Dom Vs: Domme: The Deluxe Trilogy: A Billionaire Romance (Dom Vs. Domme Book 0) (69 page)

“That’s it… ‘everything’ is very… TMI.”

“Kathryn, honey…” She clears her throat. “I know about the domination and submission thing. It’s my fault, I suppose you could say, he first found out about it. Had some books one fateful day when he came home from school. Disappeared. Next thing I knew, Ian wanted to know if women really like it when men do that to them, because I’d spent his whole life trying to turn him into a genuine gentleman. Let me tell you, that’s
hard
to do in this world!”

I don’t know if she means our high society, or the world in general. It doesn’t matter. “I think you raised him the best you could. He’s…”

“A sheltered boy. Trust me, I know.”

“In more ways than one.”

Caroline is quiet as she pours herself tea, offers me a cup one last time, and shrugs when I decline. I don’t want to drink any liquids. I may be a bit parched, but I’m so anxious that any drop of liquid will send me to the bathroom twenty times in an hour.

“Now that we’ve established that… go ahead and tell me. You wouldn’t have come here if you didn’t want my advice on the whole tale.”

I don’t know where to begin, and I tell her as much.

“Start wherever it’s most natural.”

You know where is most natural?

Twelve years ago.

There’s nothing pleasant about telling Caroline my history with her son. She doesn’t want to know that we hooked up in high school, let alone that Ian lost his ability to keep going so soon into the deed. When I tell her this, she hides her face in her hand and sighs dramatically, as if to say,
“He got that from his father.”

I fast forward to months ago, when Ian and I were thrown together in The Grand project. The sparks. The dislike. The taunting.

The sex.

The more sex.

The bet.

The… time I went to his house and let him dominate me, a Domme.

The fact that I liked it.

That I wanted more.

That I barely know what’s going on in my head and body anymore. That I love him. That he claims to love me, and yet we both know how futile it all is… that heartbreak lurks around the corner.

“We might make it through the completion of this project. Such as when I get the museum in order.” I smooth out my pants but keep my eyes downcast. “After that… well, we’ll have no reason to keep trying to make it work. I’ll probably crack. I’ll resent him. He won’t understand me. We’ll have no choice but to part ways.

Caroline remains silent for a long time. I can tell, through the lines on her face and the heavy breaths passing through her nostrils, that she’s both trying to parse this information about her son’s personal life and what she should say that comes off as unbiased.

It’s an impossible pursuit.

“I didn’t realize it was that complicated between you two,” she finally says. “And I’m sorry to hear that you two are on a road to so much pain. No mother wants to hear that about her child… I mean, that’s worse than all that other stuff.”

With no idea what to say, I finally pour some lukewarm tea and bring it to my lips.

“I see it this way. You’re the only one compromising, aren’t you?”

I nod. “It feels that way to me.”

“He needs to meet you halfway. Not a quarter of the way. Not a third of the way.
Halfway.
Ian is too good at negotiating. He gets that from his father
and
me. He’s good at making you see his side so easily. I’ve fallen into that trap a time or two. He’s charismatic and makes you feel taken care of.” Caroline shakes her head. “Kathryn, if any woman, and not just you, wants to be with my son for more than a few weeks, then you need to get him to compromise with you. You’ve done more than enough, I promise.”

I’m glad to hear her say that. I
needed
to hear her say that.

“Do you know what you want from him, Kathryn?”

That’s something I’ve been thinking about for days. Weeks. What do I want from Ian? What will make me comfortable? Happy? What will give me the confidence to pursue something more than a fling with him? How can I go out in public holding his hand or letting him drag me around in a collar once or twice a month… without dealing with awkward stares from people we know? How can I submit to Ian without worrying about my reputation as a Domme?

How can I become a switch for him?

“I know what I want,” I say. “I want him to see me for who I really am. He said he wanted to deconstruct me and then reconstruct me back into his perfect sub. He nearly did that. Except… why did I have to be deconstructed? Why did
I
have to change, to explore sides of myself I never knew existed?”

Caroline’s sad smile says everything. “Because you’re a woman.”

God, she’s right.

All these years, I’ve been trying to run away from, to fight against the shit that brings me down in this society. I’ve avoided so many traps threatening to catch me in a web of misogyny and chauvinism. And yet! When I fell for Ian, it felt natural to defer to his wishes, to give up a piece of myself for a fucking man.

I love Ian. Not at the expense of myself.

“My son is blind to such plights. He can’t see through the fog of sheer privilege his father and every other person he’s come across has bestowed upon him. Some things can’t be helped. Ian may not intend to do this to you, but… well, quite frankly, he’s an idiot. You need to tell him directly what you want and how you feel. Don’t just tell him that you love him. Tell him what you need from him to meet you halfway. If that means…”

“If that means what?”

Caroline looks caught between smiling and vomiting. “Dominating him.”

I scoff. “He would never go for it.”

“Perhaps not, but…” Her teeth graze her pink lips. “You’ll be surprised what a man will do for love. Like my ex-husband, who is dating that Barbie to make me jealous.”

Yet again, I scoff. “You think that’s what he’s doing?” I’m relieved to be off the subject of Ian and me, but at what cost? This could get ugly.

“I know that’s what he’s doing. He started dating her the moment he found out about me and that soccer player. Which was
overplayed,
if you know what I mean.”

A question battles within my mouth. “Do you two still…?”

“Oh, I love that mess of a man. I never doubted that he loves me. We are incompatible. Like you and my son.”

Oh God, I never want to be like
that.

“Him dating our son’s ex is extra cream on the sundae. He’s trying to prove how virile he is, in the most disgusting way possible. I don’t have anything against the girl though….”

Before I know it, I spill that Stephanie May is blackmailing me.

Caroline’s face goes from semi-amused to about-to-cut-a-fuckhead in fewer than five seconds.

“
What?
” She gets up, flames shooting from her nostrils. “How much?”

I feel like I’m sitting at the feet of my own angry mother. “Fifty-thousand a month.”

“Fifty…” Yup. Here comes my mother. “Kathryn
Margaret
Alison.” She picks up a magazine from the coffee table, rolls it up, and thwacks me on the head. “You’re an idiot!”

I open my mouth to speak, but…

“No, dear,
no.
She is
not
worth a single Benjamin a month! Stop paying her.”

“Then she’ll…”

“I will take care of Princess Dystopian Tragic Theater With A Love Triangle. Hmph. Think I haven’t seen all her movies? When I thought Ian was dating her… I… well, never mind. Her ass is grass now. Grass I’m going to
smoke.
”

“Caroline, I don’t think…”

“That woman has fucked with my family enough. I don’t care if she’s Ms. Sally Sunshine or the president’s daughter…”

“Caroline…”

“No, honey, no.” She puts both hands on my shoulders. Now she’s looming in front of me, grinning. “You worry about my son. I’m going to take care of this interloper before she does any more damage to the people I care about.”

Ah, there’s one problem with that…

I’ve already decided what to do about Ian, and nobody’s going to like it much.

Chapter 15

IAN

“What do you mean you want to take a break?”

I lean across the table, trying to take Kathryn’s hand. She hides it beneath her legs, clasped tightly to her chair.

We’re in a nice restaurant, trying to have dinner after work. Kathryn’s been standoffish all week, but I thought that had to do with her period or something, not…
this
piece of shit news.

“You’re breaking up with me?”
Finally, Kathryn meets my erratic gaze. “No,” she says with finality. “I didn’t say I was breaking up with you. I
said
that I would like to take a break for a little while.”

I raise my hands, almost smacking a server in the leg. “How long is a little while?”

There’s something off about her expression. She’s not being submissive. Or at least not delightfully so. This is insecurity and indecision at its finest.

“I don’t know. A few weeks.”

“A few…” Oh hell no. “What brought this about? Did I do something?”

“No. Look…” Kathryn slams her hand on the table. “Listen to me. I’ve got shit going on in my brain that I don’t know how to deal with. I need to
back off
what we’ve got going on and take some time to myself.”

“While we’re still working together?”

“Are we incapable of working together?”

“No, but…” I’ll want her. If she’s around me and says that I can’t have her, well… I don’t know how I’ll act. Probably embarrass myself and sully my reputation with her even more. Because even though she says I didn’t do anything, I clearly have! “That’s not a fair request.”

“You’ve made plenty of unfair requests of me so far, Ian.” I don’t like that tone in her voice. “I think you can handle this one. I don’t care. Jack off in the shower more often. Go fuck some other young blonde for a while. I’m tired. I need some time to think. I… might actually take a quick vacation and go somewhere. I might go visit my mom.”

“Oh, so you’re breaking up with me
and
abandoning the project.”

The server starts coming with our food and then quickly walks away. Yeah. Now is not a good time.

“I’m not
abandoning
the project. I’ll let you keep Anita. You won’t have to pay me for the week or two I jet off. Just… please. Let me take a break for a while. From everything.”

She keeps saying that she’s not abandoning me – or the project, I suppose. She keeps saying that she’s not
breaking up
with me, per se, but she’s talking about me fucking other women and taking over the whole project without her help.

“You can’t do this.” My elbow is on the table, a banish worthy offense in my family home. An angrier finger than I intend pushes toward her face. “You can’t walk away until we talk this through.”

“I don’t even know
how
to talk about it. You’re the one with the upper hand. I’m tired of it. I need a break. Please, Ian, realize that I’m not going away forever.”

“If you weren’t, you would say you’re going to visit your mom and that you’re sorry you’re leaving me with the job
five weeks before we open.
Don’t you get it? I need you!”

My fists slam on the table. People are looking at us, some of them overtly while the others give us side-glares to rival our mothers. Fuck yeah, I’m being disruptive. Don’t you judge me. Don’t you see? I’m sitting at this fucking table with the woman I love,
her
telling me that she wants to take a break from sex and romance. Right when I’m falling head over heels!

The hell is her problem?

“Ian.” She puts one hand on mine, and instantly I feel soothed… until I remember what she said only a few minutes ago. “You haven’t done anything. All I need is a short break from what we have personally going on so I can sort out my thoughts. You asked for the same thing a while ago, didn’t you?”

“That was different,” I growl. “I didn’t want a break. I wanted time to figure out my feelings for you.”

“And so do I. Except I can’t keep sleeping with you, let alone… the other stuff… while I’m sorting it out. It keeps confusing me.”

“
You’re
confused?”

If her eyes roll any harder, I might be picking them up off the floor. “I don’t want this to be dramatic. I don’t want this to be an
end.
I know the love thing is making this more difficult…”

“Kathryn.” I snatch my hand away and clasp it over hers. It’s domineering. It’s probably uncalled for. Like fuck I’m giving her the chance to even
think
about getting away from me, though. “Do you love me?”