Disastrous (Disastrous Series) (26 page)

Cutting the stove off, I prepared tea for three. Marcus likes his tea with lemon and sugar; I like mine with cream and sugar, but I didn’t know how she would like hers. Uncertain, I placed her mug in front of her along with lemon, cream, sugar, and a spoon, allowing her make her own.

Marcus wrapped his arm securely around my shoulder when I took my seat beside him. Taking small sips, I peeked through my lashes and watched as she prepared her cup: two scoops of sugar and a splash of cream. I should remember that … shouldn’t I? She stirred and lightly tapped the side of the spoon on top of the mug before gently laying it on the table. Biting her lip, she stared at her tea for a moment, not taking a sip, and not saying a word. She just focused on her mug as if something would magically appear.

The unbearable silence was broken when Marcus cleared his throat and shifted impatiently in his chair. My “mother” shot her eyes up at us and moved her shoulders, so she could sit straight up. I looked into her eyes and saw an older reflection of myself. “I’m sorry that this is unexpected and a shock … I don’t know where to start.” Her shoulders gently lifted into a slight shrug.

“How about what you’re doing here?” Marcus blurted. Irritated by his response, I shot him an annoyed look. I knew he was there to support me, but this was hard on me and most definitely hard on her as well. I didn’t need him adding to the tension and awkwardness in the room. He noticed my annoyance and nodded in a way of saying “sorry.” Fixing my gaze back on her, I noticed that she had the softest, sweetest smile I had ever seen. She was clearly not affected by his rudeness.

“I’ve contemplated different ways to approach you. After finally finding you, it took me weeks and several scribbled letters before I worked up the nerve to meet you face-to-face. See at first I was going to leave you alone because Michael refused to let me see you—”

I cut her off at the mention of my brother’s name. “
Wait
? Did you say Michael didn’t want you to see me?” I didn’t know my brother had contact with her.

“Yes, when I found out your father passed away, I went to the funeral. Michael refused to let me in. He said I didn’t deserve to see him or you. I wanted to help him with you. I wanted to be a part of your lives … I apologized to him a million times … but he said he was going to take care of you and leave Philly. I begged and pleaded, but I didn’t want to make a scene. So I left. A year after your father passed, I found out that he moved to Boston. I mailed several letters to the both of you, but he returned all of them unopened. After a few years of trying, I gave up. I know I shouldn’t have, but I did.”

I was in a daze from everything she was saying. I couldn’t believe Michael kept this from me! Was he trying to protect me from her, afraid that she would leave again? Or was he afraid that I would choose her over him? I knew the second part wouldn’t have crossed his mind, but I had heard him time and time again wishing I had a mother figure to teach and lecture me about things that he couldn’t. I know he gave up his youth to raise me, and for that I would always be grateful, though I wonder if he ever regretted his decision.

I allowed her to continue without interruption. “I hated myself for the woman I was—the one I allowed myself to become, and I cried almost every night since I left your father and my two children. He was the one and only love of my life. I’m not sure if he ever told you the story of how we met?”

I shook my head, and she proceeded. “I was young, very young. He was six years older than me, and now it may not seem that old, but at that time my parents hated it, hated him. I was fifteen, and he was twenty-one. Your father was a rebel: a young handsome man. One day I was walking home after school. I began to walk along a crosswalk when a motorcycle flew by. Frightened about getting hit, I jumped back, lost my balance, and fell to the ground. He was immediately by my side, making sure I was okay, and he repeated numerous times that he didn’t see me.

“The moment I laid eyes on him, I was mesmerized by his perfection. I thought I was dreaming. How could this beautiful man possibly be staring back at me with the same awe-struck impression? We instantly made a connection … he offered me a lift home. Every day after that, he would wait at the crosswalk with his motorcycle parked as he leaned against it, greeting me with a huge smile. He didn’t even ask me out; he would simply walk me home, leaving his cycle behind, asking me numerous questions.

“After a month, he finally asked me on a date. He didn’t know my age at first. He thought I was older than I was. I was afraid if I told him I was only fifteen, he would run away. I lied to my parents and told them I was studying at a friend’s house.” She smiled at her memory.

“After months of lying and sneaking around, I turned up pregnant.” She looked down at her mug and took a small sip. I knew she was young when she had Michael, but I didn’t know she was fifteen. I could only imagine what she’d been through: the fear of being a mother at such a young age.

Finally placing her mug down, she continued. “I tried to hide it from my parents. I was afraid of them. They were very religious and strict. After your father found out about the pregnancy, he demanded that I tell them. I finally worked up the courage, and they kicked me out. Well it was either abort, put my child up for adoption, or get kicked out of the house. When they found out I was pregnant by your father, there wasn’t even an option. It was simply get the hell out. Your father took care of me from the start, though. He signed up for the police academy. Once he was in, we got a tiny apartment, and he took care of me.

“It was hard, very hard at first, but eventually we got through it together. Though I felt like I was missing a part of me, I couldn’t explain it. I had dropped out of school … I didn’t work, just stayed home: a housewife and a mother. I felt like, was this all? Is this what my life was supposed to be? When I had you, I loved you so much, but I wanted more. I know that sounds selfish and cruel, but I felt trapped. My whole life I felt trapped. My parents finally came to their senses and agreed to take me back, and I could help run the family business if I left your father.

“I was going to bring you kids with me, but you meant the world to your father. I couldn’t break his heart that way. I knew leaving would be bad enough, and if I tried to take you kids as well, he would have never allowed it. He would have fought tooth and nail for you kids. So one night, I packed my bags, wrote a note for him, and left—never looking back, and never calling to check up on you guys.” Sara, my mother, I didn’t know what to call her, broke into quiet sobs.

I wish I could’ve blamed my tears on the hormones, but I knew I couldn’t. She had said so much; I learned more about the whole reasoning behind her leaving. Now that I knew, I wasn’t sure if I should be angry, content, happy, or relieved. Where do we go from here? How do you begin to build a relationship with someone after so many years of wanting and needing her, knowing that she
chose
to be selfish? Does she even want to build a relationship, or is this a way to help ease her guilty conscious?

Sara wiped her tears with the back of her hands and looked back at me. We stared at each other for a moment. Her eyes pleaded for forgiveness and mine screamed with pain and understanding. So many things were going through my mind: more questions, wanting her to explain more of herself.

Just when I felt I was going to blurt out everything and tell her about all of my feelings towards her, the front door opened and closed. All three of us turned our attention towards the door, and Jeremy was standing there, staring at us questioningly. He slowly made his way in our direction.

It may have been the emotional rollercoaster of the last hour I’d endured with my mother, or last night’s mishap with Marcus, or the fact that my pregnancy hormones were getting the best me, but when I saw Jeremy and his familiar, friendly face, I couldn’t help but jump out of my seat and throw myself into his arms.

At first he was wary, and then when I began to sob in his arms, he tightened his embrace. He was my best friend, and I missed him so much. It felt like forever since we’d talked,
really
talked. I went to him for everything, and now that we had our separate lives, I didn’t realize how much I needed him.

Pulling back, Jeremy slightly lowered his head to look at me. “Hey, what’s the matter?”

Wiping the snot off my nose with the back of my hand, I looked at him. His piercing blue eyes were warm and allowed me to relax. “I’m fine…I just missed you, that’s all.”

He flashed his perfect smile while pulling me in and kissing the top of my head. “I’ve missed you too.”

A screeching noise from the kitchen startled me. When I turned around, Marcus’ chair was farther away from the table, and he was nowhere in sight. Before I could react, I heard a door slam shut. With our arms still wrapped around each other, we looked at each other and without a second thought we unlocked our hold. Marcus was angry. I know him: he’d always been jealous of Jeremy and my little “welcoming” display probably set him over the top. Sighing, I fixed my gaze at my mother who was still seated, staring at us.

“Maybe I should go. Do you think we could meet up sometime this week? I would like to maybe treat you to lunch or dinner. We could talk more?” She asked as she stood from her chair. Digging in her purse, she removed a pen and piece of paper. After scribbling something down, she made her way to me. “Here’s my cell and home number. I moved here a month ago. My address is written on there as well.” She handed me the info. I looked at it. Should I give her my information as well, or should I just leave it at that and contact her when I’m ready?

“Thank you, I’ll call you tomorrow,” I said. She gently smiled and walked over towards the front door. I watched as she opened it, and looking over her shoulder, she smiled once again before leaving.

“Who was that?” Jeremy asked as he searched in the fridge.

“Long story, are you staying here tonight?” Now leaning over the kitchen island, he bit into an apple and nodded. “Well I have to fill you in on
a lot
of stuff. First, I’m going to check on Marcus.”

I debated before opening the door whether I should give him some more time or not. We were doing so well today.
Ugh
, I hated this about us. We were always up and down. Though, no matter how many times we’re down, I still truly loved him. He was everything to me, and I didn’t want him to ever feel in any way insecure or jealous. The last thing I wanted was another argument. I don’t think I had the strength to fight back. Taking a deep breath, I walked into my room. Marcus was lying on my bed, hands behind his head, legs crossed, and eyes shut. I inched over to the edge and noticed he was listening to my iPod.

Kneeling on the bed beside him, I kept my distance. He popped opened an eye. Smiling, he took off the earbuds. With one hand still behind his head, he reached the other out to me. I took it, and he pulled me into him. I fell on chest and giggled. “What are you doing?” I asked, lifting my head to him.

“Chillaxing.” I burst out laughing, my mixed-use words sounded funny coming out of him, especially with his slight Boston accent.

He raised an eyebrow, and his smile grew crooked. “You find that funny? You should hear how it sounds when you say it.”

Slapping his chest, I yelled, “Hey!” Chuckling, he shifted his body so that I was flat on my back. He was on top of me with his stomach pressed against mine. He was searching my face, lost in thought.

I wonder sometimes what goes on in his head: all he has seen, the secrets he must keep, the dark path he’d chosen and refused to break from. Would he ever leave it…would our love be enough for him to walk away from it? Or will this be his life even twenty years from now like his father’s? If that’s the case, then what am I doing …
can
I truly live this way? His face grew sad, and he wiped the tears that I unknowingly shed, two simple drops that rolled down the side of my temples and onto the pillow.

“What are you thinking?” he asked. I didn’t want to answer him. I didn’t want to argue anymore. I just wanted to finally be happy, to be a family. I have to stop thinking about what tomorrow will bring and live for today. Tomorrow isn’t promised, and I can’t think of any reason why we shouldn’t be together at this moment. The love he’d shown me was deeper than most. Right then, at that very instant, I couldn’t imagine my life without him.

“Ask me again?” I whispered.

His brows creased questioningly. “Ask you what?”

“Ask me
again
.” His eyes brightened when he realized what I was asking.

He leaned on his elbows, and his expression grew serious. Running his fingers through my hair, he licked his lips before speaking. “Mia, before you I was lost … and the moment I laid eyes on your beautiful face, I knew … I just knew I had to make you mine. I found a woman that makes me
terrified
to love for the first time … and finally I found the
only
woman that I want to spend the rest of my life with. I’m not asking; I’m
begging
you if you would do me the honor of becoming my wife.”

My heart swelled with each word. The love we had may not have been perfect, but it was love and no less. I had a beautiful, strong man, who was more damaged than I was, and throughout everything we could still hold on even through the tears and laughter. How could I have given that up? Tears stung my eyes as I blurted out, “Yes.”

“Really?” He asked uncertain by my answer.

“Yes, I’ll marry you, Marcus. I know fifty years from now in your arms is where I want to be.” His eyes sparkled with his smile. He breathed out in relief and kissed me deeply and passionately.

We allowed ourselves to forget everything because at that moment we were happy and nothing could ruin it.

****

After Marcus fell asleep, I spent some time with Jeremy in the living room. We watched a comedy, snacked on junk food, and talked about the past week. I told him everything that happened, minus Marcus’ second life, but I spent hours telling him about my long-lost mother, the pregnancy
,
and the proposal. He was shocked, concerned, and happy for me. Jeremy was more worried about my career. I assured him that I was going to finish school, and even though it might take me an extra year, I was going to finish, no matter what.