Divided (54 page)

“I can, actually,” Calis said with a bit of a smirk playing
on his lips.  “I am the prince, after all.  That gives me authority over you,
Kilik.”

For some reason, this made Katt giggle.  Calis had forgotten
she was in the room until just then.  He always seemed to neglect her
presence.  Perhaps that was why Lee had chosen her as an informant—and that was
another reason Calis thought she may already know who the Phantom Blade was. 
Kilik, however, was not amused.  “Do not try to play that card with me.  If you
wanted to act the proper role of a prince, then you should have left many suns
ago, my friend.”

A laugh escaped Calis, and he shrugged his shoulders.  Kilik
could see the playfulness, no doubt, on his face.  It only served to frustrate
him further.  “I don’t want you there without me.  That place is evil.”

“I’m aware, and I will be safe.”

Kilik had stepped away from him during the conversation, but
for whatever reason, in that moment his eyes softened.  He let out a long
breath and stared at Calis.  His eyes made Calis think of the moon in the
meadow.  His heartbeat reacted to the memories accordingly.  Since then, they’d
had plenty of intimate moments, though none had measured up to that moon. 
“Your father ought to be made to answer for his behavior,” Kilik hissed.  “What
honorable man strikes his own son?”

Ah, Calis should have known that the mild bruise might play
to his advantage.  Kilik always had been a fool for those that were less
fortunate than he was.  And, while Calis was certainly not less fortunate, the
injury gave the appearance of his being such.  “Calis’s father is a madman,”
Lee said, and there was hatefulness in his voice as well.  “A madman, who left
unchecked, will destroy this land.”

“I’m aware,” Calis said.  “Though, I don’t intend to
participate in the wild assassination attempts of my mother.”  Kilik flinched,
as he always did when Calis talked too intimately about his family.  It was as
if Kilik felt as though he didn’t have a right to know, or that he shouldn’t
have a right to know.  Calis wished he could convey how little he cared about
his family secrets.  He would have delivered them to Veyron Lassau himself if
the journey had been within his power.

Kilik breathed, though.  “You should not talk so openly
about your mother and father.  You may think you are disguised, but you never
know who may be near.”

“You are starting to sound like Lee, Kilik.”

Lee laughed, and he regarded Kilik with a certain
admiration.  Lee did not often award admiration, and it was oftentimes
interesting to see that look of pure indifference leave his countenance when he
was not addressing Calis.  “Perhaps Kilik will be good for you, yet, your
highness.”

“Perhaps,” Calis offered humorously.  His eyes found Kilik,
taking in every piece of his body.  No matter how close they were, or how many
moons they spent together—it was never enough.  The feel of another person’s
skin against Calis’s lips, the thought of Kilik holding another person, all of
it overpowered Calis’s capability to function.  “Walk with me for a moment,
Kilik?”

“Ah, certainly,” Kilik offered after only a moment of
thought.  They had come quite a ways from Kilik’s fear of even being in Calis’s
presence.  Calis found that he felt happy, still though, every time Kilik
revealed the tiniest bit of trust towards the prince. 

Calis turned to look at his advisor.  “Do you mind, Lee?”

“I couldn’t stop you if I did,” Lee teased.  The smile on
his face said that he didn’t mind, though.  That, or he’d gotten much better at
hiding his feelings.  Despite everything, for all of Lee’s telling Calis that
the relationship with Kilik was foolish, he seemed happy that they were
together for the time being.  That in itself was surprising.

Without another word, Kilik and he slipped through the
door.  Calis hoped that Katt had enough in her arsenal to keep Lee
entertained.  He didn’t require much, but Calis would hate for him to be left
to stand there awkwardly the entire time.  “I should feel worse, I think,” he
said as they put enough distance between themselves and the house, “for leaving
Lee to fend for himself in there.”

“I think it’s alright,” Kilik answered softly.  “Katt likes
him, really.  I think Katt really
quite
likes him—though, I haven’t the
slightest clue as to your advisor’s thoughts on anything.  He doesn’t reveal
much.”

Calis nodded his head.  Lee never had revealed much, even
when they were children.  He’d always been the aloof child that sat over in the
corner.  Claudia had been none too happy when Calis had taken a liking to him. 
“Indeed,” Calis said, “he has always been that way.  I think he likes her well
enough, though.”

Kilik nodded, as though he’d already known this.  Perhaps he
had—Kilik seemed more apt at reading people than Calis.  Though, the fact that
he might be better at reading Calis’s childhood friend was a little insulting. 
“Juliet is there, as well.  And we won’t be gone that long—unless you intend to
steal me away to some meadow of flowers again.”

“You have no idea how much I want to do that,” Calis said
weakly.

Suddenly, Kilik stopped and turned to him.  They were still
in the middle of people that would not approve, but as Kilik didn’t know them
as personally, he wasn’t nearly as reserved.  He pulled Calis towards him,
bringing their lips together in the gentle way that he always did.  Regardless
of the chasteness of it, Calis’s body buzzed with the feelings the soft lips
created within him.  Then, Kilik moved his lips to the forming bruise on
Calis’s cheek.  “I have never felt anger at anyone more than I do at your
father, now.”

Calis laughed, and then he very slowly pulled Kilik forward
for another kiss.  A few gossiping girls pointed, covering their mouths with
their hands and looking positively devious.  Just like noblewomen, always
pretending to act offended, though they secretly loved every moment of it. 
“Good to know that I can affect you too, then,” Calis said.

“You have no idea how much,” Kilik said weakly.  There was
that sadness that came up, without fail, every time they revealed how close
they were.  And it had not escaped Calis either, that Kilik had not returned
the confession of love.  He could see it in Kilik’s eyes, yes, but it had not
been said.  “He’s a monster,” Kilik continued, “but I… appreciate that you
tried to stop it—the war.  I don’t know how… I don’t know… if it’s even
possible.”

Calis grabbed Kilik’s arms, continuing their walk.  The
young girls seemed just a tad too interested, and intimacy always lost a little
of its flavor when an audience nearby was enjoying the view.  “The attempt was
worthless.  I don’t know why I thought, even for a moment, that it wouldn’t
be.  He has never listened to a word from me, or anyone else.”

“But you tried for me,” Kilik said, and once again, his
voice was haunted with some kind of internal conflict.  “That is… evocative. 
You are engaged to a woman, and one that I hear is very beautiful—and yet you
continue to put yourself in danger for me.”

Calis laughed.  There was no denying that Miss Avyon was
beautiful in every sense of the word.  She outshined any other noblewomen in
her presence, though noblewomen had never done much for Calis, and while he
could appreciate the beauty—he was not affected by Krystal Avyon in the least. 
“That beautiful woman means nothing to me.  She never has, and she knows it—my
father knows it too, which is why he keeps forcing this on me.  He loves
asserting that he is the one in control.”

Another few steps were had in silence, and Calis found that
he minded this silence even less than the ones with Lee.  There was something
about being with Kilik that required no words or actions, despite how furiously
Calis’s body wanted Kilik—at all times.  “Eventually, he will force a wedding,
you know.”

“I will have figured this out by then,” Calis said
confidently.  He was not going to be forced into a marriage with a woman he
didn’t love.  Not when there was somebody he did love waiting on the other side
of it for him.

Kilik smiled at the words.  “So confident, your highness.”

“Always,” Calis answered flatly.  There was strangeness in
Kilik’s demeanor, though.  There was another level there that Calis had yet to
break through.  And they didn’t seem to be moving towards it, either.  Kilik’s
worry with his nightmares seemed to outweigh anything else, and Calis was not
about to contest that.

“You know that…”  Kilik choked, as though speaking had
suddenly become incredibly painful.  For a moment, Calis stopped walking,
worried that Kilik was in physical pain.  But he resumed when he realized that
was not the case.  “You know that I… that my memories—I have them.”

“I know,” Calis said gently.

Kilik seemed distressed.  His eyes lit with a strange
emotion, and he stared at Calis with fervor that he’d very rarely
demonstrated.  “You never ask me about it, though.  You never wonder.  You
never think that those memories—the ones that I am so clearly hiding—are
dangerous to you?”

“If you are asking me if I think you are dangerous to me,
then other than the fact that you render me entirely helpless, no.  Nothing in
your past could change how I feel.  I hate that you can’t tell me the truth,
and I am still coping with the fact that one person can control my world so
completely—but I am not the least bit worried about whatever you feel you have
to hide from me.”  He took a breath, looking into those infinitely blue eyes. 
“I want you to tell me, but I will not force you.”

The younger male jerked his head to the side and let out a
frustrated sound.  “You won’t force me?  Why is it that everything you say
makes me want to be with you more?  In every moment, I am…”  He gasped for
breath, and Calis thought he saw the beginnings of tears in the blue eyes.  “I
never wanted this.  I never wanted these feelings—to have to lie to someone
that meant so much to me.  I wanted to stay away from it all, but then you-you
were there, and I couldn’t resist you—I still can’t!”

Calis moved forward, grabbing Kilik by the shoulders.  His
eyes burned with desperation as he stared into Kilik’s own.  “I will not
forsake you, Kilik.  I do not care what happens.  I promise you.”

“Forsake me,” Kilik offered a weak laugh as he repeated the
words.  “Dramatic as ever, your highness.”  The good humor was a relief, but it
also meant that Kilik was not about to disclose whatever his past held.  The
sooner he did, though, the sooner they could put it behind them.  And the
sooner Calis could remove that sadness from Kilik’s face permanently.  First,
though, they ought to focus on removing whatever was ailing Kilik in the
present.

Calis laughed again, and then he shrugged his shoulders at
the dramatic statement.  He had never been known for underplaying anything. 
“Just promise me that your past—that it has nothing to do with what is
happening to you now.”  He spoke with a choked desperation that he hadn’t meant
to put into his voice.  “Promise me you wouldn’t let this thing hurt you, just
because you’re afraid of what I’d think.”

“No,” Kilik whispered, “no, no.  I… I don’t think so. 
It’s…”  Calis’s grip on Kilik’s shoulders tightened so that their eyes were so
locked on one another that it felt like a battle was raging between the two of
them. 

“Promise me, Kilik!”

“I promise!” Kilik cried warily.  The words were sincere
enough, and in the short time that he’d known Kilik—Calis got the feeling that
the young man wasn’t actually very good at lying.  Though, he had no way of
knowing that for certain.

Their eyes flickered about one another, as if trying to see
who could find the hidden detail in the other’s eyes first.  The process must
have been more interesting for Calis, as the blue that looked uniform from a
distance was filled with so many different shades—appearing deep and bright in
the same glance—that Calis’s head spun.  “I love you, Calis,” Kilik finally
whimpered.  “No matter my past, that will remain true.”

“I know,” Calis whispered gently.  Finally, he pulled Kilik
forward, brushing a thumb along the boy’s cheek tenderly as their lips found
one another again.  This kiss was less chaste, and Calis eased his tongue into
Kilik’s mouth.  The area was familiar, or it should be, but the taste—the
feeling, it seemed new every time.  His tongue moved across every crevice, and
finally Calis’s teeth bared down on Kilik’s lower lip with gentleness.

When Calis pulled away, his mind had eased a little
further.  He thought for a moment of bringing Kilik back to that meadow—away
from all this.  He wanted nothing more than to make his lover forget everything
bad that was happening.  Kilik would never accept that, though, and thus Calis
would do what he could.  So, he took Kilik lightly by the hand and urged him
forward. 

They walked a little further, and they talked about less
pressing matters.  They could talk about the most mundane things, and Calis
found that his attention was entirely centered on Kilik and everything he had
to say.  “If you go there—to that… thing… you cannot touch it.  You have to
remember that.  No matter what you hear, or think—you cannot touch it!”

“I have no intention of sharing that rock’s fate, Kilik. 
And I will make sure Lee is aware of it, as well.  He is brilliant, though, and
I think that he could help in figuring out what that… thing is.”  Kilik
conceded this point, as there was no denying, even to the most objective of
spectators—that Lee was intelligent. 

“We should return,” Kilik stated firmly.  “If you are going
on this sun, then I’d prefer you go and leave before darkness falls.”  His
voice was one that meant there was no debating the issue.  Calis let out a
sigh.

The intense aversion that he had to leaving Kilik, for any
reason, was almost enough to make him forget that he had obligations to
uphold.  Things were so much easier here, and they were so much happier.  He
might know that he had to protect Kilik, and that something was happening
around them, but he had Kilik—and if that held, then he could handle anything. 
In the castle, though, Kilik was not there, and he was forced to pretend. 
Since meeting Kilik, the act of pretending was demanding of Calis.  “I suppose
we should,” he admitted, though.  “And Lee will be angry if I leave him for too
long.  He is very needy.”