Don't... (35 page)

And Gray. Just who, what the hell was he?

Jack hadn’t said national security, MI5, although I’d opt maybe more for the Centre for the Protection of National infrastructure, a CPN’er (and all based just a few doors down from where I worked) but there were terms in there that I’d caught: domestic terrorist activity, regional instability maybe with focusing on Cutter, housecleaning, collusion with undercover police, and it made his role pretty damn clear. I could have opted for CID, but CID couldn’t make bodies disappear like that. Which would have made Gray what back then? A British Intelligence Officer? What about now? That was ten years ago. Was he further up the chain now? Maybe a director for the CPN? Jesus. Had the bastard tapped my lines to find out the information about me? I mean, for God’s sake, he’d known how I liked my
coffee
. Hell, what did I know about the security service? I was a financial consultant. The only disappearing in my line of business was around the block for a pint.

It was funny, but a week or so back, when I’d sat with Jack and we’d talked a little about his history, he’d hinted at some of the things he’d done. He’d been so honest, watching me, then the door, maybe taking a big chance that I wouldn’t walk. That same honesty had been there last night, only he’d held me, after what I’d done, everything I’d done, he’d held me almost as if the past few days were his fault, and talking was all he had left.

It had scared the hell out of me, and if I’d have heard all of that before the contract, it would have been too much. But I saw Gray’s influence, the contract had allowed me to see Gray’s influence, how Jack balanced who he was through it, how Jack was tied so closely to Gray, and that was the hard part to accept, that they
were
so closely tied, Gray having such a profound effect on Jack’s life they both must have looked at my life and laughed at the ordinariness of it. Standing in the shower last night, though, the images of Jack rutting against Gray, then Gray showing such a calm control over Jack, it had driven me to a level I’d never touched before. It had scared the hell out of me. I’d wanted—needed—to see them like that, experience that chemistry, if only in the depths of my imagination. Jack had pieces of himself missing, left somewhere back on that sick bastard’s knife, and Gray had used parts of himself, not only to make Jack whole, but keep Jack whole. Yeah, anyone left looking in at them would have been justified in letting jealousy rear its head.

Gray had been straight about their relationship, blunt to the point he’d told me that night I’d sat in my kitchen with a split lip, he’d told me Jack subbed for a reason, but I didn’t understand it, not until I’d listened to Jack last night. He was no Master’s sub, he wasn’t part of any Master’s Circle, he subbed simply because of Gray,
for
Gray. Was that why he seemed to get under the skin of the other Masters so easily? Jack had called them out when he’d been knelt in front of them. Did they know his loyalties were fierce to Gray, to me, and that he’d cross anyone who threatened that? Because even I’d seen he’d taken that whipping as much to protect Gray as he had me. Jack found peace and security in Gray and wanted to protect that relationship aggressively in return. The saving grace was that I’d seen Jack’s aggression to protect me, and it held me deep on a level that forced me to close my eyes against jealousy. As much as Jack would protect Gray, I
still
wanted that same level of aggressive protectiveness off him for me.

“When’s Rob’s funeral?”

Jack’s question caught me off-guard. “Tomorrow.”

“Are you going?” Lying on the camp bed, the breakfast tray ransacked and on the floor, Jack raised his head to look at me. “Because I want to go with you.”

He was flat on his back, one arm behind his head, his other hooked around my shoulders as I snuggled in at his side with my back to the wall. My hand rested on the flat of his stomach, and I spread my fingers out, my distraction as I slipped my leg over Jack’s.

He hadn’t said,
you sure you want me there
, or
I’ll have to rearrange work
, just
I’ll go with you
. It wasn’t hard to fall for this guy.

“I know.” I kissed his pec. “Thank you.”

“Jan.” He cursed under his breath. “You don’t have to keep saying thank you.” He pulled me a little closer, and a kiss graced my head. “I’m not here as a favour, I’m here because....”

I glanced up, waiting for him to finish. “What?”

I got a kiss to my lips.

“Because I love you, you prat.”

My kiss was a little harder, my fingers as they traced up to Jack’s nipple, crushing harder, and I was a little startled at the kick my groin got out of hearing Jack’s hiss against my lips. He loved that, I mean
really
loved that. I traced down over his abs, through his pubes, Jack’s disappointment all too evident as I left his nipple, then instantly forgotten about as I stroked his dick. I wasn’t ready to say the L word, not yet. I’d said it too soon and caught the backlash before, but I needed to show him I “loved” the ease with which he offered his heart.

And I gave a wry smile seeing how he came as easily as he gave me his heart; just five long strokes, he was all mine.

I chuckled.

“What?” said Jack.

“Nothing. Well, it’s just for a Master’s sub, you can... hmmm, come pretty quickly at times.”

Jack, suddenly shifting and pulling me under him as he laid his body on top of mine, gave a sigh and stretched along me, hands now under my arms, hugging me close. “Sorry,” I heard him mumble, “must be the company. Mmmmmm.” He nuzzled into my neck. “You deserve to be held, Jan, and often.”

None of that flatness to his voice, just Jack, I held him a little closer. “Talking of company, don’t you run one?”

“Nope. Sold it yesterday. Both of them.”

“Both?” I lifted Jack’s gaze to mine to see him grinning. “Both?”

“Mmhmm. Won a big expansion deal over the weekend.”

“Jack.” My own grin dropped. “With all the shit—”

Jack rested his cheek against mine. “Forward, Jan,” he said quietly, giving me a gentle kiss. “Too much to look forward to. Keep the good, learn from the bad.”

Screwing my eyes shut, I kissed him back, hard, mostly catching the side of his face but not really caring so long as it touched down somewhere. “Congratulations,” I whispered and it earned me a grunt.

“That as good as it gets? No wining, dining, long leisurely fuck, just a—”

“Shift of your gear into my bedroom?”

Jack looked at me, that wicked smile on his face. “Seriously?” He cocked his head to the side, now a little more unsure. “You absolutely sure?”

I swept hair away from those gorgeous eyes. “Yeah,” I mumbled. “Keep the good, learn from the past; too much to look forward to.”

It won me such a long, gentle kiss that I regretted having to do the next bit. “Up,” I said, although it was only a half-hearted command, I liked him on me, but there were things I needed to do.

“Fine,” he griped, and soon after I saw him off to work, making sure I removed his collar (so I’d let him out of his cage, but he just looked too God damn sexy in the collar for me to remove
that
until I absolutely had to). Then the hard part; I had to make a call to Gray.

Two hours later, the knock at my door lifted my head from the book I was reading. After marking my page and unfolding my legs from underneath me, I padded on through to the hall and checked just to make sure. Something I’d never done before, but under Jack’s guarded instruction, I made sure it was a habit to get used to.

The locks came off and I opened the door. “Gray, thanks for coming over.”

He smiled thinly. He’d said he had a few things to do before he could drop everything, but it didn’t go unnoticed that considering this guy was supposed to be MI5, he always dropped everything where Jack was concerned. At least we had common ground there.

“You said you had a problem?”

I held the door wider so he could come in, then closed it. “Get you a coffee?” I asked, following him through to the lounge.

“No.”

No. Plain and simple, short but far from bloody sweet. I wondered how much more I was going to piss him off. “Take a seat,” I said, but he didn’t, just went and stood over by my marble hearth.

“You know I’m busy, Jan, and that Jack is in the black despite last night’s events?”

Jan? At least that was something. An unsteady sigh, I went and rested next to him by the hearth. Gray’s gaze was intent on the false flames. He wouldn’t look at me; was that a form of punishment from a Dom in general? Like hell was I taking that. “Look at me, Gray. I asked you here because of Jack, because of your sub, so don’t treat me as one.”

He looked, but I caught the chill from it. “This where you tell me Rob and his child died? This where you tell me I stood and whipped the hell out of my sub because of your fuck-up over the camera in a bid for privacy?”

I smiled coldly down to my feet. Yeah, he was good. “This is where I tell you I nearly raped your sub.” I looked up to see Gray ease slowly off the mantelpiece. “That I came home drunk wanting to just have some time to grieve, and that I fucked mine and Jack’s world up in so many bad ways that night.” I kept my voice flat. “And yeah, this is where I tell you your sub didn’t know about Rob until last night, yet he still stood before the Masters and took a whipping for both me and you when it should have been me on that cross.”

His ocean eyes seemed to deepen, that subtle shift, a hurricane stirring the shoreline from a distance.

“This is where I tell you I’ve hurt him, it scared the hell out of him, and it’s fucking killing me.”

“Topped off by that bollocks last night?” said Gray. “Why the hell didn’t you come to me, Jan?” His lips were thin. “I’m your tutor. I’m
here
to tutor and make sure you both keep your fucking heads.”

“I’m asking you now,” I said quietly. “Please. I need to know how to handle Jack professionally, Gray.” I frowned a smile. “But I need to do it without upturning where you’ve brought him to, and I need to do it with any other sub bar Jack. Please understand why.”

I finally found the courage to face him again. “I haven’t got a clue where to start.”

Arm resting on the mantelpiece, bent back at the elbow so he could wipe at his jaw, thinking, Gray narrowed his eyes. “Get changed, we’re going for a ride. I like a suit on you.”

“Yeah?” I said with a shaky smile and found the voice to add, “I’m not your sub: keep your orders for Jack. And where are we going?”

He looked at me, eyes not giving anything away. “To meet a friend of yours.”

“You know I have friends?” I moved for the stairs. “You know my friends?”

“It’s my job, Jan,” said Gray flatly, “I thought you’d learned that by now.” I wasn’t aware that Gray had followed me upstairs, but even though I’d just stepped out of my jeans, pulled off my T-shirt, and was ass-naked in front of him, I didn’t burn with embarrassment despite feeling a touch intimidated. Gray had already seen me take Jack over Jack’s office desk, and embarrassment hadn’t come to mind then either. Jack had said it himself; there was something about being under this man’s constant gaze that made you do strange acts in strange places.

“Can I ask you something?” I said, looking over at him after I’d pulled my trousers on, now settled into fastening the clip.

“Yes.” The hardness had gone from his voice as he levelled that blueness to his eyes on me.

“Jack’s safe word,” I frowned as I took a shirt from the wardrobe. “Is it right that he’d refuse to use it around me?”

“Why,” said Gray, “has he refused to use it around you?”

My cheeks heated and I fought down a little sickness. “No. Yes. I mean no. Maybe.”

“Maybe?”

I couldn’t look at him. “After I’d—When I had him pinned to the bed, I said he’d safe word me if he didn’t want—” I shivered. “He then pinned me to the floor and said I hadn’t had a safe word when he hit me; and that he’d face all five Masters before he used his with me.”

Something flared in Gray’s eyes. “He’s refusing to use his safe word.”

I let my silence condemn me.

“Jack has two safe words for a reason. He can forgo the use of the first if he thinks a Dom is beyond the point of listening, but you told him to use his safe word if he didn’t want that scene. You’re telling me he didn’t make that call and chose physical restraint over asking you to stop?”

“It was tempered restraint,” I said quietly. “He never hurt me.”

“But he should have called it first, if not that, then most definitely his security safe word regardless of whether he knew the cameras were offline or not.” He unfolded his arms and came into the room, his hand running over some of the colognes on my bedside unit. “Especially around you.”

Was that a threat there? “May I ask you another question?”

“You can try,” he said quietly.

“MI5. What rank are you?”

Now he smiled. “What makes you think I work for MI5?”

My grin was a little easier. “More CPN.” I shrugged. “I’m not really sure.”

Gray nodded. “Maybe it’s best you stay that way for the time being. At least until you can prove to me you won’t touch my sub in the wrong way again, no matter what the circumstance. Trust me,” he looked at me, “I’ve killed for less.”

I weighed him up and even managed a false brave front. “And risk pissing Jack off yourself?” I shook my head. “I’m safe.” I refused to add the
for now
bit on the end there even though I could see it in the wry smile he gave.

I was surprised to see Gray take the same route to the Masters’ Manor again. He’d brought me here the day after I’d switched the cameras off, barely saying a word. The same silence kept us company for most of the journey, but it had a more comfortable feel to it.

“I have friends here?” I said as I looked back at the Manor and shut Gray’s Mercedes door. Black, everyone here had black Mercedes. I bit back a chuckle. Like
hell
had Jack paid for his.

Gray smiled as he came around, then headed for security.

“Mr. Raoul,” said one, stepping back to open the door. Gray gave him a nod. I guess I pretty much did what I did a few days ago and bit back asking if I needed to donate a kidney or something to get in here. The guards, stood either side, just offered me a nod, and I grimaced back at them. Did they know what went on in this place? Did they know the man who had just walked past was not only a Dom Master, but an MI5 Intelligence Op?