Discern (4 page)

“Sorry, I never said goodbye,” I said, embarrassed by my quick departure after graduation.

“That’s cool, I figured you were ready to get the hell out of here,” he laughed nervously.

“I was at the time.”

“What brings you back?”

“My dad. He hasn’t been the same since I left, so I decided to come back and cheer him up,” I half- smiled, knowing that was not the real reason.

“That’s surprising…” he paused, unsure if he should continue saying anything else.

“Why’s that?”

“Umm—it’s just that your dad has been hanging out with Todd Cardwell’s mother a lot,” he mumbled.

“Huh?”

“Oh, crap, I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“No, it’s fine.” My smile was weak and unconvincing. “How long?”

“Maybe a year or so, but I’m not totally sure. That’s, of course, just what I’ve heard. I am, by no means, keeping tabs on your dad’s love life,” he said with an uncomfortable smile.

“Oh, I guess he forgot to mention it.” That ugly feeling of betrayal resurfaced. I could feel my facial expression change, and I knew for sure Ryan was aware.

“Don’t take my word for it—believe me—I could’ve been misinformed.” He lightly patted my shoulder.

“Sorry, I have a lot on my mind. If my dad is happy, then that’s all that matters.”

I was definitely upset. It isn’t as if I hadn’t noticed and addressed my father’s late nights out, but the truth still felt like a stab in the back. Everyone else in town was probably aware of his personal life except his own daughter. I had tried my hardest just last night to make him feel comfortable about the subject so he wouldn’t have to hide it. My face felt warm and was probably red with anger.

“So when is the wedding?” he asked, changing the subject.

“What wedding?” I asked in horror. Was my father engaged?

“Yours.”

“Oh, like I said, what wedding?” I rolled my eyes.

“What happened?” His face gave away the joy he tried so hard to hide.

“It’s a long a story. Braden and I won’t be tying the knot anytime soon—or ever, for that matter,” I said, trying to keep it light.

“Good. You deserve a lot better than that as…dude.” He stumbled on his words.

“Yes, I do.”

No need to start dwelling on the past—especially not in front of Ryan. I once had the biggest crush on him in ninth and tenth grade.

“I bet you felt a little uncomfortable with the teacher staring at you the whole time. I couldn’t help but notice his fascination with you for the past hour and a half,” he mentioned.

“He was?” I was completely surprised, although I hadn’t really been paying attention.

“You didn’t notice him gawking at you?” he asked shocked.

“No, I guess I was off in thought. He was just going over the syllabus, so I didn’t think it was a big deal,” I shrugged.

“Oh, well if you want an A in this class, I’m sure it will be easy for you.” His words burned, as if he somehow thought my relationship with Braden had tainted my values.

“Well I’m not that type of girl, and you should really pay attention to what the teacher’s saying rather than where he’s looking,” I snapped.

“I’m sorry. I take it back. I was only joking, Haley. Honestly, I was just a little concerned.”

I couldn’t understand his concern. “About what?”

“He’s kind of creepy,” he said warily.

“I actually met him before I started school.” I wasn’t sure why I was defending the teacher, but it seemed logical at the time.

His eyes were wide. “Oh, so the two of you are friends?”

“No, we’re not friends, nor anything else. I met him on the plane ride back home, so we’re exactly what I said—nothing,” I scowled.

“That’s good.”

I kicked the carpet with my foot, not sure where to go with the conversation.

“Are you working for your dad again?” he asked.

“I haven’t yet, but I’m sure he would like that. Are you working anywhere?”

“Yeah, I work over at the women’s shelter. I help manage the place for my mom,” he said. His mother had the same kind, charitable heart as my mother once had.

“Your mom still works there?” I asked, not really surprised by her dedication to the community.

“Yes, she’ll never leave,” he smiled, shaking his head.

“She has such a big heart. I guess her kindness has rubbed off on you,” I smiled. I was impressed with Ryan’s compassion.

“Hey, don’t think I’m doing it just out of kindness, I need the money, too.” He obviously didn’t want me to think of him as soft.

“I know, but it’s nice that you decided to work there.”

“It hasn’t been the same since…” he stopped. His face was red with embarrassment.

“Nothing has been the same since her death,” I sighed.

“I’m so sorry, Haley. I didn’t mean to mention her.” His voice dropped.

“It’s fine. I’m glad she hasn’t been forgotten.” I faked the best smile I could. “So how are things there?”

“Good, but I didn’t really prepare myself for all the crazy things I’ve witnessed,” he frowned.

“Crazy like what?”

“Women and children having to endure idiots who have no self control,” he said, gritting his teeth.

“That always upset my mother, too, but it’s good that you can help.” I hoped my words would ease his anger.

Ryan and I continued to walk back to class without saying another word. I felt a little uneasy as some of the girls were giving me looks—not dirty looks—but eyeing me over. As if I was their competition for some magnificent prize. They could have Ryan—I wasn’t interested. In fact, I wasn’t interested in anyone at the moment.

As class resumed, Andrew began to address the subject of our end of the semester paper. We had no final, just the paper. I was excited about that. I hated finals around the holidays. The thought of the holidays reminded me that I would be alone, not just without Braden, but back at home in the house where my mother had once made every holiday season a joyous occasion.

I felt a sharp pain in my left shoulder blade and swiftly turned to see what was causing it. Ryan was shoving a pencil into my shoulder blade.

“What?” I whispered hastily.

“He’s doing it again,” he whispered back, gesturing toward the front of the room. His tone was urgent.

I automatically looked over at Andrew, and to my surprise he was, in fact, staring at me. He quickly realized that I was aware of his staring. Obviously, my face gave it away. I loathed my inability to hide my feelings. It was frustrating how easy it was for people to read me.

Andrew’s attention abruptly turned from my face to the paper in his hand. I began to blush, but didn’t notice any blood rushing to his face. I was envious of his ability to hide his emotions.

Time seemed to slow down after the incident. I kept a close watch on the classroom clock right above the blackboard. My nerves were on edge. The fact that other students noticed Andrew’s staring in my direction was upsetting.

The girl seated beside me, continuing to hum annoying tunes, caused extra frustration. But I knew what was really bothering me, I actually enjoyed the fact that this unbelievably handsome man was paying extra attention to me, even if it was a little creepy.

There was no use getting too excited—I had more than likely ruined my chances with him. My behavior this summer was inexcusable. Plus he was my teacher now, which threw another curve in to the mix—the same mix that consisted of still having feelings for Braden, but desperately wanting to move forward.

He announced to the class that he was going to let us out thirty minutes early. He made mention that he would let us out early every night. This pleased me as I eventually planned to help my father out at the dealership a couple days a week.

“Hey,” Ryan whispered.

“Yes?”

“What are you up to this evening?” he asked nervously.

“I have no plans, but I’m really exhausted from my lack of sleep lately,” I said politely.

Ryan wasn’t the type to try anything, but socializing and possibly being recognized wasn’t high on my list. I needed to lay low to avoid having Braden find out my current location.

“No problem. If you ever want to go out, just give me a shout,” he said as he handed me a ripped piece of paper bearing a few scribbled numbers. He rose from his seat and began gathering his stuff.

“Hey,” I said, lightly touching his arm.

“Yes?” He quickly stopped.

“I’m not avoiding you, just the rest of the town.”

“Why?”

“Braden and I didn’t end amicably, and he doesn’t know where I am. I need to keep it that way for awhile, until I’m a little stronger.”

“Is he causing you trouble?” he asked concerned.

I flashed a displeased look. “No, but he would.”

“I can talk to him,” he smirked.

“No way.” I shook my head.

“Well, when you’re ready, we could just hang out at my place. No rush—the offer will always stand,” he smiled.

“Thanks.”

 
Ryan strolled out of the room. He really was a nice guy. Someone I should have considered instead of Braden, but no time to regret my decisions now.

Andrew was still sitting at his desk. I panicked, as I quickly regretted not walking out with Ryan to avoid this situation.

I gathered up my folder and papers, resting them on my right arm. I straightened out my t-shirt and began the walk to the front of the classroom—feeling a little uneasy. I was the last student left, and I had to walk right by his desk.

“Miss Helms?” Andrew said in a soft, alluring tone.

‘Damn it,’ I thought to myself. My stomach began to feel a little queasy. “Yes, Andrew?” I asked, instinctively turning in his direction.

“It’s truly nice to see you again,” he smiled and stood up.

The lights flickered as he stepped closer. He immediately retreated. The flickering stopped. I had to be imagining things.

“Yes, very surprising, but then again you had mentioned your interview here at the school,” I grinned, blushing ever so slightly.

“You seemed to be elsewhere tonight.” He had noticed. “Everything okay?”

“I’m sorry. I was taken aback by your presence, afraid that you would be upset with me. I promise I’ll be focused next week,” I said nervously.

“I’m not upset with you. I was merely a stranger on the same flight.” His eyes were very accepting of my rejection.

“And helped pick up my broken necklace,” I added, remembering back to that embarrassing moment.

“I do remember that,” he smiled. “Don’t occupy your mind with worry. You’re my student now, and so it will purely be a teacher-student relationship.” His tone reassured any worries, but promptly crushed any hopes that I might have fabricated in my mind.

“I have to confess something,” I said nervously.

“Okay,” he smiled.

“I lost your number, so I wasn’t able to call, but I guess it worked out for the best,” I said, trying not to sound disappointed.

His smile faded and his eyes dropped. “Yes, probably so,” he agreed. I sensed a genuine sadness in his tone.

“Well, then I’ll see you around.” My signals were all mixed, as were my feelings. To be close to Andrew again reminded me of that awful night.

“I noticed you were in my Thursday night class and was going to go ahead and give you the syllabus,” he said, keeping the conversation going.

“Oh, thanks. That’s very thoughtful.” I wasn’t sure what else to say in this situation.

“I remember what it was like to be a student. It hasn’t been that long since I was in school,” he said handing me the paper. It was obvious it hadn’t been long since his college days. “You really do look young to be a Professor,” I observed.

“I managed to keep my head in the books and concentrate only on school. It was good for my career, but terrible for my personal life,” he said.

“You won’t have any trouble having a social life around here,” I blurted out, instantly mortified. “So I’ll see you Thursday night,” I said, turning quickly, rushing out of the room as fast as possible.

I heard a slight chuckle. “See you Thursday.” His voice trailed off as I flew out into the hall.

He probably thought I was a complete idiot, because every time I was around him I said or did something embarrassing.

My head was swirling with conflicting thoughts. There was definitely something intriguing about Andrew, but I had no business fantasizing about another man, when I felt I had barely had enough time to grieve the last relationship properly. Plus, I was broken. I didn’t function like a normal twenty-year-old girl, and he didn’t seem like the type to stick around for the long haul—my heart couldn’t take any more.

The next morning, I woke to the sound of my phone buzzing repeatedly. I reached my hand from beneath the covers and grabbed it. There were seven text messages from no one other than Braden. I slowly sat up in bed and began reading them.