Divided Loyalties (26 page)

‘Guess what, Grandpa?’ Olivia whispered, ‘Mam made your favourite sweet. Rhubarb crumble and ice cream and cream.’

Noel smiled at her and felt a wave of affection for his eldest granddaughter. She could never keep a secret from when she was a toddler. ‘That was very kind of her. And this is a lovely
dinner.’ He smiled at his granddaughter. Olivia had a soft heart just like her mother, he realized, wondering why he was noticing these things for the first time. Was it because they were all
going away and leaving him on his own that he was beginning to appreciate them a little more? he thought with a dart of guilt.

It was a delicious meal but he wasn’t very hungry. He was dreading their going, but of course he couldn’t say so. He sighed deeply. When Carrie had come to the house with his dinner
the day Dan had chastised him he’d apologized for upsetting her.

‘That’s OK, Dad. It’s only for two weeks. It will fly by,’ she’d said quietly.

‘I know it will and of course I really want you to enjoy yourself. You deserve it,’ he’d assured her.

‘Well, I’ll enjoy it better if I know that you’re not sitting here moping, waiting for us to come home,’ Carrie said, but her tone was kind and he knew that she
didn’t mean it as a rebuke.

‘Actually, I’m going bowling with Mrs O’Neill. She’s roped me in to their bowling group. She said they needed more men,’ he told her sheepishly.

‘Dad, that’s great news.’ She’d been delighted for him. Noel hadn’t been as enthusiastic. He wasn’t sure if bowling would be his ‘thing’, as young
people said. Mrs O’Neill had been at him for ages to join the club. It would give him some exercise instead of wearing his knees out praying, she’d said with a glint in her eye, and
he’d had to laugh.

To his surprise he’d enjoyed himself once he’d got used to making a fool of himself as he learned how to roll the ball properly. ‘It’s all in the flick of the
wrist,’ his neighbour informed him as she knocked the skittles for six.

He now went bowling two afternoons a week. It was enjoyable to be in the company of his peers. The conversations were interesting. Some of the men were widowers like him and he’d begun to
realize from listening to their chat that he was extremely lucky the way Carrie and Dan took care of him and supported him. One rotund chap a little older than himself confided that he lived on
tinned steak and kidney pie and Smash. His children rarely came to visit; and he’d spent Christmas alone. Noel felt so sorry for him that he’d invited him to accompany him to
Malone’s for lunch one day when Carrie was away. The fellow ought to eat properly a couple of times a week at least, and Dan had said the food in Malone’s was good.

At least he’d have his bowling and his lunch appointment to keep him occupied while he was on his own, he comforted himself, lost in thought.

‘Eat up there, Dad,’ Carrie urged, noticing that he hadn’t cleared his plate.

‘You gave me a lot,’ he protested.

‘That’s to keep you going until we get back, Grandpa,’ Davey teased. ‘You’ll be sure to feed my fish, won’t you?’

‘Indeed I will, Davey. Don’t worry your head about them. They’ll get the best of attention,’ his grandfather assured him. ‘Now take plenty of photos for me.
I’ll be very interested to hear all about your holiday.’

‘I’m going to take
loads,
Grandpa. I’ve got three films. And we’re bringing the video as well so we’ll have a video and photo night when we come
home,’ Davey said earnestly. ‘How is your bowling league going?’

‘Well, would you believe, we were playing St Mel’s on Tuesday and I managed to win a few points for the team and we won,’ Noel said proudly.

‘Deadly, Grandpa,’ Davey enthused, much to his grandfather’s delight. His grandson was a great little chap, he thought with uncharacteristic pride.

Dan arrived home just as Carrie was clearing away the dinner plates, and took his place at the table. ‘Sorry I’m late. Did you enjoy your special dinner, Mr Mac?’ he asked
cheerfully.

One thing about his son-in-law, he didn’t hold things against you, Noel reflected. Dan had treated him just as he normally did since their recent early-morning conversation. ‘It was
very tasty and much appreciated. And now I’d like to show my appreciation,’ he said, clearing his throat awkwardly. He reached into his jacket pocket and took out four envelopes, one
marked ‘Carrie and Dan’ and the other three each with one of the children’s names on it. He handed them round. ‘Open them,’ he urged.

‘Oh my
God
, Grandpa!’ Olivia exclaimed dramatically, as five notes fluttered out of her envelope. ‘That’s five tens in paper money. I’m
really
rich.’ She had recently made the discovery that paper money was much better than coins.

‘Oh, Dad!’ Carrie exclaimed as she opened theirs and saw four fifty euro notes. ‘That’s far too much.’

‘Mam, look. I got the same as Olivia.’ Davey waved his around exuberantly. Such riches. He couldn’t wait for his holidays. His other grandparents had given him cash as well and
he’d been saving hard. He was the richest boy in his class at the moment. Even Willie O’Shea whose dad was a doctor, and who was usually loaded with money, hadn’t as much as Davey
had right now.

‘Dad, really,’ Carrie protested. ‘There’s no need to—’

Noel held up his hand. ‘Stop. Carrie, this is going to be the holiday of a lifetime for you, Dan and the children and I’d like to make my contribution towards it.’ He cleared
his throat again. ‘I’d like to take this opportunity to say how much I appreciate . . . umm . . . how much I appreciate all your . . . er . . . love and kindness.’ He flushed a
deep beetroot red, unused to such speeches.

‘Oh, Dad.’ Carrie had tears in her eyes. ‘We’re glad to have you with us.’

‘You’re part of our family, Mr Mac.’ Dan patted him kindly on the shoulder.

‘You’re our Grandpa,’ Davey said stoutly, hugging his grandfather. Noel hugged him back awkwardly. He had a strange feeling in his heart. An emotion he wasn’t used to. He
felt he could almost cry, he thought in panic. Hannah toddled over to him and gave him one of her dollies.

‘Thank you, pet,’ he managed, glad when they all laughed and the tension was broken.

‘We’ve another surprise for you,’ Olivia said smugly. ‘Haven’t we, Mam?’

‘We sure have,’ Carrie agreed. She went over to one of her cupboards and took out a plate on which reposed a large iced chocolate cake, decorated with Smarties and a small almond
paste nest with little sweet eggs in it. ‘It’s your Easter cake,’ she said brightly and he instantly realized that she still felt guilty about going away on holiday. And the only
reason she felt guilty was because he’d made her feel it with his martyr act, he acknowledged, in a rare moment of self-awareness. Carrie didn’t deserve that, he admitted, feeling a
sudden surge of shame.

‘Oh my goodness, I can’t possibly wait until Easter Sunday to eat this, and I’ll certainly need some help,’ he exclaimed, hastily brushing away his very uncomfortable
feelings. His grandchildren reacted with delight.

‘Yippee!’ yelled Davey who
adored
chocolate cake.

‘I just knew you’d say that, Grandpa,’ Olivia assured him. ‘Can I have a piece of the nest?’

‘Well, just a small bit, now,’ warned Carrie. ‘Don’t forget we’re going very early in the morning and we don’t want any sore tummies.’

‘Just a small slice each then, Carrie,’ Noel urged, winking at Davey and wishing that he didn’t feel so ashamed. It was a feeling he wasn’t used to. It was
most
uncomfortable.

‘I think we should put a candle on it and sing “For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow” to Grandpa,’ Olivia suggested, always ready for a bit of theatre.

‘Terrific idea,’ Dan agreed. ‘Candle please, wife.’

‘Certainly, husband.’ She smiled, loving him for the way he always did his best to make Noel feel cherished and welcome. She placed the candle in the centre of the cake and lit it
and they all sang loudly and lustily, much to Noel’s embarrassment.

After they’d had a cup of tea and a slice of the scrumptious cake, Noel reluctantly stood up and put his coat on. ‘I should be off. You’ve things to do and you need to get to
bed early. Will you give this envelope to Chloe for me and wish her a happy Easter? And I got a little bottle of perfume for Shauna. I hope she likes it. I asked Mrs O’Neill’s
advice.’ He handed Carrie another envelope and a small package.

‘I will of course, Dad. Say goodnight to Grandpa, everyone, and wish him a happy Easter and thank him for all that money,’ Carrie said to the children. They crowded round him,
hugging him and kissing him.

‘Gank you.’ Hannah hugged his leg and he bent down and picked her up.

‘Will you give your old grandpa a curl?’ he asked, smiling at her upturned little face, which was just now eager for fun.

She loved that game and tugged at one of her copper curls and patted his head with her palm. ‘There, Gankgank,’ she said kindly, chuckling as he gave her one back.

‘She’s a grand little girl,’ he said to Carrie, his eyes bright with emotion.

‘See you soon and take care of yourself.’ Dan held out his hand and gripped Noel’s in a firm handshake.

‘Have a good holiday, Dan,’ Noel said sincerely, handing Hannah over to him.

‘I will.’ His son-in-law smiled back at him and Noel realized yet again what a solid, kind man his daughter had married. Dan was not the sort of man who would make someone feel
guilty, he thought, another wave of shame washing over him.

‘I’ll walk you to the car, Dad,’ Carrie murmured, leading the way to the hall and opening the front door.

It was a balmy spring evening. Wisps of cloud were tinted pink and gold and the trees sported their new spring coats as buds of white and pink blossoms burst out effervescently. The breeze off
the sea was only slightly chilly and there was definitely the merest hint of the summer to come in the air.

‘I’ll phone you tomorrow when we land in Schiphol and I’ll ring you from Shauna’s when we arrive. And we’ll keep in touch,’ she assured him.

‘I appreciate that, Carrie, but don’t be worrying about me, I’ll be grand. Enjoy your holiday and we’ll have a good night when you get back and you can tell me all about
it,’ he said heartily, hating having to say goodbye to her.

‘Just be sure to defrost your dinners the night before and make certain they’re thoroughly heated,’ she instructed.

‘I will and . . . er . . . thank you.’ His grey eyes met hers and a flash of affection passed between them. For the first time in his life he held out his arms and drew her to him in
a hug.

They held each other tightly for a brief moment and he patted her back awkwardly as he felt her tears against his cheeks. ‘We’ll be home before you know it,’ she gulped, trying
not to cry.

‘I know that. Have a good time now,’ he murmured, before drawing away from her and getting into the car. She stood waving forlornly and he rolled down his window and waved back at
her, his eyes blurry.

It was a miracle that he got home without having an accident, he thought as he drove into his drive, stricken with such unexpected emotions. The last time he’d felt this lonely was when
Anna had died.

He locked the car and was about to go into his house when Mrs O’Neill called to him.

Not now
, he thought in desperation, but he couldn’t ignore the woman. He walked slowly over to the small wall that divided their properties.

‘Are you all right, Noel?’ She looked at him in concern, noting his watery eyes.

He swallowed hard. ‘Just saying goodbye to Carrie,’ he mumbled.

Comprehension dawned. ‘Ah yes, but sure it’s only two weeks and I’ll keep an eye on you,’ she said reassuringly, her bright blue eyes kind and concerned. It was the last
straw. Tears welled up in Noel’s eyes and he gave a strangled little sob.

‘Sorry, sorry,’ he muttered, mortified, and turned away.

‘Ah you poor old craythur,’ Mrs O’Neill exclaimed. ‘Come in to me this minute and we’ll have a cup of tea. I know
exactly
what you’re going through.
I go through it every time mine come home from abroad and have to go away again.’

‘I don’t want to put you to trouble,’ Noel sniffled.

‘What are you talking about, trouble? Aren’t you me next-door neighbour and haven’t we been through a lot down the years? Come in now and get it off your chest and you’ll
feel the better of it,’ she urged.

And somehow, knowing that Mrs O’Neill understood what it was like to be lonely helped him enormously and it ceased to bother him that he’d made a show of himself crying in front of
her. He followed her into her neat little kitchen and sat at her kitchen table and didn’t feel as alone as he’d feared he’d be.

As for the feelings of guilt and shame, he wouldn’t think about them any more. It was too uncomfortable. He could deal with feelings of loneliness better and besides, it felt good to have
Mrs O’Neill feeling sorry for him. No-one else did. He couldn’t help the feelings of self-pity that washed over him. His life was difficult enough. There was no point in being too hard
on himself, he decided as he took the cup of hot, sweet tea from his neighbour and bit into one of her delicious cherry buns.

‘I can’t believe you’re finally here. I’m so excited.’ Shauna hugged the daylights out of Carrie, who had tears in her eyes as she hugged her
sister back tightly. ‘Oh my God, look at the size of Hannah. Oh, darling, aren’t you beautiful?’ She knelt down to the toddler who was yawning her head off in her buggy.
‘And Davey and Olivia. Quick! Give me a hug.’

‘Come on, Shauna, let’s get these poor travellers home,’ Greg suggested as his wife was enveloped in a flurry of hugs.

‘We brought you the King crisps and Club Milks and lots of other treats,’ Olivia informed her aunt breathlessly, surfacing from her bear hug.

‘And some Barry’s tea bags,’ Davey added.

‘
Barry’s tea bags!
Did you hear that, Greg? Let’s go home and put on the kettle.’ Shauna laughed, thrilled to be surrounded by her beloved family.

‘That sounds like a great idea to me.’ Dan angled the laden trolley towards the exit.