Don’t Ever Wonder (11 page)

All in all Trina actually did him a favor. His claim was for fifteen grand but Tuesday had gotten him twenty thousand worth of clothes and appliances. She was charging him half his insurance check and it seemed like an unlimited supply of head. He wasn’t complaining. Tuesday was a superfreak in bed and the only thing that beats a superfreak is one with access to stolen credit cards. Brendan wasn’t even mad at Trina anymore, except for the issue of calling the police on him. He had gone to her parents’ house looking for her the day after she’d trashed his place only to get “She hasn’t been around here.” Her job claimed that she was on vacation. He gave up the search for the time being, though the pregnancy was on his mind nonstop.

“I really appreciate all that you’ve done for me Tuesday.” He was high and feeling real sentimental. “I just want you to know…”

“Yeah, yeah nigga.” She smiled. “Just put on your scuba gear and get back to diving.” She hit the remote. Raheem De-Vaughn’s CD came on as she spread her legs and leaned back on the couch. As soon as his tongue hit the spot, she shivered and purred like a cat. “Come on, let’s take this to the bedroom.”

Brendan got up and felt the effects from smoking. He was already stripped down to his underwear. He watched as Tuesday moved past him and headed for the bedroom. He watched her ass as she swished her naked bottom. All the sexing between him and Tuesday was helping him forget his problems. As he approached the bed the only thing he remembered was to keep his shirt on.

Sometimes the hardest
thing to say is that which is already apparent. There’s no formula to getting it out. No guarantee that your words will be received without contempt or understanding. It’s more than a roll of the dice when lives and feelings hang in the balance.

“This isn’t working for me,” I said as I dried the last couple of plates.

“I cooked
and
washed the dishes. You’re almost finished now so stop complaining,” Shelly replied, flipping through the Sunday
Times.

I dropped the dish towel and turned toward her. “That’s not what I’m talking about. I’m talking about us. I’m talking about our marriage.”

Shelly put the paper down on the table and a blank stare appeared on her face. Finally the corners of her mouth went up and then, “What?” The look she gave me asked the same question that I had asked of myself.
Was I crazy?

“Shelly, I’ve tried but I can’t go on with this. I love you, but we can’t stay married.” Her mouth dropped open.

“What’s wrong? You’re not happy?” She began to ramble. “Where is all this coming from? I thought that everything was going fine with us. I know you have been trying hard to adjust to being a father, but you and Amani are getting along, right?”

“Listen—”

She didn’t let me finish. “How can you just come out of the blue like this?”

“Shelly, I haven’t been unfaithful to you. I promise you that; however I haven’t been completely honest with you.”

“What does that mean? What haven’t you been honest about?”

I walked over and sat down in the chair across from her to tell her what I didn’t think I could. The pressure had been building up though, and I had to listen to what life was telling me. Life was telling me to be honest and to stop jeopardizing the future that I so desperately wanted. The only one that I knew I could live with. “I’m still in love with Nina.”

The look on her face showed all the pain and confusion that it should have. She began to rant and curse me.

“What?” she shot out. “I know you didn’t just say what I think you did.”

I was silent for a moment, then I muttered, “Shelly, I’m sorry. I really am.”

“Sorry? Sorry for being a no good piece of shit? Do you hear yourself ?” She began to breath heavily and I feared she might hyperventilate.

I shook my head and said, “Shelly, please calm down.”

At the top of her lungs she yelled out, “How long?”

“How long what?”

“How long have you been fucking her behind my back?”

“It’s not like that, I swear. I would never—”

She cut me off. “Cory, there’s nothing that I could put past you.” She began to cry and moved toward me. I was still seated and as she stood over me she said, “This is it. You’ve made your bed now.”

“Shelly, I’m sor—”

I didn’t get my words out before she started to speak again. “You will regret this, I hate you, you will never see your daughter again,” all came from her mouth in a combination of English and Spanish. Before I knew it I was on the receiving end of a few blows. I reasoned that I deserved worse so I took them for a few moments before escaping the house and heading to my office to spend the night.

“Hello,” Nate answered
the phone.

“Hello, Nathan.” The voice was familiar. “I hope that I didn’t ring you at an inopportune time. This is Anita. Anita Lawson,” she added.

Nate was driving but was eager to give the conversation his full attention. He pulled into the parking lot of the 7-Eleven and turned his music down. “To what do I owe the pleasure of your call, Anita?”

She laughed, but he was serious. “Well, Nathan—”

“Nate, just call me Nate.”

“Okay, uh, Nate. I was wondering if you had some time in your schedule, if you might be able to come past the house this afternoon. You see, Miss Bethany has been asking about you since you came by on Sunday. Each day she keeps insisting that she is sick and going to die if she doesn’t see Doctor Baines.”

“Say what?”

She continued. “From what I can gather, you do bear a resemblance to her former doctor. The last time this happened she went on for a few weeks nearly driving us all insane. She once mistook one of my girl friends for her former neighbor and began ranting about some unreturned items that she loaned out in 1965. Eventually to get her to let the whole thing go we had to get my friend to come back by and return an ice cream scoop and a sewing machine that we had to buy from Target.”

“I understand,” he responded.

“Do you really?”

“You want me to come by and
be
Doctor Baines for a couple of hours and tell her that she’s fine.”

“Yes, and also to tell her that you are returning down south to work or retire. We’ll figure something out. That way you won’t have to keep coming by.”

“I honestly don’t mind coming by,” Nate shot back.

“That’s good to know. So what time should we expect you?”

“It’s a little after two now. How about six or so?”

“I’ll see you then.”

“No doubt.”

Nate had mixed
feelings about going back to Reverend Lawson’s home. He honestly felt sorry for Miss Bethany and wanted to make her feel better. One of the things he wondered about was why God allowed old people to become afflicted or to suffer. His grandmother was aging and he hoped with all his heart that she would do so gracefully and without any pains and illnesses.

But truth be told he was going back over to that house for a reason that he didn’t want to admit to himself. Anita had stirred up feelings inside of him that he hadn’t felt in a long while. She was very attractive to him physically, but there was something else that he couldn’t put his finger on. Something stronger than lust. Just the sight of Anita had turned him on so much that his desire for her almost caused him to break his abstinence. On the way to Charlotte he had prayed on it over and over. He realized that he was only going to use Janette because he was lusting after Anita. That Sunday Nate had made it all the way to Raleigh before pulling off of I-85 and turning around and heading back to D.C. As he’d headed back he had come to realize that he wouldn’t be able to squelch whatever desires he had for Anita in the bed with Janette.

It was five o’clock and Nate was parked in Mrs. Winters’s driveway. He had retrieved his Lexus convertible and turned in his rental. He was wiping it down when the Metrobus stopped at the corner. Nate looked up and saw Kim’s mother step off the bus and start up the block. When she reached him her look showed surprise.

“Nate?”

“Hey how are you today, Mrs. Winters?”

“I’m fine. What brings you by?” She smiled.

“Well, I just needed you to sign some papers.”

“What kind of papers?”

“The papers for your car.”

“Well, like I told you, I was saving for a car. I don’t have one yet.”

Nate reached into the window of the Lex and pulled out the title and a bill of sale. “Well, you can use that money for the taxes and insurance.” Then he pointed to the hood, “This is your car.”

“What? You have to be kidding,” she laughed out in disbelief. She insisted that she couldn’t afford a car like this even if he was selling it for half its price.

“I’m not charging you a dime. The car is a 2003 and it’s paid for. All you have to do is sign this paperwork and take it down to the DMV, get your tags, and you’re good to go. The maintenance records are in the glove…hell, you can sell it and buy two cars if you want.” He laughed.

“Nate, I thought we talked. You don’t have to feel guilty or buy my forgiveness. I could never accept a car like this from you. It must have cost at least fifty thousand dollars.”

“Closer to seventy.”

“Oh my gawd,” she said.

“Listen, Mrs. Winters, the only thing that I ask is that you drop me off at the car dealer. I’ve already purchased a new car. I don’t want this one anymore. You need a car…summer’s almost here…I know you tired of that bus. Besides, it would mean a lot to me if you would accept it.”

Forty-five minutes later Nate was pulling out of the Porsche dealer in a brand-new Cayenne, next stop the Lawson’s.

Jamison Hakito had
been a little upset with my request. Mainly because my request sounded more like a demand. “Jamison, I’m sorry to break this to you in such an abrupt manner, but I need out of New York by Friday.”

He stopped his golf club midair and slowly brought it to his side. “Cory, you know that that’s not possible. We’re preparing for the merger and I need you there.”

“Jamison, I’m sorry but I need to leave. It’s a personal matter that I’m unable to discuss. However, you have my every assurance that I can run the New York office from the D.C. office.”

“Well, I will have to discuss this with the board because—”

“Jamison, with all due respect, I will have my office and files packed and ready to be shipped back to D.C. on Friday. I will report to my office there on Tuesday. If necessary, I will assume the rent on the apartment here for the next two months.”

There was some more volleying on his part to get me to stay in New York for a couple more months. Getting annoyed at his persistence, I finally offered my resignation and he nearly choked. I had been the diamond in the crown of Hakito Electronics. Ever since I had come aboard, the company’s expenses had dropped sharply while profits had risen drastically. I was gifted when it came to crunching numbers and configuring bottom lines that worked fiscally. On top of that, the Hakitos were superstitious and believed that I was good luck for them because as soon as I joined HE, their holdings in other businesses they owned had skyrocketed as well. There was no way that they would let me go. Once Jamison realized that I was deadly serious about resigning if there was a problem with my request, all resistance faded.

He was curious as to why I wanted to keep the apartment for the next couple of months. When I told him that my daughter wanted to finish the school year before moving back to D.C. and that my wife had agreed to stay behind, he insisted that they stay, no charge to me.

The tension was
thick inside of our apartment. Shelly and I had attempted to stay out of each other’s way and were both acting very subdued. It was almost as if we were both trying to keep an explosive situation from detonating.

“So when are you leaving?”

I was packing my belongings. “The moving service is coming this evening.”

Shelly’s arms were folded and she stood in the doorway watching me. I could feel her eyes piercing my back. “Hmmph,” she said. “You know, Cory, I never figured you’d do something like this. You really didn’t seem like you’d give up so easily.”

“You know, it’s odd.” I stopped packing and turned to face her. “I was thinking the same thing. I thought about all that life could possibly offer us if we stayed together. I tried to imagine something more than familiar faces doing familiar things, good sex, and memories of the past…but I couldn’t. I want something new. I want something exciting. I want surprises.” I walked up to her. “It’s like we’re stuck and we’re trying to hold on to college dreams, afraid of the new.”

“That’s all you think that we could ever mean to one another?” Tears began to well up in her eyes.

“Shelly, I don’t want to hurt you. I didn’t mean to do that.”

“Cory, it doesn’t matter. Nothing matters.” The tears began to fall. “This whole marriage has been a mistake.” She began to laugh and cry at the same time. “I guess it’s true what they say…you can’t go home again.” Then, as she walked away, she added, “Unless home is the little sister,” and then threw the magazine she was holding at me.

I sat still on the bed for a moment and gathered my thoughts. I wanted to get out of the house as quickly as possible before round two started. I thought about everything that I would need right away and decided to make two separate piles of boxes. When the moving service arrived an hour and a half later they took everything except for two garment bags and my suitcase. Before I left I walked into the den where Shelly was seated. I handed her a check. “This is for her tuition and groceries.” She motioned for me to drop it on the table. “So, do you think that we should explain this to Amani together?”

Shelly cut her eyes and gave me an ugly look. “Don’t worry about her. Just like you came into her life out of thin air, you can disappear the same way. Trust…she’ll be fine.”

“Well, I won’t debate that with you now, but you should know that I will plan to continue to be a part of her life.”

“Oh yeah, with her aunt as her stepmother? Over my dead fucking body.”

“Listen, I will have the legal-separation papers delivered here next week. Just let me know what it is you will want. I don’t want to fight with you over money or visitation.”

“Whatever.” Then she began to mumble in Spanish. I knew that I didn’t want to hear whatever she was saying so I grabbed my things and headed out the door. I went over to the office to go over a couple of reports before heading back to D.C. It was ten thirty by the time I finished and I thought about hitting the road. I wondered if Nina would be around when I got back to town.

Weeks ago, the night after I left the club, we had ended up spending the night together. We didn’t have sex, though it wasn’t because I didn’t want to. She told me that she would never sleep with me while I was married to her sister. She also told me that she was seeing someone, nothing serious but serious enough for her to want to rush me out of her house when he called and said that he was on the way. We slept holding each other with my nose in her hair all night. When I left, I had no guarantees that we would ever get back together. I was encouraged, however, by a very passionate kiss and I knew that all promises aren’t made with words. So with that I made my mind up. I was leaving Shelly.

After I packed up the files that I would need to look over during the weekend, I locked up my office and thanked my secretary for working so late. She didn’t seem happy that on Monday she would be dealing with one of the company heads. It wasn’t my concern at the moment. I was looking forward to getting back to working in my old office and with my hand-picked secretary.