Divine Phoenix (26 page)

“
Yeah
?” Her tone assured him she was imagining just that before she blinked her eyes and chuckled. “We’re putting the cart before the horse, aren’t we?”

“Maybe, but now that I’ve gotten started thinking about it, the ideas are coming to me.” Lily would be blushing to her roots if she knew what sort of ideas were coming to him.

Changing the subject, Lily said, “You were happy about sleeping all night last night. Are you having nightmares or insomnia?”

“Both. The insomnia is brought on by the nightmares.”

“I know I offered before, but do you want to talk about it? I don’t mind talking with you about what happened to me. It could help.”

“Lily, answer me one question honestly. When you told me what happened before, you gave me the glossed-over version, without all the heartache, pain, and emotions that went along with it, right?”

Lily paused for a moment before nodding slowly. “Right. Yes, I suppose so.”

“There’s no way for me to gloss over what happened. I don’t want to talk about it with you because no one should have to hear about the things I’ve seen…and heard. I don’t want to put those memories in your head, knowing how they haunt me. I don’t want to do that to you.”

Lily bit her lip and hesitated before asking, “Del, were you required to do bad things that you didn’t want to? I know sometimes—”

“No. I was justified in any action
I
took, but I had to stand by and do nothing when every fiber in me wanted to take action. I was duty-bound.”

Lily leaned against the other side of the counter, facing him, and replied, “Okay, but maybe it would help you to leave it behind if you told an impartial person…or maybe wrote it down. You could write everything on paper and then we could burn it or shred it.”

Del didn’t think it was that simple or easy, but he could see the concern in her eyes and her obvious desire to help. “I’ll give that some thought.” Honestly, her idea was worth trying because working himself into a state of exhaustion wasn’t cutting it.

Clay called while the chicken and dumplings were simmering, apparently to flirt with Lily, if Del was going by how many times she blushed while she had the phone to her ear.

Supper was another feast, just like the night before, and he was stuffed when they settled down in front of the television, only to discover that the thing no longer worked. The television had sat derelict in the ranch house from one season to the next for eight years, so it wasn’t surprising that it didn’t work anymore. They wound up playing Chickenfoot with the old sets of dominoes he’d discovered in the second bedroom while cleaning.

Del thought they had more fun talking and playing than they would have in front of the television but told her they’d go shopping for a new one the following week.

Lily yawned at ten o’clock. “I imagine that tomorrow night at the sleepover is going to be a late night so I’d better get my rest. Mind if I say good night now?”

“Not at all. I’ve got a lot to do tomorrow if we’re going to be gone all weekend, so I understand.”

But I’d stay up all night with you if that’s what you wanted.

Lily rose from her chair at the table and hesitated. He caught her hand and twined their fingers and waited while she seemed to have trouble putting the right words together.

“I feel guilty that you’re sleeping in your recliner.”

Drawing her hand to his lips, Del replied, “Don’t. I slept there most nights before you came. It’s no bother.” Lifting his eyes to hers, he added, “You know where I’ll be if you need me though.”

Lily’s lips parted as if she wanted to speak again, but she bit her lip and then nodded. He stroked her palm and released her hand. He knew why she hesitated but was powerless to do anything that wouldn’t make her feel guilty when she was forced to reject the idea of him joining her in bed.

Damn that tattoo!

He rose from the chair and looked into her eyes as she whispered, “Good night, cowboy.” She tried to hide it, but he could sense her disappointment.

With an index finger tucked under her chin, he tipped her head up and kissed her gently. Her shuddering sigh brushed his lips, and he flicked his tongue at her lower lip and nibbled it lightly as he sank his fingertips into the silky strands of hair at the nape of her warm neck.

He released her lips and looked into her expressive golden-brown eyes. “We have time, Lily Bell. There’s no need to rush.” His cock tingled as if reminding him that it disagreed.

Looking more disappointed than she probably realized, Lily nodded. “You’re right, I know. Good night.”

He’d just drifted off to sleep later that evening when he was awakened by a strange noise.

Del rose from the recliner and padded on silent feet down the hall. As he approached the open bedroom door, he could hear her panting breaths. He looked at the bed, illuminated in moonlight. This time Lily wasn’t sleeping peacefully. Her rapid breathing sounded desperate. Frantic.

He grimaced at the low, despairing moan that came from her as she lay still under the sheets and blankets, obviously fighting her demons in her sleep. He knew that powerless feeling. Unable to move, to fight, to flee, or even scream.

Without further inner debate, he went to the bed and sat down beside her. She moaned again, sounding like a trapped animal. Knowing the desperation to take action in a dream and feeling immobilized, he stroked her bare arm and shoulder. She didn’t calm and seemed to grow even more fearful in her dream.

It registered after a few seconds of stroking that her skin was bare. Feeling like a bastard as his cock hardened while he soothed her, he drew the sheet aside and saw that her upper chest was bare. She’d gone to bed naked.

He looked over and saw her gown and robe on the end of the bed. What must she have been thinking as she slipped from them with the bedroom door open, before climbing into his bed nude? The thought stiffened his cock even further as he caressed her arm again.

She shifted in the bed, finally able to move, and he knew what was coming. As the paralysis of deep sleep left her, the ability to move and react returned to her. He could hear both pain and fear in each panting breath.

Let it out, Lily Bell. Let it out for both of us.

Her hands clenched into fists, she fought the covers, took a deep gulping breath, and screamed until his eardrums vibrated. She kicked at the covers as though she were fighting an attacker, flinging them aside and scissoring her legs as though she were trying to gain purchase and jump from the bed.

He turned the switch on the lamp so she would not awaken in the dark and be even more terrified. To keep her safe as she fought, he anchored her hips to the bed and that was when he looked down and saw the dark tattoo inked into her otherwise beautiful body. In the dim light he could also make out the faint line of an old scar beneath her left breast. He hazarded a guess that it was from a knife wound.

He tucked his chin into his chest to stifle the deep growl that threatened to erupt at such heinous marks on this gentle, loving woman. He placed his hand over her warm abdomen and wished there was a way to make the tattoo disappear so she’d never have to see it again.

Sobbing loudly she fought his hands, exhaled as though she were drowning, and let out a desperate-sounding, drawn-out wail. “No! Oh, God!
No
!”

His ears rang with the sound of her anguished cry.

She suddenly froze, and her eyes opened, moving wildly, probably unsure if she was still dreaming or was now awake. She focused on him, then the lamp, then looked horrified when she realized where his hand lay, atop the brand of her ex-husband.

Her head flopped back to the pillow, and he felt her shudder under his hand as a great heaving sob erupted from her throat.

* * * *

Lily tried to roll away from Del, but he wouldn’t allow it, keeping her pinned in place. Her closed eyes burned with tears, and she could feel his gaze on the mark as he lifted his hand from her lower abdomen. She couldn’t bear the look of disgust she’d see there, so she turned her face away. The tears and sobs came in great waves, breaking from her as though a dam inside her had finally been breached.

She felt his hand at her jaw, turning her so she faced him, and he whispered to her in the softest voice, “Lily, look at me.”

She tried to open her eyes, but she couldn’t. The pity or disgust on his face would slay her if she did. This would be the end of them. Every time he looked at her he would remember the mark she bore and know that she had allowed it to be done to her.

Stupid fool!

Shame burned in her heart as she tried to turn away from him. Del wouldn’t allow it though. “Lily, look at me now,” he commanded.

His tone allowed no opposition, and she blinked through hot tears until her wavy vision cleared. When she focused on him, she was taken aback by the anger she saw burning in his normally calm gray-green eyes. His jaw was set like granite, and for a moment she was scared. Of what, she wasn’t sure.

“Thirty minutes alone with him. That’s all I want, Lily. For you. Just thirty minutes with that bastard son of a bitch.” She gasped when he laid his hand on her abdomen, and it felt like it was searing away the unhealed wound that the tattoo was to her. “He’ll
beg
me to call the police to come and get his ass when I’m done with him.”

He stared at her with a look she couldn’t discern for several seconds before seeming to come to a decision. More tears blurred her vision as he stood. She dropped her gaze, knowing he’d walk out now. He’d seen it. JT’s name permanently inked into her skin. The pity and disgust would be unbearable coming from someone she wanted as much as him.

This night had started so differently. She’d removed her gown and slipped into bed naked so she might dream of sleeping bare in his arms. She was naked, all right, all the way down to her soul.

A sudden movement made her gasp, and she looked up as he whipped off his T-shirt and climbed into the bed next to her, dressed only in his flannel pajama pants.

She scooted back and whispered, “What are you doing?”

“What I should’ve done last night.” He switched the lamp off, bathing the room in the moonlight shining through the bedroom windows. He turned back to her, his muscular shoulders and chest a palette of light and shadows as he shifted and turned to her. “Come here,” he whispered in a quiet, but authoritative tone.

The speed with which she complied surprised her. He wrapped his arms around her, and she realized she was shaking as he squeezed her tightly. Plastering her face against his pectorals, she shuddered as her bare flesh came into full contact with his big, strong body. She felt ready to come out of her skin as the shakes got even worse, and he crooned to her. The sympathetic sound did her in, and another wave of grief washed through her.

Del held her, just as his brother had held her the night of the storm, comforting her. Was this what it meant to be wanted by two men? To be comforted by two men? If Del had seen the mark and could stand to touch her, perhaps Clay would do the same.

“How did it happen?” Shame washed through her again, and she shook her head as she remembered her ignorant compliance to JT’s wishes. “Let it out, Lily.”

If she expected Del to open up to her about the demons of his past that he was trying to outrun, she knew she should trust him and do the same thing. Running from evils of the past was fruitless. He already knew about the tattoo, the part of this whole situation that bothered her the most. The story needed telling.

“I told him how proud I was to be with him, to be his wife. I loved that he took such control of me. I—I loved that he was demanding. He had a sadistic streak and even that didn’t turn me off. It…meshed with something inside of me. When he told me I was his and he wanted me to bear the mark of his love forever, I was all for it.” She swallowed past the urge to vomit at the words. “I never even questioned him.”

“You gave him your complete trust.” The muscles in his shoulder were tense under her hand as she held on to him.

She nodded. “Every bit of me trusted him. I loved him. I’m ashamed now that I did, but I trusted him completely.” A sob slipped from her with the admission. Del squeezed her tightly again, and she felt the muscles in her back relax just a bit as he stroked her there.

“Keep going. Tell me all of it.”

“I was excited when the day came and we went to see his friend who was a tattoo artist. I’d never met him or been to his shop before. JT said he wanted to surprise me and asked me to trust him. I laid there as the artist replicated the drawing he gave him, sight unseen. JT stood over him and watched, approving the whole time. I couldn’t wait to see it.”

The memory of removing the bandage above her mound that night and seeing her reflection as JT stood over her watching made her shudder with revulsion.

“JT watched as I got my first look in the mirror at home. I looked up into his eyes after I saw what he’d done to me, and, Del, I swear I saw Satan in his eyes. Something in him changed that night. He took me—”
No, don’t tell him that!
“Things were different from then on. I was scared of him after that.”

“Wait, Lily. He ‘took’ you…What were you going to say?” He sounded like he was gritting his teeth. When she remained silent, her mind flooding with painful memories, he stroked her jaw. “Will you trust me, Lily?”

Who deserved her trust more than this man? She’d stupidly trusted the wrong man, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t trust Del and his brother. “He took me by the hair and dragged me to bed. He was rough with me that night and I don’t mean in a good way. I think he had a rapist fantasy he liked to play out with me. He acted on it several times that night.”

Del’s entire body shook as he held her, his touch gentle as though he sought to make up for the way JT had treated her.

She reached out and cupped his cheek. “I absolutely
hate
that you know about the tattoo, and that you’ve seen it. It’s a horrible, horrible thing. I’ll never forget how I felt when I realized what he’d done, making it a mirror image so I could read it every time I looked in the mirror. I h–hate it.” Her voice broke, and he pressed his forehead against hers.

“Maybe something can be done about it. I want to do permanent damage to him for what he made you suffer.”

How could they not question the fact that she’d stayed with JT as long as she had? She gave voice to the fear that had been uppermost in her mind as she’d worried over telling either of them her story. “I feel at least partially responsible for the shape I was in when I arrived in Divine. I was compliant in the way he treated me. I should’ve left years ago. I was married to him for
twelve
years.”

“You feel responsible?”

“No. But I do feel complicitous. It took me twelve years to act. Do you have any idea how stupid I feel for waiting that long? For defending him every time I had to go to the hospital and tell them that I had fallen
again
? I was mortified at the thought of either you or Clay seeing the tattoo. There was no easy way to explain it and it’s obvious I held still for it. How can I explain that without looking like a fool?”

“You trusted him. There was a part of his personality that appealed to you but underneath he was evil. I’m sorry, Lily. I wish I’d known.”

“What could you have done?”

She would’ve been too ashamed to call old friends she’d lost touch with years before to rescue her, but she wished that she’d considered it. As it was she’d felt totally alone.

“We would’ve come and gotten you. We would’ve defended you. We
will
defend you if he ever shows up here.” Del tucked her head against his shoulder under his chin and whispered, “I almost hope he does show up, so I can show him what happens when he picks on someone his own size. Just thirty minutes alone with him. That’s all I want.”

“You wouldn’t kill him, would you?” She’d just found Del, and she couldn’t risk losing him now.

“No. But I’d make him wish he were dead before I was finished with him.” A growl rumbled in his chest. “I want you to know what it feels like to trust a good man.” He eased her to her back and loomed over her. “Two good men, actually.”

His body was pressed to hers from head to toe as he tilted his head and pressed a trail of warm, damp kisses beneath her jaw to below her ear. Her body turned to languid heat beneath him as the seconds stretched out and his lips lingered before drifting in a tantalizingly slow path to her collarbone. Shivers rippled over her as she tensed with anticipation.

She wondered if perhaps Clay had shared about her sensitive collarbones with Del when he chuckled and, instead of traveling down to that sensitive area, he moved across her throat and pressed kisses beneath her other ear. She groaned plaintively, and he shifted over her, making her aware of the large, stiff ridge pressing against her hip.

Her pussy responded with a rush of heat and swelling arousal. She slid her arms around Del’s back and pressed her lips against his shoulder. Like Clay, he felt solid and comforting, but his physique and build were different, leaner and hard muscled from years in the service.

The sandy-blond scruff on his jaw and upper lip tickled as he rubbed it lightly against her throat, and she was struck by the disparity of emotions she’d experienced in the last few minutes and felt almost manic with the desire to please him. She slid her hand between them and caressed what she could of his hard, hot length, but he had it mashed against her.

He lifted her hand to his shoulder, and she wrapped her arms around his neck as she pressed her breasts against this chest. He finally moved his lips down her throat in a hot line to her sensitive collarbones, and she couldn’t help it when her hips bucked against his with each lap of his hot tongue. He stole her breath away with each touch of his mouth until she was one pulsating nerve ending away from orgasm.

Del lifted his body and in a sweeping motion, threw the covers and top sheet away from them then rose above her. With one hand he jerked his pajama bottoms from his waist and pulled his feet out one at a time then threw the pants across the room.

Lily moaned and shuddered when he descended on her again, and she felt every searing inch of his long, hard body pressed against hers. Hot moisture rushed to her entrance and seeped against him when he lifted her thigh and wrapped it around his hip. With a growl, he looked down at her and smiled. The gleam in his eyes and the approval she saw there made her throat ache.

“I love you, Del. I love you so much it hurts.”

A smile came to his lips, and he whispered, “I love you, too, Lily Bell. Tell me where it hurts and I’ll kiss it better.”

Tears spilled from her eyes, and she pressed her fingertip to her breastbone. “In here.” He slowly descended and pressed a gentle kiss there. She touched her fingers to her throat and he kissed her there. She cupped her breasts. “And here.”

She released them and held the back of his head as he took them in his hands and kissed them reverently and slowly, sucking gently at each hardened tip, causing her pussy to draw up tight with each tug of his hot mouth.

He dragged his scruff over both mounds, and waves of heat tingled all over her, and her breathing grew erratic. Her heart hammered as he shifted and moved his body lower.

He looked up at her. “Where else?”

She had to search her memory for why he was asking then remembered. She pressed a fingertip to her belly button, and he grinned as he dipped his nose down and tickled her there lightly then tilted his head and flicked her with his tongue before kissing her.

Moving her hand tentatively, she pressed all her fingertips over the tattoo, covering the spot she knew bore the name of another man. She slammed the door on the memories and felt only the touch of Del’s gentle lips as he kissed the spot above her mound.

Her fingertips drifted to her slit and parted her lips for him. She heard him growl faintly, but it was a sound that seemed to vibrate with approval. Her cunt throbbed with pulsing arousal, keeping time with her heartbeat. Orgasmic waves rose within her.

She felt his hot breath on her wet pussy lips, and she let out a shaky breath as he teased her with his lower lip. “You make my mouth water.”

The heat coursed over her sensitive flesh, and her clit felt huge and swollen, demanding his touch. She felt suspended, waiting for the contact that would send her over.

He moved closer, and she bit her lip so hard she nearly drew blood as he laid his tongue against her clit and engorged flesh, taking her into his mouth. Heat sizzled through every nerve ending, and the sensual sound that came from her mouth didn’t sound like her at all. She arched her back as he lapped and gently stroked her cunt with his velvety tongue.

She was on the verge of orgasm without ever being penetrated. An impossibility, or so she’d thought until that moment. His gentle hands slid over her hips and lifted her to his mouth, spreading her thighs wider.

He opened his mouth in an impossibly languid motion and drew her swollen flesh into his mouth and held her there, sucking gently until the tense coil inside her burst, releasing a wild howl of pleasure from her. He continued sucking through every pounding, pulsing wave of her orgasm until she thought she would shatter into tiny pieces, unable to contain the pleasure inside her a second longer.