Disgrace (51 page)

I laugh at him, and when I look at the faces staring at me, I realize I have laughed out loud in the library, but I also notice the curious looks, and I can feel my wet face. I quickly wipe the tears with my sleeve. I am always shaken when I remember, but at the same time I don’t want to forget. I get back to sorting through all the information in my overstuffed bag. I spend the next hour sorting through the timetables and think I can juggle a few seminars and double dip a few units to get the extra credits I’m going to need. It looks like there will only be a few gaps in the four days I have to attend, which will suit my working hours at the restaurant perfectly. I’m starting to feel a little more confident I can pull this off.

There is an informal gathering for the new mature students in one of the basement classrooms, an opportunity to meet with fellow students and current students to get an insight, that sort of thing. I thought I should pop my head in, so I pack my bag and make my way back to the Quad.

I lean my entire body against the reluctant fire door to the classroom and the sprinkling of people inside turn my way. God,,I hate these things. It’s not that I find making friends particularly difficult, it’s just that I find these forced situations excruciating. I take in those in the room as I make my way to the safety of the coffee table. I am not sure if they are all mature students, or if there are Lecturers here, too, but I am by far the youngest, feeling that my first choice of outfit wouldn’t have been misplaced, after all. There are some dodgy double denim combinations, some corduroy, I’m thinking Lecturer, and a few leather jackets, which belong to much younger men. The women seem to fare a little better and are dressed in either pant suit and blouse outfits or thick woollen type matching skirt and jacket. Being slightly thankful that I really don’t have time to socialize, I start to fix myself a drink with purpose and confidence I’m not really feeling. A double espresso would be welcome, but I’ll settle for the crappy instant coffee from the dripping silver canteen style dispenser.

“Don’t look so scared, Bethany, they are all in the same boat and just as eager to make friends, I’m sure.” A kind gentleman’s voice speaks directly behind me.

I turn with my coffee in hand to see Mr. Wilson, my course leader, smiling at me. His wrinkled face gives way to more wrinkles, if that was possible. Mr. Wilson is in his early sixties with wavy grey hair and dark grey eyes which are framed by square, black-rimmed glasses that perch on the indent in his nose indicating many years of use. He wears a worn dark green tweed three-piece suit, a bright shirt, and an even brighter bow tie. I understand he was a formidable businessman in his youth, having built and sold several companies. Now, however, he is firmly entrenched in academia.

I couldn’t apply for the undergraduate through the normal channel. Although my actual grades were good enough, the dates and ages on the documents would conflict and might have been flagged up as suspicious. I am too young and they would insist I take the full-time degree route. Instead, I had to fill out a departmental application form, have a general entrance exam, interview, and a date of birth stating I was in fact twenty-five. Mr. Wilson was, at the time, quick to put me at my ease at my interview earlier in the year, and we have exchanged a number of emails since I accepted my placement. He is the least intimidating academic I have come across, and I am thankful he seems to have taken me under his wing.

“Oh I’m sure.” I return his smile. “Actually, I’m really glad you are here. I was hoping I could confirm my timetable amendments and just make sure I’m getting the most from what’s on offer?”

“Yes, yes, of course, my dear. I said at the interview we would accommodate as best we can, and you were quite explicit in your requirements. I promised at the time I would help, and I wouldn’t have offered you a place if I felt you wouldn’t take every opportunity on offer, or if we couldn’t fulfill our promise.” He gently squeezes my hand as if to reinforce his sentiment.

“That’s very kind, later in the week, maybe?”

“You have my email, my dear, anytime.” He leans past me and picks up a handful of biscuits, which he tries to balance on the saucer holding his tea.

He doesn’t seem to have any compulsion to mix and as I have a full cup in my hand I am a little reluctant to navigate the room. So we remain standing together at the edge of the gathering, and he begins to munch noisily on his biscuits. The room has started to fill, and like many basement classrooms, it feels a little stuffy, but the noise level has risen from awkward silence to gentle hum. A number of Mr. Wilson’s colleagues have come over and it is clear he is well liked and respected. He kindly introduces me as some will be my Lecturers, and I try to commit their faces and names to memory, but it’s hopeless until they leave, and Mr. Wilson fills me in with some inappropriate piece of information that makes me laugh out loud and will definitely make it easier to remember them.

Ms. Stephens was a Karaoke queen, Mr. Philips nearly drove away with his newborn baby in his car seat on the roof of the car after several weeks of interrupted nights, and I was lucky not to spit my coffee all over him when he revealed Mr. Peters, from finance, nearly didn’t get married last year, because there was a fight as to who would wear the wedding dress! I can feel my eyes start to water as he turns a wicked grin my way.

I look over toward the still closed door as I feel a cool wave of fresh air flow over me and a rush of goosebumps prickle my skin. Before me, Mr. Wilsons’ eyes widen as he fixes his gaze directly above my head. I can’t seem to move.

“Daniel! How simply wonderful of you to join us, I didn’t expect you to accept my invitation to this little gathering, but I’m so pleased you could make the time,” Mr. Wilson gushes.

Wow! I can’t help but smile, this man is too sweet and obviously a little in awe of whomever is standing behind me.

“I didn’t, and I don’t.” The deep voice growls his response.

“That’s rude!” My hand immediately flies to my mouth as I realize I did in fact say that out loud. My shoulders tense, and I try to sink into myself as I notice the instant evaporation of Mr. Wilsons’ smile. I would like to think that his change in demeanour is a result of the rude man behind me, but I can’t help feel it is because of my inappropriate contribution.

I give a tight smile and try to apologise as I mouth, “I’m sorry,” to Mr. Wilson. I straighten my back and turn sharply only to have my field of vision blocked by a wall of chest encased in a black, fitted suit jacket over a crisp white shirt. I lower my eyes taking in his smart well- fitted jeans, large thighs, and shiny black boots. I drag my eyes up. This feels like it’s taking forever. I’m hoping it’s only seconds, especially as my gaze lingers a little too long at his crotch.

Christ! Move your eyes, Bets! I do, up and up. .He is standing really close. My breath hitches when I take in the fierceness of the stare his eyes are giving mine. They are a ‘divers dream’ ocean colour blue, deep blue, with even deeper flecks. He narrows them slightly, and I see a tiny twitch in his jaw. He is intense. I can feel the anger radiating in waves. I am only guessing it’s anger from the few words he has spoken.

“I need the keys to your office, Jack. You did say I would have access?” Curt and to the point, but his question has me confused, as he hasn’t taken his eyes from mine.

“I’m sorry, Sir?” I’m generally confused.

“Accepted.” He gives a flicker of a grin.

“Errr?”

“Yes, yes.” Mr. Wilson interrupts. “Of course, Daniel, I have a set in my briefcase.” He pauses to see if he is being acknowledged in any way. He isn’t. Mr. Wilson continues, “Allow me to introduce…” He sounds flustered, but I interrupt.

“Mr. Wilson.” I turn away from the unfathomable tension that’s starting to build between this man and me. “Don’t bother, really, I should try and meet some of the others here… Well, those who do want to be here, at least. You’ve been wonderful so far, but I better brave this myself and leave you to help this—” I can’t help but pause, knowing it’s rude, “—man sort the keys so he can get on his way.” I go to move off and find I am again blocked by that large chest I can now smell it’s so close. Fresh with spice and something exotic and a surge of heat returns like taking a direct hit in the chest.

“Jack, please continue… allow you to introduce?” I am again looking into his eyes as they briefly flick toward Mr. Wilson for encouragement only to return their fix to mine. I’m trying to swallow, and I am hoping the slight tremble I am experiencing now is not visible. With slightly less enthusiasm Mr. Wilson continues;

“Daniel, allow me to introduce one of our mature students starting with us part-time this semester…Bethany Thorne. Bethany, this is Daniel Stone. He is a respected and very successful businessman, and also a ‘Friend of the University’. Daniel has kindly offered his valuable time to give a series of lectures for our entrepreneurs’…we are very lucky.” Mr. Wilson seems genuinely thrilled and his smile is infectious.

“Mature?” Daniel raises an eyebrow, but his intense gaze doesn’t break contact with mine.

“Friend?” I challenge. I’m trying to be brave and counter his question. It’s not working. His obvious query removes the smile from my face, and I look nervously at my hands, which are now gripped together. I reach to tuck my hair behind my ear and tug gently at the nape, feeling the skin lift and pinch as I do.

“I’m twenty-five,” I venture boldly, more bold than I’m feeling at any rate. “Yes, twenty-five. I’m twenty-five.” Smooth, Bets, really smooth. I risk a glance up toward his face. His dark eyes crinkle as his grin transforms to a full on, breath-taking smile. He is possibly the most stunning man I have ever seen, and he can’t be the most important man in the room, yet I feel the power and command like a force holding me rooted to the spot.

“Really?” He leans in further and I can feel his breath on my neck. I feel my face flush instantly. I must be seven shades of red right now, and I know my heart is pumping so hard, it might just succeed in escaping my chest via my ribcage. I try to swallow but manage only to make a whimper leave my dry throat. I lick my parched lips and notice his eyes fix on the slight movement. Christ, Bets! Get a grip. You’ll be swishing your hair and swooning any minute now. He lifts my hair away from my neck, an impossibly intimate gesture, which does nothing to quell the raging heat building between my legs. I am only thankful that Mr. Wilson seems to be distracted from this very intense exchange.

“Interesting, Miss Thorne, now why are you lying?” His voice is rich and luxurious like velvet caressing my skin.

Shit! I don’t say this out loud, but I’m screaming it to myself, and I make a sharp intake of breath, which has drawn Mr. Wilson’s attention back to me. I try to take a step back and notice a number of eyes focused on our little exchange, just what I need. So much for staying under the radar, and it doesn’t help that Mr. Stone has neatly mirrored my retreat keeping the intimate distance between us.

“I’m not, I mean, I don’t know what you mean…” I fumble quietly hoping Mr. Wilson is catching none of this.

“Oh Miss Thorne, you most definitely are, but what puzzles me is why? But I do love a good puzzle.” His tone is pure temptation.

“Well.” I recover. “This has been delightful and as charming as you are…” I leave the statement unfinished as I turn my back, effectively blanking Mr. Stone and take hold of Mr. Wilson’s hand. He looks a little confused, and I’m thinking,
join the club
!

“Thank you, Mr. Wilson, so much for this opportunity, I really am so grateful, Sir.”

“Bethany, there is no need for ‘Sir’, please. I don’t mind if you call me Jack.”

“I’ll be more comfortable with Mr. Wilson, Mr. Wilson.” I smile.

“And I would be more comfortable with Sir.” I freeze as his hands grasp my shoulders and his lips are again brushing my ear. I pray to God no one else can hear, because they can sure as shit see my face flame once more. “In fact… I insist.” He gives a gentle laugh. I shift slightly to try and ease the pressure in my groin.

“I have to get to work. My shift starts soon!” I rush to announce it, as if this revelation will save me from this excruciating encounter. It’s not a lie, but I could have stayed a little longer if I wanted; I don’t. I step away and feel the sudden loss of heat. I have to lean awkwardly around an immovable Daniel Stone to place my coffee cup down. Only when I am safely on the other side do I release the breath I had been holding. I risk a look back into the room through the small window in the door. There are several groups of people now, but undoubtedly most eyes are fixed on the mountain of a man next to Mr. Wilson. His eyes are,however, undeniably fixed on me.

“So?” Sofia leaves a long dramatic pause. “How was your first day? Did you make any friends? Did the other children play nice?” She is carrying a bottle of white wine and two glasses from downstairs and flops into the armchair opposite me. I am curled up in a ball wrapped head to toe in a blankie.

“Pour first.” I instruct, pointing at the empty glasses.

“It couldn’t have been that bad; you didn’t even have any lectures, did you?” She passes me a very full glass.