Don't Let Me Go (60 page)

Charlotte hardly knew what to say. ‘The house in Holland Park?’ she prompted.

‘Will go up for sale.’

‘But you’ve been working as a barrister again lately. I know not as full-on as you were before . . .’

‘It’s not what I want to do. I’m over it, done, finished. I’m ready to start a new life with you and Chloe, in an environment I know is better than this one. It’s where she should grow up, and I know it’s where you want to be.’

It was all becoming too much for her now. She tried to speak, but the words wouldn’t come. A new home
with him and Chloe
in New Zealand,
a vineyard
, a restaurant, her family nearby . . .

‘Oh now, if I knew it was going to upset you that much,’ he teased.

Laughing through her sobs, she went to throw her arms around him. ‘I love you, Anthony Goodman,’ she told him passionately. ‘I love you so much I might have to scream, or dance, or sing . . . Oh God, I’m so happy I don’t know what to do.’

‘You could always try this,’ he suggested, and tilting her mouth to his he kissed her so deeply and completely that in spite of all there was still to discuss, she happily set that aside to indulge herself fully in the promise of what was already under way.

‘I’ve been thinking about the other building at the vineyard,’ Charlotte said to Anthony over breakfast the following morning, ‘the one you said could be mine? I think I’d like to turn it into a children’s daycare centre, if it’s big enough and there’s the right amount of land attached.’

‘Great idea,’ he commented, wiping egg from Chloe’s chin, ‘we’ll check out the dimensions and do what we can to make it work.’

‘I’d also like to pay for the renovation of the main house,’ she continued, buttering another slice of toast. ‘Actually, how much is it all going to cost? Do you have a budget yet? Maybe this is something we could do together.’

‘We are doing it together,’ he reminded her, taking the toast and biting into it. ‘But once I’ve sold the house in Holland Park . . .’

‘I know it’s worth a lot, but I can’t let you pay for everything,’ she came in determinedly. ‘OK, my little nest egg is paltry in comparison to what you can bring to the table, but I need to invest it somewhere and where better than in our home?’

His reply was cut off by the blast of the doorbell.

‘Buzz, buzz,’ Chloe cried, mimicking the sound.

‘That’ll be Julia,’ Anthony said, referring to the woman the court had appointed as Chloe’s guardian during the adoption process. ‘I’ll go, but don’t steal my toast.’

‘Huh, like it was yours in the first place.’

Minutes later Julia came bustling into the room, her plump cheeks reddened by the wind, her merry smile appearing from behind a long woollen scarf as she unravelled it. ‘My, the temperature’s dropped this morning,’ she stated in a jovial grumble. ‘And there we were just getting used to it warming up again. We never know where we are these days, do we?’

‘Would you like some coffee?’ Charlotte offered, going to give her a hug.

‘Love some,’ Julia replied, as though it might save her life. ‘And how’s our little poppet today?’

‘Still in her pyjamas,’ Charlotte responded meaningfully.

‘They’ve got kiwis on,’ Chloe told Julia, pointing to the cartoonish birds pecking at the fleece. ‘Nanna sent them from where the kiwis live.’

‘Did she now, and very smart they are too. Are you going to nursery today?’

Chloe looked at Charlotte.

‘No, not on Wednesdays,’ Charlotte reminded her.

‘Not on Wednesdays,’ Chloe told Julia.

‘Here we are,’ Anthony declared, bringing a fresh mug of coffee to the table. ‘I have to rush off I’m afraid, but before I go, have you heard from the man on the inside yet?’

Knowing he was referring to Chloe’s father, Brian Wade, Charlotte’s heart contracted as she looked at Julia.

‘Actually, we have,’ Julia told them, ‘and I don’t mind telling you I thought we weren’t going to get a favourable response, given how long he’s taken to get back to us. However, I’m happy to report that he’s raising no objection to the adoption.’

Almost collapsing with relief, Charlotte swept Chloe into her arms and kissed her hard.

‘Ouch!’ Chloe protested, rubbing her cheek.

‘That’s what you say when I kiss you,’ Anthony told her.

‘That’s because you’re prickly.’

Laughing, he said, ‘We could always have contested if he’d refused, and won, but it’s better it happens this way.’

‘Indeed,’ Julia agreed. ‘I imagine he decided it would be wiser not to bring any more attention to himself than he’s already received, and since no court in the land is ever going to grant him custody again, I guess we can say that for once he’s done the right thing by her.’

Deciding merely to feel thankful for that and not think about him any more, Charlotte said to Anthony, ‘You’re going to miss the train if you don’t go now.’

‘I am indeed. It was good seeing you, Julia; Chloe, take care of Mummy, Mummy stop stealing all the toast,’ and after planting a kiss on Charlotte’s and Chloe’s cheeks, he grabbed his laptop and briefcase and swept out of the room.

‘He’s appearing at Bristol Crown Court today,’ Charlotte explained as the front door slammed closed behind him. ‘He’s saying he wants to give up the law, but I fear it’s more in his blood than he realises.’

‘Is that a bad thing?’

Charlotte shrugged. ‘Only if he ends up regretting it.’ Her eyes started to shine, and unable to keep the news to herself a moment longer, she filled Julia in on the plan to buy a vineyard.

‘Wow!’ Julia exclaimed. ‘I’ve never even been to a vineyard, never mind thought about buying one.’

Feeling suddenly awkward in case she’d come across as boastful, Charlotte said, ‘Well, this time last year I’d never been to one either, and now look what’s happened. I guess you just never know what life’s going to throw at you, do you?’

‘You certainly don’t,’ Julia agreed, ‘and it hasn’t been an easy journey getting here, that’s for sure. The important thing is though, you’ve made it now, and your plans are wonderful. Tell me, is Anthony interested in adopting Chloe too?’

Loving the very idea of it, Charlotte said, ‘Actually, we haven’t really discussed it yet, except to say it’ll probably hold things up for me if he does it now, so we’re going to deal with it later.’

‘Along with wedding bells?’

Charlotte laughed. ‘No mention of those at all, but there’s so much else going on. I’m sure it’ll happen though, especially if we have more children, and he definitely wants to.’

Though Julia appeared thrilled, she clearly didn’t miss anything, because her eyes narrowed with interest as she said, ‘And how about you? Is it what you want?’

With a sigh that she hadn’t even known was coming, Charlotte replied quietly, ‘I always used to think Chloe needed to be an only child, and so I was willing to give up any idea of having one of my own. But knowing how much it means to Anthony, and seeing her with my niece and nephew lately, and with the other kids at playgroup . . . She’s come to really enjoy the company of other children, and actually, I think she’d love nothing better than having a little baby to help take care of, provided it can happen.’

Turning to look at her, sprawled out on the carpet with Boots and a few other toys, Julia said, ‘Oh, I’m sure it will.’

Since she hadn’t even told Anthony about the pregnancy test yet, much less tried it, Charlotte only smiled as she looked at Chloe, and still felt unable to imagine loving a child more.

‘Mummy,’ Chloe said, rolling on to her back, ‘I need the toilet.’

‘Well go along then, you know where it is.’

Springing up, Chloe said to Julia, ‘Going to the toilet,’ and grabbing Boots she scampered off to the bathroom.

After waiting for any bangs or crashes followed by a wail, and thankfully hearing none, Charlotte turned back to Julia. ‘Do we know yet,’ she asked, ‘who the judge is going to be when the order’s made?’

Julia’s smile was slow, but reassuring. ‘You’re in luck,’ she replied, ‘it’s Dudley Cross. I know you wanted him, because he’s always so good with the kids on their special day.’

Having some lovely memories of Judge Cross sending lucky children into homes they might not otherwise have had, Charlotte couldn’t have felt more thrilled. ‘Have you told him what we’re hoping to do for Chloe?’ she asked.

‘I have,’ Julia confirmed, ‘and he’s asked me to tell you he’s very happy to comply with your wishes, he’ll just need some instruction because he’s never heard of a jump-off before.’

The morning had finally arrived for them to appear at the family court to make Chloe’s adoption official. Charlotte couldn’t imagine Myra, her own adoptive mother, ever feeling as deeply as she did now when it had come time to make Alex, as they’d renamed her, a part of their family. However, Myra had cared for her additional daughter well enough, and if she and the rector hadn’t taken her in Charlotte would never have had Gabby as a sister.

All Charlotte could hope for now was that she never
ever
made Chloe feel that she mattered less than any other children she might have, but she knew in her heart that she wouldn’t. Loving Chloe as much as she did, it simply wasn’t possible. She was the centre of her and Anthony’s world, and that was where she would stay, never falling into the shadows even when the new baby joined her.

She wondered whether it would be a boy or a girl, and felt a flutter of joy like a baby’s first kick. She gazed down at the narrow white wand with its solid blue line, and tried to decide when to tell Anthony. Not yet, because this time was all about Chloe, but she’d keep the test to show him. They might even keep it to show the baby when he or she was older.

It was sad they wouldn’t have one to show Chloe later in life to mark her first days in the womb; however, what she would have was a very special video of her, aged four, jumping off in front of a judge. Since there was strictly no photography of any kind allowed in a family court, it was a bit of a miracle that they’d been given permission for this. However, their sworn assurances to Judge Cross that no recording would be made of the official part of the proceedings had persuaded him to bend the rules, just this once.

Though Chloe knew that everyone from New Zealand – Nanna, Grandpa, Uncle Phil, Auntie Shelley, Danni, Craig, Uncle Wick and his friend Hamish – had arrived a few days ago and were all along the road in a hotel, as yet she had no idea there was such an important reason for their visit. Nor did she know anything about the very special parcel they’d brought with them that, mercifully, had made the journey intact. All Charlotte had told her so far was that she could wear her new dress and coat today, because they were going to a party later at the Pumpkin. To tell her about the jump-off too far in advance would have got her into a state of such wild excitement that she’d never have slept last night, or eaten this morning, or been able to sit still for a single minute of the adoption order being granted.

What Chloe had prepared, however, with the help of her friends at nursery, was a list of the games she wanted to play with her cousins at the party, and the songs she wanted to sing. A copy of the list was waiting at the Pumpkin, while the jump-off ring that Celia at Aroha had so kindly allowed them to borrow, was now at the court.

So everything was more or less set. Gabby, Martin and the twins were meeting them at the court, along with everyone else, and Janet from the Pumpkin had called to say that the kids were already lining up to get on the bus.

‘Where is she?’ Charlotte asked, as Anthony came to stand behind her in the bathroom.

‘Putting her boots on,’ he replied, splaying his fingers across her tummy as he caught her reflection in the mirror. ‘I offered to help, but she wants to do it herself. You look beautiful.’

She smiled softly. ‘Who were you on the phone to just now?’ she asked, resting her head on his shoulder, while keeping her eyes on his.

‘Oh, just someone else from the press wanting a little chat. I put them on to our new publicity agent.’

Laughing at the absurdity of having such a person in their lives, she closed a hand around the pregnancy test and turned to tilt her face up to his. ‘We’re doing the right thing, aren’t we?’ she asked, from the pleasure of his embrace.

He frowned cautiously. ‘About what in particular?’

‘The statement for the press, and the photograph.’

‘Absolutely,’ he assured her. ‘You worded it perfectly, with a thank you to everyone who supported you at the most difficult time, and an apology to those who felt justice wasn’t served. I’m sure even they will change their minds when the publicist releases the photo of the three of us. I know it manages to bring a tear to my eye every time I look at it.’

Recalling how moved she’d been when the photographer had first shown them the selected image of them appearing so relaxed and happy at home, she said, ‘It’s amazing to think anyone would be interested, really.’

With a wry smile, he replied, ‘Interested enough to be paying small fortunes to run it, all of which, thanks to you, will be split between the NSPCC and Save the Children.’

Pleased with her decision, she said, ‘It wouldn’t have made any sense to do it otherwise, at least not to me.’

‘Mummy,’ Chloe said from the bedroom. ‘I ready.’

Following Anthony through, Charlotte gasped and melted to see how adorable she looked. She was wearing her new dark blue and purple striped woollen dress with a flower on the patch pocket and matching navy tights, and her wayward curls were already struggling to escape the pretty hair bobbles that Anthony loved so much. The fact that her cute little Ugg boots were on the wrong feet and Boots was his usual mess were small issues they’d deal with later. ‘You are the most beautiful little girl in the world,’ Charlotte declared, scooping her up. ‘I’m so proud of you, and today’s going to be very, very special, you know, because in front of everyone we know and love the judge is going to make me your mummy for ever and ever and ever.’

‘And then we’re having a party at the Pumpkin?’

‘That’s right, but before that something else is going to happen. Shall I tell you what it is?’