Ditching The Dream (Dream Series) (45 page)

Maybe all the years of what I felt were neglect were because I hadn’t pointed out what was missing. The talking. The spending time together. The work getting in the way. The sex.
Are we dead?
Only one way to find out.

I took another sip and set the drink down. Then I turned to him and started to unbutton my shirt. His eyes were glued to my fingers. When I finished, I let the shirt slide down my arms then I tossed it at him.

Next, my pants. I slid the zipper down slowly, keeping my eyes on him as I worked the slacks down in a slow rocking manner. I wondered what he’d say when he saw my tattoo. When the pants reached my feet, I stepped out of the legs and seductively bent over to pick up the trousers showing off my ass to him.

“Holy shit! Elizabeth! What happened to you?” he exclaimed. “Your rear. It has welts on it!”

Fuck!
I thought
. Fuckity-fuck-fuck-fuckerson.
I swallowed hard. This was so embarrassing! How did I not know I’d have welts? I certainly had felt the sting all night.
No!
I thought.
I’m a big girl now! Own up to this. This is who you are.

“I asked Jack to do that.”

Greg was horrified. “To beat you?”

“NO! It’s not like that at all. This was punishment for all I had done since I was here. For being with Jack and Kevin. I asked for this.”

“I don’t understand. You’re making no sense what-so-ever. You were with both of them?”

“Not at the same time. And it – the punishment – started with Jack a while back. He corrected me with a slap, and a caress, to teach me respect. He showed me he was in control. He didn’t spank me and let me lick my wounds. He cared for me after. And it didn’t leave a mark – that time. This time I asked for more.”

“In control? He has to hit you to show he was in control?”

“It told me that he was going to take care of everything. And I could show him that I trusted him to not hurt me. It was – I’m saying this all wrong…” I flopped onto the chair at the desk. The bracing cold leather did little to cool off my ass or my mood. “But, Greg, somewhere deep inside of me – it lit a fire.”

“A fire? What are you saying? You liked it? You really liked it?” The look on his face was one of disgust.

“No” I shook my head, the tight tailored locks coming loose. “I loved it.”

“Why? How?”

“It meant that he cared enough about how I felt about me. That I should behave properly.” I beseeched Greg with my eyes. His bewilderment broke my heart, but I had to try. “Don’t you want to punish me, Greg?”

Greg sat silent. His eyes raking all over my body, searching my face, then he just turned away.

“I thought so,” I said. “That’s why I asked Jack to do it.”

“Bets, for my whole life, forever and a day, with five sisters, it was been drilled into me to never hurt a woman. Never to touch a woman with force. But to love and caress and be soft.”

I turned back to my drink. I drained the cup.
This was a mistake. Coming back here was a mistake. Greg and I were just not meant to be,
I told myself. I got up and started to put my shirt on to go home.

“I could try,” he croaked.

I whipped my head over at him.
He was willing to try?
Let’s just see how willing he was. I dropped the shirt and walked over to him. I laid over his lap and wiggled my ass at him in anticipation.

Then the SLAP. No, not a SLAP. It was a TAP. No, not even a TAP.

“More,” I begged. He tapped lightly again. It seemed that he was not going to be able to do this. To give me a real spanking, to reach that ache deep inside. A tear spring onto my cheek. Followed by another, and a soft sob. It was over.

Greg recoiled and pulled me into his arms “I’m sorry!” He shushed into my hair. “I swear I’m going to teach that monster who made you think you needed a spanking a lesson.”

I pushed away from him. “Don’t you get it? I need to be spanked. To be kept in line! Punish me, damn it! I ran away. I had sex with other men!” I stood huffing at him. “And you know what? I liked it! I liked being with Jack and Kevin. Punish me – but only –
ONLY
– if you love me.”

Greg looked at me. I felt like for the first time he was seeing the real me. Not some bogus fabrication of what a wife and mother should be, but a woman.

He grabbed my wrist and pulled me back over his knee again. “Oh yeah?” he said. “You want to know how bad you’ve been?”

WHACK! Then he rubbed it. I trembled inside.
Oh yes!

“Other men? How could you?”

WHACK! He came down on the other cheek, and stroked the spot. I moaned deeply. “And to leave his mark on you!”

WHACK! “I’m the only one you should be with! The only one you should think about!”

WHACK! “To crave! To love.” My ass was ablaze. And oddly, I felt that I mattered. I had upset him, and he let me know. In the past, he would have just walked away and licked his wounds. Could he really be turning a corner?

Spent, Greg leaned over and kissed my bright red ass. I giggled.

“What’s so funny?”

“You just kissed my ass,” I snickered.

“Are you saying I’m an ass-kisser?”

“If the shoe fits…” I collapsed into a fit of laughter.

For the next few minutes I just sat in his arms. He whispered into my ear, “I need you.” I stiffened. Here we were again. He rubbed my arm and continued. “And I want you. And I want you to want me. But I also need you. You complete me.”

I looked into his eyes. “Why?” I asked.

“Your laugh. I miss it. The way you dance when you have a song in your head and no one else can hear it. Your confidence at trying new things gives me confidence. The way you love the kids unconditionally showed me every day to be a better person. I worked so hard at being the best at work and climbing the ladder. I realize now that I should have put that effort into you and the kids. Having you all out of the house was – was… It was killing me. I had everything, and I let it all slip away.”

I reached up and pulled his head to mine. Our lips met and nothing. It was the same Greg. No spark. I pulled back and looked him square in the face. “You need to let go and be yourself, not an image of what you should be. Go with your feelings.”

Pulling his head to mine again, when our lips met, he was different. He kissed me, not with the reverence that I’d known from him for as long as I could remember. He nibbled on my lower lip.

“I’ve always loved this lip of yours,” he said.

“Oh yeah?” I grinned at him. I laid myself on the bed and propped myself up on my elbows. “What else have you always loved?” I asked. “And don’t hold anything back,” I hummed.

The next hour we spent naked and rolling around. Things we should have done on our honeymoon. With some encouragement, Greg was finding his Dominant side.

Maybe we had a chance after all.

I
hate early morning flights. Especially when I’ve just had an incredible night making love to my wife. Was that really making love though? She was down rough at some parts. Not that I was complaining, but she really was a different person. She never seemed interested in sex at home. I just figured she had low libido or took the ladies’ perspective that sex was an obligation and didn’t really care for it. That’s what my parents taught me anyhow.

Hell. I’d always been jealous of my friends when they talked about their girlfriends or wives being wild in bed, and here I’d had a hellcat all along. How did I not know?

But she had been with other men for the past three weeks.
Other men.
And…
she liked it.
How can I compete with that? Was it at the same time? Did I want to know?

Jack and Kevin. Phoebe talked about both of them. Kevin is the neighbor. Jack must be the guy that had his hands all over Elizabeth at the bar.

I
woke Monday morning with barely enough time to get to work. I hadn’t gotten home until two-thirty in the morning. I’d had a very busy Sunday. Jack, then the punishment, then Greg. My ass was still tender. A smile spread across my face, remembering Jack’s generosity. Then at Greg’s trepidation and his ability to come around. My big dilemma was to figure out my situation with Jack.

The lunch shift at Ed Scott’s was a quiet one. The weather was warm and I guess people were taking their lunch outdoors today. That was just fine with me. I filled Shelby in on the basics of the past few days. Breaking up with Kevin, still with Jack, and Greg’s appearance in town.

Whose life was this? I was so different than who I was three short (long?) weeks ago.

Shelby was so funny about it all. She was bummed to have missed the excitement of both Greg and Jack in the same room. She asked me what I was going to do. Who was I going to choose? I had no idea.

Shelby decided that Jack was the only one. If she only knew half of what he was like — his background, not to mention his boudoir activities. I don’t know, maybe she’d heard the rumors of his proclivities. If she had, it wouldn’t have been from me. She didn’t like Greg. She adopted the Johnny Depp philosophy:
If you love two people at the same time, choose the second one. Because if you really loved the first one, you wouldn’t have fallen for the second.

Sound philosophy, sort of. It made a lot of sense.

I took my time in the sweet spring sunshine as I walked home. I was turning over and over in my mind my situation. Stay here with my ‘single’ lifestyle? Or go home and see if Greg and I can make this work? I loved that he was trying. But I loved more that Jack just
knew
what to do. I could just sit back and enjoy the ride. Which life was my
dream life
?

I called Jess quickly to make sure she’d called her doctor. She said she was just about to. I would have to check in with her tomorrow. No way was she letting this go another day.

Just as I was passing the Six Train Metro station at Seventy-seventh and Lex, Kevin came up the stairs.

“Hey, lovely!” he said, swooping in and settling a kiss on my cheek.

“Hey yourself. You’re pretty chipper for a Monday. I thought Mondays in middle school sucked.”

“Usually they do. In fact, I had to break-up three fights, confiscate a knife, and report a bully. But seeing your face always makes me feel better.”

I shot him a smirk.

“Oh, come on,” he said tucking me under his arm.

“Where are we going?” I asked, pouting.

“Coffee. You need a pick-me-up.”

We sat in the small Lexington Avenue coffee shop. Sitting with Kevin was nice. He was such a great guy. I felt bad for having dragged him into my chaos.

“So, what have you been up to this weekend, Lizzie?” he said, setting down our coffees and turning his chair backward to sit on it and lean forward on the back of the chair.

“You wouldn’t believe it if I told you,” I grumped back.

“Hey,” he said, covering my hand with his. He looked into my eyes. “When I said I’d be your friend, I meant it. Talk.”

I searched his face, his deep brown eyes, his shadow of a beard that was starting to come out even though it wasn’t five o’clock. He did mean it.

“Greg showed up.”

“He’s in town?” he asked. “What happened? What are you going to do?”

“He showed up at work Saturday night. I had no idea he was coming in. Jack was at the bar, too. I could barely breathe. Greg and I went to dinner last night.” I took a sip of my cappuccino.

“How did that go?”

I shook my head at him. He really cared. He really wanted to know. How in the hell did I get so lucky?

“Awkward at first,” I answered. “Kind of like me talking to you about this.” I smiled at him. “Eventually we started talking more, and I let him know what I’ve been going through… mostly sexually,” I added dropping my voice. “Without all the gory details, of course.”

“Of course.” He sat back and took a sip of his coffee, studying me. “Do you think that’s why you two fell apart? The sex?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe? I’m sure sex was a big part of it. We just didn’t talk – about much of anything. I’d ask about his job and he’d give me single-word responses like “Fine,” or “Hectic,” but never really talked about what he did, or any of the stress he dealt with. He just let me do all the parenting, didn’t really get involved unless something cost too much. As for the sex, he said he thought I was like an old-fashioned lady who viewed sex as an obligation, or that I had a low libido,”