Don’t Ever Wonder (4 page)

“Can I ask you all a question?” The church was silent. “Is it me, or is it hot as heck in here?” He laughed as he wiped his brow. “Seriously, though, I’m so happy to be here.” He paused and looked over the crowd and then held up a few papers. “I was going to preach to you today from these notes. I had a nice sermon prepared for you with lots of scriptural relevance. I guarantee you would have been impressed…but I received a last-second order from the Father.”

The church was quiet until someone yelled out, “It’s all right with me.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” Reverend Lawson answered. “You see someone here today is in need of the healing powers, the strength, and the direction of the Kingdom. In this particular situation, there can be no mistaking. You all understand.” He wiped his brow.

“Yes, sir.”

“I don’t need anyone”—the tone of his voice rose up—“
wondering
if in fact the message today was indeed intended for them.” He shook his head no. “No, we don’t need that. We need a direct hit. We need a message so clear that there will be no mistaking.”

“No mistakes. Amen,” came from the choir.

“Someone needs to know that it’s okay to wander in from the wilderness. It doesn’t matter that you’ve been lost all this time. We’ve been waiting for you. So many of our young are afraid to start where they are…to change a day at a time. Understand that God will accept you today as you are. The only thing that he won’t supply you with is an excuse.”

Nate’s eyes grew blurry and he began to make eye contact with the reverend. The message was hitting home and Nate was struggling with the feelings that were coming over him. He had never felt anything like the electricity running through his body. Reverend Lawson was now talking directly to him and Nate could no longer make out any other sounds or movements around him. “Oh ye’, I understand that you’re still young. I’m still young myself.” He stepped back and waved his hand to the drummer. The drummer kicked a quick beat and Reverend Lawson eased back from the pulpit and did the chicken-head dance that Chingy made famous, then he switched up and hit the Crip-walk across the podium to the beat.

The church erupted, especially the young members of the congregation. “That’s right,” a yell came.

“Do it, Rev.”

Reverend Lawson continued, “I understand that it’s tough to walk the right path. But have you even considered it? I ask you all to take a look at how you been living your lives, because your Creator already has. He has already forgiven you, he just wants you to take advantage of his mercy.”

“Aaaaaaaamen.”

“Ecclesiastes Twelve, ‘Remember, now, your Grand Creator in the days of your young manhood, before the calamitous days proceed to come, or the years have arrived when you will say: “I have no delight in them.”’” His brow was sweating and he wiped only a few drops away. “Don’t let it come to that, young people.”

Reverend Lawson continued on, and by the time he finished his sermon, Nate was holding back the tears. The choir sang “God Can and Will” slowly in the background as Reverend Lawson rocked back and forth. His voice was soothing as he made promises to everyone in the house. He told them of the peace that God had in store for them. “One step toward him and he’ll take two steps toward you,” Reverend Lawson said. “Is there anyone out there who is willing to accept Jesus Christ as their savior today? Don’t be afraid to start where you are. Come on up, HE has been waiting for you.” One by one, a few people made their way out of their seats.

Janette was standing along with everyone else. She was filled with joy, but she wasn’t ready to make her way to the front. She was, however, shocked when Nate released her hand and walked out of the pew and up to the altar to surrender his life, his fears, and his guilt.

It was amazing. Amazing Grace.

Brendan sat in
the barber chair waiting for Dee to finish with a phone call so that he could resume his haircut. He didn’t complain for two reasons. First, it was Freestyle Friday on BET’s
106 and Park
and the entire shop, including Brendan, had their eyes glued to the set to see which amateur rapper would spit the best rhyme and win the weekly battle. Second, it did no good to complain. Dee was gonna be Dee. He was famous for running outside in the middle of a cut to talk to a honey, getting two or three phone calls, and even playing deejay by changing CDs during one of his marathon cuts. It was a wonder how he made any money cutting hair.

“Man,” Dee yelled out. “I love me some Free.” He smacked his lips like he was sucking barbecue sauce from his fingers. “I better not eeeever catch that ass on the street.”

Mike, the owner of the shop, chimed in, “Awww, man what you gonna do. She ain’t gonna hollah at your ass.”

“Shit. Don’t sleep. I got game like LeBron James. I will run up on her and hit her with some shit she ain’t heard.”

“Like what?” Brendan asked.

“Like the truth,” Dee answered.

“The truth. That’s right.” Dee laughed and continued, “You see, a lot of niggas still stuck in the nineties with that weak-ass game. You know, lying and playing that macho role.”

Brendan nodded his head. “So you saying you don’t do any of that?”

“Nah,” Dee answered. “I’m into telling broads the truth.” He turned off his clippers that had been running for five minutes without cutting one strand of Brendan’s hair. “Like if I saw Free, I would walk up to her and say to her, ‘I like your work, but I love your style.’ Then I would tell her that she personifies everything that is beautiful and powerful about the black woman. I would then say, ‘You know I’m kinda hoping we can do something personal together, but I’m positive we can do business.’” He paused and lifted his hand up and dangled the diamond-encrusted TechnoMarine watch he was wearing, “Then I would look at my watch and say…‘I would love to stay and talk to you, Free, but unfortunately I have an appointment….’ By this point I would have her ready to hear more so I would flip open my cell and be like…‘Let me get that number so we talk at a later date.’ The rest, folks, would be history.”

“Get da fuck outta here,” Mike yelled out as everyone in the shop burst into laughter.

“So you think that would work? Where is the truth in that?” Brendan asked.

“That is the truth. I would mean every word of it.”

“What kind of business would you have to do with her?” Big Pete asked from the back while he was cutting.

“That’s none of
your
business,” Dee said and everyone laughed again.

“Don’t make me hurt you,” Big Pete said, cracking his knuckles, trying to hold back a laugh.

Getting back to Brendan, Dee turned the clippers on and began to give Brendan the usual. “So what’s been up with you, B? How’s life treatin’ ya.”

Brendan exhaled. “Man, don’t even get me started. It’s rough.”

“Really, how so?” Dee asked.

Brendan’s voice dropped down to a whisper so that only his barber could hear him. He began to explain the news that he had gotten from the doctor a couple days ago. He added that he hadn’t had unprotected sex with anyone other than Trina in over six months.

“Damn. That’s foul,” was Dee’s reply. “I guess you gotta’ kick that ho out.”

Brendan swallowed hard. “You think so? Just like that?” He asked.

“Helllllllllll yeah.” Dee cut his clippers off and spun the chair around so that Brendan was facing him. “Listen, you cannot let her violate like that. You need to go home and call a locksmith first off, then pack her shit and send her on her way.” He turned the chair back around and began to edge Brendan up. Then, as if he had almost forgotten the most important question, he asked, “Yo, ya’ll keep your money separate right? ’Cause if you don’t, you need to pull your shit out.”

“Oh, nah. Everything is separate; as a matter of fact the only thing in her name is the cable bill.”

“Good.”

Dee finished Brendan’s cut and let him out of the chair. “Don’t forget what I said.”

“I won’t.” Brendan gave Dee a twenty and headed for the exit before he shouted, “So what you getting into tonight?”

Dee handed him a flier for a party, “DJ Graham Cracker is throwing a party tonight. You ought to come on out. Get your mind off that…”

“Watch your mouth now…” Brendan shot back, halfway wondering why he was defending Trina. “Only I can call out her name.”

Dee laughed. “Whatever. So you gonna roll with me tonight or not?”

“Yeah, I could use a good party.”

“All right, meet me at the Jaspers over in Largo around nine. We’ll have a few drinks with Shaka, Black, and Marcus before we hit the party.”

“That sounds like a plan. I’ll hit you up when I’m on the way.”

“Peace.”

Trina was on
the couch watching
The E! True Hollywood Story
with her feet curled underneath her. She was so wrapped up in the trials and tribulations of Bobby Brown that she didn’t notice Brendan sitting staring at her. He had gotten dressed to go out and she hadn’t paid any attention to him as he showered and groomed. He was rocking a pair of Diesel jeans and purposely had thrown on the blue-and-gray Coogi sweater that she loved on him. He had even splashed on some Gucci Rush cologne.

He was staring at her face but was trying to peer into her soul. Still, her eyes were glued to the set. Brendan scanned her face and body language for some type of evidence of her betrayal, but there was none there. He wanted so badly to know who she’d been cheating on him with. Unprotected at that.

It had been a good six months since they had reconciled and moved in together. He was finding it hard to swallow that she would be willing to throw it all away after all that she had done to win him back. After ruining his friendship with Renée, his best friend, with an ill-fated sexual affair and catching his rebound-love Laney in a series of lies on top of lies, Brendan had been weak enough to give Trina another try. She had started counseling and Bible studies in an effort to prove that she wanted to change from the once-conniving person that she was into a woman whom he could trust.

Her efforts eventually paid off and Brendan let her back into his life full force. He had even gone as far as giving her an engagement ring for Christmas. Trina had complained that it was only a single karat but she wore it proudly nonetheless. Now she was apparently up to her old tricks. Brendan had caught her in enough lies to last a lifetime but this would be the last.

He had forgiven her when he found out that she screwed her personal trainer a couple years back. During a workout, Nate had overheard her trainer, David, pointing Trina out to a coworker at Bally’s while he bragged about hitting it in the locker room. On another occasion Brendan ran into her salesman from the Toyota dealer as he exited her apartment half-dressed. Moments later he had found a wet spot in her bed big enough to be a birdbath. Brendan always suspected that there were others, but he had no real proof.

Things were about to change,
Brendan thought. He checked his watch and said, “I’m about to head out now.”

Without looking away from the set Trina replied, “Okay, have fun. I’ll see you when you get back. Put the top lock on for me.”

Brendan gave her the once over for the last time before rising from the couch. He grabbed his keys and headed out the door. Once on the other side he paused. He was leaning against the door, contemplating going back in to confront her when he heard her voice. “Heyyyyyy,” She said. He couldn’t make out her words after that but he quickly reached for his keys to get back in the door. He wanted to catch her on the phone.

He took the key to the deadbolt off of his chain and lined the keys up so that he could turn both locks at the same time and spring into the house before she could get off the phone. His hands were jittering a little as he quietly slid the keys in and turned the locks. In the next instant he sprang through the door. Trina turned around quickly to see Brendan behind her. She didn’t try to hang the phone up. Instead she asked, “You forget something, sweetie?” She gave him a blank stare.

“Yeah, I think I left my…uh…”

“Uhhh, what?” She shook her head. “Boy, you crazy,” she said and continued with her conversation. She was no longer paying Brendan any mind as she yelled into the phone, “I don’t care what nobody says, girl, Bobby was a bad mufucka back in the day. Look at his ass go.” Then she sang along as a clip of Bobby Brown performing “My Prerogative” was on the screen.

Realizing that he hadn’t caught her, Brendan headed back out the door to meet Dee. For a second he wondered why he should even bother coming back home after the party. He wasn’t sure if it was love, sex, or sheer habit that caused him to hang in there with Trina.

Brendan was sipping
on his third cup of Armandale and cranberry juice as he swayed to the beat. Graham Cracker was playing all the right music and the women, big and small, were shaking what their momma’s gave them. Dee was on the floor grinding on some girl’s ass in the disguise of a dance as he waved for Brendan to join him. Brendan shook his head in disbelief as he saw Dee put the girl into what looked like a bear hug. As the vodka began to take its toll on him he began to feel himself moving toward the dance floor. It wasn’t long before Brendan was dancing next to Dee and his partner. Dee motioned for Brendan to get behind her and put the girl into a sandwich. Brendan was reluctant until he felt the sudden thrust from the girl’s bottom against his crotch. She was letting him know that she was ready, willing, and able to handle becoming the meat between the two of them.

“Shout out to my barber, Dee, and his man, Brendan,” Graham shouted through the microphone. “And this one goes out to my pastor, Reverend Parker, in the house tonight.” His reverend was actually on the dance floor dropping it like it was hot. “I see you out there getting it on.” Then he switched songs and mixed in “In Da Club” by 50 Cent.

“Awwwww shiiiit. That’s my jam,” the girl in the middle shouted. She was obviously drunk, and Brendan backed away a little as she began dancing wildly. Her face was wet with sweat and her shoulders glistened too. She was wearing a dress that was made for a warmer month and it was clinging to her body. Although he didn’t want her sweat on him, Brendan couldn’t help but feel a little aroused as he saw her thong print and noticed that her ass was jiggling like Jell-O with each body thrust.

“Get up on this thing, boy,” Dee shouted over the music as he began to manhandle the girl. He grabbed her waist and began to pump her like a wild animal right on the dance floor.

“That’s what I’m talking about,” the deejay shouted as he looked over at Dee and Brendan and gave them the thumbs-up.

Brendan was thinking that he must have been out of the loop. He loved a good party like the next man but it just wasn’t his style to shake it like a Polaroid picture. When he hung out with his two best friends, Cory and Nate, they all seemed to play it real cool. Cory almost never danced, but when he did he was too reserved to get truly freaky on the floor. Nate, on the other hand, loved to dance. He was smooth enough to take a girl’s panties off on the floor and no one, except the girl he was dancing with, would ever know he’d done it. As Brendan watched Dee do the ghetto Lambada with this girl, he longed for the days when he and his crew hung out.

Graham Cracker took the mike and asked, “I’m about to slow it down a little, is that all right?” He then put on R. Kelly’s “Step in the Name of Love” and the entire ballroom erupted. Couples ran to the floor to get their grind on and some folks fled the floor just as quickly. Brendan turned to walk away from Dee and his dance partner and headed for the bar.

When he reached the bar he heard a voice behind him. “Are you buying me one too?”

He turned around and saw a light-skinned sistah with high cheekbones and hazel eyes staring at him. “You talking to me?”

“No, I’m talking to myself,” she laughed. “Is that a problem?”

“No, it’s no problem. What are you having…drinking?” Brendan asked with a smile on his face.

“Sex.”

“Huh?”

“I said a Sex on the Beach.”

“Oh, okay.” He ordered their drinks and Brendan’s mind slid away for a second when he’d only heard the word
sex.
“I didn’t know people still drank those,” he added as he looked her up and down. She was well dressed. She had on a pink cashmere sweater, a tight pair of Seven jeans, and a pair of Louis Vuitton boots.

“Well, I’m not one to switch up every time something new comes out.” She reached for her drink and said thanks and then added, “Once I get something that works for me I like to stick with it for a long time.”

“I see.” Brendan shot back.

“Do you want to come over and sit with me for a minute? All my girls are on the floor and I just want to chill for a few moments.”

“Sure. Can I get your name?” Brendan asked.

“Tanisha. What’s yours?”

“Brendan.” She nodded and began to walk. Brendan followed and did what all men do when they follow a woman. His eyes locked on her behind as it switched back and forth. He had a moment to notice how her sweater cradled her body and dipped into the small of her back. She had a small waist for such a big bottom.

She turned swiftly when she reached her table and caught him staring. She responded with a smile as if she’d hoped he would have been doing just that. She took a seat and Brendan sat beside her. She spoke but he couldn’t hear her so he scooted closer. “So do you hang out a lot?”

“Not like I used to. Both of my best friends moved out of town the same week and you know it’s hard to replace your crew.”

“Both moved away and left you behind? Poor baby.” She smiled.

Feeding into her pity routine he responded, “Yeah, my man Cory got married and moved away to New York for his job, temporarily though. My other partner, Nate, he was going through some drama so he had to just get away.”

“Nate?” she paused. “The name sounds familiar. I had a homegirl who used to date a Nate who moved away. Her name is India.”