Discovering April (25 page)

I nod in acknowledgement before he turns, thinking the conversation is over.

“Can we do something human tonight?” I prop myself up on my elbow.

At the sound of my words he spins around, giving me a sexy smirk. “As opposed to all the inhuman things we were doing?”

“You know what I mean, can we do something— traditional? I don’t want to jump out of planes or swim the Atlantic… can we just have a normal night? Like movies or something?”

“Movies? Well, I supposed it can be dangerous if you don’t get your popcorn, but are you sure we are ready for a step like that?” His sarcasm is apparent, but I debate it nonetheless.

“Yea, what’s the worst that can happen?” I joke, leaning back against the headboard.

I HAVE THE LAST laugh. Jared and I walk into the small town movie theater for our first conventional date. Jared’s hands clamp mine as we walk over to the ticket booth. I smirk thinking that he might feel a little out of place enters my head. I squeeze his hand as I look at him.

He leans over to kiss my forehead. “What do you want to see?”

“Hmmm, you look like a chick flick kind of softie.”

He rolls his eyes over-dramatically at my attempt at a joke. “And you, my dear, look like a horror kind of girl!”

“How about we settle for the action movie based on a vintage comic series?”

“Deal!” he answers, slamming an invisible gavel, indicating the choice has been made.

“Wow, I hope all our decisions are going to be this easy.” I state it as a joke, but Jared wraps his arm around my shoulders.

“Like you said quite a few years ago, we never fight—we just have fun.” His flashback statement is stated in all seriousness.

“I can think of a few
fun
things to do!” I flirt, running my fingertips up and down the tee shirt peeking out from his unzipped jacket.

“Careful… or we will never make it to our first
date
,” he tells me, winking before looking back up towards the front of the line.

I’m beaming by the time we have my popcorn—I guess he didn’t want things to be that dramatic—and head for theater three. I’m still thinking about what Jared said in line that I almost don’t notice him. My eyes are looking up at Jared. It isn’t until I see someone stop a few feet in front of me, causing a disturbance as the rest of the people are trying to exit the theater, that I turn to lock eyes with Hunter. He’s holding hands with her. Veronica. Looking at them standing right in front of me completely sober, I expect to feel hurt. I expect to feel like the wind has been knocked out of me. But instead, all I feel is surprise at seeing him. Surprise… and maybe sadness. Sad because I have lost an old friend.

“Uh, hi,” Hunter mutters and I feel Jared’s eyes on me to see how I will react.

“Hey, Hunter, how are you?” I keep it polite and casual.

“Good, good… and you?”

I glance up at Jared, smiling. “Awesome.” He returns my, grin squeezing my shoulders slightly. “Well, we are late for the show… I’ll see ya ‘round.” I say this as casually as I can, pulling Jared away deeper into the theater.

“Well, that wasn’t awkward or anything!” I whisper to Jared.

“Seems like a nice guy,” he mutters sarcastically into my ear.

I giggle. Next time, we do what Jared wants. It’s a lot more fun and less chance of running into ex-boyfriends!

Settling into our seats, we pick the first row so we can put our feet up on the bar. Hunter always had to be in the center; he said it had the best view. But I like to sit back and put my feet up. Jared lifts the armrest between us and I place the popcorn there. The popcorn is almost all gone by the time the movie starts, but I don’t mind. His hand grazes mine as we both go in for more popcorn. We both reach for the soda at the same time, and when the bag is empty Jared puts it on the floor and wraps his arm around my shoulder. I scoot in closer to his side, close enough to smell his soap. With my feet up on the bar, my head on his shoulder, and his arm wrapped tightly around me—it just feels natural. Normal.

We exit the theater hand in hand, just as we had entered. I can’t help glancing down and taking in our clasped hands. I was never much of the affectionate type. Whenever Hunter and I held hands or cuddled in a movie theater, I was always fully aware of it. It was always a conscious effort. Now as I think about it, everything with Jared feels instinctual. I don’t notice my fingers reaching for his, I’m not aware of his arm wrapping around my shoulders – it just happens. We are drawn to each other like magnets. Jared’s my magnet. I reach into my pocket for my phone to check the time, but it’s the message waiting for me that stops me in my tracks.

You looked great, A, I’ve missed you.

Immediately, I tuck it back into my pocket and stare at the Jeep parked ahead of us. I try and hide the conflicting emotions inside me as I cover my harsh action to Hunter’s text message by pretending to cough. Releasing Jared’s hand to cover my mouth. I don’t know why this text bothers me so much. Maybe, it’s like I felt earlier; I’m sad about losing an old friend. The thought bothers me to the point that I decide to sleep in my own bed tonight, alone.

We enter the Jeep, which now has its roof and doors on in preparation for the upcoming winter. I’m still staring out into the dark night as other couples wander to their cars together. It isn’t until the silence reverberates through me that I realize he hasn’t started the car yet. I peer over at him and his hands grip the steering wheel tightly while his eyes remain on the Jeep logo located in the center. I open my mouth to speak but Jared beats me to it.

“Can I just tell you that I’ve fantasized about our first official date for years now.” His voice tightens and I get the feeling he’s holding back tears. Finally he turns his head to look at me and I close my gaping mouth. “—and it’s lived up to all my expectations.”

My eyes close, savoring his words like they are the first breath up from a really long swim. I lift my body over the center console. I need to be closer to him. I feel as though I want to take away all the pain, all the waiting, and all the doubt that has been on his heart for so long. Climbing into his lap, I reach down and release the lever, sending his seat back so I can fit. Sliding my hands up, I cup his face between them before looking into his eyes. His big brown eyes remind me of a timid deer, the eyes that find all my idiosyncrasies perfect. Then, without being able to hold it back any longer, I kiss him. I kiss him to take away the years we spent apart. I kiss him so that we both can forget about the boys before him.

“I love you, Apes,” he whispers against my lips.

Instead of responding, I deepen our kiss, writhing against his body until he too craves more.

WE GET HOME AND I make some excuse to sleep alone tonight. I need to clear my head. The text from Hunter still haunts me and my feelings for Jared just keep growing. I need to get a handle on things. I’m pacing my room when Jinx whines in protest at the lack of cuddling with him. Another guy trying to get my attention. I sigh. He cries again before I take my shoe off and throw it at him. He just rolls over, turning his face away from me. I mimic him by doing the same. That’s when my eyes catch sight of a notebook and I grab it, taking it to my desk. I etch a line down the center. At the top right side, I write HUNTER and the other side of the line I write JARED. I can’t believe I need to do this, but my mind has always been more visual.

Under
Hunter
, I write:

Pros
- wealthy family, white-collar job, man in a suit, passionate,

Cons
- a lot of fighting, hates cats, entitled, stubborn, cheater, immature,

Under
Jared
I write:

Cons
- no family, blue-collar job, always wears construction boots, psycho Eric,

Pros
- hard working, no fights, loves Jinx, easygoing, loving, treats me like a princess

Finally, in big letters I write over it a few times until it sinks in:

HOME
.

Jared has filled me with this feeling of self and safety and … home that I never had with Hunter. All I ever got from Hunter was insecurity and self-doubt. I lost myself with Hunter and Jared helped me find her again.

I can’t believe I was even thinking about going back to him. Is it crazy, the kind of hold first love can have on you? Maybe he wasn’t my first love. Love can be found in a friendship; maybe I loved Jared even back then. Maybe that’s why it hurt so much when he pushed me away.

I rip up the paper to shreds and throw it in the garbage beside the desk. Walking over to the bed, I pet Jinx, who is more than happy to have my attention once again. Suddenly, my eyes are distracted when a light flips on and filters down to my room. Jared’s eyes lock with mine through the windowpanes between us. I smile. I don’t know what I was doubting. Jared is the only man that makes me blush with one look. The way his brown eyes peer into me, like he knows the deepest secrets of my heart and will help me keep them safe. All my doubts fade away as I peer at him, arms crossed, trying to read my mind as always.

I pretend to fake yawn, stretching my arms over my head. I take my hair out of my ponytail and shake it, running my fingers through to the ends. I feel his smirk even without having to look at him. Slowly, I unzip my hoodie and slip my arms through before throwing it across the room. I twist to make sure Jared is still watching. Of course he is – he wouldn’t miss this show. I grasp the hem of my tee shirt and pull it over my head before tossing it on top of my hoodie. I’m mentally so thankful that Ro and I had that little shopping trip as I look down to eye the black bra I’m wearing. Looping my fingers into the button of my jeans, I carefully unhook it and shimmy out of them. I twist as I toss them aside, showing off the curve of my hips as I bend over, reaching for my nightshirt. I shake my hair off my shoulder before putting my hands through the shirt and slipping it on. Jared’s forehead is against his window when I catch sight of him again. Shaking his head, he places his hands on the glass. I blow him a kiss before crawling into my bed and flick the lamp off. I don’t think it’s healthy, us sleeping together every single night. I know we each need our space. My darkest fear is that I turn into a codependent like I was with Hunter. But here, alone in the dark with nothing but my breathing breaking the hollow silence, I feel as though I’m missing something.

Rolling over to Jinx’s upside down little face, I hold him tight, trying to tell myself I can make it one freakin’ night alone.

Suddenly, I hear my back door creak open. I’d know that sound anywhere, the way the lining of the door scratches against the kitchen floor. Then I hear footsteps tracing their way around below me. I jump up, gripping the sheets to my chest before willing my eyes to scan the darkness for a weapon. The only thing I see are my snow globes. The footsteps are making their way up the stairs and my heart begins to beat nervously. There hasn’t been a break-in in Angelica in years. My eyes stare as the knob twists in the darkness and my door slowly creaks open. Walking out into the moonlight of my room is Jared’s silhouette. Apparently, he must be thinking the same.

“I couldn’t sleep,” he whispers, slipping into my bed.

“Oh, why is that?” My smirk is lost in the shadows, but my sarcasm is there.

“Some sexy show I was watching,” he whispers against my lips.

I think we could find each other’s lips anywhere; we never seem to miss. I feel his warm hands around my cold body. I haven’t turned the heat on in the house yet. It didn’t seem necessary since I’m practically never here anymore. His fingertips explore my body, enticing the fire inside me to stir. Nope, definitely don’t need the heat on. I feel his hand slipping off my nightshirt, leaving kisses up my stomach in its wake. I don’t realize I’m gasping until his mouth meets mine and it stops.