Disasterology 101 (46 page)

Oh yeah. That father-son talk? It needed to happen really soon.

“So you guys are okay with the fact that I’m attracted to men instead of women?” Kevin asked, incredulous and relieved at the same time.

“You’re what you are, Dad,” TK said, and damn if he didn’t sound wise beyond his years. “Nothing we can do about that. Besides, it isn’t like I didn’t know already. You called him
hon
,” he finished saying with another shrug.

“I’m going to wear a rainbow wristband for you and Cedric, Daddy,” Brianna told him. “I want to show my pride and support.”

“You should be purple, Daddy.” Ava hugged him again. “Purple’s pretty. Can I have a ’risband too?”

Kevin told her yes, even though he was slightly concerned about having his girls
wear
their support. There were plenty of jerkoffs out in the world who wouldn’t hesitate to berate them, but making them hide their feelings wasn’t the way to change. He just needed to be extra watchful and protective of them.

He waited for more questions, but apparently they were done with the subject, because the kids lost interest in the conversation, and started asking about having dinner at Friendly’s.

It shouldn’t have been so easy, but Kevin didn’t hesitate to take it. A huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Now his kids knew about him. They’d even met Cedric, and they still loved their dad. Kevin knew he’d gotten extremely lucky.

He felt happy, and relieved, and had a new appreciation for pop culture. Special thanks went to a brave NBA CEO who dared to come out as a gay man, Kurt and Blaine, and the folks from Modern Family.

As they were leaving her office, Dr. Avalos told him and Jenny that considering the kids hadn’t been raised in a homophobic environment, their reaction was completely normal. She recommended a follow-up visit to discuss possible scenarios that might take place at school, and advised Kevin to remain constantly available for the next few days in case the kids had any questions.

As if he already hadn’t been planning on doing just that.

As if being away from his children right after revealing his homosexuality was even a possibility.

The kids said they didn’t care, but Kevin needed to make sure they meant it, as Kevin’s news would change their lives forever. Perhaps not in their inner circle, where they were loved and cherished, but Kevin didn’t have high hopes for the rest of the world. Homophobia and bigotry were painful realities, and a large part of society was intolerant and unaccepting.

He took the kids to Friendly’s after parting ways with Jenny. They talked a lot through dinner. About gay teens, about suicide, about misguided beliefs, about how to respond to other people if they said hurtful things once they found out about Kevin… and they also discussed Cedric. Briefly. Kevin didn’t want to get into too many details until he had figured out where the hell they were headed.

He told them Cedric’s family lived in England. That he had a job designing buildings, and was also a teacher. He told them he lived in a very nice place in Manhattan, and that they liked to relax, and watch TV when they were together. He admitted to liking him very much, and even called Cedric on the phone when Ava and Brianna insisted on talking to him. They’d just been told Cedric lived alone, and they wanted to make sure he wasn’t sad or lonely.

“Finally,” Cedric said when he answered the phone after only two rings. “What took you so long? I called you a hundred times yesterday, and sent text messages too. I even stopped by your job, but you weren’t there.”

“I decided to take the day off,” he explained, touched by Cedric’s persistence.

“Is everything okay? How are things with your ex? How are you and the kids?”

Kevin wasn’t surprised by all the questions. He’d been busy with the kids, and he’d ignored his lover’s phone calls. They hadn’t talked since Friday morning in Kevin’s driveway. “Everything’s fine,” he said, a goofy smile on his face. “The girls would like to talk to you.”

“Are you serious?” Cedric whispered. He sounded equal parts pleased, surprised, and hopeful. As if talking to two little girls was the highlight of his day. “They
would
?”

“I’m dead serious.”

Kevin glanced at his daughters. Ava was jumping up and down in her seat, and Brianna’s dark blue eyes shone with barely contained excitement. She looked exactly the same way Kevin did whenever he spent time with Cedric, and had fallen for the Brit boy as fast as her own father.

Fallen
.

He had fallen for Cedric, a man who, for all intents and purposes, was way out of Kevin’s league.

And right then and there, in the middle of Friendly’s and surrounded by his children, Kevin realized the real reason why he’d been so jumpy, and reluctant to talk to Cedric. He was in love with an extremely complex young man, and he didn’t think he’d be able to keep him in his life.

“Love, are you listening or did we lose connection?”

Love…
Am I really, or is it just a word?

Kevin gripped his phone so tightly he thought he would break it. “I’m here.” He swallowed hard, then winked at his oldest daughter. “And here’s Brianna now.”

He handed over his cell phone, and leaned back in his booth seat with the intention of finishing his burger. Instead he focused on Brianna’s side of the conversation, and used a French fry to make tracks in his ketchup.

“… and Daddy says you live all alone in Manhattan… Every day?... That’s cool you spend all the time you can with Daddy, but aren’t you lonely?... You should’ve stayed with us… oh… Do you go to the doctor’s every week?... We went to see a doctor too, and we talked about being gay… Daddy was nervous, I could tell…” She blushed, and giggled. “I will… Do you miss your family?... Well, you’re Daddy’s boyfriend, so we can be your family… Oh, that’d be awesome!...”

“I wanna be family too.” Ava put her hand out. “Iz my turn to talk now.”

“I have to go now ’cause Ava wants to talk to you,” Brianna said, pushing her little glasses up her nose. She giggled again, said goodbye, and a second after she passed the phone to her sister, then she turned on her seat and hugged Kevin with all her might. “Cedric asked me to hug you for him, and give you a message,” she whispered in Kevin’s ear. “He isn’t going anywhere.”

Kevin squeezed his eyes shut, and gulped loudly, then hugged Brianna back.

“… and Mommy’s gonna do my hair like yours… yes, she sez so. Are you coming to my birfday?... Fine, I’ll ask you again next week, but I’m gonna be Little Mermaid and I’m gonna look pretty, so you gotta see me, ’kay? ’Kay, bye!”

She dropped the phone on the table, and kept on eating her chicken nuggets. Then it was TK’s turn to talk to Cedric.

Cars and soccer, and also something about photography and architecture, but Kevin couldn’t quite follow his son’s end of the conversation. That his kids were talking on the phone with his lover when two days ago they had been completely unaware of Kevin’s sexuality was entirely too surreal, and he was having a hard time wrapping his mind around it.

He was a bit tongue-tied when it was his turn to get on the phone, so he didn’t say much, but he gladly listened to the cheering and praising Cedric did of his children.

“I’m so bloody happy Ava has forgiven me for snapping at her the other night.”

Cedric’s voice was deeper than usual, and his delicate sniffle gave away the fact that he was crying again. Kevin had never wanted to hug his guy as much as he did right then.

“Kids are smart,” he said softly. “And she knows you didn’t mean it.”

“Thank you for letting me talk with them, pet.”

There was no missing how deeply touched Cedric was by Kevin’s words.

Kevin wished he could see Cedric right that instant. He wanted to come clean and say the kids’ interest in him was nothing compared to their father’s, and that Kevin was fucking happy to hear Cedric wasn’t going anywhere, because he’d leave a hole the size of Jupiter in Kevin’s life if he went back to England.

But it wasn’t the time to get into that.

“It won’t be the last time,” Kevin said. He knew his kids. They genuinely liked Cedric, and they wouldn’t stop their quest to fill the void created by the absence of Cedric’s family—the girls—or getting another ride in his sweet car—TK. “Listen… I have to concentrate on the kids.” He glanced around the table, and tried to ignore the wild beating of his heart. “Our relationship has to take the backseat for a few days.”

Kevin rubbed his stomach. The thought of not being with his lover gave him heartburn, but wouldn’t it be best to sort his thoughts out before he saw him again? To go straight home after work and class instead of heading to Cedric’s place until he had managed to get his feelings under control?

“Is that what you really want?” Cedric asked after a few seconds.

“Lord, no.” He sighed, looking down at the table in an effort to hide his emotions. “But like I told you, I’m a mess right now.”

“I’m a mess every other day, as you well know.”

Kevin’s chuckle sounded more like a sob. “It isn’t the same, babe.”

“What’s the difference?”

“I just… Who’s going to take care of you if I lose my shit?” he asked softly. “I feel like I need to be strong for both of us. Like everything will go to hell if I’m not.”

“I might be a freak, Kevin, but I’m not a kid,” Cedric said. “You need to trust me to know my limits, and you have to let me show you I can be there for you, the same way you’ve been there for me.”

“I—”

“I’ve missed talking to you these past two days.” Cedric cut him off. “And believe me, I know you need to make sure everything is okay with your family, but… see….”

“What?” Kevin prompted him when the silence went on and on.

“Can’t you care for them without leaving me out?” he finally asked. “We… you and I… I mean, we are together, right? I know we have to work on the sexual aspect of our relationship, and I have a long way to go when it comes to the time I spend around kids, but … bloody hell… Right. You’ve got to work on a few things, too. Or we’ll work on them together, same as we do with my OCD, because there’s got to be a way for you to be a dad
and
my lover at the same time. We can’t keep your roles apart.”

Kevin closed his eyes, and released the air he hadn’t realized he was holding. “How did you know?” he murmured, all too amazed by Cedric’s spot-on conjecture to be able to shut up. “How did you know I have no idea how to behave right now?”

“You’ve been worried about having your family turn their back on you because you’re gay, and scared of losing your kids,” Cedric explained in a far kinder way than Kevin deserved. Not after the way he’d been pushing him away. “Your homosexuality is new to them, and I represent the reason why your entire life is about to change. It’s only natural that you would want to preserve the status quo by keeping me away.”

Kevin cleared his throat, and blinked rapidly. “Did you discuss this with Dr. Black?”

“He thinks I should bring you with me,” Cedric admitted. “Not only are you going through some significant changes in your life, but you’re dealing with me as well, and he says husbands, partners, family, whatever it is, of OCD patients need support and maybe even counseling themselves.”

Huh.

Kevin grabbed a few napkins and wiped Ava’s face, then stopped TK from stealing Brianna’s fries. “That makes total sense.”

“Will you please think about it?” Cedric almost pleaded. “I don’t want to drive you mental, and I definitely don’t want you to avoid me like some other people do.”

“Tell you what.” He pushed his burger away. “There are a few things I need to work out in my mind before I can discuss them with you, but I’ll try to come see you tomorrow after I drop off the kids, okay? Then we’ll talk about therapy and whatnot.”

“I’ll be chuffed if you do that.”

“Later, babe.” Kevin’s smile when he ended the call was a reflection of the one in Cedric’s voice. “You guys almost ready to go?”

Twenty minutes later they were on their way to the supermarket. They picked up chips, sodas, and burger and hot dog buns to take to Kevin’s parents’ house for their bi-weekly barbeque, then finally went home.