Don't... (38 page)

Lisa must have been the one with her arms wrapped around the seven-year-old. The kid hadn’t left her side, and it seemed she wasn’t about to let him.

“Ryan, he looks so much like Rob,” said Jan, his voice a little thick, and I squeezed at his thigh as Jan continued. “I know she’s only hanging on to everything that Rob was, anything that pulls him close and gives her comfort.”

Jan slipped his hand over mine. “I’ll be no good for her, and she needs to be able to look back on this day and not have any other bad feelings other than those that she’s already dealing with.”

Jan looked at me again and I saw a tear slip free. “Maybe we can come back later,” said Jan, “when everyone’s gone?”

Yeah. I put the gears into first. Time here alone is what Jan needed, and he was my priority, my only priority. Period.

I took him to a café a mile or so from the crematorium, one by the name of Jacobs. We’d missed the dinnertime rush, which left us with the option of sitting as far from life as possible. I didn’t choose that, instead taking the table closest to the window to keep Jan in touch with life. I ordered coffee, followed by a light sandwich. Jan picked at his, and I wasn’t really that interested in mine.

“Did you meet him through work?”

Jan looked up from picking at his food. “Huh?”

“Rob?” I took a sip of coffee. “Was he a work colleague?”

Jan had a ghost of a smile as he shook his head. “I was seventeen when I met him. Rob was working, I was still at college.”

“He was older?”

Jan ran his finger around the rim of his coffee. “By four years.” He was lost a little then. “Even though my mother had tried to fix me up with other boys, she hated the sight of Rob.”

“The age thing,” I offered quietly, and he nodded up at me.

“I think she’ll like you,” he said, holding my gaze for long moments. But then he was lost in the past a little. “We’d had a placement day at college. I’d had a thing for numbers, passing my A-level math at sixteen.”

Impressive. At sixteen most kids were just settling down for their GCSE’s at secondary school. A-levels were college-level.

“I was given placement at Rob’s company. Well, where Rob worked.” He grinned. “From how he walked around there, you’d have thought he owned the place.” He pushed his sandwich away. “It was frustrating,” and he sounded it. “He wouldn’t touch me until I’d turned eighteen. Everything,” he licked at his lips, “everything was always so formal with him.”

Jan wasn’t frustrated sexually, so Rob had met some needs, maybe just not all.

“When we did, it was...” he shrugged, “good. But it’s all we really had. He didn’t like going out and risk being seen, then when Lisa came along, he didn’t even like being in with me for too long.” Jan screwed his face. “I could have broken it off, did on several occasions, but he’d always come back around, all confident and promising me the world, for all of the hour or so it spun when he was with me. I think I just got used to the routine.”

I reached over and took his hand.

“We’d never argue about it, though,” he said looking over at me. “You’d have thought that we would, but I think neither of us had the passion to fight about something that wasn’t going to happen.”

“Did you ever meet any of Rob’s family?”

He snorted. “No. Even now, I wouldn’t know his dad if he passed me on the street.”

We talked some more, eventually shifting away from Rob and onto some of the exploits he’d gotten up to as a kid, the holidays he’d been on (never abroad because his mom couldn’t afford it), and, something I’d have to ask about another time, how he’d had his first fumble out in the woods when he was sixteen.

We’d just finished our second coffee when he took a nervous sigh. “Can we go back to the crematorium now?”

Again, everything so gentle with this man. I nodded and paid the bill.

At the crematorium, we were led to a little plot tucked neatly under the shadow of a big oak tree. A little bench was off to our left, and I gave Jan some space and time on his own at the graveside, just watching him slip a single blue rose at the base of the headstone. Rob had bought Jan a blue rose every time Jan had allowed him back into his life, the rarity of the flower showing me that at least Rob knew how lucky he was to have Jan in his life, even if it was only snippets of Jan. The sentiment Jan showed by returning that was beautiful to see. No animosity, no regret, just a thank you for being a part of his life, and quietly saying there would always be a place for Rob with him.

Seeing Jan step back a few paces, I went over and slipped my arms around his waist. He acknowledged it by resting his arms across mine, and I pulled him back into me.

“You okay, luv?” I said quietly, and I got a nod, a sigh, then a kiss.

“I’m going to say this one last time, Jack, but let me say it, yeah.” He turned around and slipped his arms under mine, pulling me close again. “Thank you. For being here, but also for letting me talk.” A kiss brushed my jaw. “It was good to remember him with you.”

“Anytime,” I said quietly, content just to hold him.

“And, Jack.”

“Mmmmm.”

“You call me luv again, you’ll be one nut short of your sac, okay? A bloke says that to his missus, not a guy to a guy.”

I chuckled; I couldn’t help it. I’d have hit anyone if they’d have called me luv. “Okay,
sir
.”

It earned me a light smack in the ribs. “Stop taking the piss. You don’t help my authoritative control when you’re being like that.”

“You? Authoritative?” My phone rang, and I pulled it out but paused before answering. “When?” I teased, and Jan gave me a look to kill, or one I’d like to fuck out of his system, at least.

“Harrison,” I said, forgetting I hadn’t checked to see who was calling.

“Jack....” Steve sounded a little irate. “Jack, I need you back at the office.”

“Steve, I said I needed—”

“I know, I know, but I wouldn’t call unless it was an emergency.”

I pulled away from Jan slightly. “How bad of an emergency?”

“It’s either you or the police, let’s put it that way.”

I hung up and looked at Jan.

“Problems?” he said with a frown.

“Jan, do you—”

“Mind? God no, Jack.”

I headed back to the car and he followed. “Just take me back to the house, okay?” said Jan, but I shook my head. “No, I don’t want you on your own today.”

I made a phone call in the car, then headed on out for Gray’s mansion. Gray was just pulling into his own main gates when I pulled up behind him.

“You’re in the black, Jack,” said Gray, getting out of his car and meeting me and Jan halfway.

“I know,” I said quietly, “Jan isn’t, and I don’t want him left alone today.”

“Problems?”

“Just something’s cropped up at work,” I said. I gave Jan a kiss on the cheek, then looked at Gray. “Take care of him, please.”

“Jack, you know I’m perfectly—” Jan started to say, but I ignored him.

“He tries to leave, you have my permission to tie him down.”

Gray opened the passenger door for Jan, and I was already heading back for my car. “You could always try training,” I said and gave a wistful smile at Gray. “He’s lacking greatly in the authoritative department.”

“Hey,” called Jan, not sounding too happy. “You know I bloody heard that, Jack.”

I smiled at Gray and flashed my eyes, although Gray wasn’t smiling. But anything to get Jan’s fire going so I could fuck the hell out of him.

“Jack, a word.” Gray didn’t really give me much choice as he came around my car. All friendliness seemed a world away from his face, and I frowned.

“Show me the scald, Jack.”

Fuck. He’d seen the CCTV footage. “It’s healing fine. I—”

“Now.”

That wasn’t a tone you messed with, and with a look around, even though I knew this was private property, I undid the clasp to my trousers and slipped the rim over my right hip. Gray lifted the tail of my suit jacket and set the muscles in his jaw tensing.

“It was controlled, Gray,” I said quietly, and he glanced up, not impressed.

“Henderson shouldn’t have been allowed access through that door in the first place; nobody should while you are in such a submissive state. You also missed a security call that gave you ample warning of just who Henderson was. Keep your fucking head in future. As much as I’ll deal with any Dom outside of our community that breathes by you or Jan, I won’t tolerate you dropping your guard.”

Gray came close, nose-to-nose close. “And as for use of your safe word.”

I looked away and ground another few years of teeth away.

“Jan told me,” he said in a low voice. “He thought it was worrying enough to enquire why you weren’t calling stop to attempted rape.”

I ignored that, with everything in my soul, I ignored that anger. “I’ve dealt with enough fantasy-rape—”

“Yeah, that was play-rape, was it? Because I sure as hell don’t see anything in your eyes that says you got a kick out of it.”

“Gray—”

“‘Worrying’ isn’t my classification, Jack. You know that’s far from any classification I’d ever fucking give it.”

A hand under my jaw brought my attention back to Gray.

“You’re in the black for another week, Jack. Nothing Jan has told me changes that. He is welcome here, you aren’t. But besides that,”

My whole body tensed.

“Once that black period is over, you will have a two-hour reminder session on using your safe word in the right contexts. Your head and heart are too fucking close to this.” He let me go. “We clear?”

“Sir,” I said quietly, and Gray nodded.

“Go sort your work out, Jack. I will see to it that Jan is escorted home once you notify Rachel that you are back at home.”

I didn’t move, as much as I needed to get to work and find out what the problem was, Gray being pissed off with me was more important. It always had been. Looking down at the keys in one hand, I reached and brushed my fingertips just over Gray’s with my other, just lightly, at first catching his little finger, then needing a little more of him on me.

I gave a frustrated growl and looked back into the woods, my hand still brushing his fingers. The wind picked up a little, shifting the trees in chatter and nearly blinding me with my fringe, and I pulled away, wiping a hand over my face.

“I—” A frown. “You....” I gave up at that point, prepared to get in my car, but Gray’s brush of hand over mine held me still. There was this element to Gray, the part that always forced you to avoid his eyes at all costs. He could steal your soul with a look, necromance it, strip it bare, all to run it through his fingers, untangle the strands, then hand it back with a smile knowing every fault and flaw about you.

“I’m still here, Jack,” he said quietly. “I always will be.”

That didn’t help. Not one fucking bit, not when I couldn’t touch. The keys took my attention again; then I nodded, got in my car, and drove away. If I’d have stayed, I wouldn’t have been able to leave. Not without taking the familiarity of Gray’s bed and feel the comfort of him being on me.

I made it back to my garage an hour later. Gray liked to keep his home about as well hidden as his personal life, the roots of the ancient trees in his forest being easier to dig up than his bloody heritage. I knew that wasn’t a family home. No oil paintings of family members lined the walls, or maybe that was just my perception of how the rich handled things. To be honest, I just hadn’t asked. Gray was a private person; I respected that.

All four of the garage doors were open, all bays full, and the mechs were working hard to get the jobs done. The normality had me scowling as I headed on over to them, expecting nothing less than a decapitation to draw me away from Jan today. Steve was in reception, and Sue nodded over letting Steve know I was here. He looked back, and I could tell just from the look on his face that something was wrong.

“Jack.” He sounded breathless as he pushed through and came on over. “Upstairs.” He was already grabbing my sleeve and tugging me towards the back of the garage. I followed him up to hear him chuntering ahead of me.

“I’d been up there this morning just chasing up some parts, and everything was fine then. Nothing—”

“Okay, Steve, take it easy. What’s wrong?”

Stopping at the top, his hand on the door handle, he looked back at me. After a moment, he pushed the office door open and I went inside.

The office desk had been upended, the computer monitor, its screen cracked, on the floor, the desk drive next to it. Paper was torn and shredded all over the place, forming a bigger pile behind the door where Steve had pushed on through a few times. The filing cabinet had all of its drawers ripped out, the main source of the paper and files; the blinds hung off the windows, but the worst part, the one that really got my attention, were the walls.

All four, ceiling to floor, had the same message written over and over again on them in big red ink.

Don’t...

...play with me, Jack.

“Jack,” Steve sounded a little sick, “is there something going on?”

I looked at him, one of those
you seen how this fucking place
looks, and he sighed uneasily.

“You said you were up here this morning?” I said, looking around. Steve confirmed it again. “What time?” I said, treading carefully over the paper and heading for the window.