Don't Tell Me You Love Me (Destiny Bay Romances~The Ranchers Book 6) (8 page)

Johnny looked at Cheyenne, at her beautiful face, at the way her hair curled around her ear, at her gorgeous skin, her long graceful limbs, her full lower lip, and everything in him cried out with longing. He wanted her, he needed her, physically, emotionally, with an ache so deep it was painful. But that was all over. He’d ruined his chances and now he had to pay the price.

She was holding her baby, moving him from one arm to the other, walking, patting his back, doing everything she could think of to quiet him, and he was fussy almost convulsively, as though he’d gone into a pattern he just couldn’t break out of.

“I called the doctor,” she said, her eyes dark with worry. “He said not to worry. It’s probably colic. But he’s never had anything like that before.”

“Did you take his temperature?” Johnny asked, amazed at himself-and just a little proud--for even thinking of it.
 

She nodded. “It’s normal. With the way he’s been crying, you’d think that alone would raise it. But no.” She looked at Johnny. “I’m sorry to make you come out here like this, but Frank is out of town and…”

Johnny winced with a reflexive movement. He didn’t want Frank in this room, in this conversation. And yet, he knew that was unrealistic.
 

“You look exhausted. How long have you been carrying him around like this?”

“It seems like all day. Ever since… “ Her voice trailed off.

“Ever since he saw me,” Johnny supplied.
 

She nodded reluctantly.
 

“Here.” He reached out. “Let me carry him for awhile.”

“Oh, I don’t think… .”

“Come on. He’s my kid too.”

She searched his gaze, then let him take the boy. Zach’s eyes opened wide and he cried a little harder, but it seemed that even he was losing the energy to make a big display of anger. Finally he just closed his eyes and sobbed.
 

Johnny didn’t have much experience with babies, but he had carried a few of them in his time – mostly those of friends -- and it didn’t feel all that strange to him. He settled the boy against his chest and began to pace slowly around the room. Cheyenne looked on anxiously.
 

“He looks so tense.”

“He feels tense, too.”

“Does he feel feverish to you?”

Johnny shook his head. “You said he didn’t have a temperature.”

“No, but that was a few minutes ago.”

Johnny looked at her and almost grinned. “Right. These things don’t come and go all that quickly, I don’t think. Calm down, Chey. It’s going to be okay. He’s going to relax, and little by little this will work out.”

“You really think so?”

He looked down at the soft hair and the button nose and he smiled. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a song came to him and he began to hum the tune in time with the steps he was taking. And then he was softly whispering the words as well.

“Este nino lindo, se quiere dormir…”

Cheyenne listened in wonder, watching as though this was a Johnny she’d never seen before.
 

“What was that?” she asked when the song was done.

He looked up at her with a crooked grin, surprised himself. “Just a song my Mexican grandmother used to sing to me when I was little. I forgot I even knew it.”

He sang the song again, and then every other simple tune he could remember from his youth. Zachary was looking up at him with wide, dry eyes, and then a miracle—Zachary was asleep.

“Oh thank God,” Cheyenne said, looking happy again. Then she looked at Johnny and added, “And thank you! I can’t believe that worked with him. You’re a genius.”

He paced with him a little longer, then carefully laid him in his crib. Looking down at the sleeping child, he realized something. He was beginning to feel things about this boy that he’d never felt before. Something was growing in his heart and it scared him.
 

“Cheyenne….” He turned toward her and she raised her face to him. If he tried to kiss her, he could see that she might be receptive, at least in this slippery, passing second or two. But he resisted temptation. He knew what he had to do.
 

“Cheyenne, if I keep coming here and I keep seeing this child, I don’t know if I’m going to be able to walk away.”

She blinked at him, startled. “What do you mean?”

“I can’t be here, be around you, watch the family that should have been mine become Frank’s. I would be tortured and go crazy and do something destructive. I can feel it.”

Like I did before
was unspoken but understood between them both.
 

“I think it would be better if I just left. Right now.”

“But… .”

“I won’t be seeing you again. I’ll probably be heading overseas soon. In the meantime, I’ll go down to L.A.”

“But… .”

Tears started to roll down her cheeks. He turned away. He couldn’t stand it when she cried.
 

“You’re right,” she said. “Go. Go right now. Hurry.” She took a shaky breath. “I shouldn’t have called you. I can’t get you involved in his life. It’s just so hard to see you with him and not be able to…..”

A sob shook her and she didn’t finish the sentence. He stared at her, wanting to hear the rest.
 

“I’m just being weak,” she choked out. “Go.”

He turned and left and it was the hardest thing he’d ever made himself do. But it was the right thing to do. He had to leave, he had to let Cheyenne and Zachary begin to form a family unit with Frank. That was what she’d chosen. That was the way it had to be and if he stayed around, it would be near impossible for her to achieve.

Chapter Eight

“What are you still doing up?”
 

Johnny walked into Lysette’s apartment and found her curled up in the corner of the couch, eyes drooping, but still awake.

“Waiting for you,” she said drowsily.

He stopped and looked down at her. “Lysette,” he started to warn her.
 

“Don’t worry, Mr. Ego. I’m not trying to turn our relationship into anything kooky. I’ve just been thinking about something and I wanted to talk to you about it.”

“Okay.” He dropped down into a chair. “Might as well talk now. I’ll be leaving early in the morning.”

Her eyes widened. “Leaving? How come?”

He took a deep breath and tried to smile. “Because I don’t want to screw things up for Cheyenne. I’ve already given her enough trouble. If I stay, you know damn well it will be a constant pull between us. She’ll be looking over her shoulder all the time, wondering what I’m going to mess up next.”

Lysette stared at him. “You know what? You’re an idiot.”

“I know. That’s why I’m going.”

She growled in frustration. “Quitter,” she said.
 

He winced. “Can we get to this great topic you wanted to tell me about? Let’s get it over with.”

“Okay. You asked me about it earlier. You were talking about the whole year, but I’ve been thinking about that night—that last night. Just exactly what do you remember about that night?”

“That night. The night when I screwed up my life for good. That night?”

“Yeah. That night.”

He leaned back into the chair and yawned before starting out. “To tell you the truth, I don’t remember a whole hell of a lot from that night.”

“Not surprising. When I saw you, you were at least three sheets to the wind.”

“I was pretty upset. I was mad at pretty much everybody I knew.”

“That was obvious. And we were all mad at you, too. At least, I was.”

“At me? Why?”

“Well, first off, because that night, you stole Bob Carrington’s prized reconditioned 1963 Corvette.”

“I didn’t steal it.”

“You had it without permission.”

“Sure. But I was just borrowing it.”

“Right.”

Johnny grimaced. “I warned him I was going to do it. And he told me he’d kill me if I did.” He shrugged. “Once he said that, I had no choice in the matter. I had to take my joy ride. By then it was a matter of principle.”

“Okay, so you had to abide by the macho pledge. But did you have to go pick up Ginny Rodriquez and plant her beside you and drive all over town, showing her off? You knew darn well word would get back to Cheyenne.”
 

He moved restlessly, slightly embarrassed. “Hey, what’s a joy ride without a beautiful woman by your side?”

She rolled her eyes, but moved on. “Not to mention that Bob would hear that his car was cruising Central Boulevard. Without him in it.” She shook her head. “That car was his pride and joy.”

Johnny nodded, reliving those moments. “It was a dream to drive.”

“So you do remember taking the car?”

“Sure.” He shook his head, looking back. “I don’t know why I thought I was getting back at Bob by taking his car. I thought I was getting back at Cheyenne, too. That was nuts. But I was a lot nuts at the time. I felt like my whole world was falling apart. I was losing Cheyenne, I was about to lose my job at the real estate agency. Things were spinning out of control.”

Lysette hesitated, then pushed ahead. “So was Cheyenne getting interested in some other guy?”

“No.” He grimaced. “You see, that’s the insanity of it all. The only other man in her life was her father. You know how close they were, ever since her mother died. She would do anything for him. She took his side in most arguments he had with me. And I couldn’t stand that.”

“I see.”

“It was also a fact that I didn’t know what the hell I was going to do with my life. I knew Cheyenne deserved somebody good, somebody professional, a doctor, a lawyer, whatever. Something better than I was ever going to be. Or at least that was the way it seemed at the time.”

“So you proved them all wrong by acting like a clown.”

He gave her an abashed half-grin. “Pretty much.”

Lysette shook her head, then frowned. “Okay, you took the car and you picked up Ginny. Then what?”

“We cruised Central, ate at that burger joint on the corner of 7
^th
, then went and hung out at that Country and Western bar we all used to go to on weekends.”

She nodded. “Still do. And that’s where I saw you that night. But when I got there, you were already soused and getting worse.”

He shook his head. “Sorry. I don’t remember seeing you at all.”

“The surprising thing to me was who was at the table with you.”

He frowned, trying to remember. “Who?”

“Frank.”

“Frank?” That surprised him. “What was Frank doing there?”

She raised a significant eyebrow. “Good question. When I came in, Ginny was trying to get you to dance and Frank was buying you drinks. Doubles. And chatting you up like you’d been buddies for years.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“No. Especially since he must have seen Bob’s car in the parking lot.”

“I wish he
had
seen it and taken the keys away from me.”

“I think he knew.”

Johnny stared at her, puzzled. “Are you saying that he wanted me to drive drunk?”

“He didn’t do anything to stop it. You would think he’d be making calls, getting someone to come and take you home before you got into that death trap and tried to drive yourself. Before you wrecked it. Before you destroyed any relationship you might still have with Cheyenne and her father.”

“You’re implying… .”

“I’m just sayin’. With you out of the way, Frank had a clear shot at taking over the company when Bob retired. And he had a clear shot at Cheyenne.”

Johnny was shaking his head. “No. I can’t believe that. Frank was the one who pulled me out of the wreck. He was the one who got the paramedics to me on time and…. .”

“I’m not saying he wanted you dead. Just out of the way.” She shrugged. “And he couldn’t have predicted that Bob would have that heart attack. Which, by the way, is always blamed on you. Even though everyone knew he had a bad heart to begin with.”

Johnny stared at Lysette. “I don’t remember any of this. Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“You took off before anyone could get a chance to talk to you. Besides, I’d never really thought it all through before. So I’m telling you now.”

Johnny sat deep in thought for a few minutes, then rose.

Lysette looked up and shook her head. “He’s not in town right now,” she said. “I called around. He’s in Santa Barbara for a real estate confab. If you want to confront him about this, you’re going to have to wait.”

He grimaced. “Probably just as well,” he muttered. “I need a night to think this over before I actually do anything about it.”

She nodded. “You see? Right there is evidence of a new maturity in you. You’re not going to run off half cocked.”

He looked at her for a moment, then tousled her hair affectionately. “You’re like the adorable little sister I never wished I had,” he told her. “But you’re good.”

She grinned at him, then closed her eyes as he walked away. He went ahead and threw his things into his bag, but he decided not to leave until morning. By then he should be clear on what he was going to do. Whatever it was, it couldn’t harm Cheyenne or her interests in any way. That he swore to, if only silently and in his own heart.

Chapter Nine

It was a short drive to the beach. Johnny parked at the marina and walked onto the boardwalk toward a familiar yacht. Tag Carrington, a cousin of Cheyenne’s and an old friend of his, had promised to meet him here and take him out for a morning sail.
 

“Hey, Carrington,” he said as he hailed the youthful-looking sun-browned sailor, waxing down a railing on his ship.
 

“Cameron. Good to see you. I heard you’d been spending some time on the seas.”

“You heard right. Thanks to all the training I gained from sailing with you all those summers, I got a job as captain on a yacht that belonged to a billionaire in Hong Kong. We spent six months exploring the South Pacific. Had a ball and earned top dollar.” He shrugged. “The best of both worlds.”

Tag laughed. “Glad I could help. And today, you want to go out and stare at the ocean. Is that right?”

Johnny nodded. “I’ve got deep thoughts to think, my friend. Deep thoughts. And I’ve always found the ocean was good for clear-headed thinking. Have you got some time for me?”