Viceroy and Selah had stashed fifty large in a bank account that had been opened especially for me. And just two weeks after I was officially declared to be Sable Dominion and the word FOUND was stamped over my picture on all those posters and milk cartons, over nine hundred grand, plus interest, was transferred into my bank account without a single damn string attached!
As bad as I had been feenin' and fantasizing about being rich, now that I had a shitload of cash at my fingertips I couldn't think of a damn thing to with all that loot! Bunni got it in her mind that she wanted to open up her some kinda head shop and that we should fly out to LA and get us one of them reality shows, and she had producers out the ass blowing up our phones tryna make us a deal.
Viceroy had gone back to work at Dominion Oil full-time, and Selah was back volunteering at her lil charities and rich people's functions just like she was doing before I came barging into their lives and slinging shit all over the fan.
Believe it or not, things between me and Barron had changed too.
“Mama wants me to quit with all the guilt now that we got you back home in the fold,” he told me one day.
“Hell yeah,” I waved him off. “Give that shit up, dude! You ain't really lose me anyway.”
“Oh, I lost you,” he said, and I couldn't believe the way his eyes got all sad. “But I'm glad I found you too. I really dug being your big brother back in the day when we were little kids, Mink. And I'm gonna do my best to learn how to start digging you—and looking at you—as a sister again. Just a
sister
.”
Life with the Dominions was turning out to be all that, and I was starting to feel Dallas a lil bit more, but every now and then I missed the fast pace of New York City. I didn't miss it enough to take my ass back to Harlem and risk running into that fool Gutta, but it was good to have the
Dominion Diva
waiting right outside, because me, Dane, and Bunni zipped to Miami, Atlanta, and even Los Angeles to party on the regular.
The one thing that had been bugging the shit outta me and Bunni both though, was Peaches. He was living in our old apartment all by himself, and even though I broke him off some real nice ends and sent them to him through Western Union every two weeks, Harlem was a cut-throat town and that nigga Gutta had Peaches bobbin' and duckin' and lookin' over his shoulder left and right because of me.
Bunni got fed up with all that shit, and she just broke down one day and poured her heart out to Viceroy.
“Hey now, Daddy-O,” she told him as he sat in the parlor after work sipping on a stiff one. “I needs me a little hook-up, okay? My brother Paul is up in New York and I miss him a whole lot. This is a real big house. You think he could stay with us for a lil while until I get on my feet and find me a place?”
“Your brother?” Viceroy looked kinda faded. “You want him to come stay here?”
Bunni nodded.
Viceroy picked up his drink and chugged it. “I don't know, Bunni. We just got rid of a lotta drama up in here you know.”
“Uh-uh!” Bunni blurted. “My brother ain't about no drama! He's a man's man, Papa Doo! For real though! He's one of the chillest cats I know. C'mon, Pops. Just let him come stay for a little while?”
Viceroy had barely nodded his head good when Bunni plopped her ass down on his lap, grabbed his chin, and put two wet smack-smacks on his cheek.
“Thanks, Papa-Doo! I don't care what kinda yang your stank daughter Mink be talking about you! You is one cool-ass dude to me!” She hopped off his lap and jetted across the room.
“Just wait till you meet my brother!” she gushed, grinning like hell. “I swear to God you're gonna love him!”'
Bunni snatched the front door open and hollered, “Yo, Peaches! It's all good, baby! Papa Viceroy said you can stay! Come on in!”
I almost fell outta my chair when Peaches pranced through the door styling pussy-pink from the top of his Glama-Glo wig all the way down to his big twisted toenails! At six feet five and clocking two-fitty, he stood wobbling in a pair of bright pink drag-queen pumps and his pink satin Fendi dress looked like it had been sewn together from two extra-large tents!
“What the
hell
?” Viceroy caught a look at him and jumped up off the couch so fast he spilled his drink all over his hand. “This is your goddamn
brother
?”
“Errm-herrm,” Peaches said, flinging his weave back as he pranced through the door dragging his suitcases and batting his fake eyelashes in a cloud of sweet perfume.
“Your
brother
?” Viceroy hollered again, and then squinched his eyes closed real tight and hollered, “Damn, damn,
damn
!”
AND THEN . . .
V
iceroy Dominion sat at his desk shuffling through a huge stack of papers. A lot of shit had transpired while he was stretched out in a coma, but he wasn't the trusting type so no matter how long it took him he was gonna read through every single business document that his company had generated while he was gone.
He glanced around his large, luxurious office. He was a task-master who demanded maximum effort from his staff at all times, and he was surprised to see so many of them were actually happy to have him back.
He looked down at the mess on his desk. There were stacks of get-well cards that he hadn't gotten a chance to open yet, bouquets of flowers, and boxes of candy from his account holders and business associates. Even the inbox on his e-mail account was jam-packed with virtual good wishes from all over the country.
Viceroy clicked a button and scanned his personal incoming e-mail folder. There were tons of unread messages in his box, but the “from” address on one stood out boldly.
Moving his mouse, he clicked on the e-mail and opened it up. Viceroy frowned as he stared at a photo of a virtual box of limited edition Gurkha Black Dragon cigars that his arch-enemy and major business rival, Rodney Ruddman, had sent him.
“That cheap bastard,” he muttered. A box of the real ones came soaked in cognac and cost over a hundred grand. The seven cigars shown were stacked like a pyramid, with three on each side, and one in the middle.
Suddenly Viceroy leaned toward the computer screen and peered closely at the cigar in the middle. He felt his heart thump. He knew he wasn't seeing what the fuck he thought he was seeing! He
couldn't
have been seeing what he thought he was seeing. He better fuckin'
not
be seeing what he thought he was seeing!
He clicked on the “view” tab at the top of his screen and then zoomed in on the picture and magnified it by fifty percent.
And there it was. Selah's very first engagement ring. The one he had bought her right after he stole his first million dollars. The ring that she claimed she had lost after that trip to New York City. Yep, there it was. Glittering like a muthafucka! Slid halfway down the base of the top cigar like it was still on her goddamn finger!
A look of rage crossed Viceroy's face when the cold reality that Rodney Ruddman had his wife's ring hit him and shook him all the way to his bones.
“No the fuck she didn't!” Viceroy hollered as his blood boiled over. He pushed away from his desk and jumped up so fast that his chair toppled over and fell to the floor behind him.
“I'ma kill that bitch!” he roared as he pictured that fat fuck Ruddman holding Selah's legs up in the air. Blinded, Viceroy swung his arm in a wide arc and smacked his computer screen right off the desk. The monitor crashed down to the floor and so did his telephone, all his framed photos, about twenty gold-plated pens, and over a thousand sheets of company paper.
Just watch
, Selah had once said.
I'm gonna pay you back with your worst fucking enemy!
“That dirty rotten
liar
! I'ma fuck her ass
up
!” Viceroy screeched, diving off the deep end of fury as he started tossing his whole damn office up. The sound of footsteps storming toward his office rose in the air as his panicked staff rushed in to see what the hell was going on.
“I swear to God I'm gonna
kill
that bitch!” Viceroy hollered. He stomped his foot and crunched the shit outta him and Selah's wedding photo as his administrative staff burst through the door and swarmed all around him.
“Y'all better hold me back!” he hollered. “I swear to God y'all better hold me back! 'Cause when I get next to that bitch I'm gonna kill her! I'm gonna fuckin'
kill
her!”
A READING GROUP GUIDE
DIRTY ROTTEN LIAR
 
 
 
Noire
 
 
About This Guide
 
 
The discussion questions that follow are included to
enhance your group's reading of the book.
Discussion Questions
1.
Con-mami Mink LaRue has been on one helluva misadventure. Why in the hell was her “mother” Jude Jackson so bent on Big Moe LaRue? How different do you think Mink's life would have been if her father had lived?
2.
Jude Jackson was the mother of all liars. Was it understandable that she saw a baby who looked like the man she loved and then “snatched her up” so she could give Big Moe something no other woman could give him?
3.
How did you feel when you found out that Mink was in that car when Jude drove it off the dock? What kind of woman makes desperate moves just to keep a playa in her pocket?
4.
At the age of thirteen Mink was traumatized and nearly killed by the one person who was supposed to love and protect her above all others. Does that horrible experience explain her “gotta get minez” mentality?
5.
Aunt Bibby might have been a trip and a half, but when it came down to Jude's foolishness, she knew what she was talking about. Was Mink's aunt just another hatin'-ass LaRue, or was she down for whatever when it came to Mink? Do you think Bibby did the right thing by telling Mink the truth about her birth mother and her twin? Is it possible to love a family member without really
liking
them all that much?
6.
Barron lusted after two things: Mink and money. Was he crazy for dumping Carla and falling for Pilar? And even though he and Pilar weren't blood related, did the fact that they were breaking down beds throw up flags for you?
7.
Pilar was the type of spoiled, conniving diva who thought the world owed her everything. Tell the truth. Were you hollering, “Good for your ass!” when she landed in that wet puddle and found out about Dy-Nasty and Ray?
8.
Bunni Baines is a true ride-or-die. She's Mink's ace in the hole and her straight-up rowdy. Now that Mink is rich and rolling in cheese, what do you think she should do for Bunni? Tear her off half of her inheritance? Set her up with her own crib and her own business? Bunni definitely earned her stripes. What should she get out of this crazy misadventure?
9.
Selah was an elegant and classy socialite. How did you feel when you realized she had a little freak in her and was getting her illegal swerve on? Should she have accepted Rodney's offer and kicked Viceroy to the curb? Was her fling with Rodney just a physical thing? Do you want to see her and Viceroy get past their little bedroom issue and get to tearing up some sheets?
10.
You could tell that Viceroy had bumped his head from the minute he woke up, and it seems like he got up just in time too. What kind of changes do you think he should make at Dominion Oil? He's been kind of moody lately and it seems like he's reverted back to his good old hood days. Since the Dominions are stupid rich and they'll never run out of money, is it time for Viceroy to step out of the way and let somebody else take over so he can chase his wife and count his cash?
11.
Smoove Uncle Suge is a real bronco-buster. Mink is really feeling this dude and he's damn sure feeling her too. Now that Mink is family, is their little love thang out the window? When did it go from being just sex to “a whole lot more” between the two of them, and should a little DNA test stand in the way of true love?
12.
Dy-Nasty got totally busted in all her little schemes, and when she was declared to be Sable, she gave everybody, especially Mink, her ass to kiss. True, she was a fraudster, a grifter, and a dirty rotten liar, but she wasn't no worse than Mink! What do you want to see happen to Dy-Nasty now that the feds have knocked her? Should somebody in the family feel sorry for her and help pull her ass out of a hole, or should she catch the maximum charge possible and get flushed straight down the pipes?
13.
At the end of this misadventure, Mink finds herself paid out the ass and living the good life. No more stripping, no more capers, no more scandalous double-crossing schemes are required. How do you think living in luxury and having endless loot will affect her? Will con-mami Mink LaRue change her ways and elevate up out of the trenches, or will her mind-set—and her hustle—stay grimy forever?

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