Disasterology 101 (42 page)

Cedric nodded. “I will.”

“Night, hon.”

“Good night, pet.”

Kevin dragged his ass to the living room, wondering what Cedric thought of his humble apartment, but too fucking tired to care.

Finally, after spending hours in emotional hell, he threw himself on the couch and passed out.

Only to be woken up five minutes later by stomping feet on the floor.

Or that’s how it felt anyway, but a quick glance at the cable box told him it was already eight o’clock.

Shit.

He’d only gotten four hours sleep.

He pulled the blanket over his head with a groan, and turned on his side, doing his best to ignore the muffled voices he could hear behind his back. Then he pushed the blanket down, and looked at the cable box again. It had been aligned exactly three inches away from the edge of the television stand.

Kevin jumped off the couch, and looked around quickly on his way to the bathroom. The sofa cushions he’d pushed to the floor before going to sleep were now on the love seat. The kitchen was spotless, and so was the bathroom.

He headed to his bedroom, only to find the bed had already been made, and every object on top of his dresser was aligned with the same precision as the cable box in the living room.

Cedric had been busy… and he was missing.

Kevin almost ran into his kids’ room, but came to a dead stop at the sight in front of him.

TK was lying in the top bunk bed playing his Sony PSP, and Ava was jumping up and down all over the bedroom floor, practicing the steps she’d been learning in her ballet class. And Cedric and Brianna sat next to each other on the bottom mattress. His lover was bundled up, and his mouth fully covered by his scarf, but his head was close to Brianna’s as they read something on Kevin’s laptop.

“Daddyyyyyyyy.”

Kevin scooped Ava up before she had a chance to tackle him. “Hey, baby girl.”

“I invited Ric to my birfday party, Daddy.”

“Oh yeah?” Kevin tucked Ava’s curls behind her ear and gave her an Eskimo kiss. “What did he say?” He checked Cedric out over Ava’s shoulder. No signs of perspiration, and no visible hives. He seemed to be… relaxed.

“He sez he’s gonna talk to you ’bout it. Can you talk now?” She grabbed Kevin’s face, and flashed her best ‘this-is-what-I-want-and-you’ll-give-it-to-me-cause-I’m-adorable’ smile. “I want him to come to my birfday.”

“I’ll discuss it with him later, sweetie.” That answer would have to do. Kevin would love to have Cedric come to Ava’s birthday party with him in a few weeks. But he didn’t know if he’d still be in New York when the time came, and even if he stayed, Kevin doubted he’d want to be around thirty kids.

“Hi Daddy,” Brianna said cheerfully. “We’re looking at butterbeer recipes. Cedric says we can make some next time he sees me.”

“If that’s okay with you, of course,” Cedric rushed to add.

“Ric sez I can have some ’cause it isn’t alco… alco…” Ava frowned, frustrated that she couldn’t say the word. “I can have some,” she finished, tucking her head under Kevin’s jaw.

“Dad, did you know Voldemort means flight of death in French?” TK asked.

“No…” Kevin looked from Cedric to his son. “I didn’t.”

“Well, Brianna and Cedric did,” TK quipped. “They are both Harry Potter nerds.”

Brianna rolled her eyes at her brother, and Cedric chuckled. Kevin stood there and wondered when the hell had his house become the Twilight Zone.

“I need to call my father and let him know I won’t be able to go to work today,” Kevin said to the room in general, but he was mostly addressing Cedric. “And I need to make arrangements with my brothers to get my truck from the train station. I also need to make breakfast for the kids, and—”

He shut up when he noticed the tension in Cedric’s shoulders.

He’d gotten the message. He knew it was time for him to leave.

Kevin hated doing that, especially when it was obvious Cedric was enjoying the kids’ company, and he’d told Cedric the prior night he could stay as long as he needed, but he couldn’t risk having his lover around when he had yet to tell his kids he was gay. The way he and Cedric were around each other, there was bound to be a shared look, or a stolen kiss, and he didn’t want his children to see any of it before he explained what it all meant.

Plus, he also wanted to take control of his apartment. He knew Cedric needed symmetry, but Kevin wasn’t all that pleased with him for cleaning and reorganizing everything. He needed some space to assimilate the changes
his
belongings would undergo now that they were not only hanging out in the Upper West Side.

He waited patiently as Cedric said goodbye to the kids and grabbed his bags, then walked him outside.

“You’re upset,” Cedric said as he put his bags on the back seat.

“A little bit,” Kevin agreed.

“With me?”

“A little bit,” he repeated, taking Cedric’s hands between his. Interesting how even though he was annoyed, he couldn’t stop touching the guy. And Cedric might be leaving him. Fuck. He was so screwed. “But mostly with myself.”

“What’s wrong?” Cedric demanded to know.

“I’m not talking about it right now.”

“You can’t make me go home without giving me a clue as to what’s going on with you.” Cedric took a deep breath. “That’s rubbish, I’ll have you know.”

“Is it, now?” Kevin arched his eyebrows. “You mean rubbish like locking yourself up in your bedroom, crying your heart out, and letting a week go by without telling me what the fuck happened that night? Is that the kind of rubbish you’re talking about?”

Cedric dug the heels of his hands hard into his eyes. “Bloody hell.”

“My thoughts exactly,” he seethed, and tried to push Cedric inside the SUV. Keeping his temper in check was getting harder by the second, and he still wasn’t in the mood to get into it.

“You weren’t supposed to know I’d been crying,” Cedric whispered without budging an inch.

Kevin scoffed at the non-answer. “I need to go take care of my kids.”

“The kids are fine.” Cedric loomed over him so closely, his nose almost touched Kevin’s “I fed them those dreadful peanut butter and jelly sandwiches you like so much, and Ava had cereal. You’re out of milk, by the way.”

Kevin’s jaw almost hit the floor. “You
fed
them?”

“They were hungry,” he said, as if he wasn’t terrified of being around kids, and feeding them was something he did every day. “TK woke up when I was just about done cleaning the kitchen, and I asked if I could make something for him. He wanted bacon and eggs. You’re out of those too.”

Kevin couldn’t do anything other than to stare in disbelief. “Just how long have you guys been up?” he asked several seconds later.

“I went to the loo around five in the morning, then had to do something about your place. It was in total chaos. I couldn’t understand why, as you don’t spend that much time here, but I fixed it for you. Then TK woke up, and then Ava, and finally Brianna. They were really good. Took showers and gave me space. They really were listening last night when you told them I couldn’t deal with a mess.”

Kevin was horrified to hear Cedric’s account of the past few hours. He should have been the one doing all those things. He was the dad. The kids were his responsibility, and Cedric was a stranger to them.

Granted he’d told his kids he was very fond of Cedric, but that didn’t change the fact they had just met him. Yet they had taken showers—probably at Cedric’s request—without complaining their asses off, and they’d let Cedric feed them, and had it not been for Kevin’s intervention, they’d still be hanging out.

Cedric had taken control of his own neurosis, Kevin’s cheaply-furnished apartment, and somehow had managed to bond with the kids, all while Kevin had been either stressing the fuck out, or sleeping.

He should be grateful for it. He knew that. A Cedric who was capable of standing next to him, and helping out when he needed him was exactly what Kevin had wished for the prior night, so he
knew
he should be grateful. But he wasn’t. Not at the moment.

I am such an ass
.

“Good morning, Kevin.”

Kevin looked around until he found the source of the intrusive and most unexpected greeting.

There.

It was the really short lady from the house across the street waving at him. Today was the first time Mrs. Grannum had said hello to him since he’d moved in.

Worried by the sudden interest, he stepped away from Cedric and forced himself to wave back at her. “Did the kids ask any personal questions?” he asked his lover through clenched teeth.

Cedric frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Did they ask how we met? Or why we were together?” Kevin rubbed the back of his neck. He needed some coffee, and ten ibuprofens at the very least. “Did you tell them I was at your place when Jenny called me?”

“Oh, yes,” Cedric said, folding his arms over his chest, and glaring at Kevin. “I imagine that’s something all kids ask when they meet a friend of their dad’s, yes? So I told them you’re always at my place, and when they asked why, I said you go there because you’re a poof, and love to get your leg over,” he growled.

Kevin shook his head.

“Listen, I understand this sodding situation with Jenny has you bloody knackered, or maybe it is dealing with me that has your knickers in a twist, but how about you come off it, aye? Let’s have a blazing row if we must about the reason why I was crying, or my cleaning your flat, or whatever the hell you want. I don’t give a monkey’s shite at this point. But do not ask me to bugger off. Do not act like you can’t wait to get rid of me. Do not act like all of a sudden I’m not a part of your life, because I bloody
am
.”

The veins on Cedric’s temples looked ready to burst by the time he finished his little speech, but his stance was firm, and his eyes daring… and he’d never sounded as British as he did right then, which only reminded Kevin of the fact that he was scheduled to go back to England any second.

Fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

Kevin rubbed his face. “Go home, please.”

“Not yet.” Cedric shook his head, dropped his arms, and stepped forward. “We’ve got to talk about whatever is bothering you.”

“You’re damn right we’ve got to talk, but you don’t seem to be able to be honest about certain things with me,” Kevin snapped.

“Once, in all the time we’ve known each other.” Cedric’s lips thinned the way they did whenever he felt insecure about something. “Just once I have intentionally hidden something from you, and that only because I’m bloody terrified it’ll drive you away,” he finished in a tone so low, Kevin could hardly hear him.

Kevin shook his head slowly. “I can’t do this right now.”

“Why?”

He stared up at Cedric for a moment, trying to understand his lover’s reasoning without resenting him for choosing to keep quiet about something so important, but he found it impossible. Kevin was too disappointed… too damn nervous over their current situation to be able to talk about it.

“Pet?”

Kevin lowered his eyes, and shook his head again. “Because you just confirmed my suspicions, and it fucking hurts,” he finally admitted.

“Suspicions?” Cedric repeated cautiously after a few seconds.

“You lied to me.”

“No, I—”

“About the fact you’re not here permanently, and also the severity of your condition.”

“I didn’t lie to you. My previous plans never came up, and you know everything there is to know about my condition.”

“Your plans never
came up
? We’ve been dating for over a fucking month, Cedric,” he snarled. “We’ve been getting closer and closer, even though you never intended to stick around, so believe me when I tell you that your plans of leaving me high and dry were worth mentioning. And I might know everything about your obsessions and compulsions, but not about the erectile dysfunction. I didn’t know how bad it was. Why would I? You didn’t say shit to me!”