Disastrous (Disastrous Series) (22 page)

Marcus stepped in and wrapped his arms around me. Annoyed by this I rolled my eyes. I needed privacy for ten damn minutes! He couldn’t leave me the hell alone? I wanted to scream from the top of my lungs. I relived every emotional moment I’d felt: our first fight, his saying he loves me, my not being sure of my feelings, the dream of my brother, my waking up and finally telling him I love him, his leaving last night and coming home a drunken mess, and just now the thought that he may have … had been with Stephanie after I confessed my love to him.

All of it, every bit of emotion erupted in the only way I knew how. I cried, and I don’t mean just tears. It was the sobbing, can’t breathe, choking-back-my-own-tears cry. It was embarrassing and pathetic, but I didn’t care. He turned me around, placing his hand on the back of my head, pulling me to his chest. As much as I wanted him to leave me alone, I wanted him to stay and hold me. These conflicted feelings were so stressing. How could you love someone when he was the reason for the mixed feelings?

“What’s wrong, Mia? Talk to me,” he whispered. Leaning my head back, I looked up at him.

“It’s just so confusing.” I confessed.

Wiping a strand of soaked hair behind my ear, he pressed his lips together before asking, “What is?”

“You, me …
everything
... in the last two weeks, we’ve had so many wonderful moments, and then we had really bad ones too. You’re hot one minute, and then you’re cold the next. Sometimes I look at you…and you seem so lost. I want to ask you what’s wrong, but I know you’ll just hold back. I know there’s another side to you that you refuse to tell me about.”

Not saying a word, he just looked at me, waiting for me to go on, or maybe he was thinking about what I was saying. I decided to continue anyway. “Then last night, the way you were completely
drunk
. Do you do that often?” I tilted my head, pleading with him with my eyes to tell me something. He looked down. I didn’t say anything, not wanting to disturb his thoughts. He seemed to be contemplating whether to confess. When he finally fixed his gaze back to me, he opened his mouth then closed it again. “Marcus
please
, I won’t be able to help you, unless you tell me something. If you love me, you have to let me in.”

Nodding, he brought me down with him. We were both seated in the tub facing each other. The now-warm water was hitting the space between us. Looking up at the shower head, he let out a deep breath. Lowering his head, he focused on his legs. He continued to grip and un-grip the calves of his muscles, trying to focus on something other than me. I was going to say something, but he began to speak.

“I do drink a lot,” he blew out another breath, and still not looking up, he continued, “only, after a job. It’s only once a week, mostly like last night, but if it’s a simple job, then I’m good. When it involves…when I have to hurt someone, it fucking fucks with my head.”

Mouthing a small thank you prayer, I was happy he was finally talking to me about this. I tried to push my luck. “What do you mean job?” I asked.

His knee began to slowly bounce. It was a nervous gesture I hadn’t noticed before. “I work for Lou Sorrento. You know who that is?” he asked, finally meeting my eyes.

Lou Sorrento was the Italian mafia boss for the Sorrento family. I’d neither seen him in person nor pictures of him online, but I’d heard of him. I was able to put everything together: Uncle Louie is Lou Sorrento.
Why hadn’t I thought of that before?
I nodded at him, biting my bottom lip to hide my fear and anger…anger because he lied to me. When we met up for lunch that one day, he told me he had nothing to do with the Sorrento family. So I sat there patiently and listened to what he had to say.

“Well I started when I was young after my father was murdered. See Lou and my father knew each other since they were in diapers. I haven’t told you … but my father was always involved with the mob. His father was in it, and growing up, that’s all we knew. He wanted different for my brother and me. He made sure we were in the best private schools and had the best tutors. He even owned a small successful financing business. My father made sure to always stay low key, never buying extravagant things that looked like it was more than what his business was worth.”

He rubbed his temples with his fingers and continued. “Well, after my father’s death. I took it really hard, got into a lot trouble in school. I was almost expelled.” He laughed once at the memory. “My mother couldn’t handle me, so she asked Lou if he can put me in my place, you know. He said to me, ‘Marky, if yah angry, yah taking it out on the wrong man, yah know? Come work for me; you can earn some money on the side and take out that frustration on those who deserve it.’ So I did. It started off as doing some loan-shark stuff, beating a few men, collecting money that was owed to Louie.

“My father left us money, but after my mom paid off the house, debts, and the shore home, there wasn’t enough to pay for college. Louie offered to pay off my tuition. Then he started getting deeper with drug and gun cartels. That’s what I handle now. When there’s a trade, I and sometimes Jimmie go make sure everything goes through smoothly. When it doesn’t, you can guess the rest.” Looking up, his eyes began to search mine, anticipating my thoughts.

Shocked by his sudden confession, I felt speechless. Looking into his eyes, I tried to think of something to say. “Why can’t you just get out?” I whispered.

He shook his head. “It’s not that easy, Mia. There’s a lot more to this story, but that’s something I can’t explain to you right now. You just have to trust me.” Shrugging, he gave a small, gentle smile.

“Why did you lie to me when I asked you about your involvement with the Sorrentos the day we met for lunch?”

He sucked his teeth. “Come on, Mia, would you have given me a chance if I disclosed that information to you after we just met? I wanted you to get to know me…not that side…I wanted to show you there was another side of me … a
good
side.”

It’s true I wouldn’t have given him a shot whatsoever, and even though it’s only been two weeks, I can’t give up on him…because I’m madly in love with him. Not wanting to press my luck, or force him into saying anything he didn’t want to say, I reached for his hand and spread my fingers in between his. Looking up I said, “Promise me something?”

Placing his hand to my face, he caressed my cheek with his thumb. “Anything.” He exhaled.

“Promise me, that you’ll never drink like that again. If you feel terrible or fucked up in the head after a job, come to me. You don’t have to talk about it. We’ll just lie there together. Okay?”

A confused, soft smile appeared on his face. He gripped the back of my neck, pulling me in. His moist lips kissed my forehead. “What am I going to do with you?” He mumbled through his lips. Shrugging my shoulders, I lifted my chin and kissed him.

It was the week of Fourth of July. It was two and half months since Marcus and I met. We’d been going strong, spending a lot of time together, especially with his family. A lot can happen in two months, especially if you’re not careful. Oh
God
, why wasn’t I careful? I’m so stupid. Pacing back and forth, I waited till the timer went off. This was the longest three minutes of my life. My underarms were beginning to feel damp. Searching the bathroom cabinet, I found and grabbed a deodorant. I quickly rolled it under my arms. A loud buzzing noise startled me, and I dropped the deodorant into the sink.

It was time to look at my results, and I was scared. Taking a deep breath, I grabbed the small stick and glanced down. My heart slightly dropped. Sure enough the small digital printout said it loud and clear:
PREGNANT.
I leaned over the counter to keep from fainting. Suddenly I was nauseated, and I didn’t think it had anything to do with the change in my hormones. Why and how did I allow it to get this far? These are the consequences of not taking precautions. It was no one’s fault but my own. I didn’t plan it, but I didn’t prevent it from happening. Ever since Marcus and I made the mistake of not using the protection the first time, it never came up to use it again.
Oh God
!

Finally letting out the air I was keeping in for what seemed like forever, I looked at myself in the mirror.
What am I going to do
? The past couple weeks, my body felt different. I just knew I was pregnant, but as I stared at myself, I still looked like me. I could feel the tears beginning to swell in my eyes. What will he think about this? A small part of me feared that he’d be thrilled, but why was I scared about that reaction?

A light knock on the door broke into my thoughts. “Mia, you ready? Elle is growing impatient.” Marcus voice pierced through the door. Grabbing the test and the now-empty package, I shoved both into my purse. Glancing one last time in the mirror, I inhaled and open the door.

Marcus eyed me curiously. “What were you doing in there anyways? You never lock the door.” He asked.

I wanted to throw myself in his arms, cry, and tell him our news. But I couldn’t, well just not at this moment. I wasn’t sure myself how I felt about the entire situation. “I’m not feeling well.” I managed a slight lie; holding my hand against my stomach, I looked up at him. “I didn’t want you to walk in on me if I threw up.”

He slightly pouted. “Aw babe, you got a stomach bug or something?”

Oh I have a
something
alright. “Maybe.” I shrugged.

“Wanna stay home? I can take Elle to the carnival myself. I’ll try to be back in a couple hours.”

Waving my hand, I quickly replied, “No, no, I promised Elle I would go. Besides I feel better now, it comes and goes.”

He stared at me with a raised eyebrow. “Sure?”

“Yes, I’m certain.” Not really, but it wasn’t the time to tell him.

During our ride to the Carnival, Elle and Marcus played the “I spy with my little eye” game. My mind was too distracted to join in. Staring out the window, I watched other people drive by in their cars. Some drivers were alone, others were laughing with passengers, some were even singing along to a song. I wondered as I saw their faces fly by if any of them were struggling with the same issues I was: second-year law student, pregnant by a man with a double life.

During the last two months, we spent lots of time together. Jeremy had been staying at Stacy’s house a lot. I didn’t like staying home alone, especially knowing that the black
SUV
was parked outside. I hadn’t mentioned anything to Marcus about it. The days that Marcus was at my place, it was never there. I’d never seen it near his place as well, so I didn’t want to worry him with my speculations. I was sure it was nothing, but something about that vehicle gave me a bad vibe.

At the office, I hadn’t run into Stephanie. The day after the picture message she was moved to another department. Marcus’ new assistant was a sixty year old woman. Marcus still felt bad about the entire situation. Several times a day he’d hand me his phone, giving me permission to go through it, but I
trusted
him even with all the females in the office flocking over to him. I didn’t want to base our relationship on having to be a part-time probation officer. I always declined. There has to be trust in a relationship, especially with a little one on the way. Looking down at my belly, I tightly wrapped my arms around myself.

It was going to be hard going to school full time, studying, maintaining my 4.0
GPA
, and dealing with pregnancy hormones. I had to tell Marcus, but I didn’t know how. Should I set an appointment to see how far along I am and then tell him, or should I just come out and say it?

My biggest fear was rejection. I knew he’d make a great father, but what if he didn’t want to be a father? Was I prepared to be a single mother? Regardless if he accepted it or not, we’d only known each other for two months; others will think the worst. Knowing Marcus he would say, “Stop worrying about what others may think. Who cares about them?”

It’s true I shouldn’t worry what people will say. There is always someone judging you, no matter how good a person you are. Hell you could be a saint, and still there would be that one person who’ll despise you. That was fine, though being judged by his family? That was something I wouldn’t be able to handle. I had grown to love them so much. It would hurt me to lose them all.

“We’re here!” Elle squealed. She jumped up and down in her seat. Marcus laughed at her. After parking in a spot, we exited and walked to the entrance.

The sun had set, and the light breeze made a beautiful evening for rides. Bright lights from the roller coasters and booths illuminated the entire park. It was extravagant and over the top. It made me feel like I was ten years old again. My father took me to one similar to this, though it was smaller and at a local supermarket parking lot.

“Daddy, look! Can we
pleeease
go on the Ferris wheel? Please!” I’d pulled on my dad’s hand, and he chuckled at my enthusiasm. Glancing down, his radiant brown eyes beamed at me. I loved the way the sides of his eyes wrinkled when had a huge smile. It was one of those smiles that led to his famous small raspy chuckle.

“It goes really high, Mia, are you sure?”

“Oh yes, daddy, please?” I begged, pressing both my hands together and tucking them toward my chin.

“
Okay
.” He emphasized with amusement.

Biting my lip, I couldn’t hide my excitement. We walked to the ticket guy. My dad gladly handed over our stubs, and the man let us pass. I practically squealed when we entered the cart. It slowly moved a few feet forward to let a couple in the cart behind us. It continued to move bit by bit until we were all the way on top. Stretching my neck, I looked over to see below us.

“Wow, daddy, the cars look so small from here. And look at all the people; they look like dwarfs!” I giggled.

“Mia, you’re one brave young lady; I’ll tell you that much.” Turning to face him, I beamed for two reasons: one, he kept his promise and brought me to the carnival; two, he referred to me as a young lady and not a little girl.