Divided Souls (18 page)

P
erhaps he was never going to speak. And that would be fine. If Darke never spoke, maybe Cassie would never have to think about any of this. She’d just sit here till the end of time, on this richly upholstered Ottoman sofa, knees together and hands clasped tightly, while Sir Alric leaned against the arched stone window frame and stared out across the green garden and the sea to the dusky Istanbul skyline.

‘I did a terrible thing when I brought Jake Johnson to this school.’

Oh well. The silence couldn’t last for ever.

‘It’s too late to think that.’ She ought to add something like
You couldn’t have known
or
It wasn’t your fault
. But she couldn’t say anything like that. Not right now. She had absolutely no problem with sharing the guilt, especially with a man like Sir Alric Darke. He was more than equally culpable. And if she felt the full weight of it all herself then she’d implode. Every time she closed her eyes she saw Jake’s limp body, the terrible angle of it … the blood. Sometimes she thought she’d never sleep again.

She wanted to press Sir Alric for every detail about Jake, but somehow she couldn’t bring herself to do it.

‘How did you find out, Cassie? About the Pendant?’

She met his gaze. ‘What do you mean? Richard called me, saying he and Ranjit were going to meet, but by the time I got to Hagia Sophia, Ranjit was crazy. I didn’t know it had anything to do with the stupid Pendant.’

He didn’t blink. He watched her eyes for a long and steady minute, but at last let it go. She was confident now that he believed she knew nothing about the artefacts’ true nature.

‘You should not have let Ranjit leave, Cassie.’

‘Yeah, so you said.’

He turned, clearly irritated, but he couldn’t look at her directly.

‘He’s had some sort of a breakdown. Anything might happen to him.’

‘He’s himself again, I told you.’ And you, she thought, are still keeping things from me. Perhaps he always had.

‘The boy has killed three people. Who knows what’s going through his head right now?’

‘That’s why I would never have forced him back. Even if I could. He wasn’t himself then. He felt guilty enough.’ She sat back on the sofa, hugging herself, but not dropping her fierce gaze.

‘Oh, you could have stopped him. I think we both know that. You’ve let your misguided loyalties get in the way of bringing Ranjit to justice.’ He lowered himself into his desk chair, his angry gaze holding Cassie’s. ‘And in any case, why, Ms Bell, would Richard have gone to see Ranjit alone?’

‘I don’t know,’ she lied. She knew at least part of the reason. He wanted to help Cassie, to prove his worth.

‘It’s an absolute mess.’ Sir Alric’s eyes held a faraway look now. Probably worried about answering to the Council, Cassie thought with no sympathy. ‘Isabella was out of her mind, smuggling Jake into the school,’ Darke continued. ‘What did she hope to achieve?’

‘I doubt she wanted to
achieve
anything. She loved him. She wanted to see him, she wanted to help him. What’s so terrible about that?’ she said, her jaw tense.

‘Look how this has ended, Cassandra.’

‘That’s not Isabella’s fault. Don’t think you can dump our guilt on
her
.’ Cassie stood up and walked to the bookshelf. She could still sense the Few manuscript, behind the old leather spines, hidden in its safe.

He gave a small sigh. ‘How is Ms Caruso faring, in any case?’

‘The doctor gave her sedatives. Her parents are coming to get her this afternoon.’ There was nothing else to add. How was Isabella? She dreaded to think. As for what Sir Alric planned to tell the world about Jake’s death: Cassie didn’t care. That was his problem, and one he richly deserved. Let him try and cover it up again.

But there was someone she did still care about. ‘Will Richard be OK?’

‘Yes. Though it was a close call. Without the Tears, he would have died.’

‘Yeah, I know,’ she said wryly, remembering the injection she herself had received at the start of the previous term. ‘Those Tears are strong stuff.’

‘Astonishingly strong stuff,’ he murmured.

Cassie eyed him closely. She was desperate to ask what he had done with the Knife, and the Pendant, but she held her tongue.

‘In any case,’ Sir Alric said, standing once more, ‘I suggest you get back to classes, or people will begin to speculate on your absence.’

‘Right. Because they’re not talking already at all.’

He opened the door and stepped back. ‘It will work out, Cassie.’

She walked past him without a backward glance. His promises meant as much as his version of truth. She felt his stare, and even some odd sense of his regret, but she didn’t once turn back to look at him.

The Asian side of Istanbul looked almost close enough to touch. Drinking strong black coffee, Cassie and Richard sat silently, overawed by the view of the massive Rumelihisari Fort and the narrow blue neck of the Bosphorus.

‘They used to call it “Throat-Cutter” when they built it,’ remarked Richard, sitting back in his wooden chair and staring at the fort. ‘Must’ve been impossible to get past it.’

‘Seems appropriate.’ Cassie smiled at him. He seemed strangely subdued, and in the mood for gloomy introspection. It wasn’t like him, but it was understandable.

Still hungry, she glanced at Richard’s untouched plate, and with a brief wink he slid it across the flowered tablecloth. Hesitating only for a moment, she shrugged and tucked into what was left of his white cheese, bread and olives. Breakfast at the breezy wooden café tasted like the best she’d ever eaten. It must be the fresh sea air, and the long taxi ride … and the narrow escape from death. Again.

For some of them, at least.

But she was trying not to think about Jake, and Isabella, just for the moment. She couldn’t. If she did she’d go mad. Closing her eyes briefly, she inhaled the salty breeze. Guilt or no guilt, it was good to be alive.

‘Thanks, Cassie.’

She stopped chewing. ‘You don’t have to keep saying it. Honestly.’

‘Not for that. I mean, for not telling Sir Alric about the Jess thing.’

‘How do you know I didn’t?’ she said, smiling a little.

Richard rested his elbows on the table. ‘He had me into his office for a debrief yesterday afternoon. If he’d known about Jess, about me delaying Ranjit … I’d have been gone by this morning. Out on my ear. You know that.’

‘Couldn’t do it to you.’ She shrugged, then added quietly, ‘I’ve lost enough friends.’

‘Well, thanks. Especially since I
deserve
to be out on my ear.’

Cassie dropped her chunk of bread on to the plate and clasped her hands. ‘Richard … could you not have told me earlier? It would have explained such a lot.’

And, she didn’t add, it might have helped her persuade Jake of Ranjit’s innocence, long before any of this had happened. Things might have turned out differently. But Richard must know that. She wouldn’t rub it in.

‘I’ve tried to tell you. Really. It was never the right moment.’ He gave a rueful smile. ‘When would it ever have been?’

‘I know. I understand, I do. I just wish you’d trusted me enough to try and explain.’

‘But I did try. Remember that night on the beach? I was this close to telling you. And then …’

She raked a hand through her hair, biting her lip hard. ‘Oh God, of course. And then Yusuf’s corpse washed up. Of course. I’m sorry.’

‘And then in your room the other night, when we were looking at that printout? I tried again then but … we got distracted.’

She found herself blushing, remembering that impetuous kiss and the way it had made her feel.

Suddenly Richard looked alarmed. ‘I didn’t know, Cassie. I didn’t
know
what Katerina was planning, or I’d
never
have been involved. You believe that, don’t you?’

She met his eyes. ‘Yes. I do, Richard.’

He bowed his head and rubbed his temples. ‘I’ll never forgive myself for that. Or for … for having put you in this position in the first place. I thought … I thought I was doing a good thing, getting you initiated, but—’

Reaching across the table, she placed her hand against his cheek. ‘It’s OK, Richard. It wasn’t you who killed Jess; it was Katerina and Keiko. And as for what happened with me. Well …’ She sighed. ‘It’s water under the bridge now. It’s OK.’

‘It’s not. But I’ll have to live with it.’ He gazed up at her, then placed his own hand over hers, holding her there.

‘Richard.’

She should pull away now, she really should. It wasn’t appropriate, it wasn’t … a good idea. But she couldn’t pull back, physically couldn’t. It wasn’t like the maniacal attraction between her and Ranjit, that impossible magnetism, not like that. But still she couldn’t draw away. It felt too good. Too tempting.

Richard leaned across and as she watched his eyes, he licked his lips slowly and took a breath.

And then his mouth, warm and soft, was pressed against hers.

A sense of longing constricted her heart, combined with an electric thrill of lust. Almost involuntarily, her arm slipped around behind his neck, prolonging the kiss, his silky hair entwined into her fingers. She sought out his tongue, gave a small muffled gasp, and felt him pull her yearningly closer. But after a moment – a long, delicious moment – she drew reluctantly away. Her lips still tingled, but as she looked into Richard’s eyes, it hit her once and for all that this wasn’t really what she wanted.
He
wasn’t really
who
she wanted. Guilt prickled at her conscience.

‘Still too soon for me, buster,’ she murmured. ‘Too soon.’

To her surprise, he nodded. ‘Yeah. I know.’ His fingers were still curled around hers, and she didn’t pull her hand away. A lock of his hair had fallen down over his right eye, and he was wearing that old roguish grin. ‘Just registering my interest.’

Her breath caught at his directness. ‘Cheeky.’

‘And there was one other thing,’ he said, his grin fading.

‘Yeah?’

‘I thought I should let you know that I love you.’

She burned her throat on her coffee. ‘You what?’

‘You heard.’ He smiled at her expression before continuing. ‘If you need me, Cassie, I’ll be there. Right? But I promise you, no pressure. I don’t expect anything other than friendship. And I’m sorry for everything I’ve done. But I’d spend a lifetime making it up to you.’ He stood to go.

‘Uh. Richard …’

‘Yes?’

Well …? Richard what? Cassie shut her eyes and shook her head. That was two guys declaring their love in the space of a few days, and neither of them was a real possibility. One was on the run for murder, the other was …

The other wasn’t Ranjit.

Cassie sighed deeply. She was on her own, whether she liked it or not. And she didn’t. But that was life.

‘Hey!’ Richard interrupted, seeing her distress. ‘Didn’t I quite literally
just
say no pressure? I meant it, Cassie. And I mean the rest of it, too.’

Part of her wanted to throw herself into his arms, grab him and hang on to him, but Richard had already turned away and was walking out of the door, tossing a few bills to the café owner with a smile.

Getting her breath back, Cassie leaned on the table and stared out determinedly at the sea and the Asian shore. She wouldn’t run after him. Though it would be so much simpler if she could …

No, no, my dear! Your first instinct was correct. Good gods,
how could you even dream of—?

Cassie jerked straighter. Despite herself she had to muffle a chuckle. It was the injured bearing, the distinct tone of mortified pride.

‘What’s the problem, Estelle?’ she murmured.

My dear! You know very well!

‘No. Tell me.’

She could almost feel the spirit bristling.
We’re strong,
Cassie! We need only each other!

Cassie didn’t reply.

If someone wants to divide us, Cassie, we must be united
against them. Against HIM. There’s no room for yearning.

The morning sun on the water’s surface was so blinding, Cassie had to shut her eyes against it. She didn’t want to see anything, anyway. Didn’t want to hear any more from Estelle, and certainly didn’t want to think.

Ranjit.

Where was he? she wondered. Was he in hiding, miserable and guilt-ridden and scared? Or perhaps he’d recovered from the guilt, perhaps he was walking the streets, throwing caution to the wind, proud and disdainful, presenting a haughty face to the world and feeding where he liked? She shook her head. That seemed unlikely.

Was he thinking about her at all? Or had pure survival taken over?

It was good, at least, to know one thing for sure: she’d see him again. Of that she was certain. Had to be. She didn’t know the circumstances, she didn’t know if they’d be lovers, or killers, or both. Maybe they’d end up killing each
other
, once and for all …

Cassie opened her burning eyes, searching the bright morning Bosphorus for the hazy silhouette of the Academy.

For now Ranjit was lost, and so was their future. But she knew now, and there was no denying it to herself, that he was the one she wanted. Someday – maybe soon – she was going to find him again.

And then she would find their future, too. They’d be together, or it was all for nothing, everything they’d sacrificed. However brief, however deadly that time may be. She was certain now. They had to be together.