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Authors: Heather Rainier

Divine Phoenix (7 page)

BOOK: Divine Phoenix
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Clay’s strong, muscular arms wrapped around her snugly, but he was careful to not squeeze too hard, which would increase her pain. “You feel what?”

“After all these years of treading water, of staying ahead of the tidal wave…I feel so weak. Helpless. I feel like I’m made of water myself, like there’s no strength or support for my muscles or bones. The least little thing would flatten me right now, and I’d just run through the cracks. Useless.”

The vibration of a soft growl rumbled through his chest, and her heartbeat sped up at the masculine sound, but not because it scared her. “Never useless, Lily. You’re hurt. You need time to heal. Take your meds. You can lie down if you want to. It’ll be a little while before supper is ready.”

Lily shook her head. “No. If I nap now I’ll have trouble falling asleep tonight. I didn’t get much rest in the hospital so I’m exhausted but I don’t want to be awake at three in the morning, either. Can I set the table?”

“Sure. Look around and make yourself at home.” He went to the entertainment center, turned it on, and slid a CD into the player. An old Keith Whitley song began playing.

Clay did indeed make an excellent stir-fry. She watched a man cook for the first time in many years, delighted by the enjoyment he took from the process as he diced vegetables, peppers, deveined gulf shrimp, and heated the peanut oil. He gave her a crooked grin because her stomach growled embarrassingly when the vegetables, garlic, and rice hit the hot oil and filled the house with a mouthwatering aroma. She gawked in shock when he threw a large pat of butter into the skillet and then smirked at her reaction.

“I’m going to get even fatter. I can feel the pounds packing on as I watch you.”

Stirring constantly over the high heat, Clay lifted his gaze to hers. “Lily, you’re not fat.” His tone was muted, but so forceful, any reply evaded her. She looked away self-consciously when his eyes lingered on her breasts.

Whatever
. She poked the pudgy flesh at her hip. “I’ve always been fat, even when we were little. And no matter how much I worry, struggle, diet or exercise, it’s never enough. I have good intentions, make myself the promise that this time is going to be different, and then the least little thing makes me go off the wagon.”

Clay waited until she met his eyes again before speaking. The gold specks in the mossy-green depths of his eyes sparkled with intensity as he murmured, “Lily. I said you’re not fat. You’ve bought into the stereotypes.” He removed the wok from the fire and kept stirring. “You were always so hard on yourself. If you’ll forgive me, your mom didn’t help much, either, with the things she used to say to you.”

Her mom’s words had echoed in her memories throughout the years.
“Lily, is that really what you should be eating? Lily, that is quite enough. Lily, I was never that large when I was your age.
Lily, perhaps if you ate less, clothes shopping would be more fun.”

“Mom meant well. She said she worried about me.”

“She probably did, but I think she may also have worried what other people thought. No, you were never stick thin, but no one in your family was. Even your mom was curvy.” Clay cringed and shuddered. “I can’t believe I just said that, but it is true. So it should come as no surprise that she’d have a daughter that was also curvy and voluptuous.” The honest and straightforward way he said it and the way he kept looking at her made her feel jumpy inside, but she wanted to believe him.

Setting the wok aside, he crooked his finger, and she followed him to the living room. She sat carefully to avoid jostling her incision, and he reached for a book and a magazine on his coffee table. He opened the magazine, which was a celebrity news and fashion weekly.

“I bought this for a recipe it had in the back. I don’t want you to think I’m getting in touch with my girly side or anything.”

Lily laughed, thinking there was absolutely nothing “girly” about the utterly masculine man sitting next to her. He turned to a photo spread of a fashion show and gestured to the models going through their paces on the catwalk. Next, he opened the book and laid it next to the open magazine. It was a compilation of the art of a famous pinup-girl artist. The scenes on the pages featured voluptuous, leggy, busty women. Several were partially or thinly veiled nudes in seasonal themes, obviously intended for a calendar from some bygone year. Several even had pale pink nipples visible.

Clay caressed her shoulder as he looked at her and then pointed at a catwalk model who undoubtedly suffered from anorexia judging by the hollows under her cheekbones, slightly sunken chest, and protruding joints.

“Can you tell me why this is now considered sexy, and this,” he pointed at one of the curvy pinup girls, “is considered overweight? Because I don’t get it.” He turned a page in the magazine and pointed to an ad for a metabolic weight loss energy shake program, one that she’d considered trying. “This is a multibillion dollar industry bent on telling you that you’re not good enough the way you are. And you’re worried because I cooked with butter and oil tonight. It’ll taste good and you’ll be satisfied by it. We won’t be going through a stick of butter a day, so you have no reason to worry. For my part, Lily, I’m more worried about
why
you see yourself as fat than anything else.”

“But my husband—”

“Abused you. You can’t trust his word. I don’t know why he complained about your weight. I think you’re beautiful, and I wish you could see it.” She glanced at him and wondered if the heat she saw in his eyes was just a trick of the fading afternoon sunlight.

Lily looked at the photos of the catwalk models and the images in the art book. “You’re right, but…ugh…look at me, Clay.
Really
. I’m out of shape. I probably couldn’t walk half a mile without getting winded.” And that wasn’t the only problem she had, thinking of the tattoo again.

Clay smiled and shrugged. “So get in shape, but don’t kill yourself trying to lose weight, especially not to please someone else. Any man who thinks you should lose weight needs to pull his head out of his ass. You can make use of the elliptical trainer in your bedroom if you want to. My neighborhood is pretty quiet so you could walk if the weather’s nice. I might even walk with you. I don’t get to the gym to lift weights as often as I used to, but after you’re fully recovered you could come with me,
if
Emma okays it. But don’t pressure yourself to do that if it doesn’t make you happy.”

That was exactly the point, she realized. She had no idea
what
made her happy because she was used to being in avoidance mode with JT. Avoiding outbursts, avoiding trouble of any kind, avoiding angering him. She had avoided so much for so long she had no idea what it was she wanted to do to make herself happy.

How screwed up am I?

Lily nodded and sat back. “You’re right, Clay. Thank you. It’s going to take a little time. I’ve thought of myself as fat, sloppy, and lazy for a long time.”

“Probably because he used those words on you like a mantra. No more. If you want to work out on the elliptical, you can. Now, woman, I cooked and I expect you to eat,” he said as he rose from the couch.

She allowed him to help her to a standing position and then seat her at the table in the kitchen. The shrimp and broccoli stir-fry was incredibly good, and she ate every mouthwatering bite. She couldn’t recall a more satisfying meal.

Afterward, they relaxed in the living room and watched television. Clay had placed a big, fluffy pillow on the couch next to him for her to lay her head on and that was where she drifted off to sleep.

 

Chapter Six

Clay sat beside Lily, her head resting on the pillow. She’d seemed so exhausted, he’d decided to not press her to talk any further. Time would heal a lot of her wounds and there was no reason for him to rush the process. He was inordinately pleased that she was staying with him. Her house had been a mess, and he’d wondered how she would manage the cost of the extensive repairs.

Lily shifted suddenly and clenched her hand resting on the pillow into a fist. She whimpered, and her whole body went rigid. Feeling for her, Clay laid his hand on her shoulder and gently stroked her arm, hoping to soothe her back into peaceful sleep. He tucked a stray dark lock behind her ear and then stroked her soft cheek with the tips of his fingers. She shuddered lightly but seemed to settle after that. Clay silently cursed the bastard who was responsible for her nightmare.

She was supposed to see Emma the following week to have her stitches removed, and Clay wondered if maybe counseling would be a good idea. She had issues with her appearance that bothered him. She viewed herself in a very negative light, and it made him sad because she was truly beautiful, beneath the tired, beaten-down exterior. He was glad he’d chosen to get involved last Saturday after the accident.

Once she’d relaxed into deeper sleep, Clay rose from the couch and went to her room to turn down the quilt and covers on her bed. Lifting her gently, he carried her to her room. He enjoyed the warm, solid weight of her in his arms. The tingling in his groin signaled that other parts liked it as well. He felt a little guilty because there was no way she’d be interested in men right now. It was a testament to just how tired she was that she never stirred once.

 

* * * *

 

 

“Thanks for letting me use your phone, Clay. I probably should’ve called Dad last night.”

“You’re welcome, Lil,” Clay replied as he opened the windows in the living room. The morning was cool, and they’d decided to open the house and let the fresh air blow through.

Lily discovered that morning that her phone, while fully charged, was completely useless. JT had shut off her number. She counted herself lucky because the only way she’d hear from him now was through her lawyer. That was fine with her.

“Mind if I sit on your back porch?”

“My house is your house,” Clay replied as he fought with a stiff window lock.

She slipped out of the back door and carefully took a seat in one of his Adirondack chairs. The treed, shady yard was dappled here and there with sunlight, and she sighed happily as she breathed in the cool, dry autumn air. It seemed she had arrived in Divine as the seasons changed, and she felt invigorated by it.

The incision site ached a little, and she made a mental note to take her pain meds later as she dialed her dad’s telephone number.

He answered warily on the third ring. “Hello?”

“Dad? It’s me.”

“Hey, sweetie! How are you feelin’ today?”

“A little better.”

“Are you still in the hospital? Tell me what’s goin’ on. Do you need me?”

Lily smiled at the earnest sound of his deep, rough voice. “Just to hear your voice is enough.” She fought the lump in her throat. Even though he was sick, he was willing to come get her. If he did, he’d insist on her living with him. There was no way she’d return to Durst.

“Did you get settled? Is the house okay?”

“I’m settled. And the house is…going to need some work.”

“Where are you staying, Lily? Do you need money? I’ll come and get you.”

“Dad, listen. It’s okay. I’m staying with Clay Cook. I’m fine. The house needs a lot done before I can live in it, but I’m going to make it work. I’ll be just fine.” She wasn’t just saying the words, either. This morning she believed anything was possible. “I got out of the hospital yesterday and I already have a job, too.”

“You do? Wow! I knew you could do anything if you just got away from that no-good bastard. JT’s mother had the gall to call me to commiserate.” Lily rolled her eyes wondering how the call from the widow King had gone. She could envision her dad’s full-body shudder at the thought.

“He came to the hospital, the same morning that I talked to you.”

“That son of a bitch!”

“I never even saw him, Dad. He got rowdy with the sheriff and one of his deputies. I think he went to jail for it. I don’t know if he’s still here or not.”

“He’s home. I saw him in town. He had some floozy in the truck with him, too. You’re lucky to be done with him, baby girl.”

At the gentle tap on her shoulder she looked up at Clay. He held out a glass of water and two pain pills. He stood there and waited for her to take them then hand the glass back to him. She mouthed “thank you,” and he grinned and sauntered back to the door.

She was distracted from what her father was saying as she watched him walk away. Dressed in faded jeans, a plain white T-shirt, and tan cowboy boots, he was a handsome sight. Clay Cook had grown up quite nicely. Her nipples hardened and her cheeks went up in flames when she realized he was watching her ogle his ass. He gave her that crooked grin and went inside.

Girl, get a grip. He’s so out of your league. He’s just being your friend.

Her strong friend, evidenced by the fact that he’d carried her to bed the previous night, despite her protests earlier that day that she was much, much too heavy for him to lift. She’d awakened utterly embarrassed but thankful at least that she was still dressed in the clothes she’d fallen asleep in. Not that Clay would’ve done anything as ungentlemanly as undress her for bed.

Darn it. Get real, girl. Don’t forget the tattoo. You’re off limits. Period.

“Darlin’? You still there?”

“Oh, yeah, Dad. Sorry. I—uh, got distracted. What were you saying?”

“Just that you shouldn’t worry. I’m sure it’ll all work out soon enough with the house. I’m glad to hear that you’ve got a place to stay. Where’s your job at?”

“Clay has a position open at his shop. He’s a jewelry craftsman.”

“Clay Cook, huh? Stayin’ with him
and
workin’ for him? I always thought those boys were a little sweet on you.” Lily rolled her eyes at the knowing tone of his deep drawl.

The heat flamed in her cheeks again, and she covered her eyes with her hand as she said, “Dad! It’s not like that. Clay met JT up close and personal the other day. He understands and he just wants to help me. There’s nothing going on between us.”

“Well, I don’t imagine there is with you still recovering from surgery. But you’ll eventually get over what JT did to you, and you’ll move on. I’m sorry we didn’t stay more in touch with the Cooks. They were good people. You could do a whole lot worse.”

“Dad, the last thing I want or need is another relationship. I think I’m through with men, dating and all that stuff. It was bad with JT, so bad sometimes I feel…dead inside.”

“Aw, darlin’, don’t say that. There’s always hope. Plus, I need grandchildren.”

Oh, Lord! Kill me now!
“Dad!”

 

BOOK: Divine Phoenix
13.94Mb size Format: txt, pdf, ePub
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